Episode 115
Episode #110 - Embracing Our Trauma At Any Stage Of Life: An Interview With Harris Eddie Hill
The ability for us to overcome our traumas can be a significant gateway for us to achieve the best versions of ourselves. It helps to unlock, at its core, what may be struggles that hold us back and help us to understand key points of our strength. How can accomplish so much, while at the same time, addressing what some of those differences are when it comes to facing our trauma? Today's next international guest, Harris Eddie Hill, develops their overall story with us and exemplifies that nothing is too powerful to overcome. With their many accomplishments as a published author, podcast host, coach, and even public speaker, facing adversity, regardless of what trauma tells us otherwise, can exemplify the growth that we have yet to unlock if we are willing to challenge the status quos that are within us.
Guest Bio
Harris Eddie Hill is an out-and-proud nonbinary podcaster, best-selling author, coach and founder of the Centre for Childhood Trauma Healing, a platform dedicated to supporting neurodivergent, queer or highly empathic adults to overcome their childhood trauma and begin to thrive. Shortlisted for the Positive Impact and Sustainability Speaker of the Year at the Speaker Awards, Harris is passionate about demystifying healing and helping people to connect to their own ability to heal. Clients take back their power from a medical system that doesn't always offer tangible solutions and doesn't always educate clients on their ability to heal. Harris survived and overcome trauma, unaccepting family members, cancer, abusive relationships, physical paralysis and mental health challenges, yet has found their way to emotional freedom and is now passing that power forward.
Website: https://www.mxharrishill.com
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/mxharrishill
Facebook Group Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/centreforchildhoodtraumahealing
Youtube Page: https://youtube.com/@mxharrishill
Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/
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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs
Transcript
Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and
2
:determination all converge into
an amazing, heartfelt experience.
3
:This is Speaking From The Heart.
4
:Joshua: Welcome back to episode number
110 of Speaking from the Heart, and
5
:we're going across the pond because
today we have our next guest coming
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:all the way from England, and I
really am excited to have yet another
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:international guest on the show.
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:Harris Eddie Hill is an out and proud
non binary podcaster, best selling
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:author, coach, and founder of the
Center for Childhood Trauma Healing,
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:a platform dedicated to supporting
neurodivergent, queer, or highly
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:empathetic adults to overcome their
childhood trauma and begin to thrive.
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:Shortlisted for the Positive Impact
Sustainability Speaker of the Year at
13
:the Speaker Awards, Harris' passion about
demystifying healing, and helping people
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:to connect to their own ability to heal.
15
:Clients take back their power from a
medical system that doesn't always offer
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:tangible solutions and doesn't always
educate clients on their ability to heal.
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:Harris survived and overcame trauma,
unaccepting family members, cancer,
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:abusive relationships, physical paralysis,
and mental health challenges, yet has
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:found their way to emotional freedom
and is now passing that power forward.
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:I have to tell you.
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:I don't think I've ever had a guest
that had so many multiple different
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:situations happening, but yet has kept
pressing forward, and yet has a mindset
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:that is willing to help others, no
matter what, to find the power inside
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:of them to overcome their trauma.
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:Harris really exemplifies for me the
fact that, since I started my business,
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:I think that many people oftentimes
overlook what the true value is, and when
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:you start to talk down about something
that you never understood, then maybe
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:you're the person that's holding up this
whole process for other people to be
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:able to realize their true potential,
let alone even their healing powers
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:that will allow them to keep doing
the great things that they're doing.
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:Harris' conversation really evolved
around not only public speaking, but
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:also what they have been able to do
in a variety of different formats that
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:has not only been encouraging, but also
really shows that being on multiple
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:different platforms, multiple different
areas, can really make a big difference
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:in selling yourself and your message.
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:But with that, let's go to the episode.
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:All right.
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:We're here with Harris Eddie Hill.
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:Harris, thanks for sharing
your heart with us today.
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:Harris: Thanks so much for having me here.
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:It's a real pleasure.
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:Joshua: Thank you so much, and again, yet
another international guest on the show,
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:and I really love to have the opportunity
to talk to my counterparts overseas, so
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:thanks so much for the time difference and
being able to be part of the show with us.
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:I read your bio to the audience and
when I read it, I was thinking, "Wow.
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:This person has to have an incredible
story of how they got from where they were
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:as a child to where they are today.", so
I'm kind of curious if you can let the
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:audience know a little bit about your
background growing up, because I feel like
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:that's a big part of your overall story
and what you have been able to accomplish.
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:Harris: Yeah.
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:I mean, I guess like anyone's background,
it's such a mixed bag, isn't it,
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:but, I think the overarching themes,
one is that I come from a family who
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:are very funny, very witty people.
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:Those same people also have a big history
of trauma, going back many generations,
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:so it's like most people, I guess it's
a very mixed bag, and I guess the other
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:overarching theme is sort of realizing
who I was in a very traditional setting.
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:I don't fit in terms of
gender identity, sexuality.
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:I'm autistic, ADHD, and I'm listing all
these things just to kind of give you
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:a picture, not to elicit any particular
feeling, because I'm very happy to be me,
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:and I wouldn't change any of it, and I
feel very comfortable, very happy about
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:that, however, it's been such a journey
to reclaim those parts and even discover
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:what those parts were, and it was one
of the reasons I set up the Center for
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:Childhood Trauma Healing, which we'll get
on to, but so much of my story has been
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:about recovery, not just recovering from
trauma, but kind of literally recovering
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:the parts of myself that, kind of lost
along the way or that I didn't have
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:words to name, let alone nurture, and
so yeah, a huge amount of my story has
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:been about finding those bits again.
