Episode #142 - Telling Your Sobering Story For Enlightenment: An Interview With Heather Keeney

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 142 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today's guest is Heather Keeney.

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Heather is the founder and owner of

Forward Momentum Life Coaching LLC.

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She used to be an addictions counselor

and an unlicensed psychotherapist

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until she had to retire due to illness.

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She's had many quote unquote bumps in

the road from addiction, to multiple

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sclerosis, and bad relationships.

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Heather took all of these things and

turned them into learning experiences.

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She realized that she didn't know who

she was at the time, but now helps

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people learn who they are, and what they

want through an introspective journey.

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Today's episode is a little bit different

than some of the other episodes that

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I've had, and I'm going to keep why

this is a little bit different a secret

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until the very end, but I will say that

Heather's unique story shares why it's

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so important to understand why we turn

to drugs, especially as a last recourse,

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when we have gone through so many

different types of situations in our life.

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Being able to lead by example, to

gain trust, to destroy that negative

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self talk in our life, doesn't

always equate to being able to

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overcome the variety of situations

that oftentimes face us, especially

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when it comes to the use of drugs.

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I think that when we look at the bigger

picture, especially of what this story

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is all about, not only will you have

a better understanding of why Heather

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walked away, but why it was so important

for her, even after we hung up the

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headphones and the microphone, of why

it was so important for us to have a

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special bonding moment, that I'll get

to tell you a little bit later on.

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But with that, let's go to the episode.

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All right.

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We're here with Heather Keeney.

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Heather, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

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Heather: Thank you for having me.

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I'm really excited to be here.

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Joshua: I'm excited that you're here, too.

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You have a very, very, very unique story,

in which I let the audience know a little

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bit about that before we started here,

but Heather, I have to ask you, because

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I've had numerous people on this show

that have gone through a lot of different

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things, but I noticed that in your

bio that you used to be an addictions

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counselor, but yet you also have had a

road of addiction that you've overcome?

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I'm really curious about this backstory,

if you're willing to share it with us.

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Heather: Okay, I can do that.

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I got wrapped up in some

pretty heavy duty drugs.

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Cocaine, meth, heroin,

basically, you name it.

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I did it.

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I came home one day and found

my husband dead on the couch.

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Joshua: Wow.

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Heather: So that was kind of a

smack in the face, like, "You

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better get it together, Heather."

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I moved from Colorado Springs to Grand

Junction to get away from all the people

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I knew, and basically started my life

over in Grand Junction, and regained

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the trust of my children, and became an

addictions counselor, and went to college.

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I had planned to become a doctor.

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Dr.

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Keeney would've been nice, but I

got sick, so, anyway, it was really

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interesting to find out that I

wasn't the only one with this story.

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Joshua: Wow.

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I've had people talk about where these

sort of things happen in their lives

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that kind of led them down this path,

but before I even venture into that

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adventure in itself, I noticed that

you are going through illness , and

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I'm wondering if that's what you meant

earlier about having your illness.

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Is that connected in some way,

or is that part of the overall

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situation that you've been in?

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Heather: That is very much part

of why I had to stop going to

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school and I had to stop working.

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I got so sick that I couldn't walk.

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I couldn't maneuver the

building any longer.

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My mind, as far as cognitive abilities,

were slipping and I had some pretty major

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attacks, so I ended up wheelchair bound

and could no longer do it, and I didn't

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feel comfortable being responsible for

people's mental health when I didn't

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feel like my mental health was up to par.

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Joshua: Was using the drugs that

you listed have anything to do with

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what you're going through today, do

you think, or is that not true, and

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it's something completely different?

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Heather: Well, I think that- Okay.

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I used the drugs to

escape what was going on.

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I used the drugs to escape a bad marriage.

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I used the drugs to

escape multiple sclerosis.

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I was in complete denial that

I had multiple sclerosis.

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I was in complete denial about everything.

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I completely lost myself.

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I didn't know who I was.

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I had absolutely no idea who I

was, what I wanted, how I wanted to

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get it, or even if I was capable.

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I felt like I had been

stripped of my identity.

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Joshua: I find that sometimes when

we make bad choices, which I'll

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tell you some of my bad choices.

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I mean, I've messed

around with married women.

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I messed around with the fact that I was

using porn as an addiction tool myself,

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actually dealing with other women in not

only activity that I'm not proud of, but

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I also was not happy with who I was, and

as a result, I was feeding this dark hole

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that was never going to be fed, and I

think that both you and I, although we're

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coming from it at different angles, I've

overcome that in many different ways, so

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with that said, Heather, what led you into

now wanting to do coaching to help others?

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What's that passion that you have?

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Is it driven by the fact that you

don't want people to go through

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what you have been through, or

is it for some other reason?

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Heather: Well, it's partially that

I don't want people to have to go

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through the things that I've gone

through, but what really struck me

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was I had a really major attack.

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I went completely paralyzed from my

chest to my toes, and I ended up in

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the hospital for like 17 days, learning

how to function, so obviously I was

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very angry for a very long time, and I

rehabilitated, and I even taught myself

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to take a few steps; literal steps.

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I'm able to take care of myself.

