Episode #77 - Letting Go When It Counts The Most

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 77 of Speaking from the Heart,

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and I have to ask you a question.

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Are you letting go when

it counts the most?

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I know for myself, I have had

this struggle throughout most of

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my life of wanting to let go of

some of the things that have held

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me back from achieving greatness.

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That includes not only the things that

have been obstacles, whether that is

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people that I have encountered, let alone

the obstacles that I have seen truly

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play out in front of me, whether I had to

jump over them, duck underneath them, or

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slide to the left, or slide to the right.

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I have to be careful though about those

things that I let go of because they

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actually make a big difference in my

overall life, but when we are talking

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about letting go, we're talking about

really is what the biggest thing is that

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we're trying to strive for the most,

which is acceptance, so today I want

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to spend a lot of time really talking

about how we can interact with other

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people, and not worrying about what

other people think about who we are.

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Now, this subject hits home for me,

because, for many years, especially

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growing up in school, I had a lot of

worries about not only the things that

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I was perceived to be, which was fat,

ugly, and stupid, but I had to worry

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about other sort of aspects that maybe

the others didn't have to worry about.

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Ever heard of having a speech impediment?

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How about actually being a few grades

behind in reading comprehension and

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math, to the point that you had to

go and attend a special education

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class on those subjects alone?

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To top it all off, being made

fun of because you're geeky.

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Now, thankfully, I didn't wear the

glasses that some people have to wear

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when going through school and being teased

as four eyes or any other derogatory

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term, but I think that really left a

big impression on me and how I felt

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like I was being treated, because I

was not treated like everybody else.

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As a matter of fact, I was not socially

accepted by any standard whatsoever.

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It wasn't really until college that

I started to really feel a lot better

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about who I was, because I was starting

to adapt and evolve into what I really

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enjoyed the most: wanting to be a lawyer.

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Now, obviously, I haven't ended up

being a lawyer because I'm here on this

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podcast show and running my coaching

business, Your Speaking Voice, LLC,

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but I always think, just as that famous

Disney series is that just came out

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recently, what if It would have been if

I was a lawyer instead, but I digress,

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because what really happened for me

as a result of being set back was that

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it gave me a lot more opportunities.

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In other words, when I was forced to let

go of what was really my path leading

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forward, I was able to do things that

really counted the most, and be able

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to provide in a way in which I never

thought possible to other people.

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Aristotle said it best, in which he

declared in one of his famous literatures,

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humans are political animals, and I

mention this definition because, no, I'm

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not talking about the fact that we are

political creatures, which for my United

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States fans, you know exactly what I'm

talking about when it comes to people

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that are affiliated with the toxicity of

politics, whether you're a Republican,

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Democrat, you're a part of the Green

Party, whether you're a part of the No

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Labels Party, regardless of what it is.

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What I'm talking about and Aristotle

was talking about is having the social

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acceptance by today's standards by being

able to understand and relate to others.

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Now, I know if my political science

professor from back in the day is

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listening to this, she will bash me

over the head because she will say to

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me, "Josh, that is not what I meant

by teaching you in 101 Introduction to

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Political Science", and don't worry, I

understand, and I'm not saying that that's

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the true definition, but I will say this.

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When we have that ability in which we want

to be socially accepted by somebody else,

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we try to go above and beyond what usually

is the call of duty to make sure that

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those people are taken care of, but we're

more worried about what their opinion is,

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as opposed to what we should be worrying

about in the day to day, and actually

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listening to what our hidden desires and

aspirations are to achieve greatness,

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but there are many signs that are around

us when it comes to not only accepting

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who other people say that we should be,

but really, what we should become, is

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actually easier than you might think

by simply looking at your day to day.

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Now do this with me, and if you need to

pause the episode, feel free to do it,

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but why don't you take a sheet of paper

out, and write down all the things that

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you enjoy doing, whether they're very

small in nature, it could be even washing

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the dishes, all the way to the things

that you absolutely love doing, whether

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that's reading a book, maybe going on

a hiking trail, maybe it's one of the

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most expensive hobbies, which is going

on cruises and international travel.

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Some of my guests, even Mark Snow, who

we have featured on this show, talks

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about the importance of being able

to travel with that connection, being

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able to know what other people are

doing, so you list all those things

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out, and I'm sure you're going to

come up with a large number of them.

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Then, take the other half of that sheet,

or get a fresh sheet, and write down

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all the things that you despise doing,

and I'm not just talking about the

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things that are just really simplistic

in nature that you absolutely despise

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doing, like maybe folding the laundry,

or even putting away the dishes, because

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some people like cleaning them, but

putting them away is a whole other

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ballgame, but I'm talking about the things

that you absolutely don't like doing.