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:One example is that as a child, I was
very feisty, and there was a story of
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:when I was a toddler, I was probably
like two years old, and my parents
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:took me on a playdate with this other
kid who was my age and they're his
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:parents and he snatched a toy out of
my hand and I apparently said to him,
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:"You're supposed to say 'please.'",
and I smacked him on the face-
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:Joshua: Oh my gosh.
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:Harris: And apparently my parents;
you know, they did the right thing.
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:It's not okay to hit people, but
apparently, secretly, they were
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:like slightly pleased about it
because this kid had no manners and
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:he was not really given blessing.
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:It wasn't his fault, but he wasn't really
given enough instruction, so there was
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:a part of me, not that I went out of
my way to kind of be violent, but just
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:that there was a part of me that was
assertive and unafraid, and that really
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:got kind of conditioned out of me for
a really long time, and I was really
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:taught to be fearful of anger in general
and to associate anger with violence
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:automatically, and one of the parts
I recovered, of myself as I got older
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:was my anger, and not only is anger a
healthy emotion, but actually it's a
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:part of us that loves us a lot, and I
had no idea that that was the case and
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:kind of recovering that part was a, I
feel, very, kind of quite sacred thing
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:that happened and very important, very
deep and meaningful, and that's just one
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:of many parts, and also anger helped me
to access the things I needed to access
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:in order to heal from my trauma as well,
because anger was the part that said,
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:"You really didn't deserve what happened."
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:Joshua: I don't think anybody deserves to
be mistreated or feel like that they're
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:being put into a situation where they
can't fight back, or feel like they can
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:be their authentic self, and I feel like
I've had plenty of those experiences.
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:I relate to you being in the neuro
divergent category myself as it comes
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:to addressing, and even understanding,
how our bodies interact with not only
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:the emotional tolls, sometimes that
it comes with having that different
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:brain style, but also interacting with
different people as a whole, but you
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:remind me of the fact that I'll have
to say please, and thank you, because
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:I don't want to be smacked by you.
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:I do not want that to happen, so thank
you so much for being on the show.
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:Please enjoy yourself while being here.
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:Harris: Thank you.
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:Joshua: But, with all kidding
aside, Harris, I'm curious.
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:How did you go about finding this
realization that you were stymied, or
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:maybe, pushed down and being able to
find and explore yourself again, because.
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:I often work with that in my coaching
business and I help people to find
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:that voice within themselves and we all
take different tracks in which we're
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:able to navigate through that, and
I'm just curious, with all the things
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:that you've been through, how did
you do that for maybe the audience's
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:awareness, because maybe somebody is
struggling with the same things that you
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:have been through, and they're trying
to figure out how to get around that.
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:Harris: Yeah, so I guess everybody's kind
of awakening or kind of becoming aware
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:of this thing that can look a thousand,
a million different ways, and my thing
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:was that at the age of 25, I went along
for a routine appointment at my doctor's.
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:I've totally forgot about it, and they
found some early cancer, and I went
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:literally overnight from having spent
years being very kind of codependent.
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:A lot of people don't know what that
means from a psychology point of view.
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:Codependent is when you are completely
others focused at your own expense,
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:so that's the people who are chronic
people pleasers, and again, this
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:is not a criticism whatsoever.
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:It's just helpful to have the language,
and often we've developed this kind of
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:survival mechanism of codependency because
we've come from a difficult situation,
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:so total compassion for everyone who's
been through that, including myself, so I
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:went from sort of being this doormat, and
being really walked all over by anybody
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:who wanted to, and not advocating for
myself, being scared to say "No!", and
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:then had this real big health scare, and
suddenly I cared what happened to me.
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:I had this real strong sense
of like, "I could have lost me.
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:I've taken myself for granted this
whole time.", and it really woke
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:me up, and it started to change
my life, like not overnight.
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:I did a lot of growing, so that
year, they removed the bit of cancer.
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:I went for a test six months later.
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:They're like, "You're all clear.
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:It's all done.", so that was
great news, but it changed.
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:I cut off friends that year.
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:I think two days after I got that
news, I broke up with a partner at
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:the time who was, quite narcissistic.
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:Whether or not she actually has
the disorder or not, I will never
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:know, and I guess most of the time,
we'll never know if people are
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:narcissistic, because they're unlikely
to ever be in front of anyone who
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:has the power to do that diagnosis.
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:So, much of that conversation is a guess,
but anyway, so I ended that relationship.
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:I ended friendships and I started what
was to become a very long addiction to
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:audio books around the self help stuff,
spiritual stuff, emotional intelligence,
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:maturity, development, healthy
relationships, all of this kind of stuff.
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:I did a huge amount of work around
that and I think about three years
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:after I'd kind of been through
that awakening, I don't have
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:another word to better describe it.
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:I dated somebody else and I had
had a break all of that time.
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:I was like, "I need to work on myself
because I'm pretty sure that I'm part
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:of the problem, even though no one
had told me that.", and I'm not saying
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:that as a self criticism, but rather
that I was playing a role that wasn't
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:helpful, and the people that I was
attracting to play the complimentary
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:role were not the people that I wanted.
