Episode 127

Episode #122 - Finding Your Persistent, Positive Energies: An Interview with Jenn Fredericks

We have the choice as to whether we live with our pain, or if we consistently push forward to create new opportunities from our pain. However, when it affects not only you, but others around you, it can be so easy to be defeated by the constant amounts of struggle that is associated with it, pulling ourselves into a feeling of unworthiness, along with not feeling that we have the ability to change our negative energies towards it. Today's guest, Jenn Fredericks, owner of Prosilience Coaching, however, tells an upbeat, positive, different story when faced with chronic not only with herself, but her daughter as well. Today's episode shares the important lesson of having resilience and consistency (called "prosilience" by our guest), and how we can adapt a mindset that even when the going gets tough, it is still perfectly acceptable to smile.

Guest Bio

Jenn has overcome immense adversity and emerged as a beacon of resilience and hope for others. Her experience as a patient with a life-threatening, chronic illness spanning three decades and caregiver for her daughter with a life-threatening diagnosis speaks volumes about her strength, determination and compassion. As a Prosilience Coach, she guides her clients towards a new perspective on life. Her approach of cultivating self-awareness while honoring and integrating both the highs and lows of the human experience creates renewed confidence, calm and contentment in life. By empowering them to build Prosilience (proactive resilience), she enables them to move from uncertainty, fear and confusion to experiencing more ease and contentment in life, fostering a greater sense of well-being. She knows how hard it is to wait until things are better to live better... Why Wait?

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/JennFredericksProsilienceCoach

@jfredwi on Instagram

Website: https://prosiliencecoach.com

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Transcript
Intro:

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 122 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today we have Jenn Fredricks joining

us, and Jenn has overcome immense

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adversity and emerged as a beacon

of resilience and hope for others.

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Her experience as a patient with a life

threatening chronic illness spanning

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three decades, and caregiver for

her daughter with a life threatening

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diagnosis, speaks volumes about her

strength, determination, and compassion.

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As a "prosilience" coach, she guides her

clients towards a new perspective on life.

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Her approach of cultivating self

awareness, while honoring and integrating

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both the highs and lows of the human

experience, creates renewed confidence,

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calm, and contentment in life.

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By empowering them to build "prosilience",

which is the combination of proactive

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and resilience, she enables them to

move forward from uncertainty, fear,

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and confusion to experience more ease

and contentment in life, fostering

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a greater sense of well being.

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She knows how hard it is to

wait until things are better

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to live better, so why wait?

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I don't know why I kept waiting.

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Why I kept waiting for so long in my life

to not only challenge some of the status

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quos that I felt was holding me back,

but Jenn today really brought to light

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the perspective that sometimes we take

things for granted, and maybe, most often

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times, we over exaggerate that we are

really in a bad position, because when

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you hear Jenn's story today, I think that

you're going to be not only surprised

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by the fact that she's been through so

much, which have already teased so much

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about what she's going to be talking

about today, but I think it gives us an

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idea of the choices that we have to make,

whether we decide that we want to live

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down in the dumps and do nothing about

it, or we take proactive resilience to

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be able to learn how to shield against

the many storms that come in our life.

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Even if pain is something that we have

a hard time dealing with, I think that

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we can find ways to move to the other

side, and I think this is when we can see

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the intersection of things that might be

bad, and might be good, and how choice

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weighs in that overall decision making.

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But with that, let's go to the episode.

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All right, we're here

with Jenn Fredericks.

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Jenn, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

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Jenn: Thank you so much, Joshua.

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I live my life by sharing my heart.

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That's one of my true values,

my inner truth, my core is love,

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so I'm very excited to be here.

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Joshua: You know, I think you're the first

guest in the opening to really talk about

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love as the concept of this too, which

is interesting, because sometimes I don't

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really talk about that on the show, but

nevertheless, I think that love is a very

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important aspect to sharing your heart-

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Jenn: So, yeah.

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Thank you.

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Joshua: Thank you for sharing that

because that's really important.

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Jenn: It's more the agape love

type, you know what I mean?

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Joshua: I was going to say, funny enough,

I have talked about agape love in one of

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my monologue episodes, so it's always an

interesting concept to really appreciate,

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so for my listeners, if you don't know

what agape means, you got to go back

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and listen to that, but Jenn, it's about

you today, so I really want to talk to

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you a little bit about your journey,

because my audience has heard a little

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bit about your background starting out.

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I'm really curious because

your story involves chronic

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illness spanning three decades.

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Is that correct?

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Jenn: That is correct, sir.

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I am on my fourth kidney, shall I say.

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I've actually had two kidney transplants,

so I'll say I'm on my fourth kidney.

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It means like my two natural

ones hit the dust, and then

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I've had two kidney transplants.

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Joshua: Wow.

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Can you tell us a little bit about

that backstory, and how it got to be

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that you have two different kidneys?

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Jenn: Actually, now I really only have

one, because they yank the other ones

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out when they stop working sometimes.

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When I was a teenager, I just sort of

had back to back illnesses: walking

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pneumonia, a lot of strep, mono, and

just kept feeling poorly throughout

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middle school, and they thought

I had chronic fatigue syndrome.

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Not really quite sure what was going on,

until I moved from a major metropolitan

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area, to a rural city in upstate

New York, and a pediatrician there

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happened to do some blood work that

showed my cholesterol was sky high.

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Here I was a very frail looking thing,

under a hundred pounds, at 14 years old,

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with a cholesterol of- it might not have

been this high, but it was close enough,

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like 200, 300, something like that.

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Joshua: Holy moly.

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That is very high.

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Yeah.

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Jenn: It was very high, very high,

so I luckily was treated at the

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nearest children's hospital and was

so blessed that my dad was my first

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donor, and was able to heal, and reach

all of those young adult milestones.

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The kidney served me for 18 years.

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I graduated high school.