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I am all but fully functional as far

as being able to take care of myself.

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I don't want people to have to go

through that, and what else I didn't

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want them to have to go through was

to feel like they were all but dead.

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I didn't want them to feel like

they wanted to give up, like

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they had nothing left to give.

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After I got finished being angry and

realized a lot of my friends were

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telling me, "Heather, you know what?

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You'd be a really good life coach.

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You've got a heck of a story.

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Why don't you share it with people?",

so I figured, "Okay, I'll look it up.

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What's a life coach?"

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Well, it kind of put me on the path

to wanting to share my story, and to

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help people have the same types of

experiences, you know, as far as getting

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to know themselves, rediscovering what

they wanted, who they are, and realize

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that they still have something to

give no matter what their situation.

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Joshua: That's exactly how I fell

into doing coaching as a whole.

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I focus a lot more on my public speaking

coaching, but yet at the same time, I do

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mix in life coaching, and I've been able

to take certification classes, and be able

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to say that I have learned a lot about

working with those types of people too,

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but you said something that intrigues me.

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You said that you were angry, and I know

I was angry for a very long time after I

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tried to end my life, which I shared with

you before the show, and how that sort of

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process was because of not feeling good

or comfortable about who I felt inside

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that I became, and also what people

thought of me as, so I really am curious.

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What was that anger coming

from that you were feeling?

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In other words, when you were experiencing

that, what did that really say about

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yourself at that time, and what do

you feel is different now that you're

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on the other side of it, because I

imagine that you're not angry anymore.

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Heather: No.

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I'm not.

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Okay, I felt like I had come a long way.

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I have 20 years of sobriety.

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Joshua: Congratulations, by the way.

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That's really incredible.

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Heather: I've worked really hard on

all this, and I had gone to school

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and gotten my certifications to

become an addictions counselor, and

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I felt like I was doing a great job.

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I was helping people, and I was

angry because I felt like that was

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ripped away from me, like all that

hard work that I had done was just

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ripped away from me, and so now, I

might as well still be doing drugs.

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Ha ha ha.

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Joshua: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Heather: That's how I felt.

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I wasn't going to go there.

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I was married and I have four kids and

I've gained their trust and their respect,

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and I'm in complete love with my husband.

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I'm very deeply in love with my husband.

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He is a wonderful man.

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He is not abusive at all.

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I don't think he's got an abusive bone

in his body, and that is fantastic.

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You know, so it's nice to not be angry.

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It's nice to find something that I

can do, so that's one thing I would

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be grateful for the pandemic, because

that kind of opened my eyes and it's

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like, "Oh, I can do that remotely.",

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so it really kind of opened the

world up for people like me.

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Joshua: So, let me get this straight,

because not only have you been through

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multiple sclerosis, and you are continuing

to fight that battle; I see that, and I

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want to say, regardless of whether I see

it or not, I see a beautiful person that

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is willing to work on not only themselves,

but others, so I just wanted you to know

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that personally from me, as one coach

to another, but you also talked about

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the fact that you've been through drugs.

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You make it sound like you also have

been through the ringer when it comes to

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relationships too, and I'm wondering if

you could share a little bit about that.

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Heather: Yes, I have definitely been

through the ringer with relationships.

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My late husband was very abusive:

verbally, physically, financially,

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emotionally, any way you can

think of, he was very abusive.

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Of course, I was still upset when I came

home and found him dead on the couch,

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but, then again, I wasn't quite so upset

because he could no longer hurt me, but

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it was damaging, because I had to break

my little girl's heart, and so that

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was rough, but I no longer allow myself

to end up in those types of situations

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anymore, and that was part of why I used

the drugs, because I was in that kind

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of abusive relationship I had to escape.

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Joshua: Now that you're on the other

side of it, because you are, and I'm

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so proud, because hearing 20 years of

sobriety, I know people that have gone

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through alcohol and all kinds of other

sort of substance abuse, and they are

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different kind of person, and in a way in

which I feel that they have gone through

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a lot of different things, and now they

are seeing things about themselves that

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maybe they haven't had a chance to do.

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What would you say is possibly the

most remarkable good thing that you've

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done, since all these things have

happened, that define who you are today?

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In other words, if I were to come

up to you and be like, "What's the

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one thing that you're proud of?"

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What are you proud of the most?

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Heather: Wow.

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I'm proud of finding who I

am; just rediscovering myself.

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I am proud of being able to answer

all those minuscule questions, like,

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"Where do you want to go to dinner?",

or, "What do you want to watch on

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TV?", or whatever; those tiny little

questions that I used to hide from.

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Ask me what I want to do with my life.

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I want to be a life coach.

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Whatever you ask me, I've

got an answer for it.

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It might not be the perfect

answer, but it's my answer.

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I have found my voice.

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Joshua: That's so important is

that you have your own voice.

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That's essentially what I do for my

coaching as well, but even with that,

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I want people to feel like they could

express themselves, and I've had guests

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on recently that have talked about the

importance of being able to share that

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authenticity, the ability to do that, and

yeah, I do this through the podcast, and

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there are a lot of things that I have not

shared, and as a matter of fact, Heather,

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one thing I shared earlier that some

people probably didn't even know that I'd

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gone through, I shared now for the first

time, and I'm really interested in what

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people will respond to me as a result of

that, but you saying that you're proud

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of all those things, it makes me curious.