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:Joshua: It sounds like almost a self
awareness factor that you were trying to
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:develop while you were going through that.
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:Is that fair to say?
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:Harris: Yes.
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:Yeah, definitely, and so three years later
when I was 28, I dated this new person.
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:She was so lovely, like a really
lovely person, but emotionally, fairly
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:unavailable, and I look back now and
I actually think like I did such a
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:good job for someone who's come from
my background and at the time I didn't
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:know that I had all these different
problems that we're getting to, but I
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:did such a good job of starting that
relationship being very grounded, very
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:secure, and then as things started to
go wrong, I started to almost slightly
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:revert back to my old codependency.
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:Again, I didn't know
that's what it was called.
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:It was a very visceral, intuitive thing,
and I didn't have words for, and me
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:reverting into that probably pushed her
away and was kind of the final straw,
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:and so that relationship ended, and I
said to my friend- I started therapy at
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:that point because that beginning of us
separating, even just emotionally, had
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:triggered a bit of anxiety, so around
the same time, I started going back to
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:therapy, and my therapist, she had trained
in some alternative things, and she said,
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:"What do you want to do about your PTSD?"
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:I had raging PTSD from
childhood sexual assault.
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:I won't go into any detail, because
I don't want to trigger the people
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:that might need to hear what the rest
of what I'm going to say, but it was
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:a one off that happened when I was a
child, and in all that time afterwards,
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:I had suffered really bad with PTSD.
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:I only had to read, like, the headline
of a newspaper, or something, and
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:I would be very badly triggered.
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:I've locked myself in
cars before; in bathrooms.
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:It's been proper scary, and this
therapist was like, "Well, do
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:you want to get rid of your PTSD?
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:and I was like, "What, what do you mean?
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:I asked for help for nearly 20 years,
and, she was the first person to say,
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:"You can treat it.", and I was like,
"Oh my God, sign me up immediately!
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:Can we do it now?", and she was like-
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:Joshua: "Give me the paperwork right now!
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:Yes!"
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:Harris: Yes, and she was like, "Well,
we have to do some groundwork first,
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:but that's what we can do.", and I
was like, "Oh, amazing!", so I had
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:this like real sense of I can heal
this, and at the same time, I said to
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:one of my friends, I said, "Listen.
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:No one's listening to me, but
I know that I am the common
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:denominator in my relationships.
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:I'm choosing the wrong people
repeatedly, and I know it's me.",
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:and again, it wasn't self criticism.
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:I felt very strongly, intuitively, that
I was doing a role that I didn't want
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:to do, but that role was attracting
the people that I was getting.
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:I want to change the equation, and she
said, "You need to read this book called
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:The Human Magnet Syndrome", and so I
absorbed it as quickly as I possibly
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:could, and then, my life made sense.
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:My relationships made sense, like it
was such a beginning of a new version of
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:myself that was really helpful and much
happier and having amazing relationships
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:with other human beings in general.
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:I used to be very introverted.
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:I used to have a panic attack standing
up to speak for one minute in like a
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:networking setting, and now part of
my business and how I get my message
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:out there is talking to people in this
kind of public setting all the time and
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:loving it, so it's been a big change.
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:Joshua: I feel like you're doing
such a great job in doing that.
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:It's easy just talking to you for the
first 14 minutes here of our conversation,
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:because for some people, even just doing
that for a minute- I remember those
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:days of even going to a networking event
myself and shutting down because I had
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:so much stimuli and I didn't understand
that, but then someone also said, "Hey,
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:maybe you need to check out this.", and
that's when I led myself into Toastmasters
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:International; great organization helping
public speaking and leadership, and I
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:think we all fall into things that we
want to surround ourselves with, but
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:we often need help to identify where
those things might be stemming from,
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:which that leads me into what I really
want to talk about with you, which is
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:the Center For Childhood Trauma Healing
that you started, and first off, hearing
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:your story, it makes perfect sense
as to why you wanted to start this.
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:You want to help others.
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:You want to give them the freedom that
you have found, but I feel like this
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:organization that you started does so
much more, so I'm wondering if you could
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:tell a little bit about not only the
center, and why you thought that was
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:really important to start it because of
the context of what we're just talking
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:about, but also share with us, how can
somebody that might be going through
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:something, especially, I know that you're
overseas, but maybe somebody in the United
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:States wants to come check this out,
maybe they're looking for an international
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:avenue, maybe you can share a little bit
about how that process would begin, so
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:I'll give you that opportunity to talk
about it, cause I'm really fascinated.
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:I wish that there was something like
this that was around when I was a
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:kid, maybe even now for that matter.
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:Harris: Yeah.
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:Thank you.
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:Well, I mean, it's a short
answer where that's concerned.
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:I work online with anyone, so providing
you're over 18, or whatever your law
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:says about being an adult, then I can
work with people online, so it's not a
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:problem, but yeah, what I want to do with
the center is not only to help individuals
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:to actually recover from their trauma
permanently, because that's exactly what
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:happened to me, and when I was first told
you can just not have trauma anymore, I
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:was like, "How does that work though?"
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:I had so many questions, and
this was coming from somebody
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:that I knew had perfect integrity.
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:I knew that when she said,
"This is something we can do."
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:It was totally coming from the heart.