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Maybe it's the fear of public speaking,

which, if you need some help, I'm more

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than willing to help you, being that

I'm a public speaking coach myself.

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Even with those things, write down

what you absolutely despise, from

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the lowest to the highest category

that you absolutely hate doing.

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Now, I want you to look at that list.

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I want you to study it carefully and think

about all the things that you absolutely

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love doing and absolutely hate doing.

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Now, thank you very much for

writing all the bad things down.

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We can dispose of that because what

I'm more interested in is what you

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absolutely enjoy, and if you're

not doing what you're absolutely

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enjoying, then what are you doing?

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Is it something that

you could get paid for?

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Are any of the things that you have

listed allowing you to create those

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opportunities to excel, whether that's

in some sort of adventure that you like

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to do with traveling, and maybe being

a columnist or a writer of different

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types of destinations, or maybe it's

something else that you really like.

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Maybe you like talking to people.

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Maybe you love being socially

accepted by those aspects.

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You see, I think in human nature, we

get attuned to the types of people that

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we love hanging out with, meaning, if I

like to go to the gym and work out, I'm

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obviously going to hang out with other

people that love to go to the gym also,

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and that they also love to work out.

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We'd be texting memes and pictures

of all kinds of different types of

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exercises, and making fun of each other

because our muscle sizes are not equal

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to what everybody else in the gym is

doing, and we definitely are in there

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to be a lot better, but I digress.

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I'm sure that not everybody is making

fun of each other, and by all means,

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I would not encourage that, especially

being somebody that has been teased

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for quite a long time about their body

shape, but even with all that said,

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are you letting those things that you

absolutely love be part of your life, and

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I'm not just saying that you're doing it

because you love doing it, but are you

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actually taking time to dive into it?

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To enjoy what that actually is creating

for your life, or are you letting the

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paper that you threw away earlier, seep

into the good things, and you're letting

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that create a toxic environment where,

yeah, you enjoy doing the positive

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things but you're kind of stuck on

doing some of the murky things as well.

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In the business world, I often talk to

people about the importance of letting

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go of some of the things that they

don't have control over and allowing

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them to be able to work on the things

that they truly enjoy the most.

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In some future episodes, I'm going to

have some guests that we actually talk

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about this subject matter, but I'll

say that, for some of us, doing the

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books for the business, maybe working

on some marketing, or maybe even just

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paying the bills, are just some of the

most murkiest, disgusting things that

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we have to do, and we have to let that

go and give that to somebody else.

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That's why we pay people to

provide a service or a product.

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It helps to make our lives

a lot more convenient.

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Now, I'm not saying and advocating

that you need to make a whole budget

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for all these different things

and pay for all those different

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people, because I think working in

the rough and dealing with a lot of

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different things makes you stronger.

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I think that's so important, especially

if we're going to be able to live this

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happy, fulfilling life, because we need

to be able to not just see what those

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signs are that are around us, but we

also need to be able to look at the signs

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that are not around us and pay attention

to the clues that are being given.

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Now, I know what you're asking.

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We're already several minutes into this

episode, and you have yet to hear this

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profound message that I have to say.

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You're probably asking, "Josh, when

are you going to get to the good stuff?

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When are you actually going to share

with me what it means to actually let go?

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When are you actually going to

share with me what are some of the

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things that I should count on?"

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Well, I hate to disappoint

you, but it's not coming.

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You might be asking, "Well why

aren't you going to tell me?",

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because it's so simple, right?

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You're able to write this down.

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You have it all figured out.

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You're going to implement some of

the things that you have on the list.

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You're going to talk to some other

people and help you become better.

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You're actually going to do what you

really wanted to do for the longest time.

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You're actually letting go of the

toxic things, and you're counting on

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the good things to carry you through.

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That's not how life works.

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You see, I left out a very important

part of my story that I shared earlier

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with you, that I think really provides

some context to what we're talking about.

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Those things that I had been going through

for most of my life, I held on for 30

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years, and I'm talking about the things

that have been problems that I had with

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reading and writing and arithmetic,

even talking about my own ability to

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speak eloquently and clearly to others.

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I really let that be an inhibiting

factor that held me back for so long.

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Now why is that such a big deal?

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Well, when I try to write my list of

what's good and what's bad, it all

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becomes jaded because of what other

people have said about me and who I am.

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It got to the point that it really held

me back from not only experiencing the

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true joys of what college was about,

but I know that I have been stuck in so

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many different types of jobs throughout

my life, that I know were not fulfilling

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whatsoever, and I know that they were

creating some of those aspirations

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and those talents that were not being

utilized to their fullest potential.