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I pursued my passion of theater.

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I met my husband.

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I realized maybe I wouldn't

make a living in theater.

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I couldn't pay for my transplant

medications with theater possibly,

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graduated college, like I said.

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Got married, got a house, adopted

a beautiful daughter, and then,

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by the time she was four years

old, the kidney petered out.

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At that point I had such a great

support network and I still do.

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They were stepping forward

and saying, "I'll be tested.

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I'll be tested.", and I feel so grateful

that I had that support and my next kidney

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donor was named; are you ready for it?

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Joshua: Yep.

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Jenn: Joshua.

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Joshua: Oh, of course.

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I have to be-

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Jenn: Of course.

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Joshua: Involved in this story.

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Jenn: Yeah.

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Joshua: No.

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I'm just kidding.

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It's not me, listeners.

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This is the first time

I've talked to Jenn.

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I have not been involved

in her kidney story.

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Jenn: No, it's my husband's

fraternal twin brother.

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Joshua: Oh, wow.

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Jenn: It was my second donor, so, a

lot of times I like to make a joke

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here when I say that, "Oh yeah.

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My husband's twin brother gave me

a kidney.", and then people could

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be gobsmacked of like, "Well, why

didn't your husband give you one?"

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I'm like, "Cause he's a big jerk."

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No, because he just wasn't a match.

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He was a fraternal twin, so they didn't

have the same blood type, so I am

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now 11 years out from that transplant

and doing really, really well, and so

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grateful that medicine has been able to

bring me here, and support me in this

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way, and to my entire support network.

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Joshua: I have never interacted with

someone that has been a kidney transplant

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survivor, or have had to have a kidney

transplant; maybe they have been giving a

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portion of their kidney to somebody else.

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I shouldn't say a portion,

because you don't have a

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portion; you give a whole kidney.

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I'm thinking of a liver-

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Jenn: Liver.

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Yeah, that's right, which

is just incredibly amazing.

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You can give a portion and it grows

back for the donor, as well as

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it grows more for the recipient.

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Joshua: Yes-

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Jenn: it's incredible.

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Joshua: And medicines come a long way

with being able to even facilitate that

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with stem cell research, and things of

that nature, to actually grow these sort

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of organs in laboratories, which I know

that there's still a lot of kinks to work

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out when it comes to that for sure, to

make sure they function, but we hear about

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pig hearts, and all kinds of other organs

and from other animals helping to support

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life, so it's really interesting to me.

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I think the age old question

comes into play here of, so you've

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been through all these different

things, but you're a coach?

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Tell me a little bit about that, cause

I find that really fascinating that

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somebody that has been through many

medical procedures has the energy,

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or the audacity, to coach others.

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Jenn: Sure.

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Well, I mean, what is that saying?

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Your pain becomes your purpose.

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Joshua: Yes, absolutely.

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Actually, I just had a guest on the

show by the name of Simon Rinne that

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actually talked about that as well, that

we have this purpose that we go through

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to become better as a result, so, yeah.

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Jenn: Yeah, so, I mean, I

have not always been a coach.

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For 16 years of my working life, I was in

event marketing and corporate marketing,

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and well, my daughter also has a chronic

illness, so about the time my daughter

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was diagnosed, I learned that I was going

to be laid off from my corporate job,

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and I flippantly said to someone, "Well,

maybe I'll see what this life coaching

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thing is all about.", and here I am, seven

years later, guiding people, supporting

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people and, it is literally why I'm here.

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Joshua: When you say literally why you

are here, is that because of just seeing

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other people get to that other side,

and you've helped them get to that part?

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What would you say has been the most

inspiring aspect of being a coach,

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because I do life coaching myself.

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I've actually have helped a variety

of different people navigate through

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divorce, navigate through circumstances

that are unbeknownst to them about

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the ways in which they process

their attitudes towards others.

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For you, what do you find is the most

rewarding, because especially being

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that you've been through so much from

the medical sense, I would be very much

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like, "Oh, there's no point in life.

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There's no reason to go forward."

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I don't get that energy, and I think

I've even said that before we started

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that you have this contagious energy

of projecting towards others, like

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just being around you makes me happy.

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Jenn: Oh.

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Here's my question to you.

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Joshua: Okay.

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Jenn: Why on earth would I work

so hard to heal, if I didn't

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want to truly live my life?

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Joshua: Mmm.

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Jenn: I always thought like,

"Oh, I don't have a choice."

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I certainly have a choice.

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Joshua: Yes.

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Jenn: I could have gone a different route.

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I could have refused treatment.

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I could have decided that things were

too hard and I was going to, you know,

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take care of not having to go through

that anymore, but that isn't part of

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my makeup, because I do believe that we

are all built and born with resilience

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muscles that we can flex and engage

in order to meet challenges, and

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that's the work that I'm doing now.

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It's literally my purpose.

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One, without coaching, I wouldn't be

upright and in the spirit that you see me.

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Coaching saved me.

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It's changed the dynamic of my family.

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It's made me see the days in different

ways, makes me more grateful, and

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then I look back and see the people

that I've been able to share just

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a glimmer of what I've learned and

experienced and if even if it's just

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changed their day, it's made an impact.

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Joshua: I have to say that for some

people, when you asked me the question

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about, "Well, do I have this meaning

in life to actually carry forward?"

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A lot of people would actually say no,

so that's why I think hearing it from

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your perspective, "Well, yeah, of course.

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Why you think I'm sitting here today

doing this interview with you?"

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I think a lot of people would actually

legitimately ask that question, because

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sometimes they would give up, and I

think it's such a discussion point

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about what our society is as a whole.

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If we want to make a decision of saying,

"I'd rather give up than even keep trying

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for that matter.", which I think, both

you and I, have seen a lot of those

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different things over the last several

years with not only the way society

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has been, but also how we treat that.