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:She really meant what she was
saying, so I was like, "I'm not
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:being mis-sold anything here.
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:I just have no idea how this works.",
and then by the time I went through
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:the process, it was so quick.
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:PTSD that I'd lived with for just about
20 years that was so severe was gone in
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:two hours and I know that sounds radical,
and I guess it is, but at the same time,
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:once you understand that all you're doing
essentially is that you're giving your
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:brain the opportunity to move through
and process that thing that happened
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:permanently- and this isn't a talking.
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:You don't do it through talking
therapy you're giving your
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:brain a literal experience.
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:The brain doesn't easily know the
difference between what's imagination
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:and what's real, so we basically use
that mechanism to give your brain the
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:ending it needed to certain things.
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:Now, obviously, when we get to complex
trauma, you know, when you've lived
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:in an environment for a long period of
time, either with partners or family,
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:or maybe you grew up in a group home, or
anything like that; any environment that
265
:you've been in long term that over time
has given you a certain kind of trauma,
266
:it's a little bit more complicated.
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:We have to work out the things
that it made you believe about
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:yourself, about the world, about
other people, about relationships
269
:being safe or not safe about.
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:The second you see a red flag, is
it a normal problem that lots of
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:people have in a relationships,
or is it really a red flag?
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:What do green flags feel like?
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:It's not just look like; it's feel
like, and also, to start to begin
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:to realize that your body actually
knows a huge amount about this
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:already, and getting yourself to
communicate with your body again,
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:cause often that stuff all shuts down.
277
:It's a subtle system that I think
is much more difficult to access
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:if you're traumatized or you're
in a dangerous environment.
279
:Joshua: I have to say, as part of that,
that our bodies sometimes don't even
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:know that our brain is trying to respond
to something, but yet we're ignoring it
281
:because we're not self aware, so there's
kind of like a duality happening where
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:there is some sort of defense mechanism.
283
:I almost want to call it that to
activate to protect ourselves, while
284
:at the same time, it's probably not
a good thing either that has been
285
:activated, because then we shut down.
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:We are not having that opportunity to
really explore, engage, figure out what
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:it is that we have to do to respond
differently, and I know even for myself,
288
:I've had to relearn and retrain how to
handle a variety of different social
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:situations, because of the autism
that I suffer; well, not suffer, but I
290
:embrace but I also change as well, so
I hear what you're saying with that.
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:I think that's really important
distinction, especially for those
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:that don't have any sort of connection
with it, but I'm sorry to interrupt.
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:I really wanted to point that out.
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:Harris: Yeah, definitely.
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:Yeah.
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:It's every person's kind of
relationship with their body and
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:their feelings is so different.
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:You get some people who turn up
and actually they're very practiced
299
:at being angry, but they're not so
practiced at being vulnerable, so
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:there are always different sides to
these things, and there's no one way
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:to be traumatized, unfortunately.
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:Yeah.
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:Joshua: I find that to be really true, and
actually, what I noticed is that there's
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:actually a free resource that you offer.
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:It's an essential audio book list for
survivors of childhood trauma, and
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:that it helps secrete that framework,
so I was wondering if you want to
307
:talk about that little bit and how
people could access that, especially
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:since it's free and I love free stuff.
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:Harris: Yeah, so I just noticed, so
basically before I set up the center,
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:I went to go work for the NHS, which
is our National Health Service.
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:I went to be a coach.
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:I was coaching people through all
sorts of different things like diabetes
313
:and their relationship with food;
anything they wanted support with that
314
:they would come to talk to me about
it and we would, talk strategies and
315
:everything else, so the thing that
kept coming up was childhood trauma.
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:A lot of people don't know that
they've got childhood trauma.
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:They might tell you, "Oh.
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:This thing happened with my parents.", or,
"My dad or my mum was very controlling.",
319
:or, "I wasn't allowed to cry."
320
:They sound on their
own, kind of like, "Yes!
321
:I'm acknowledging that there was something
difficult, but overall things were okay.",
322
:and actually, regardless of how you might
score it, from good to bad on a piece
323
:of paper, a lot of us, most of us, I
would say, have some level of trauma,
324
:so, I also noticed that the same books,
audiobooks, that I was recommending
325
:over and over again were the same four,
and I began to realize that those were
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:the missing pieces for most people.
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:These four books I recommend in my guide,
which is free to download, and obviously
328
:it talks about each book and roughly
the picture that each book will help
329
:you to build, and to me, there's sort
of four pillars of the things that you
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:need in order to start having healthier
relationships, start to transform
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:yourself to be that healthy component
of your own relationships, and also to
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:spot things in people, not necessarily
so that you can label and reject them,
333
:although sometimes that is necessary
unfortunately, but to understand how to
334
:navigate those difficulties, because most
people are imperfect, if not everybody.
335
:Even if they're like really healthy at
relationships, there might just be one
336
:area here or there that they're not
experienced with, or they don't know how
337
:to handle, so I think having the language
around that is really helpful, and the
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:four books explore things like the balance
between being self focused and others
339
:focused, which is really important to have
a good balance between self and others.
340
:A lot of us over give and over function.
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:Who's going to enjoy that more than people
who are inherently, extremely selfish?
342
:That's one book.
