Episode 78
Episode #75 - Oversharing Yourself To The World
This episode discusses the concept of sharing too much information when you should/should not be doing it. There are various schools of thought that are involved with this topic, and despite the political, social, cultural, and mental considerations involved, being willing to provide an avenue for sharing is important, but balancing the bigger picture required for self-development to occur.
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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs
Transcript
Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and
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:determination all converge into
an amazing, heartfelt experience.
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:This is Speaking From The Heart.
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:Joshua: Welcome back to episode
number 75 of Speaking from the Heart.
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:Today, we're going to
talk about oversharing.
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:That's right.
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:It isn't just about what you might be
sharing from the cookie jar, or even the
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:candy shelf for that matter, or maybe even
investing on way too many other things
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:that are not essential in your life,
but I'm actually talking about too much
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:information, or TMI as the acronym is well
known for, in that we probably shouldn't
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:be sharing so much of that information
in the bigger scheme of things.
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:Now, you might be curious, "Well,
where does this topic come from?"
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:Well, if you have been listening to
this podcast for quite a while now, you
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:might be even asking yourself, right at
this moment, "Yeah, you're right Joshua.
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:You do overshare quite a lot of different
things in your life, and that might be
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:a little bit of a vulnerability aspect."
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:I've been hearing this quite a lot from
some of other individuals in which I've
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:been talking to as it relates to this
podcast, in which some people have even
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:questioned, "Why are you sharing so
many intimate details about your life?
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:Do people really need to know
all that information about
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:you?", and they might be right.
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:I probably shouldn't be sharing so much
of that information to other people,
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:and probably even you for that matter,
because I've had comments made about
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:this, saying that maybe it could be
used against me in the court of law.
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:Maybe it can be used against me in
the overall things in which I might be
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:applying for later on in life, whether
that is for a job, or maybe even some
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:of the opportunities that I have for
my business, Your Speaking Voice, LLC.
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:I think that the political, social,
cultural, mental considerations that
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:are all involved when it comes to this
might need to be balanced carefully as
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:it relates to not only sharing who you
are, but also giving people a perspective
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:of what you offer and what you put
on the table as the bigger picture.
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:Now, I know that I am quite open about a
lot of the different things that I've had
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:happen throughout my life, but let's face
it, I didn't want to have some of these
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:things talked about for the longest time.
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:There were many, many, many, many years
in which I did not want to share any
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:aspect of my life with other people,
let alone even relationships in which
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:I was really close to, and if you ask
any of my personal friends about that
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:sort of question, they would certainly
attest to the fact that I kept to myself
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:for a very long time, but that was
also inherently what my problem was.
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:I wasn't living the best version of who
I could potentially be, and that's what
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:really sticks to the heart of talking
about this in the first place, is that
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:even if you overshare yourself to the
world, there might be some positive
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:benefits that come out of it as a whole.
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:I can't tell you enough times with
the people that have walked through my
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:business, have become clients of mine,
and they have been able to achieve
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:that freedom of independence by being
willing to share the most vulnerable of
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:information, maybe too much to the point
that as I even see them on Facebook, if
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:I see them on any sort of social media as
a whole, I often have to weigh in and ask
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:them, is this really what you want people
to see as the best version of yourself?
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:What is the intended purpose
of putting this post out there?
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:Is it really helping you to become not
just that best version of yourself,
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:but maybe to even move on from the
situation in which you're working through?
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:I think this is where the dynamic of
other people working through different
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:things and trying to figure out whether
they are really making a difference
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:in this world comes into play, because
we all handle situations differently.
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:These are the things in which we might
process in our mind and put the puzzle
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:pieces together as to the variables
that we might be exploring or might
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:be even detailing in our lives of that
bigger narrative that we want to create.
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:Oversharing can be dangerous in itself
in that if you do have that off day.
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:You might be putting yourself in jeopardy
of other people that might be going
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:through some of those similar things,
which my bonus episode in which I had
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:shared a few months ago specifically
talks about some of those things in
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:which we should be doing in the universe,
but even with all that said, having the
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:bigger picture involved with your self
improvement in which you're able to work
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:on yourself and to help others, hearing
your story with other people might help
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:you create that opportunity to expand
your comfort zone, let alone your mindset
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:of getting some important information
as long as you detail it carefully.
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:So here's some recommendations that I have
for you that would help you with creating
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:some of that conversation in your life.
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:First off, if you are going to overshare
information, whether it's about a
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:personal situation, a professional
situation, or something about your
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:business, set parameters as to what
that conversation is going to be.
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:It doesn't necessarily have to be in
secret, or incognito for that matter,
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:of the things in which you want to
essentially talk about, but you want
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:to also explore the fact that that
person that's going to be hearing
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:it needs to understand where you're
coming from in the bigger scheme.
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:I always tend to preference my
conversations with not only what I want
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:to try to achieve, but I also want to
mention that I want this to be secret,
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:or I want this to be confidential, and I
give specific detailed reasons as to why.