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Was there something that helped you to

get to that step that wasn't because

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of drugs, that it wasn't because

of something that you relied on?

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Was there people that

helped you along the way?

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You talked about your

husband that you're with now.

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I'm sure he's been a great influence,

but I'm wondering if you want to

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mention anybody else that might have

been a big help, or maybe there was

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something that you did, because I think

sometimes it's hard to pick ourselves

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up by the bootstraps to say that we

need to keep trudging along, and for

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somebody that's been through the number

of things that you have, I have to tell

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you, you're probably one of the few

guests I've had on this show that have

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gone through so many different types

of things, and they're willing to tell

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all about everything that they've been

through, so I'm curious, have there

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been people, have there been processes?

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What exactly did you do to get to

where you are, where you are helping

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people with their own situations?

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Heather: Well, the number one person that

has helped me through this, actually,

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is my husband, and the only reason I

can say that is because he gave me room.

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He gave me enough room

to allow me to be myself.

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He gave me room to discover

who I was, and what I wanted.

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He's very supportive.

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When I said I wanted to go to

school, he was like, "Okay.

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Let's get you to school."

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When I said, "I want to be a

life coach.", he said, "Okay.

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Let's see what we can do about doing that.

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He's a very supportive, kind person.

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He's not perfect, of course.

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I mean, he is a spouse.

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Anybody that's ever been married knows

that we all drive each other crazy.

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That's just part of life.

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Joshua: Thankfully, I don't have to

worry about that because I'm still

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single, so don't worry, Heather.

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I don't relate whatsoever,

but for all my listeners out

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there, I've heard your stories.

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You don't have to tell me again.

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Heather: And my kids.

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My children really helped me out too.

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My daughter used to follow me wherever

I went, because she was afraid mommy

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was going to be doing something stupid,

because mommy was usually doing something

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stupid, you know, but she gained trust.

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My son gained trust.

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My other sons gained trust, so that,

all by itself, is probably the most

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rewarding thing that I experienced

was regaining my children's trust.

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Joshua: I find that so interesting,

because I know for some people that are

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going through a lot of difficulty in

their lives, the kids are impacted the

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most, and I remember a lot of different

things growing up, even with my own

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parents, that sometimes, even now at

37 years of age, I question, because I

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don't know if it was really the right

decision, but I also think, "Well, they

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were doing the best that they could."

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Do you think your kids are saying the

same thing, that you're just trying

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to do the best you could, and maybe

that's why they're trusting you again?

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I mean, let's put it this way.

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Your kids obviously saw through

all of that, because you're

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now in a much better place.

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Do you think that for those that are going

through something like this, do you think

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there's hope on the other side for them?

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To be able to have the kids trust again,

if they have something like this happen

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in their lives, whether it's through

drugs, whether it's going through illness,

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whether it's having a new relationship?

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Do you think that there's

always hope for that?

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Heather: For your kids to trust you?

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Joshua: Yes.

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Heather: Definitely.

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You've just got to put forth the

right words and the right attitude.

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You've got to show them

that they can trust you.

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You lead by example.

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Joshua: Hmm.

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I like that: lead by example,

and I have a friend of mine.

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I call him a friend.

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He was actually a guest on the show many,

many, many episodes ago, and he started

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a business since that episode that is

actually his tagline, lead by example.

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It's a great, great concept in

itself, because I think that if we're

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going to ever make systemic change,

we need to be able to live that

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ourselves and be able to share that.

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I mean, that's essentially why

I do all the things that I do.

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I want it to be that it's authentic,

and I can tell from your story

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and what you're sharing, it's very

authentic in itself, which leads me

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into your life coaching business,

which we'll want to talk about here.

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It's called Forward

Momentum Life Coaching.

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I'm kind of curious.

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A lot of people gone through life,

maybe have something that they want to

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share, they want to call themselves a

coach, or, they fall into this industry

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because I've seen it this way too.

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"Oh!

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You can make six, seven, eight

figure businesses out of this.

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Oh my gosh!

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There's so much money to be able to not

only have, but also take people, and help

295

: 00:18:46

them with whatever problem, situation,

or thing that they have going on.", and

296

: 00:18:52

man, have I seen some negative people

out there as a result, and I just don't

297

: 00:18:56

think you are one of those people, so

with that said, what makes you different

298

: 00:19:02

as a life coach compared to all these

other life coaches that are out there,

299

: 00:19:07

including even myself for that matter?

300

: 00:19:09

Heather: Hmm.

301

: 00:19:12

Not putting the spotlight on me, are you?

302

: 00:19:14

Joshua: No way am I doing that.

303

: 00:19:17

Heather: I think what makes me

different is that I've been there.

304

: 00:19:21

I have been there, I've done

this, and I've worked through it.

305

: 00:19:25

I think I'm a fantastic person now

and, I like me, so, I want other

306

: 00:19:31

people to be able to like themselves.