343
:Another book, we talk about vulnerability
and how we can do that in a healthy way
344
:and with the right people, cause actually
you could be doing vulnerability really
345
:well, but have no idea that you're doing
it with the wrong people, and therefore,
346
:it can kind of kick you in the bum, and-
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:Joshua: yes, I've been
kicked in the bum many times.
348
:Harris: Yeah.
349
:Joshua: Or in the butt here in the United
States, so yes, I totally understand that.
350
:Harris: And then, the
other one is attachment.
351
:This was a really big one.
352
:Two years after I had that really lovely
relationship with this lady, I dated
353
:another trans non binary person, and at
the end, when that also unfortunately
354
:ended, they said, "You know, you're
really triggered considering how well
355
:we managed to end this relationship."
356
:It was very respectful and yet I was
massively triggered, and I was like,
357
:"Yeah, I think you're right.", and
so I went away and I found out that
358
:there was this thing called attachment.
359
:There's a lot of
attachment stuff out there.
360
:I don't rate all of it because I
think some of it's quite biased, and
361
:that's why I like the book that's in
my guide, because it's very unbiased.
362
:It talks to all the different parts and
it also gives you some healing that you
363
:can start doing with the book there and
then, so attachment plays a big part,
364
:and then, the last part talks all about
emotional immaturity, and I think if we've
365
:come from a background where folks are
traumatized, their interpersonal skills
366
:are needing some work, then we might not
have a very good idea of what emotional
367
:maturity looks like, so I think that's
also a really good place to start, and
368
:those four topics together, I think not
only help you heal, but help you to start
369
:building this idea in your mind of what
healthy looks like, cause a lot of us
370
:have no idea what that looks like, and
it's a bit of a shot in the dark, really.
371
:Joshua: It is, and for those that are
interested in those resources, or, you
372
:know someone that might be, I will link
that into the episode notes, which is
373
:also for Harris's website as well, so you
can find all of that available along with
374
:the Center For Childhood Trauma Healing.
375
:Harris, I want to talk a little bit about
your podcast because being a podcast
376
:host myself, I always enjoy the different
varieties of podcasts that are out there,
377
:and you have been a host of a few of them.
378
:You actually have been in the process
of a recently new one called "It's Only
379
:Trauma" that you're starting to launch,
and I was wondering if you could talk
380
:a little bit about your podcast, and
maybe there might be some appeal for
381
:even some of my listeners to go over
and listen to some of those episodes
382
:as well, so do you mind describing a
little bit, especially about "It's Only
383
:Trauma" since that is recently new?
384
:Harris: Yeah, so we are
recording for it right now.
385
:This is a friend of mine, in fact,
she was the same friend who put me
386
:onto the Human Magnet Syndrome book.
387
:She knows absolutely loads about
healthy relationships, and is also
388
:ADHD and has been really focused
on things around co-dependency,
389
:counter dependency, narcissism,
and she also studies semantics.
390
:I'm a very big picture person.
391
:I think a lot about how healthiness
feels and how unhealthiness feels when
392
:it comes to our relationships, and a
lot of the work that I do, the coaching
393
:and the healing that I do, is kind of
around the mental health space, energy,
394
:and I guess energy healing, if you're
into that kind of thing, and inner
395
:child work, it's very much that, and
she is really good at the details.
396
:She's much more a details person,
whereas I'm big picture more, and our
397
:areas really complement each other.
398
:We have these very deep chats, and I
realised this year, I'm in this post
399
:trauma phase now, because I've done the
work on my simple PTSD, I've done the
400
:work on my complex PTSD, and coming out
the other side of it now, I'm realizing
401
:that there's so much of life that I want
to do in community and with others, and
402
:I realized that a lot of the podcasts I
listen to the most religiously, are with
403
:podcasts that have permanent co-hosts,
because it kind of feels to me like you're
404
:at the kitchen table with these people,
and that it feels like such a lovely
405
:space to kind of be in, and I realized
that I wanted that and I really wanted
406
:to do a podcast and produce something.
407
:I always feel like podcasts and
businesses are like little babies
408
:that you're sort of rearing into these
kind of fully fledged beings, and I
409
:was like, I want to raise the next
podcast with another sort of co-host,
410
:a co-parent of my podcast baby, so-
411
:Joshua: Now I'm going to think for
the rest of the day after listening
412
:to this, "I have a baby that I've
been birthing here", and that's quite
413
:unusual, especially for some of my
closest friends that listen to this.
414
:Yes, I do not have the ability to
give birth, ladies and gentlemen.
415
:Harris: It's so interesting because,
I'm in my mid-thirties, and a lot of
416
:the people around me is at that age
where they're either having or have
417
:had children, or actually it's kind of
looking like they don't want them, and,
418
:I remember when I've never had a hang up
about my ages ever, except for my 27th
419
:birthday, and it was because, at 27, is
when my mom had me, I'm the eldest of
420
:three, and by that point, my dad had a
mortgage, and you were married and stuff
421
:and I remember that the night before my
27th I was just like in the kitchen and
422
:you know when you've got that frown that
like children have where the bottom lip
423
:comes out and they're like really grumpy,
and I was like crying a little bit.
424
:My mom was like, "What's the matter?",
and I was like, "I'm 27 and I
425
:haven't done anything.", and at that
point I had three other businesses.
426
:She's like, "You've got three businesses."