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:Now, for many of you, you probably don't
care if any of those things are happening
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:because you already have a relationship
with that person that's pre existing.
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:It does not matter.
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:Never leave anything to
assumption whatsoever.
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:Having those abilities to create that
dynamic, that flow of engagement will
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:help anyone to not only set the basis
for the conversation that you're about
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:to have, but when you start to overshare,
you can reel some of those aspects back,
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:saying that you have already mentioned
that this is not what I want to have
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:out there in the universe as a whole,
especially when it comes to some of those
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:requirements that you're trying to detail.
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:When you are oversharing, information in
itself can help somebody, especially with
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:all the infinite details that you might
have about it, to help you to understand
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:with that other person or that group of
people, what you're specifically trying
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:to achieve, and that's essentially
what I even do with some of my initial
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:consultations here at Your Speaking Voice.
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:It isn't just about working on
figuring out what a client wants and
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:what their desires are, and it isn't
just about circling them and helping
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:them with my services and getting
beside them to help them get that
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:best version of who they want to be.
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:It's about understanding that everybody
has a different tactic in which they are
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:wanting to do when they come in to receive
coaching services, so if you understand
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:and you ask some of the questions about
what they are trying to achieve in this
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:bigger scheme of what they want to have,
you can ultimately help create not just
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:those conversations or those relationships
with people, but you might be able to
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:get some headway with building that
confidence and determination to help that
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:other person see or get to that other
side of what they're trying to achieve.
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:Now that might sound all
theoretical, so let me break this
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:down for you in layman's terms.
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:It isn't just about the fact that we are
looking to get people to sign a verbal
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:contract with us about what they shouldn't
and should share with other people.
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:This is really about understanding
and balancing what the expectation
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:is of the conversations that we have.
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:It's essentially going back to a
principle in which I have talked
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:about continuously over the last few
months, which is about listening.
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:We oftentimes forget about the fact that
when we listen, we have the ability to
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:have this information conveyed to us,
and we then make mental pictures of what
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:we want to include as the narrative to
evaluate what is really important to us,
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:but also what is not important to us.
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:One of the things that I had
recently explored with a client
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:is about the prioritization
of even tasks for that matter.
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:If you have never heard of the Kanban
format, in which you prioritize
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:some of those things that you're
doing as tasks in your daily life,
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:I encourage you to Google it.
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:It's a fascinating concept that might even
help you with keeping yourself organized,
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:especially if you're one of those
freelancers in my network, especially
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:being an author, that would help you stay
organized, and that's spelled K A N B A N.
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:It's an awesome technique in itself
to continuously build some of those
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:productivity measures in your own
life, but even besides the fact that
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:productivity might be on the table
when it comes to oversharing, that
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:might be your motivation in which you
want to improve, it's really about
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:understanding that sharing information
is truly important if we're ever going
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:to grow in the personal and professional
things that we're trying to deal with.
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:Now, I know that might be a little
bit risky for some of you to do just
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:that, but think about the fact that
self development in itself is really
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:a tactic of not only sharing what's
inside of yourself, but also sharing
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:what you have to the entire world.
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:Either way that you look at it,
you have to put the information
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:that is on the table for all
these things to be considered in
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:order for somebody to help you.
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:In a way, you are becoming vulnerable,
and whether you think that you're
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:completely an isolationist, or you really
are a great debater in which you're
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:going to be able to figure out all these
different things that are happening in
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:your life with no problem whatsoever,
realize that at some point, you are
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:going to seek other people's advice.
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:It doesn't necessarily have to be the
people in which you interact with face
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:to face, or virtually for that matter.
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:The advent of the internet has created so
much information out there that you have
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:to sift through whether oversharing some
of the things that you are talking about
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:really add to the conversation as a whole.
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:To really break it down, let's put it
this way: if you see a post on Facebook
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:about a dog that has run away, and
someone has already provided advice about
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:going to the Humane Society to report
it, or to go into other sort of avenues
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:on Facebook to report it, to help this
coalition of individuals to help find your
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:dog, does it really help to say, "Gee.
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:I wonder why your dog went
away in the first place.
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:Are you a bad owner?"
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:Now, why would you ever do that, but I
see people do that consistently, over
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:and over again, especially in community
groups, criticizing and antagonizing other
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:people for their own misfortunes, in which
they don't have the full, complete story.
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:In other words, not only are they
being stereotypical, but they're
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:being very opinionated about their
own version of what that person is
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:doing, without getting all the facts.