307

: 00:19:33

I have friends now.

308

: 00:19:34

People actually come to me for advice.

309

: 00:19:38

Come to me for just a hug,

or, "Hey, how you doing?"

310

: 00:19:42

I have a lot of people that

just kind of flock to me.

311

: 00:19:47

I'm actually one of those people.

312

: 00:19:48

I'll be at the physical therapy

and complete strangers will come up

313

: 00:19:52

to me and say, "Can I have a hug?"

314

: 00:19:54

Joshua: Aww.

315

: 00:19:54

Heather: And I'm like, "Of course.",

so I had one day in physical

316

: 00:19:59

therapy, I had three different

people come up to me and ask me,

317

: 00:20:02

"Can I have a hug?", so apparently,

I have kind of a warm personality.

318

: 00:20:07

Joshua: That makes such a big difference

to feel like you're approachable, because

319

: 00:20:11

I even say this to my own clients that

if you can't trust me, how can I trust

320

: 00:20:17

you to be able to help you with what you

need, so it is bearing a little bit of

321

: 00:20:23

our souls, let alone bearing a little

bit about the way in which we can share

322

: 00:20:28

our talents or aspirations or goals to

achieve what we need to achieve, and

323

: 00:20:34

so, there's something about what you

say on your website that I just want

324

: 00:20:38

to really discuss with you, which is

about overcoming those limiting beliefs.

325

: 00:20:44

I've heard the term limiting beliefs for

a very long time, and for me personally,

326

: 00:20:50

I always thought of that phrase as being

something limiting in itself, that,

327

: 00:20:55

yeah, I do have these things that really

push me down and I don't want to get

328

: 00:20:59

myself out of it, so, in your opinion,

how would someone be able to overcome

329

: 00:21:06

a thought, or a process, or something

that they do routinely as a self defense

330

: 00:21:11

mechanism, that is a limiting belief?

331

: 00:21:15

How would you help them

overcome that, in other words?

332

: 00:21:19

Heather: Well, I would identify their

negative self talk for one, and go

333

: 00:21:25

through some activities where they

would learn to replace their negative

334

: 00:21:29

self talk, and then recognize it

each time that thought comes up.

335

: 00:21:34

Joshua: I should let the listeners know

that you actually recently started this

336

: 00:21:37

business, and I think that it's really

important to know too, that when we're new

337

: 00:21:42

coaches, which I'm a newer coach myself.

338

: 00:21:46

I oftentimes experiment with ways things

work, so sometimes what might work for

339

: 00:21:52

one person might not work for somebody

else, because we all have different ways

340

: 00:21:57

in which we think about it, so if someone

did come up to you and wanted to get that

341

: 00:22:02

sort of advice with you, and maybe they've

had past experiences similar to yours,

342

: 00:22:08

how would you respond to that sort of

stimulus, meaning, what would you say to

343

: 00:22:13

somebody that has been through addiction?

344

: 00:22:14

Maybe has been through medical illnesses?

345

: 00:22:17

Maybe they have been through

trauma with relationships?

346

: 00:22:20

How would you help them overcome

that limiting belief, just

347

: 00:22:23

to put an example out there?

348

: 00:22:25

Heather: I would ask them, "Well, what do

you want your life to be like?", and then,

349

: 00:22:29

"What's holding you back?", so that way,

they can identify those different things.

350

: 00:22:35

Joshua: I think finding and identifying

sometimes can be so tough, especially when

351

: 00:22:40

we have not only those things that kind of

surround us and make us feel inadequate,

352

: 00:22:46

but we also have to figure out what are

the ways in which we can navigate through

353

: 00:22:50

it, while being self accepting, which is

another thing that I noticed about what

354

: 00:22:56

you have is self acceptance, so when you

use the term "self acceptance", first off,

355

: 00:23:02

I wonder if you can define that for our

listeners what that means to you, and how

356

: 00:23:07

you would interplay that with a coaching

relationship, but more importantly,

357

: 00:23:11

what would be an important first step

for somebody that is going through self

358

: 00:23:16

acceptance that they need to take in

consideration, because I don't know.

359

: 00:23:20

Again, this is a little bit about myself,

Heather, just to give you an idea.

360

: 00:23:24

I was not accepting of not only the

things that I was able to accomplish.

361

: 00:23:29

I would achieve a lot of things.

362

: 00:23:31

I have two master's degrees.

363

: 00:23:32

I have a bachelor's degree, but yet I

was never accepting of what I obviously

364

: 00:23:37

achieved, let alone have the potential

to achieve, so I'm wondering if you

365

: 00:23:42

could share a little bit about how you

might overcome that with somebody else.

366

: 00:23:47

Heather: Well, I'd probably ask them

why they're comparing themselves to

367

: 00:23:50

others, or what's keeping them from

seeing themselves the way that they are.

368

: 00:23:57

What's stopping you from seeing

yourself as somebody with

369

: 00:24:02

that kind of an education?

370

: 00:24:03

That's a lot of work, so what keeps

you from being able to see that

371

: 00:24:07

as that kind of accomplishment?