427
:I was like, "Oh yeah.", so I think in
my mind, in order to cope with where
428
:I am in life- it's not that deep, but
I do get comparisonitis occasionally,
429
:and so I like to think of the fact
that all the things I've done with
430
:my life instead of the sort of quote
unquote traditional things has been
431
:around business and podcasts and stuff.
432
:I like to think the things that
I create and put out into the
433
:world, instead of having babies.
434
:Joshua: Well, if that's the case, you've
had many of them, not only the biggest
435
:one being the center, but I mean, we
didn't even get into the fact that you've
436
:been a bestselling author, you've been
a speaker; I mean, all those different
437
:things, and we're almost out of time to
be able to talk about all those things,
438
:but I will say that for what you just
said, it's really important to note that
439
:it can be wherever you want it to be.
440
:It can be multiple different types of
things, and the fact that you've been
441
:able to overcome that to be able to
say, "Yeah, there's some struggles.
442
:I might still fall.", but you
brush the dirt off and you keep
443
:moving forward, and that says a
lot about who you are, definitely.
444
:Harris, I want to give
you the last few minutes.
445
:Tell us a little bit about how people can
access the center if they are interested
446
:in learning a little bit more about it.
447
:Maybe you might want to talk about maybe
some of the books that we haven't talked
448
:about if they're interested; maybe want to
give a quick plug about some of those that
449
:maybe they might be interested in reading.
450
:You are a speaker, so if you
want to even pitch yourself.
451
:I know you're a coach.
452
:I know you're taking clients as well.
453
:I'm going to let you just go run wild
here in the last few minutes of who
454
:you want to share about who you are,
Harris Eddie Hill, and maybe give some
455
:people some perspective how to contact
you, so last few minutes are yours.
456
:Harris: Thank you, so the best
place to check me out is my
457
:website, which is mxharrishill.com.
458
:Joshua will put the link in the notes.
459
:It's got everything on there,
so there's a webinar on there.
460
:You can watch it like right now.
461
:It's already recorded.
462
:It teaches you about how trauma works
in the brain; how we overcome it.
463
:I give some really good examples
of like how that works, and
464
:that it's a simple process.
465
:The skill is in having a professional,
someone like me, doesn't have to be
466
:me, but somebody like me, tailoring the
treatment to you, because two people
467
:can go through the same thing, and they
can come out with totally different
468
:traumas, so there is no one size fits
all, but, it's definitely doable.
469
:I've had people come up to me and
say, "Oh, is this trauma or not?",
470
:and I'm like, "If you can describe to
me roughly either how it happened, or
471
:what effect it's having on you now, we
can definitely do something about it."
472
:My main one-to-one program that
I work with people is healing
473
:your childhood trauma in 90 days.
474
:It doesn't mean we get rid of literally
every single thing that's in there,
475
:but we get rid of most of it, and after
that, if you need to come back for like
476
:one appointment here or there, then
it's pretty easily done, and also I
477
:think once you start to experience what
it is to properly heal from trauma and
478
:you're like, "Oh, it is difficult."
479
:Don't get me wrong.
480
:You'll probably cry.
481
:You will need tissues.
482
:It might not be graceful, but it
should be fairly one and done.
483
:It should be that once we've
processed something, that thing
484
:should be kind of done with.
485
:There might be other bits
kind of surrounding it, but
486
:it's a fairly quick process.
487
:People often think that processing
trauma permanently should take years,
488
:and actually, it's one of the things that
I'm the most passionate about in my work,
489
:is educating people that actually trauma
healing can happen as quickly as the
490
:trauma happened, if you see what I mean.
491
:We're giving the brain an opportunity
to have an experience in the direction
492
:that you want to have it in, and it's
pretty magical stuff, so, that's that.
493
:The books that I've done are not
related to trauma work, but you're
494
:very welcome to have a look.
495
:The first one is called Thriving
in Business Strategies for
496
:the LGBTQ Plus Entrepreneur.
497
:It was the first queer business
book to ever be published and
498
:it created some waves in the U.
499
:S.
500
:as well.
501
:I was the only British author.
502
:You can read about that on my website if
you want to, and the second co-authored
503
:book that came out on 1st of February 2023
is called 28, and it was about all of us
504
:who grew up going to school in the era
where discussing homosexuality at school
505
:was illegal and how that kind of left
the door open for us to be mercilessly
506
:bullied and harassed and sometimes
assaulted, so it's an anthology of works.
507
:It's really important, especially in
today's climate where, especially in
508
:our country, in the UK, queer rights are
taking a bit of a beating at the moment,
509
:and I think it's good to remember, why
we don't want that to happen, and we
510
:don't want that to happen to other kids.
511
:Joshua: Wow, Harris, I have to say you
have led a not only impeccable life
512
:thus far, especially be at a young age.
513
:I'm 37, and I have gone through quite
a number of things and have not yet
514
:started a lot of the different things
that you've already accomplished, so
515
:for that said, you definitely have
a lot of notches in your belt, but-
516
:Harris: Thank you.
517
:Joshua: Even with all those things said,
what strikes me quite uniquely, unlike
518
:other guests that I've had on the show
is that you have this uncanny ability
519
:to eloquently talk about things that
for other people, once they start even
520
:opening up about it, they instantly
break down, and I think that is just one
521
:of those stigmas that we need to dispel
and be able to have that conversation,
522
:and I think you are breaking some of
those things, even internationally,
523
:that definitely need to continue to have
that conversation, so Harris, thanks
524
:for being on Speaking From The Heart.