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Jenn: Yeah.

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Joshua: I think that you are saying

some things that are really important

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to this conversation, because one of

the biggest buzzwords that I saw that

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I was even struggling with saying when

I was introducing you was the word

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prosilience, which is a combination of

being proactive and having resilience,

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so I was wondering if you could tell

us a little bit about that, because

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you obviously can be an authority about

that from your story, but I'm wondering

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what that means for you in working with

others with that framework in mind.

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Jenn: Sure, and I also want to

acknowledge that this was my choice.

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This is my journey.

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This is how I'm meeting my challenge,

and each of us has that choice.

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I don't like labels of right

or wrong or good or bad.

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We put meaning to those types of words.

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Now what I've experienced in my life,

I didn't quite know how to describe

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it, and I just know that I did it

when I was a teenager, people would

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be like, "Oh, how do you do it?

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How are you so resilient?",

Well, one, I'm a teenager.

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I'm a mortal.

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I'm not going to die.

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Just fix me, right.

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Joshua: Yeah.

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We have that super complex as a teenager.

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Jenn: Yeah, and then I adopted a daughter,

who, seven years after we brought her

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home, developed a chronic illness.

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She has a low grade brain tumor, and for

the past seven, eight years, we've been

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managing it well, and then people ask me

then, "Well, how are you so resilient?

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The brain tumor thing?

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It doesn't end.

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How do you do this?",

I'm like, "I don't know.

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Did I have a choice?

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I didn't know I had a choice.", so I

started to research resilience more.

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I started to study compassion fatigue,

especially during COVID when so many

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of our healthcare and frontline workers

were being asked to do superhuman

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things, and I was interested in being

able to support the aspect of compassion

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fatigue, and then I started researching

compassion resilience, because fatigue

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to me has a lack in it, and I don't

know if you can tell by my voice,

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but I tend to gravitate toward the

abundance mindset, so I found compassion,

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resilience, and then I found prosilience.

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It's work done by Linda Hoops, who is

an organizational psychologist, and it

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talks about resilience and resiliency

as a verb, not something that we have

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to be born with and use all the time,

but resiliency that we can use this

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when we need to, and that everyone has

resilience within them, and then also,

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talking about proactively building your

resilience, even with micro challenges

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during your day, so that when you come up

to face a large challenge, or adversity,

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or intense disruption, that you sort of

have those muscle memories built, and so

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that you can meet that challenge in a way

that's not going to drain your energy.

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Joshua: Yeah.

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It's almost like yoga in a way,

because yoga channels that energy

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and focus and concentration, and

I know many different people.

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I've worked with clients that have been

at a gym, and they started in the last

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couple years, and I've had a couple

of those people on the show already

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that have shared their resilience

story of being able to push forward.

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When you're working with someone, and

they are kind of resistant to that

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methodology that you have just discussed

that was from Linda Hoops, is there

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something that you utilize to kind

of help them to explain this concept

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in layman's terms, because I'm sure

my audience is like, "Prosilience?

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Well, yeah, yeah.

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What the heck is that?"

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Yeah.

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Jenn: Well, one, I have to say,

and I always invite clients,

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and people, even my husband.

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I invite to discern for themselves.

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Is this for me?

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Is this my way?

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Is this going to serve me, and if it's

not, that's wonderful, but I'm not going

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to let you drop out of the conversation.

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I'm then going to ask the next question.

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"Well, what is for you then?",

because I don't want to leave you

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in a place of stuckness because

you reached out for a reason.

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Let's move you forward in some way.

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For someone who came to me, and is

asking about proactive resilience,

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but they're saying, "Yeah, resilience.

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I don't believe in that.

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I'm so tired of being told

to be resilient, so I'll pull

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yourself up by your bootstraps."

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All those things.

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You don't always have to pull yourself

up and., Quote unquote, get better

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or grow, during this process of

proactive resilience or resilience,

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but, is there a way that you can

minimize harm during a challenge or

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adversity using some of these concepts?

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Is there a way that you can find

stability or remain at your baseline,

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because I don't like the description

of resilience where you're like, "Oh.

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I fell, and now I have

to pull myself back up."

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Well, if you've fallen, you don't

have energy to pull yourself up,

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so let's catch you before you fall.

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Let's catch you.

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Joshua: You remind me of the old Life

Alert commercials where, you know, the

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lady falls and they can't get back up and

they have the button, and I know there's

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been a lot of parodies and laughter

about it, because of what has been-

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Jenn: "I've fallen and I can't get up."

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Joshua: Get up.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, exactly, but, you saying that

just now, it had this serious tone for a

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second, and I flashback to, "Well, yeah.

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You're providing a service that can

be life saving in the biggest sense.",

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because when we are not energetic, when

we're not willing to push ourselves

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forward, I think that makes such a

huge deficit in our ability to keep on

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going, because we're putting that energy

into, "Well, we just got to get up and

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just trudge through it.", so when we

use up all that energy, what's left?

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Finding that why statement, I think,

is really important for so many of us.

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I guess I want to ask you.

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What is your why, Jenn?

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Jenn: Oh my goodness.

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Well, so what you're speaking to

here is the fourth building block of

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resilience of prosilience, and that's

talking about managing your spiritual

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energy, and that's defined as connecting

with a sense of meaning and purpose,

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and I think if listeners rewind back

to the beginning of this podcast

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they'll hear my meaning and purpose

and my why, and it's not only for me.

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It's for my 15 year old daughter, who

I get to model what it's like, to build

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your prosilience every day, when you're

looking at an MRI every three months to

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make sure your brain tumor hasn't changed.

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It's for myself, looking at labs

every three months to make sure that

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my kidney is not decided to reject.

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It's for my client who's just recovered

from breast cancer, and being able

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to move forward, and not fear the

monthly labs and the uncertainty of

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not knowing what the story is going to

be when the doctor comes in the room.