372

: 00:24:09

Joshua: Oh boy, well, there are a lot of

things that have held me back from being

373

: 00:24:13

able to see that accomplishment, and even

some of the people that are some of my

374

: 00:24:16

friends are probably literally screaming

at me right now and being like, "Josh!

375

: 00:24:20

We've told you how many times.

376

: 00:24:21

You didn't listen!", but I find that

we often have to figure out what time

377

: 00:24:27

we're ready to listen to it to be able

to make that progress because, yeah, you

378

: 00:24:32

can keep spewing it, spewing it, spewing

it, but it doesn't mean that I listened

379

: 00:24:38

to it because it's the way that you said

it, and it's also the way in which it

380

: 00:24:43

hurts to really overcome that feeling

of not feeling good about yourself,

381

: 00:24:48

or not willing to feel like I am good

enough to be able to be accepted, so

382

: 00:24:55

Heather, we're almost at the end of

our time, and I had this one final

383

: 00:24:58

question that relates to your story,

and just what you have achieved,

384

: 00:25:03

because too often, I think that we

get wrapped up in the fact that, "Oh!

385

: 00:25:09

Here's another story of somebody

that's gone through it and

386

: 00:25:13

gotten to the other side.

387

: 00:25:14

Whoop dee doo!", and let's be real.

388

: 00:25:17

A lot of people just glance right

over it, and that's so sad, because

389

: 00:25:21

you did put a lot of work into

this to get to where you're at.

390

: 00:25:24

It is undeniable what you've been through.

391

: 00:25:27

Most people probably would have never

survived, so I know I have some people

392

: 00:25:33

out there that are listening to this, and

they're trying to find hope and they're

393

: 00:25:38

really trying to find that authentic

version of themselves, whether that's

394

: 00:25:42

personal, whether that's professional,

regardless of what that situation is.

395

: 00:25:47

Do you have any advice for them,

especially somebody that has gone

396

: 00:25:50

through a lot of these different

situations in your own life, that

397

: 00:25:53

you could share with them today?

398

: 00:25:55

Just one piece of advice.

399

: 00:25:56

What would you give them?

400

: 00:25:58

Heather: For me, I really had to focus on

my negative self talk, because if I wasn't

401

: 00:26:04

able to overcome that, I would probably

still be sitting in the corner hiding.

402

: 00:26:10

It was difficult to pick out all of

the negative self talk; all those bad,

403

: 00:26:15

evil, nasty things I would tell myself,

but once I figured him out, when I

404

: 00:26:21

would catch myself doing it and I was

able to say, "Well, wait a minute!

405

: 00:26:25

That's not true.", and replace

it with a positive thought.

406

: 00:26:29

That is where my confidence started to

grow, so for me, that was my first step.

407

: 00:26:36

Joshua: Yeah.

408

: 00:26:37

It's such an important first step.

409

: 00:26:40

I think that if we aren't able to

even take that first step without some

410

: 00:26:43

assistance or support, you have to

know, and even for those people that

411

: 00:26:47

are listening to Heather's advice,

just know that there are others out

412

: 00:26:51

there that are willing to help you.

413

: 00:26:53

All you got to do is extend a hand

when you're ready to do so, and

414

: 00:26:57

it's not about pushing you into it.

415

: 00:26:59

It's when you're ready.

416

: 00:27:01

Not the other way around.

417

: 00:27:02

Heather, I want to give

you the last few minutes.

418

: 00:27:04

I'm sure people are very interested in

learning more about you, and maybe even

419

: 00:27:08

working with you as being a life coach,

so how would they reach out to contact

420

: 00:27:12

you at Forward Momentum Life Coaching?

421

: 00:27:14

If there's any sort of information that

you can provide in terms of any social

422

: 00:27:18

media that they can visit also, that'll

be also great information for them to

423

: 00:27:23

partake in, but I want to give you the

last few minutes to share all that.

424

: 00:27:27

Heather: Okay.

425

: 00:27:28

My website is

forwardmomentumlifecoaching.com.

426

: 00:27:32

My social media, I have a group on

Facebook that is called Find Your

427

: 00:27:38

Life Partner, Trouble to Thriving.

428

: 00:27:40

I do weekly lives on Facebook and

there are about 30 minutes, and they're

429

: 00:27:45

pretty informative, interesting topics.

430

: 00:27:48

I get a lot of good feedback on that.

431

: 00:27:50

If you want to speak with me

directly, just email me at

432

: 00:27:54

heather@forwardmomentumlifecoaching.com.

433

: 00:27:57

Joshua: Heather, I have to tell

you, I have never had a guest

434

: 00:28:00

quite like you that have gone

through so many different things.

435

: 00:28:03

You combined a lot of several

different guests that I've had,

436

: 00:28:07

but it's not about combining.

437

: 00:28:09

It's not about comparing.

438

: 00:28:11

This is about you, and your individuality,

and that you've been through so much,

439

: 00:28:16

and yet you're still willing to push it

forward, and share your story with so many

440

: 00:28:21

people to give hope, and I think that's

the most beautiful thing about all of

441

: 00:28:25

what you've shared is that for many people

being able to share that, they would

442

: 00:28:32

never, ever, ever do that because they are

be afraid of the shame, the persecution,

443

: 00:28:40

maybe even the judgment, but yet, you are

willing to put that all out there for an

444

: 00:28:45

important moral life lesson, and I learned

a lot from you today as a result of that,

445

: 00:28:51

and for all those reasons, Heather, thanks

for being on Speaking From The Heart.