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As a matter of fact, Aristotle would

be very mad at me to know that I wasn't

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working to help myself, to be able

to learn from others, to be a social

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creature by nature, to be a political

animal, to be able to help others achieve

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their greatness, and it wasn't until

I was 35 years of age that I finally

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opened Your Speaking Voice, LLC, and

I'm doing what I really enjoy the most.

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After all the trials, all the

tribulations, all the crying, bloody

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messes that I usually got myself into, and

yes, they were bloody at some occasion,

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and I was not leading the best life.

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Now I'm not just saying to you today

that it isn't about the good things that

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you should be doing and that you should

be spending more time in those things.

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Don't get me wrong, but I think

it's really important to reflect

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on the things that you threw away

earlier, the negative things, because

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that is what builds the character.

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That's what allows us to associate

with other people, and that's what

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creates the bonds and friendships that

truly mean the most to us, because

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we can relate to those people that

are going through such a hard time.

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I know that for many of us, it's so easy

to take a big step back and be able to

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look at all the times that those sort of

instances occurred in our life, whether

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they are the relationships that have

failed, the friendships that didn't

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work out the way that they intended,

let alone the things that we needed

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to be as social, political animals, to

create those best versions of ourselves.

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I know that acceptance is a very tough

subject because we always strive to be

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accepted, whether it's at our job so

that we can keep it, whether we are in

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a relationship with our husband or wife

or boyfriend or girlfriend, or you are

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just leading the day to day, just wanting

to be accepted by society because you

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have a lot to offer and you're selling

yourself so that you can let the world

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know what you have to offer, and I've

talked about in previous episodes the

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importance of being able to know that

message and being able to develop

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it, and I encourage you to listen to

some of those if you are struggling

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with the way in which you are finding

that acceptance, but don't find the

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acceptance in the negativity all the time.

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There is a balance between what you should

be able to do and what you're not able to

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do, and I encourage you to lead a life in

which you challenge yourself to dive into

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the things that you're not as comfortable

with, because it will give you a brand

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new perspective of what it looks like

to be on the other side of that fence,

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especially when you're talking to someone

that is going through such a hard time.

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You see, in today's society, we have

such a tough time being able to associate

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with others because we don't know what

it feels like to be in their shoes.

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We often avoid the whole

subject completely, or we

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don't even talk about it.

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It's almost as if we walk down the

street, not look each way before we

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cross the street, and walk into incoming

traffic, and we all know what the

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disastrous, ill intended consequences

are when you do such an action.

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I know that for many of us, we want to be

socially accepted, but I think it's really

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important that you accept yourself first,

before all else, because yes, there are

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standards in which we need to have, and

yes, we need to be able to feel fulfilled.

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We need to achieve that

level of happiness.

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We need to be able to surround ourselves

with the things that we enjoy the

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most, but I think, and I encourage

you, especially if you haven't done

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so lately, to take a big step back

and look at the bigger picture.

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In other words, help yourself to see

what other people are going through.

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Go to a food pantry.

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Go volunteer at an animal shelter.

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Go volunteer at a homeless shelter.

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Go volunteer in a place in which

your services and talents are

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needed the most, because I will

tell you something right now.

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If you ever wanted to feel a level

of acceptance in something that you

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really honestly wanted to do, it's

not found at a bar or restaurant.

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It's not found at a music

concert or a social event.

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It's not even found in your office where

you tediously work day in and day out.

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It's with the people that

desperately want to hear your voice.

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Those are the people that want

that acceptance and you have that

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ability to give it to others.

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I think that means then that no matter

what level of destitution that you have,

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you're able to provide not only those

opportunities for others, but maybe you

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are becoming a different type of political

animal based on Aristotle's definition,

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and I think I might kind of like you if

you are doing those sort of things that

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make you a better person and more well

rounded, but don't take my definition

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for it, because I'm accepting who I am.

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Are you accepting who you are?

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I think that once you do that, you'll

have a deeper appreciation for not only

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letting go of the things that count the

most, but you're also going to let go

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so much more, that emotional baggage,

that relationship that might be toxic,

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but maybe, just maybe, you'll find more

things that are more fulfilling in life

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that will lead you into the calling that

you were destined to do, and I think that

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is something worth achieving, and I think

that is also something that you can let

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go of, because when you are living by

that standard, it doesn't matter what I

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have to say, or what the world has to say.

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Live in the moment of intentionality

and help others to find the same.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 77 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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biz for more information about

potential services that can help you

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create the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.