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Joshua: It puts in

perspective what you said.

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We only have a short time on this earth

to live, which, give it or take it,

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for some people, it's 70, 80 years.

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I've seen people that live

way over the age of 100.

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It's just really about what all kinds

of different factors are presented to

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you, that allow you to live that life.

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We haven't really talked about your

daughter yet, and I'm kind of, curious

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about what it has meant to be a adopted

parent, first off, because I've had

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some adopted parents on the show, and

they have told some amazing stories

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about how they've been able to not

only achieve fatherhood or motherhood.

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I think of James Marland.

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James Marland was on my show, and we

talked a lot about his adopted son and

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how that's really helped that dynamic

of bridging into his business and what

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he does to help others, but I'm curious

for you, when you have this daughter,

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it was a great blessing, it sounds

like, but she has all these issues.

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Jenn: Yeah.

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Joshua: Does it become a little bit

taxing some days to, like you said,

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looking at the MRIs every few months

to make sure everything's okay?

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I mean, does it start to become a

strain, and if it doesn't, obviously

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you have worked through that.

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What has it meant for you to be able to

support somebody like that to continue

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:

to grow, and nurture, and foster them?

346

:

I wonder what that experience is.

347

:

I'm wondering if you could share

a little of insight of that.

348

:

Jenn: Sure.

349

:

Well, the moment I held her in my

arms, it was the night she was born,

350

:

and it's like I just relaxed into

myself, and since then, I don't know

351

:

if you know Blind Melon, but they

have a song where they sing about

352

:

my sunshine with the sky blue eyes.

353

:

That's what she is.

354

:

That's what she is to me

when she was a baby girl.

355

:

That's what she is to me when

she was a rambunctious three

356

:

year old jumping off my couch.

357

:

That's what she is to me when we're

sitting in children's hospital

358

:

waiting for the results of her, I

don't know, hundredth MRI, because

359

:

she is courage, in walking form.

360

:

Even if she doesn't feel

like it or portray herself in

361

:

that way, that's what she is.

362

:

That's what she is for me, and we talk

about some source outside of ourselves,

363

:

whether that be God, the universe, like

whatever you might believe in, in that

364

:

realm, meant for us to be together,

meant for us to be a family, and

365

:

needed to find a way to get her to us.

366

:

We live eight minutes from

the children's hospital.

367

:

I've been in medical crisis,

off and on, for 3 decades.

368

:

My husband's been through my 2nd

kidney transplant with me, where

369

:

his brother was in the operating

room at the same time as me.

370

:

Who else better to shepherd her

through these difficulties then

371

:

those of us who have experienced

it, and she is my biggest teacher.

372

:

Always.

373

:

Always.

374

:

Joshua: Now I understand why you call

your business Prosilience Coaching.

375

:

I mean, it makes big sense to me now with

what you just shared, because I think it

376

:

could be easily distracting for all these

different things and we get sidetracked,

377

:

but you have this laser focus.

378

:

I feel that with what you're saying

as to what you do, why you do this.

379

:

It's not just for your daughter.

380

:

It's not just for the family.

381

:

It's really about empowering and

helping others, but what you've

382

:

been through, they are able to

be successful in their own right.

383

:

Jenn: Yeah.

384

:

Joshua: So Jenn, I really am curious,

because you saying that, and if you

385

:

have something to say to what you I

just said with that- Yeah, go ahead.

386

:

Jenn: I was just going to point out that

I can't remember the person who said it.

387

:

I think Haruko, we'd have to

remember, and then share it and

388

:

show notes, but pain is inevitable.

389

:

Suffering is optional.

390

:

When I'm on the seventh floor of

children's hospital, and I see new

391

:

parents walking down the neurology

floor, and they look like a deer in the

392

:

headlights, the first thing I want to

do is take away their suffering, and

393

:

as a coach, I know I can't do that, but

that's one of the reasons why I started

394

:

this business, because if there are

people out there who's suffering I can

395

:

lessen with some of this information?

396

:

I'm going to do it.

397

:

Joshua: It is sometimes really difficult

when you know that somebody is sitting

398

:

on your couch, or you're sitting across

in a virtual room like we're doing

399

:

right now, and you feel like they have

every right, have every opportunity

400

:

to achieve something that they never

felt they could ever achieve, and it's

401

:

sometimes so sad when you know that

they're kind of walking away from it a

402

:

little bit, and you're like, "No, no, no.

403

:

Don't do that.

404

:

We just want you to just steer that

ship a little bit.", but you know

405

:

that it's really the ultimate choice.

406

:

It's not something that we can say and

force down on them to be, "Yes, you

407

:

must do this, or else.", and I've said

this a lot of times on my show about

408

:

being that dictator can do so much more

damage, than actually just being with

409

:

them in that moment to hear what they

have to say,, and maybe give them some

410

:

encouraging words and maybe some direction

if they're willing to take that too.

411

:

It's a balancing act in

itself, and I wonder.

412

:

You've seen these families in the

hospital, and then you go and you do

413

:

this coaching that helps others too.

414

:

What would you say has been one of

your more successful clients that have

415

:

embraced what you have been through,

which, I want to put this in perspective.

416

:

You've only been open for a number

of months when we recorded this.

417

:

This is actually a few

weeks into your business.

418

:

When this actually airs, it will be

several months down the road since

419

:

you opened it, but I'm curious.

420

:

What do you think is a successful

client, because I had my own ideology,

421

:

my idealogue of what that was just

about a year ago when I opened my own

422

:

business, but I'm curious for you.

423

:

What does it mean for a client,

in your tutelage, or your

424

:

guidance, to say that, "Yes.

425

:

You are successful?"

426

:

Jenn: Right.