446

: 00:28:56

You not only spoke from the heart,

but you definitely have a special

447

: 00:28:59

place in my heart when it comes to

not only what you've been through,

448

: 00:29:03

but yet what you're going to achieve,

and as being a newer coach, I have

449

: 00:29:07

to tell you, you're going to rock it.

450

: 00:29:08

You're going to do real good, and

I'm encouraging you, and cheering

451

: 00:29:11

you on from the sidelines, so I

wish you luck in that, and thank

452

: 00:29:15

you so much for being on the show.

453

: 00:29:17

Heather: Thank you.

454

: 00:29:18

Appreciate it very much.

455

: 00:29:20

Joshua: Again, I want to thank

Heather for being part of the show and

456

: 00:29:23

sharing a little bit about herself.

457

: 00:29:25

I have to say, there might have been a

lot of gaps of knowledge and information,

458

: 00:29:30

especially as you listen to this episode,

unlike other guests I've had, that might

459

: 00:29:35

be asking you even more questions about

what Heather's story is really all about.

460

: 00:29:40

What got her into some of the

situations that she's been through?

461

: 00:29:44

What has caused some of these

aspects happening in her life?

462

: 00:29:48

Now, part of the process that I usually

have with my guests is I always ask

463

: 00:29:52

them before we even hit the record

button, "Who we should not talk about?

464

: 00:29:56

What are some off limits subject

matters?", etc, etc, because as part

465

: 00:30:01

of even this show, I don't believe in

coercing people to talk about things

466

: 00:30:05

in which they don't feel comfortable

talking about, and as you can imagine,

467

: 00:30:10

this whole entire show is unscripted.

468

: 00:30:12

The only notes that I take are

really of my guests as I continuously

469

: 00:30:16

work on my craft of speaking

extemporaneously, and even talking

470

: 00:30:21

to people so that I can have that

genuine relationship, that connection.

471

: 00:30:26

I don't want to have a script, or have

notes, in front of me to always reference.

472

: 00:30:31

The bio that I read to you every single

episode, the resources that are available

473

: 00:30:35

to you in the episode notes, along with

other tools that I use as part of the

474

: 00:30:41

engagement of talking to these guests,

are strictly what I use, but Heather and

475

: 00:30:46

I had a very interesting conversation

after the show, and after we hung up our

476

: 00:30:51

headphones, to really explain a couple

things as to why there were some gaps.

477

: 00:30:56

First off, I don't want to go into a

big tangent as to why Heather has gone

478

: 00:31:01

through some of the things that she has.

479

: 00:31:03

I think it's quite clear that there are

some undertones of some people that she

480

: 00:31:07

simply did not feel comfortable about, but

that's what made this episode even more

481

: 00:31:11

interesting for me, is what happened after

we hit the stop button on the recording.

482

: 00:31:18

Heather and I really shared a heart

to heart, and I challenged her, in

483

: 00:31:21

the future, to always open up about

her story, to gain that perspective

484

: 00:31:26

for other people that might need that

perspective, so that she can help

485

: 00:31:31

influence inspire others, and it got

her thinking, "Maybe there are some more

486

: 00:31:35

things that I really should have shared.

487

: 00:31:38

Maybe there are some more opportunities

to share the people, and the places,

488

: 00:31:42

that I was at, so that they understood.",

So Heather, as you listen to this, even

489

: 00:31:48

after we hung up the headphones and

you think about what our conversation

490

: 00:31:51

was, please, reach out to me.

491

: 00:31:53

I would love to have you back on the

show, and maybe we can fill in some of the

492

: 00:31:56

gaps, especially if my listeners have any

questions, but I have to say, Heather is

493

: 00:32:02

taking the first step, and that's what I

admire about; her bravery, because it's

494

: 00:32:06

not easy to get over an addiction, let

alone, even go through helping others

495

: 00:32:12

before that, to then end up in the same

exact situation that some of her clients

496

: 00:32:16

have been through, because let's face it.

497

: 00:32:19

It's not easy to overcome addiction.

498

: 00:32:22

It's not easy to deal with all these

different areas that we often are

499

: 00:32:26

challenged in, because sometimes we

have the people in our lives that push

500

: 00:32:30

back, make us feel afraid to share, and

overall, make us feel crappy inside,

501

: 00:32:37

thinking that we've done something

wrong, but what we try to do, what we

502

: 00:32:42

should be doing to escape from those

different areas in our life so that

503

: 00:32:46

we can live a more fulfilling life.

504

: 00:32:48

That's really what I want to talk about

as the wrap up of this episode today.

505

: 00:32:52

What struck me about what we have been

through, maybe the common person, and

506

: 00:32:57

what Heather has been through, which

many others have been through, is that

507

: 00:33:01

we don't want people to go through this.

508

: 00:33:04

This is why we tell our stories.