525
:It really means a lot for you, not
only to share your story, but to
526
:share who you are, which I think
you are one of those authentic
527
:individuals, so for that, thank you.
528
:Harris: Thank you so much.
529
:That's such a lovely compliment.
530
:I really appreciate it.
531
:Thank you.
532
:Joshua: Again, I want to thank Harris so
much for spending some time with me to
533
:perform this interview and really figure
out what is really happening, not only
534
:in their life, but also understanding
why it's so important to keep pressing
535
:forward, especially if there's so many
different obstacles that might face you,
536
:not only the things that you might need
to do, but the people that could stand
537
:in your way at the same time, especially
if you have a differing opinion.
538
:Now, I must admit.
539
:This show has always been incredible to
me with the number of different people
540
:that have not only come across my desk
wanting to have an interview, but also
541
:what they wanted to share as a story; all
kinds of different backgrounds, all kinds
542
:of different things that they're working
on, whether they're really successful,
543
:whether they have overcome trauma to
be really successful, or they have an
544
:important message that they want to share
with all of you, my listeners, I think
545
:every time that we have somebody that
has been able to push the status quo,
546
:I've been able to grow just alongside of
you, but Harris's story is a little bit
547
:different today that I want to break down
as to why they are so much different than
548
:maybe some of my other guests that they've
had, and it's really starting with the
549
:fact that trauma can lead us out of the
things that we've had problems with, but
550
:if we let that grow inside of ourselves,
and make us feel really terrible about
551
:what we have made as choices, of course
we're going to have problems not only
552
:with feeling a little bit better about
ourselves, but also being able to find
553
:our best versions of ourselves in the long
run, but I think trauma, especially with
554
:what Harris does, helps us to find who we
are, what these things are that we really
555
:want to have, but we don't want to change
anything about ourselves at the same time.
556
:Maybe we're just so complacent
about what we're able to accomplish
557
:that we can do the great work that
we're doing by just standing still,
558
:which is a very interesting take.
559
:If you are doing things already that
are really awesome in itself, why do you
560
:need to change or conform to somebody
else, and they gave some tips that I
561
:think might be very helpful for all
of us to understand: being assertive.
562
:Don't be afraid.
563
:Don't have any fear.
564
:Be able to love other people
as part of the recovery that
565
:they might be going through.
566
:All of these might seem very
simplistic, but Harris brings up a
567
:very good point, that we all navigate
in a variety of different ways in
568
:terms of the problems that we have
and the ways in which we solve them.
569
:That's why we're all unique, and whether
you want to think about the fact that it's
570
:really about these people that are trying
to find their best versions of themselves,
571
:it also means understanding, too, that
our journeys, no matter which way you
572
:look at it, are unique in their own way,
but also, especially when you look at the
573
:international perspective, what kinds of
resources are available as well to help
574
:people navigate through pain, trauma,
processing all the different emotions
575
:that are involved, but more importantly,
how you can get yourself to the other
576
:side without compromising yourself.
577
:I think that we look at the human magnet
syndrome, as Harris was mentioning,
578
:about how we even attract to each other.
579
:We don't want to do something that we
don't want to do, but at the same time,
580
:we're led down this path of not only of
group thinking, but we do things that
581
:we oftentimes don't even realize are
protecting ourselves, because I look at
582
:even the things that I have done in my
life, whether they are something that
583
:I've done out of fear, or retribution,
or even something else, but the brain
584
:does some interesting things, from a
psychological standpoint, that really
585
:helps us to understand why we create some
of the situations that we're in the first
586
:place, but this is where it becomes really
important when our brain does do that.
587
:We need to be able to find the
tools in order to start addressing
588
:what is needed to be done.
589
:What are the mechanisms, in other words,
that we can create in our lives so that
590
:we can always fall back on new habits,
as opposed to bad habits, and that, in
591
:itself, is such a challenging status
quo that we need to be able to overcome.
592
:Whether we really think that we are
doing that or not cannot really be relied
593
:upon by what we are doing by ourselves.
594
:We need to have that second perspective.
595
:We need to be able to understand what
is really happening in our lives, so
596
:when we become vulnerable, when we
detach from some of the things that
597
:are really holding us back, especially
childhood trauma, which Harris has even
598
:digged into a little bit on today's
show, it helps us to understand how much
599
:emotional immaturity we might really
have in handling a lot of these issues.
600
:Oh yes; emotional immaturity.
601
:I think that we don't even realize
that sometimes we're so immature about
602
:the ways in which we process things.
603
:It's usually our default reaction to go to
really screaming at the top of our lungs.
604
:It might be even holding us back from
being able to see our true potential,
605
:by seeing all the time how we're being
screwed over by that person and just
606
:thinking that, "Man, they're a terrible
human being.", and that's all we can say.
607
:It's odd to really think about that,
because when you look at the bigger
608
:picture, we would never tell them that
they're immature or stupid to their face.
609
:Of course, it seems like our moral
standard, even here in the United
610
:States, has loosened up quite a bit that
now we see a lot of people swearing to
611
:each other, telling them that they're
idiots, or goddamn idiots, if you will,
612
:and even thinking about the fact that,
sometimes, the ways in which we react to
613
:the politicians that are in the media,
the celebrities that make dumb mistakes,
614
:the gossip that we see in tabloids.