427

:

Well, first of all, I would say to be

aware, to acknowledge and feel whatever

428

:

you're feeling, whenever you're feeling it

in a way that isn't destructive to others

429

:

or yourself, so for the highest good, I'm

not telling you with prosilience to always

430

:

be positive; put on toxic positivity

no matter what crap comes my way.

431

:

I am prosilient!

432

:

No.

433

:

Take the time that you need to

allow the suck, and then decide

434

:

what you want to do with it.

435

:

That's actually one of the building

blocks of prosilience is choosing

436

:

the strategy with which you want

to face the challenge or adversity.

437

:

I would say the thing that is most

important to me, and even if it wasn't

438

:

laser focused prosilience coaching, but

the coaching that I've done over the last

439

:

7 years with personal and professional

development, is when people can feel

440

:

confident and calm and ease, and if not

joy, at least some contentment in life.

441

:

None of us were guaranteed an easy go

at this thing called life, and we get to

442

:

choose how we come up against challenges,

and how we experience our everyday life.

443

:

I choose to do it with high

energy and high vibes, because

444

:

that makes me feel good.

445

:

I really just want people to get

to know themselves and to live

446

:

their life the way that's going to

serve them and the greatest good.

447

:

Joshua: Well, let's ask

that question to you.

448

:

I know that you've answered it in

many different forms so far about

449

:

what that greatest good is, but here's

actually a more specific question just

450

:

to get to the nuts and bolts of it.

451

:

Jenn: Sure.

452

:

Joshua: When people listen to your

story, I think they're thinking, "Wow,

453

:

that's a lot, and you're doing this.

454

:

How are you giving to others?

455

:

Where's this energy reserve come from?"

456

:

I've had these questions throughout

most of my life too, because I've

457

:

found this way to work through shame,

and guilt, and things that I know I've

458

:

done wrong, and the people that are

my enemies, I know they're listening

459

:

to them and they're probably thinking,

"Yeah, you've done a lot of wrong.

460

:

I can't believe you did that.",

but I'm thinking, "Yeah.

461

:

I've learned from it and you're still

stuck in it, so what's your problem?

462

:

Let's go.

463

:

Let's go.

464

:

Let's move on.", because life is too short

to be stuck in it, and I stuck myself

465

:

in it for over three decades myself.

466

:

Jenn: Wow.

467

:

Yeah.

468

:

Joshua: Where do you find that

energy, Jenn, to say, "Screw it!

469

:

I'm not going to let this get me

down although I've had things with

470

:

my daughter that I've adopted.

471

:

I have things that I'm

dealing with personally.

472

:

I have things I'm

dealing with my clients."

473

:

What makes you smile, and keep that going?

474

:

I think some people are desperate

for, like, finding that.

475

:

Jenn: Well, one, it's normal for me.

476

:

I know that sounds so weird, but all

of these challenges, I've been doing it

477

:

for three decades, so in my mind with

things, when they come up, I normalize

478

:

them, versus catastrophize them, and

the other thing I have to say is that

479

:

I believe that we were all born to

experience this for ourselves, if that's

480

:

our journey and if that's what we want..

481

:

Joshua: It's all about the matter of

pursuit or what I think many, many,

482

:

many years ago, I would say back in the

:

483

:

Jenn: Not the 90s?

484

:

Joshua: Not the 90s.

485

:

Not the 90s, as I was thinking of

earlier before we started recording,

486

:

but I'm thinking of the times in

which people were idolizing the

487

:

ability to go out west, to find their

manifest destiny, to claim their

488

:

land, to claim what dreams they have.

489

:

It's sort of the same concept, but it's

sort of a renaissance moment for many of

490

:

us, especially in today's day and age,

after post COVID, to realize we need to

491

:

find that calling, and I think many of us

have been trying to do that, regardless

492

:

of all the health, all the financial, all

the social difficulties that we face as

493

:

a society, so I think hearing what you

have to say with that is so interesting,

494

:

so Jenn, I have this one final question

for you, and then I want to give you a

495

:

few moments to pitch your newer business,

which I'm really excited about because-

496

:

Jenn: Well, thank you.

497

:

Joshua: Just in that self, because I

was in your shoes, not all that long

498

:

ago, and I feel like I've learned

so much about opening mine that I'm

499

:

really excited for you, but anyway-

500

:

Jenn: Thanks.

501

:

Yeah.

502

:

Joshua: What would you say to someone

that is going through all these different

503

:

types of challenges that you face?

504

:

Maybe there's somebody out there that

has either been in those shoes, knows

505

:

somebody that is going through those

shoes, and they need some advice.

506

:

What would your best advice would be?

507

:

One thing that you would share, that would

help them carry them to a energy, positive

508

:

filled outlook, similar to what you have?

509

:

I mean, I know that not

everybody's going to match your

510

:

energy level, but I'm curious.

511

:

What would be your best advice for

them that somebody is going through

512

:

something like you're going through?

513

:

Jenn: Sure.

514

:

Well, first, I want to preface this by

saying that I need to check my privilege

515

:

here, because other than all of these

adverse things that I've come up

516

:

against, I have a loving support system.

517

:

I have a safe country to live in.

518

:

I have a roof over my head.

519

:

I'm not working on those primal survival

needs that all of us humans need, so I

520

:

do have the extra energy to focus on my

mental, emotional, and spiritual energy.

521

:

Sometimes, my physical energy is pretty

down because I'm having to deal with

522

:

whatever, whatever, but what I would

say as acknowledging my privilege, is

523

:

that I believe you don't have to wait

until things are better to live better.

524

:

Joshua: Oh.

525

:

I could have used that advice

four years ago when I'm thinking

526

:

about everything that I've been

through, let alone even as a kid.

527

:

If I would have been able to

tell my younger self that, but I

528

:

know that's so cheap to say that.

529

:

Jenn: This is part of your

journey though, right?

530

:

Joshua: Exactly.