509

: 00:33:06

We want them to avoid the junk that is

happening in our own lives, and teaching

510

: 00:33:12

important, valuable lessons as to why

they shouldn't be going down that path.

511

: 00:33:17

Your podcast host would have never been

able to do this show if I would have

512

: 00:33:21

been able to realize even early on that

maybe that would have been the path that

513

: 00:33:25

I shouldn't have taken: trying to hurt

myself, getting involved with people that

514

: 00:33:30

I should have never gotten myself involved

in, but more importantly, realizing that

515

: 00:33:35

I had to overcome stereotypes, things in

which I have to still work on to this day,

516

: 00:33:41

that those people that always want to say

shit about me, or even have all kinds of

517

: 00:33:47

other attitudes about myself, I just need

to push away, because they are not worth

518

: 00:33:51

my time, or the effort that I put into it.

519

: 00:33:55

Why share these things?

520

: 00:33:57

Why go through this process?

521

: 00:33:59

Why always create that connection?

522

: 00:34:02

Why even bother, like in my life, to

even share these aspects with you?

523

: 00:34:08

As I've always said,

we're in this together.

524

: 00:34:11

These are the connections that we need

to be making, and I can go on, and on,

525

: 00:34:17

and on, about why that's so important,

but I will point you back to the

526

: 00:34:21

previous 141 episodes that I've done,

plus the bonus episodes that I have

527

: 00:34:26

completed up to this point, to tell that

story for me, because all these things

528

: 00:34:33

that we might be doing in our lives

might not be for the right purpose.

529

: 00:34:37

They might be ripped away from us,

and we were not happy that we have

530

: 00:34:41

to start all over again, but for

many people, they do decide that

531

: 00:34:46

they want to keep pushing forward.

532

: 00:34:49

They do want to grow from

those mindsets that were toxic.

533

: 00:34:53

They do want to overcome

addiction and recover.

534

: 00:34:57

That's why there are so many support

groups, and opportunities, to be engaged

535

: 00:35:02

with these fine folks that are willing

to challenge their mindsets, to get

536

: 00:35:06

rid of the abusive relationships, and

the things that have forced them into

537

: 00:35:11

them in the first place, so how do you

find people that will help you heal,

538

: 00:35:17

and discover, to provide that kind

of encouragement that's supportive?

539

: 00:35:22

Well, sometimes, like some of my

former guests, they ultimately fall

540

: 00:35:26

into those types of people, and I can

think of a handful of those individuals

541

: 00:35:29

that I would love to have back on the

show, because some of my guests have

542

: 00:35:33

overcome even more issues in their

life to get to where they are today.

543

: 00:35:39

Sure, that might make us human to know

that we have to overcome over, and

544

: 00:35:44

over, and over again, with a variety

of different things that we have in our

545

: 00:35:48

life, sometimes even coming back up yet

again, to create that support, to create

546

: 00:35:54

that kindness, to garner that trust that

we need to have in order to facilitate

547

: 00:36:00

the growth process, but as Matthew Roda,

going all the way back to my early 20s

548

: 00:36:06

episodes, even said, "You have to lead

by example.", and he didn't necessarily

549

: 00:36:13

say that, but he's been doing that.

550

: 00:36:16

An update on many different types of

people on this show, I would love to

551

: 00:36:19

have at some point, especially Matthew's

story, that has taken such a turn

552

: 00:36:25

for the better, even after our show,

but we have to be there for people.

553

: 00:36:30

You have to like yourself first, to be

able to do that, to keep moving forward.

554

: 00:36:36

Heather even admitted that at one point

in her life she wasn't happy with herself,

555

: 00:36:42

but at the same token, she realized that

she had to change that mindset, which

556

: 00:36:46

is why I'm so proud of her for doing

podcasts, for even doing this episode

557

: 00:36:51

today, so I'm telling you, no matter

what you might be at, letting go of that

558

: 00:36:57

negative self talk, and recognizing what

you need to do and what is required,

559

: 00:37:01

in order to catch yourself from falling

any further, means that you have to

560

: 00:37:07

understand that you got to pick out

those people, those places, and those

561

: 00:37:12

things, that are doing you no good.

562

: 00:37:16

Now I know.

563

: 00:37:18

Part of this whole story, this whole

process on the show of Speaking

564

: 00:37:21

From The Heart, has always been

about having this great accolade.

565

: 00:37:25

Giving you encouragement.

566

: 00:37:26

Giving other people encouragement as

to what they're able to overcome, but

567

: 00:37:31

there's still so much about Heather's

story that even I, myself, am struggling

568

: 00:37:36

to figure out what is it that I really

want to leave and impart as wisdom to

569

: 00:37:40

you today, my listeners that have been

following along, but it's quite simple.

570

: 00:37:46

I think that we have to realize that if

we're ever going to garner this trust,

571

: 00:37:50

this strength that we have inside of

ourselves, we have to have a frank and

572

: 00:37:54

blunt conversation, from time to time,

that challenges that status quo, that

573

: 00:38:00

challenges the people, the places, and

the things that we've been through,

574

: 00:38:05

but more importantly, not letting them

get the best of ourselves, even if

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: 00:38:10

it's on a recorded podcast episode.