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:That's why I'm always very careful about
what I post on Facebook, although, there
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:was a period of time in my life, in which
if you got to know me personally, and
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:it still exists to this day, to validate
and to even ensure me that I need to
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:continue growing in this avenue, in which
I wasn't really doing the best things to
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:overshare in the right way, which is why
I created this podcast because I still
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:wanted to have a creative avenue and be
able to not only share the personal and
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:professional avenues in which we can
grow, and maybe even get some new insight
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:in, but allows me to express ideas and
perceptions, that whether you agree with
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:them or not, can help us to understand
the bigger overall worldview of what
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:we're trying to do to create the ultimate
best place to live on planet Earth, and
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:isn't that really what that's all about?
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:When you overshare yourself to the
world, that you give yourself that
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:opportunity, that privilege, that
permission, to help yourself become
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:something that you might otherwise
not have been in the first place.
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:I know that there's a lot of taboo out
there when it comes to some of the things
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:in which you shouldn't share because there
might be used against you politically.
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:There might be some social stigma about
sharing certain things, especially
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:of loss of pregnancy, maybe going
through mental health crisis, let
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:alone even some gambling, maybe
some sort of drug or alcohol use.
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:Culturally, I know that for many different
avenues in which we live, especially
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:in the whole entire world, when we
censor ourselves from being able to
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:really share what is on our hearts, we
are not giving ourselves permission to
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:really help others see what they are
able to become, which is why it's so
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:important to create those communities.
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:You often hear the term of mastermind
groups, which is something that I've been
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:considering even for my own business as
I continue to grow not only this podcast,
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:but also the offerings and giving the
best value to people that are exploring
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:new avenues, but when you really boil it
down, there are some mental, individual
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:concerns of not being able to overshare.
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:We all have a voice, and
we all have an opinion.
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:Whether it's informed or not is
a whole entire different type of
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:conversation, but I think we often
forget about the fact that we all have
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:the ability to share, and it's really
important to share, especially when
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:we're looking for different worldviews
and different viewpoints to consider.
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:Now, this episode is not an invitation
to become a Nazi, or become a hater
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:of a different race of people, or to
stigmatize or criticize a person's
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:choice of sexual orientation, creed,
religion, all those sort of things.
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:As a matter of fact, I condone people that
don't think about the fact that we all
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:are entitled to the ways in which we could
create those opportunities for ourselves.
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:We all have different ways in which we
want to view the world, and I think that
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:it's really important to respect where
those opinions come from, but when we
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:start to overshare, and if we start to
create that information nexus within
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:our lives to be able to understand
and appreciate those differences,
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:we might actually learn something
about ourselves that we otherwise
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:would have never been able to do.
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:I ask you: please overshare.
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:Please share your perspective, but
set the conversation tone and the
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:framework in which you want to have it.
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:Whether it is individual;
whether it is in a group.
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:Even the best therapist would tell you
that the right conditions that have to
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:be set up have to be not only in the
environment in which that person is
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:trying to grow in, but also in which
they're trying to excel in as well.
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:You have to be open to new differences
and new perspectives that otherwise
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:you would have never had if it wasn't
for those opportunities being presented
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:for themselves in the first place.
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:If you're willing to just have that open
mindset to create those best versions
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:of who you are through other people,
not only are you going to help yourself
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:understand that oversharing is caring, but
that overall, you are going to see a vast
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:difference in not only the things in which
you're accomplishing, but the things that
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:you're able to do in the bigger world.
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:Let's face it: don't be ashamed of who
you are, and what you're willing to
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:share what is on your heart, because
for the longest time, I didn't do that,
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:and that inhibited me so much that it
set me back for over 15 to 20 years.
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:While people have been excelling in
that and making six, seven figures,
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:I've been making only five figures,
and it's only the opportunity that we
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:have in ourselves, not just monetarily,
but also in the ways in which we can
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:enrich our minds in different ways.
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:That can help us to grow
into what we want to become.
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:You have every shot in the world to
see who you ultimately can become.
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:If you're not willing to share a
little bit about yourself, or even
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:the information that you have to share
with others, even if it does feel a
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:little bit scary or vulnerable to put
it out there, don't be afraid to do it.
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:Join a local Toastmasters club.
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:Help yourself with developing that
communication and leadership skills.
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:Help somebody that might be going
through a project in which they might
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:be helping veterans, people that are
homeless, or maybe people that go through
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:unique situations that are very tragic
and devastating, such as going through
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:a fire, maybe losing their home, or
even going through domestic violence.
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:You do have a chance to change the world.
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:You do have a chance to help others
see what they can become, but more
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:importantly, maybe oversharing can
help you realize that true potential
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:that lies inside of you, and I think
that is pretty incredible, barring
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:all those considerations from all
those other fears that you might
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:have to share what's important,
but to help yourself in the bigger
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:picture of your own self development.
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:Thanks for listening to episode
number 75 of Speaking From the
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:Heart, and I look forward to
hearing from your heart very soon.
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:Outro: Thanks for listening.
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:For more information about our podcast
and future shows, search for Speaking From
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:The Heart to subscribe and be notified
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:Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.Biz
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:services that can help you create
the best version of yourself.
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:See you next time.