531

:

Jenn: You wouldn't be the person

that you are doing this to help other

532

:

people if you hadn't gone through

those things that you've gone through.

533

:

Our pain is our purpose.

534

:

Joshua: Yes, and what drives us, because

of all those experiences create that

535

:

manifestation of what we're able to

provide as a result today, which I'm proud

536

:

to say I'm willing to do that, and I'm

hoping one day, I can shed my full time

537

:

job in order to do this full time myself

so that I can live that purpose more

538

:

intently and with conviction, because I

definitely feel that, so I think we're-

539

:

Jenn: Beautiful.

540

:

Joshua: All- Yeah, I think we're all

on the same path, so Jenn, thanks

541

:

so much for sharing all of this.

542

:

I want to give you the last few minutes.

543

:

I feel that there are people that might

be interested in learning more about

544

:

Prosilience Coaching, your business.

545

:

I think that they might be interested

in reaching out to you, maybe learning

546

:

a little bit more about your story,

especially if they have some questions,

547

:

maybe they're going through something

similar, so I'm wondering if you could

548

:

share how they can get in contact

with you, what kind of services

549

:

you offer through the business.

550

:

I'm going to give you

the last few minutes.

551

:

Go ahead and pitch yourself.

552

:

Jenn: Well, I appreciate that.

553

:

Thank you.

554

:

Well, I don't know about you, but I

find for me and my clients, when we

555

:

are faced with a challenge, everything

feels swirly, all churned up inside.

556

:

It makes it very difficult to function

or focus or even think clearly, so if

557

:

you're tired of feeling jumpy, tense,

clinched and chaotic inside, or you're

558

:

not even sure how you're going to make it

through what you're going through right

559

:

now, I'm asking you to DM me on Instagram.

560

:

You can find me at @JFredWI, or on

Facebook at Jenn Frederick's: F.

561

:

R.

562

:

E.

563

:

D.

564

:

E.

565

:

R.

566

:

I.

567

:

C.

568

:

K.

569

:

S, Prosilience Coach.

570

:

Just D.

571

:

M.

572

:

me the word calm and I'll share a

surefire way to lessen that chaotic

573

:

feeling inside and those spiraling

thoughts, and then level out the swirl

574

:

when you're in or facing a challenge.

575

:

We don't have to work on building your

prosilience until we get you to a stable

576

:

place where you feel safe and ready to

level up to building your prosilience.

577

:

Let's work on your

resilience, but again, DM me.

578

:

Calm.

579

:

Joshua: I feel a sense of calm

already just listening to that,

580

:

and just listening to this whole

experience that you've been through.

581

:

I feel a sense of peace with that,

but I have to be serious for a

582

:

second because, and I think this

is important for everybody to know.

583

:

First off, before I hopped on

here, I'm going to freely admit it,

584

:

Jenn, to everybody, I thought that

you were like 20s, in you're 30s.

585

:

No, you're much older than that.

586

:

Jenn: Joshua's my favorite.

587

:

Joshua: Yeah.

588

:

You blew me away, and here's why,

and I say this to say, your energy

589

:

level is something that most people

at your age, which I'm not mentioning-

590

:

by the way, did you notice that

I didn't mention your exact age?

591

:

I'm not going to.

592

:

Jenn: I'll proudly say it.

593

:

Can I?

594

:

Joshua: Yeah, go ahead.

595

:

Jenn: I'm 47.

596

:

I'm on my fourth kidney and I'm 47.

597

:

Joshua: Okay.

598

:

She said it, not me, just for the record.

599

:

Jenn: I'm proud of it, man.

600

:

Joshua: But I'm proud of you because

you keep that resilience going.

601

:

Your prosilience, I should say.

602

:

Jenn: Thank you.

603

:

Joshua: And I think that's such a

big part of this, because I think

604

:

some people would just want to

give up, honestly, dead serious.

605

:

I wanted to give up, and I don't know what

I found inside of me that said I need to

606

:

be resilient, and I needed to keep pushing

forward, but it's stories like these that

607

:

remind me of the human condition that it's

so important to just keep on reinforcing

608

:

it with ourselves that it's not the end of

the road, that we can keep being better.

609

:

We could keep being stronger, and that

even though we have things that throw

610

:

roadblocks along the way, you just

navigate around them so that you become

611

:

better, and you've been doing that,

and I think for all those reasons, your

612

:

story of prosilience, your ability to

do that, from one coach to another,

613

:

Jenn, thank you very much for being

on Speaking From The Heart today.

614

:

It was really a privilege to hear

your story, but, to know that there's

615

:

a coach out there just starting

out, that makes me feel so good.

616

:

I feel like I'm on the other side of this

fence being able to cheer you on, so I

617

:

wish you best luck in your new venture.

618

:

Jenn: Thank you so much.

619

:

Joshua: I want to thank Jenn again so much

for sharing her amazing story, and how

620

:

choices can make such a big difference as

to whether it sets us back, or allows us

621

:

to keep moving forward, because we really

are the ultimate control factor, and being

622

:

able to flip that switch on, or flip that

switch off, when it comes to being better

623

:

about our lives, but I know that chronic

illness is something that we need to

624

:

really have a serious discussion about.

625

:

I know that we often have to think about

the things that are involved with being

626

:

a caregiver, being able to take time

away from maybe our pursuit of what we

627

:

want to have in our life, figuring out

what our confidence, determination, and

628

:

relationships are, especially when we

have these types of situations come up.

629

:

I know of many different people, of

all variety of different backgrounds,

630

:

that have had to go through such a

caregiving situation, and it's not easy.

631

:

It means sacrificing a lot of energy, a

lot of resources, a lot of things that we

632

:

normally don't have, especially if we have

to ask for help, and that help sometimes

633

:

can create and foster, maybe some

resentment, maybe some disgruntlement.