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: 00:38:15

Friends, there is always an opportunity in

this world to change the script, to always

577

: 00:38:22

tell your story in a way in which you

seem heroic, to seem like you're proud.

578

: 00:38:28

Maybe the people that I've had

previously on this show are not as proud.

579

: 00:38:32

Maybe they're not as loud as others

about what their successes are.

580

: 00:38:36

Maybe they're making it all up.

581

: 00:38:40

Part of my process of this show is to

understand the authenticity and the

582

: 00:38:44

connection to others, but even I have the

wool pulled over myself from time to time,

583

: 00:38:52

and even me, Joshua Smith, owner of Your

Speaking Voice LLC, works with clients

584

: 00:38:58

that sometimes pull the wool over my own

eyes, and that's the time in which I have

585

: 00:39:04

to have a frank conversation with them

as to what they really are trying to do.

586

: 00:39:10

I think that it's really not

about confronting, or even making

587

: 00:39:14

people feel bad about themselves.

588

: 00:39:16

It's just about understanding a little

bit better about who we are, why we react

589

: 00:39:21

the way we do, and making ourselves just a

little bit better than we were yesterday.

590

: 00:39:27

Even if we're trying to

escape from something that we

591

: 00:39:29

have held onto for so long.

592

: 00:39:33

We could be in the midst of it for a very

long time, but the moment in which we're

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: 00:39:38

able to let go of it, the moment in which

we're able to overcome, maybe it's the

594

: 00:39:43

friends, and the family members, or even

other people that we have that have been

595

: 00:39:46

holding us back, once we start to let go

of that, that's when real change begins,

596

: 00:39:54

but we can also screw up that change.

597

: 00:39:56

We can be very bad when it comes to

even managing that expectation of

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: 00:40:01

change, which is why I have repeatedly

have said, working with a coach,

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: 00:40:06

working with somebody that will hold

you accountable, can make a huge,

600

: 00:40:10

huge difference in creating that value

that you're seeking, but by all means.

601

: 00:40:18

You don't ever have to feel like you're

forced, or coerced, to do what you

602

: 00:40:23

don't want to do, because that's the

last thing, even myself personally,

603

: 00:40:28

would ever want to do, and any well

mannered coach that has training, that

604

: 00:40:33

has an understanding of a listening

ear, and is willing to help you, would

605

: 00:40:38

also respect those boundaries as well.

606

: 00:40:41

Now don't get me wrong, Heather was

a fantastic guest, and I love that

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: 00:40:46

she had the courage to even start her

story today, so if you do reach out to

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: 00:40:50

her, do me a favor and don't bash her.

609

: 00:40:54

Don't make her feel like she should

have not shared her story, because what

610

: 00:40:59

it means to go through this process is

to gain the confidence, and a little

611

: 00:41:03

bit more knowledge, of what it means

to keep moving forward, so Heather, I

612

: 00:41:08

want you to know personally, from the

bottom of my heart, I can't wait for

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: 00:41:12

you to be willing and open to share even

more of what your story is all about.

614

: 00:41:19

Friends, I don't know where you are

at in your storytelling adventure,

615

: 00:41:24

or even what you want to share

next, but sharing is caring.

616

: 00:41:29

Don't let other people abuse, and rip

away, those awesome things that you have

617

: 00:41:34

to say, especially if it allows others

to heal in the journey that they're

618

: 00:41:39

trying to heal from, and being able to

discover and provide encouragement in

619

: 00:41:45

ways in which they might otherwise never

been able to find in any other source.

620

: 00:41:50

This is about gaining trust.

621

: 00:41:52

It's the courage to grow and lead by

example, but more importantly, It's

622

: 00:41:57

time to stop the negative self talk.

623

: 00:42:00

I'm so proud of Heather, and others,

that have walked through addiction with

624

: 00:42:05

a sober look, at the sober reality, of

the things that sometimes are not easy

625

: 00:42:11

to stare right in the face of, but at

the same token, it is about overcoming.

626

: 00:42:17

It's about authenticity.

627

: 00:42:19

It's about creating that connection with

others, to be able to feel inspired, to be

628

: 00:42:24

able to tell your story in more ways than

one, but even then, even if there's no

629

: 00:42:30

moral to the story, I think it's just good

to know that you're adding to the numbers

630

: 00:42:36

of the amazing people that are willing

to step forward and say, "I am saved.

631

: 00:42:43

I feel better, and I'm glad that you're

part of that overall statistic.", because

632

: 00:42:49

you're not just a number, you are part

of an overall story that will challenge

633

: 00:42:54

the status quo and eliminate any kind

of addiction, any kind of pain, any

634

: 00:43:00

kind of sorrow, that you might face,

and that is pretty worthy to tell.

635

: 00:43:08

Thanks for listening to episode

number 142 of Speaking From the

636

: 00:43:12

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

637

: 00:43:17

Outro: Thanks for listening.

638

: 00:43:18

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

639

: 00:43:23

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

640

: 00:43:28

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

641

: 00:43:34

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

642

: 00:43:39

See you next time.