615
:It all accumulates in the fact
that we, at its heart, rely on
616
:jealousy, rage, and even talking
bad about other people, to get over
617
:some of the problems that we have.
618
:Maybe that is what we call emotional
immaturity, but then Harris said something
619
:that is really fascinating to me that
I've had other guests on this show already
620
:talk about, but the way they talked about
it today really made a big difference.
621
:It's about the way in which we can
heal using our energy, the inner
622
:child work, to be able to understand
why we make the decisions that we do.
623
:Getting to that other side of which you
want to discuss what might be happening
624
:in the current space that you're in,
the comfort zone that you are in, and
625
:maybe even sitting at the kitchen table
to have that type of conversation,
626
:especially when it comes to the energy,
and even the different types of things
627
:that have happened in our life, all
cumulate into something that I think we
628
:start to understand a little bit better
about, which is our emotional response.
629
:I don't know about you, but I feel
that every time I hear a conversation
630
:today about why somebody shouldn't do a
certain thing, or have a certain idea,
631
:or understand a certain concept in which
they process in a different way, it makes
632
:me feel like they are not respecting the
fact that everyone has a different opinion
633
:and they're entitled to it based on what
they're going through, so maybe even
634
:today's lesson It's about tolerance and
respecting what other people have to say;
635
:what they actually bring to the table.
636
:Trauma does those sort of things in
which they hold us back from being able
637
:to see the best versions of who we are.
638
:We have to understand that trauma,
though, isn't a wall that holds
639
:us back from being able to see
what we can ultimately achieve;
640
:what can we ultimately accomplish?
641
:If we're able to understand that trauma,
in itself, is really a way that we
642
:process in our brains the toxicity of
something that has happened to us, and
643
:instead use that energy pattern for a
much better good, instead of holding on
644
:to it like we're a small child, perhaps
we can do some work on ourselves that
645
:make us not only a little bit more
mature as an adult, but also help us
646
:to keep moving forward: personally,
professionally, and with our businesses.
647
:Speaking in itself, which we had
talked about quite a lot in this
648
:episode, really demonstrates to
me that we have to communicate.
649
:Harris's accomplishments really
speak to that, especially with being
650
:able to understand how patterns of
healing can transfer, even with the
651
:messages that we have, nonverbal and
verbally, to somebody else without
652
:us even knowing for that matter.
653
:If we're able to understand quite
clearly how that messaging, and how
654
:that impact on others makes such a
significant difference, of course
655
:we're going to do so much better.
656
:Of course we're going to be
able to get a much better
657
:relationship with somebody else.
658
:Of course we're going to be a lot more
confident about the way in which we
659
:pursue our goals, dreams, aspirations,
but more importantly, how we stay
660
:determined through all those things,
regardless of the world that's changing
661
:all around us, means that we have to have
a voice; a voice in which is enwrapped
662
:around all the things that we really
believe in ourselves, regardless of
663
:our background, orientation, creed, our
cultural stances, our social engagements.
664
:It means that we have to be able to accept
all those things in a brand new way.
665
:Harris's conversation today I think
exemplifies the fact that we need to look
666
:at these things and we need to continue
to pay attention to them because not
667
:just one person has talked about it on
this show, and it means that even in the
668
:future, we have to keep looking at how
these conversations, how we can not be
669
:afraid of having those conversations,
can make such a big difference of how we
670
:can love ourselves and love each other.
671
:If we can navigate them in a different
way, in which we use all the different
672
:types of resources, including even
some of the free audio resources that I
673
:will put in the episode notes based on
Harris's conversation today, I think that
674
:will help us to get to that other side.
675
:I think that will allow us to have comfort
where sometimes comfort isn't seen.
676
:I think it will allow us to open a
dialogue at the kitchen table, but more
677
:importantly, It will allow us to really
see the best versions of ourselves, and
678
:I think the best versions mean that we
have to let go of what has happened;
679
:to know that even if those things
drive us and motivate us, it doesn't
680
:mean that it has full control anymore.
681
:We have a voice that allows us to be
at the table, and it means that we have
682
:to be able to keep speaking about it.
683
:Whether it's through a podcast, whether
it's through writing, whether it's
684
:being a coach, or even if you have
founded a non profit that's geared
685
:towards helping others, just remember,
no matter what kind of impact, big
686
:or small, it all starts with us.
687
:If you are holding on to
something today, let it go.
688
:If you really want to make a big
difference in your life, be a little bit
689
:more vulnerable, and if you want to have
a little bit more healing in the process,
690
:attune to your energy, create that work
that's inside of you, create that desk
691
:space that allows you to work on yourself,
and trust me on this, you're going to not
692
:only work on yourself, but you're going
to work on everybody else at the same
693
:time, and I think they're going to learn a
little bit about you, no matter what kind
694
:of background you have, trauma or not.
695
:Thanks for listening to episode
number 110 of Speaking From the
696
:Heart, and I look forward to
hearing from your heart very soon.
697
:Outro: Thanks for listening.
698
:For more information about our podcast
and future shows, search for Speaking From
699
:The Heart to subscribe and be notified
wherever you listen to your podcasts.
700
:Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz
for more information about potential
701
:services that can help you create
the best version of yourself.
702
:See you next time.