634

:

It's weird, because in other cultures, it

is actually the importance of children to

635

:

take care of their older family members,

and I know that maybe that might not be

636

:

what happens here in the United States,

but for those that actually take a big

637

:

step back and actually have to work on

those sort of things, I commend you.

638

:

It actually means that you're involving

yourself with all the different things

639

:

that might be happening in that person's

life, while at the same time, taking a big

640

:

step back from your own responsibilities,

being able to take care of yourself

641

:

and the ways in which you are able to

learn how to have a speaking voice.

642

:

I think the question that we often have

to ask when we look at episodes like

643

:

this is, how many different purposes

are involved with figuring out what our

644

:

true calling is, because I know that for

many, we have multiple purposes, and it

645

:

often distracts us, too, because it can

serve as a distraction when we have so

646

:

many different moving parts of our lives.

647

:

Figuring out what that one purpose

is, especially when combining it into

648

:

one succinct fashion, so that we're

able to work on ourselves, to keep

649

:

moving that needle forward, means

that we have to understand why we

650

:

have all these purposes to begin with.

651

:

Purposes could be such as being a

parent, being able to work on your

652

:

career, being a boss, maybe even

being a line worker for that matter.

653

:

It could be as easy as just figuring

out why, oh why, you do the things that

654

:

you really do, even if you think that

you have to do them out of obligation.

655

:

Jenn could have refused treatment, but

she wanted to work with the doctors

656

:

and work with the things that she

could figure out in her own life, and

657

:

each of us have that choice, whether

we want to acknowledge that overall.

658

:

Sure, maybe out of the things that we

want to have in our lives, especially a

659

:

prolonged life for that matter, we need

to be able to work with people, be able

660

:

to work with psychiatrists, work with

therapists, work with our medical doctors,

661

:

in order to prolong our life, but is this

really going to serve me, and believe

662

:

it or not, there are many people that

have to oftentimes ask that question.

663

:

I know for many different parts of

my life I often had to ask that same

664

:

question at a very young age, and as

much as I wanted to back away from

665

:

making that decision, because I was so

young, I know that deep down inside,

666

:

I just wanted to keep moving forward.

667

:

There was something that always drove

me, and maybe is something about what

668

:

we oftentimes think of as sustaining

our human ability to live on this earth.

669

:

Finding ways in a creative sense

to continue living the best life

670

:

that we could possibly have, but

freedom does not always equate to

671

:

actually getting what you want.

672

:

Freedom can also be a negative

aspect of your life, especially

673

:

if you have too much of it.

674

:

You're not restricting yourself from being

able to stay focused, to be able to keep

675

:

moving that needle forward in your life,

regardless of what that needle looks

676

:

like, but you don't always have to just

get better at doing what you're doing,

677

:

even if it is having unlimited freedom.

678

:

You have to really ask yourself:

is this going to serve me?

679

:

What is in it for me, but more

importantly, and especially in Jenn's

680

:

case, to keep moving forward, even

if other people might not be there.

681

:

Now, I get it.

682

:

Pain is inevitable.

683

:

One way or another, we're going to

experience it, and the best way in which

684

:

we have that choice to decide whether we

are going to accept it or not, is to get

685

:

comfortable with it before it's too late,

having, as Jenn calls it, prosilience.

686

:

The results of what is involved with

that means that we have to stay engaged

687

:

with the variety of different stories

of people that are in our lives, but

688

:

also our own story for that matter.

689

:

It means moving the needle forward,

not only in the sense of what we are

690

:

going through, not just in what other

people are going through, but knowing

691

:

that we have that ability to acknowledge

it, and to stop pushing it away.

692

:

I've known people for so long push

away what they really believe is the

693

:

true version of themselves, because

they've been afraid to actually tackle

694

:

it, to actually see what it would look

like to get to that other side, and it

695

:

is an absolutely big difference when

we keep moving our needle forward, to

696

:

keep pushing ourselves in the direction

that we were destined to be, and if

697

:

you think that is just simply being

a caregiver to your daughter, to your

698

:

son, to maybe even a significant other,

even other family members for that

699

:

matter that is is not a bad choice.

700

:

As a matter of fact, it might be the

most fulfilling choice that you ever

701

:

have, to not only appreciate what you

have deep down inside of yourself, but

702

:

to acknowledge what you have is different

areas that are involved in your life,

703

:

acknowledging what those feelings are,

and taking a hold of maybe someone

704

:

else's life to make them feel better.

705

:

A long time ago, I've talked about the

importance of having those relationships

706

:

with others, and in that context,

I've always mentioned the importance

707

:

of not only understanding why it's

so important to have relationships to

708

:

lean on, especially when the times get

rough, but I also have shared with you

709

:

on many different other guest episodes,

why it's important, why it keeps

710

:

that momentum going, and here it is.

711

:

Jenn's story shows why momentum is so

important, even if you feel so defeated.

712

:

We can feel confident.

713

:

We can feel calm.

714

:

We can feel ease.

715

:

We can feel joy.

716

:

We can be content with all the different

things that are happening in our life,

717

:

but if you're going to let pain destroy

you, maybe even manipulate you into

718

:

thinking that you have no purpose

yet on this earth, even if you're not

719

:

able to accomplish the dreams that

you set forth, I think you need to

720

:

rethink that position today, especially

after hearing this story from Jenn.

721

:

We have to normalize that catastrophes

happen, and I know that sounds very

722

:

radical, and it sounds very challenging

in itself, but let's face it.

723

:

If I didn't normalize the catastrophe that

happened in my life four years ago, and

724

:

to turn my pain into purpose, as we've

talked about in a recent interview episode

725

:

too, I wouldn't be sitting here today.

726

:

I wouldn't be pushing through.

727

:

I wouldn't be working on myself

with the help of others, even

728

:

my best friends for that matter.

729

:

In other words, if you really

think that you have it really bad,

730

:

you need to check your privilege.

731

:

That's right.

732

:

I'm calling you out for what it is.

733

:

It's privilege.

734

:

You have that choice, and you dare

say that you can't work through it?

735

:

That's hogwash.

736

:

If I told myself every time that

I couldn't work through something,

737

:

then I wouldn't be here today.

738

:

I wouldn't be pushing through.

739

:

I wouldn't be making ends meet, regardless

of how tough it could be, so what do you

740

:

have to do to change that energy level?

741

:

Does that mean that you

have to yell at yourself?

742

:

Get another person in

your life to yell at you?

743

:

Absolutely not.

744

:

As a matter of fact, I despise the fact

that I would want to yell at my clients.

745

:

It's a terrible thing.

746

:

Early on, I would say that probably I was,

but I also was a naive coach, thinking

747

:

that maybe I can shake, rattle, and roll

through all the different things that

748

:

my clients have, but yet, I realized

that it isn't about what my purpose is.

749

:

It's about what their purpose is.

750

:

It's about what they're going through,

which might make it challenging.

751

:

I think this is a very tough

conversation to have for a

752

:

variety of different reasons.

753

:

Not only is it hard to talk about death

and talk about even the pain that we might

754

:

have, which we've had doulas already on

the show that have shared the importance

755

:

of giving birth, having somebody as a

support system that's involved with the

756

:

process of helping others see their best

version of who they are, but even in

757

:

death, even in the things that you might

think are really bad, there is hope.

758

:

You can refuse treatment, and

you can find ways to cultivate

759

:

the health that you might need.

760

:

You might be having the best support

system behind you to keep moving that

761

:

needle forward, as I keep saying, but

yet, if you're going to be able to

762

:

serve not only yourself and others, it

isn't just about what's in it for you.

763

:

It isn't just about what's in it for them.

764

:

It isn't just about getting better.

765

:

It isn't just about finding that pain

and being able to work through it.

766

:

It's about not only knowing

that you have a choice.

767

:

It's about how much energy that

you're really willing to put

768

:

into it to make that change.

769

:

I think that people, as they go

through life, think that every

770

:

time that we have some sort of

setback, it's some sort of omen.

771

:

It's some sort of design in which we have

been told that we can't do X, Y, and Z.

772

:

I want to challenge that today, especially

after hearing this conversation, of why

773

:

it's so important to not only acknowledge

that it's okay to be in the place

774

:

that you are, but to not dwell in it.

775

:

It's also my important duty to tell

you that you do have that purpose,

776

:

and that other people have purposes

too, so how can we collaborate?

777

:

How can we find the results in our

life so that we are able to live that

778

:

best version that we've always sought?

779

:

How can we find the energy and the

persistence to keep pushing forward

780

:

even if other people say no, or

even, when nature says no to us too?

781

:

I know that even with all these

things that might hold you back, even

782

:

in things that even Jenn might have

shared today, I want you to know that

783

:

it's just all about choice, and that

you need to check your privilege.

784

:

You live in a world that has

so many infinite opportunities.

785

:

There are so many resources available

and there's so many ways in which you're

786

:

able to navigate through it, but you have

to take your own responsibility for it.

787

:

If you're able to find that perspective,

through strength, through determination,

788

:

or even compassion for that matter, you

can build what Jenn calls, prosilience;

789

:

proactive resilience, for that matter,

and fear will never stand in your way

790

:

again, even if you have the worst news

ever given to you, because you are so

791

:

valued, and your voice, especially when

I need to hear it the most, will ease

792

:

me into a greater sense of well being.

793

:

Your life is really important.

794

:

Count it for what it's worth,

because, let's face it.

795

:

Pain, although inevitable, is not

inseparable, but yet, pain will drive you

796

:

to become the best version of yourself,

not only in the stories that you have

797

:

yet to share, not only in the things

that you have yet to acknowledge, but

798

:

when we start to normalize catastrophes,

when we start to realize that we can put

799

:

them in perspective; yes, that's right.

800

:

You are the best version of yourself.

801

:

Thanks for listening to episode

number 122 of Speaking From the

802

:

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

803

:

Outro: Thanks for listening.

804

:

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

805

:

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

806

:

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

807

:

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

808

:

See you next time.

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Speaking From The Heart
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About your host

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Joshua Smith

Joshua D. Smith is the Owner and Founder of Your Speaking Voice, a life coaching, business coaching, and public speaking company based in Carlisle, PA. Serving clients across the world, Joshua got his start in personal/professional development and public speaking in April of 2012 through his extensive involvement in an educational non-profit organization called Toastmasters International.

Toastmasters International operates clubs both domestically and internationally that focus on teaching leadership, development, and public speaking skills. Joshua quickly excelled in Toastmasters International and found that he had a passion for leadership and helping others find their confidence and their true "speaking voice". Joshua has held all club officer roles and most District level positions in Toastmasters International and belongs to numerous clubs throughout the organization. Joshua has also been recognized as two-time Distinguished Toastmaster, the highest award the organization bestows for achievement in leadership and communication.

Joshua continues his active role in the community as he serves a Board Member for the Shalom House, an organization located in the Alison Hill section of Harrisburg, PA that provides emergency shelter services to women and children.

Outside of his community involvement, education is something that Joshua has always taken great pride in. His academic achievements include a number of degrees from Alvernia and Shippensburg University. He earned a Bachelor's degree in political science and communications from Alvernia in 2009, a masters of business administration from Alvernia in 2010, and later a masters in public administration from Shippensburg in 2014.

In the professional world, Joshua has held multiple positions with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania for over 12 years which includes a variety of data analytics, procurement, budgeting, business process improvement (IT and non-IT), legal compliance, and working with the blind. He has applied his public speaking and development skills in the professional world to tackle numerous public speaking engagements and presentations from all levels of the organization, including executive management.

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