Episode #132 - Changing Your Perspective From Your Seat: An Interview With Jenny Jansen

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 132 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today we'll have Jenny Jansen joining us,

and she's a licensed independent social

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worker of clinical practice, and also

a certified adult chair master coach.

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She has always had a passion for

helping and relating to others in

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vulnerable and meaningful ways.

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Walking through her own journey of healing

and self discovery, she considers herself

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a student of life, and the love child

of all she has learned and encountered.

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She uses a unique blend of tools and

techniques from her mental health

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and coaching backgrounds to help

individuals gain self awareness and

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courage to release unhealthy patterns,

find their truth, connect with

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their inner knowing, and confidently

step into a grounded and conscious

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life of authenticity and meaningful

connection with themselves and others.

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Jenny is the owner of Conscious

Living Therapy and Coaching

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practice, and sees individuals,

couples, and families virtually on

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the local and international levels.

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She currently lives in South

Carolina with her dog, Abby.

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I've always found it interesting with

some of the guests that we've had of the

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stories that have enlightened me, and

possibly even you for that matter, of

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how they've gotten to where they are at,

but when Jenny started talking about the

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three chairs, and essentially what it

has meant to walk through each of those

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different chairs, it started to make me

think about all the different aspects of

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my life, and the chairs that I have sat in

and spent a lot of time trying to process

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and develop my true version of myself.

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Whether you're going through a crisis

in your life, or you're helping somebody

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else that might be going through

somewhat of the same, just remember

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that how we overlap with each other

with creating that value, figuring out

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how to manifest those feelings of being

able to accomplish what we're able to

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accomplish, but also those connections

that despite what might be going on in

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our life, discernment, and being able to

work through that discernment, is key.

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I think that our intention and being

able to address those sort of situations

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that we have coming up in our life,

can make a big difference in how we

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stay involved and how we stay engaged,

and you're going to find out how all

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of those interlap, in this awesome

interview that I will not soon forget.

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But with that, let's go to the episode.

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Alright, we're here with Jenny Jansen.

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Jenny, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

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Jenny: Hey, Joshua.

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Thanks so much for having me.

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Joshua: Well, thanks so much.

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And we've already had a wonderful

conversation before we even started

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this, so I feel like our listeners

are going to get so much out of

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this, even today for that matter,

about what we're providing, so-

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Jenny: I'm so excited.

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Joshua: Me too.

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Jenny: I was excited when we were starting

to talk and I was like, "Oh, wait.

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This isn't part- like, let's,

let's go back and rewind,

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and share all the awesome.

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I don't know.

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We just kind of got into a

really great flow initially, so-

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Joshua: No.

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No, I love it, and I think our listeners

will follow up with it too, so Jenny,

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I've already let them know a lot

about your background and what you do,

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and I actually want to kick off this

conversation with a simple question.

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You do therapy work.

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What got you in this field, because

I always find it interesting how

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people get into this platform, if you

will, so what got you started in it?

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Jenny: Well, I say in my previous life,

I was actually a fifth grade teacher, so

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I started out my career out of college

as an elementary school teacher, and

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I've always had this drive to help

people, and everyone's like, "Oh, you're

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so good with kids and you love being

with kids.", and so it just felt like

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the natural thing to do, but then being

a teacher, it's very challenging, and

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I realized that I was spending a lot

of my time helping people but in ways

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that didn't really align with my heart.

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I love teachers.

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There is a beautiful place in the

world for teachers, and I was tired

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of spending it on teaching them the

ocean floor, and function tables, and

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things like that, and so I found for

me, personally, that the most meaningful

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experiences that I had as a teacher were

when my kids would say, "Miss Jansen.

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Can we take a walk at recess?", or, "Can

I talk to you about something?", or like,

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"Can I sit with you at lunch?", and they

really wanted to connect with me on that

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heart level about things that they were

going through in their lives, and so, when

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I felt that my pull away from classroom

educating and teaching into more of the

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personal teaching of life skills, and

how am I going to navigate my parents

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getting divorced, or my brother going

to jail, or things like that, I decided

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to quit teaching and I got into a social

work program, but before that, I hit

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about a two year period where I called

it, lovingly, I call it my quarter life

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crisis, where I kind of had to break

myself down, and then realize like, "Okay.

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What am I actually on this earth to

do?", and got really still and quiet

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with myself, and pulled myself up.

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You know, long story short, not pleasant,

but once I got into grad school, I got

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my master's degree in social work, and

started working in community mental health

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at that time, and so I like to say part

of it is because being a teacher and

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wanting to connect with those kids on

that deep level, but also of course, as

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we were talking about before we recorded,

nobody gets out of this life without pain

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and suffering, and so of course walking

through my own journey of healing, and

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self discovery, and going to my own

therapy as a teenager and young adult.

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I was very inspired by the power

of therapy, and the power of being

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able to share your story in safe

places and navigate and realize

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that you're not alone, and that

you don't have to sit in suffering.

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You don't have to deal with all of the

life things without support, so that's

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always been my goal as a therapist,

and then later, becoming a certified

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life coach, is to validate people's

experiences because pain is relative.

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My suffering is just as important as

you're suffering, just as important as

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the next person's suffering, and it all

deserves a voice to be heard, and so I

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think we suffer when we keep our secrets.

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We suffer when we sit in silence,

and don't believe that we have that

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safe person to bounce these things

off of, and so that has always been

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my drive is to be that person for

my clients, and ironically enough,

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I never ended up working with kids.

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I see more so teenagers like 13, 14

is probably the youngest that I see,

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or 12, but majority of my clients

are adults and are learning now how

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to, basically get what they didn't

get when they were kids and being

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able to offer that for themselves.

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Anyway, I think that's my why.

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That's why I do what I do is to

help people to realize that they

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don't have to do life alone.

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I kind of have a dual business

where I have some therapy clients.

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I have some coaching clients and, just

kind of following my own path, and

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not trying to fit myself into what I

thought my life was going to look like,

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and being open to how it's unfolding.

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Joshua: I can relate to that, because

growing up, I thought, "Oh, I'm

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going to be a lawyer.", and even my

grandfather, when he was alive, was

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like, "You're going to be the doctor

of the family.", and I'm like, "No way.

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I don't have any aspirations for

blood or dealing with those things."

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Jenny: Yeah.

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Joshua: And I grew up at a farm, so I've

seen all kinds of variety of life stages,

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if you will, but even with that, I didn't

have that passion, and I resonate with the

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fact that we might have one idea in mind.

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It's almost like taking those tests

growing up of, "What are you going to

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be as a future version of yourself?

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What career are you inspiring to be?

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Astronaut?"

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Whatever that is.

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Jenny: Yeah.

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Joshua: I love that you said you kind

of blend these things together, and I

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noticed that when we're talking about

this conversation, and I've had other

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therapists on the show, there's all

kinds of things that blend together

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as part of our makeup, and you were

talking about, even before we started

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the show here, about all these different

things that kind of play into your life.

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Was there like a catalyst maybe of

different life events that created what

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you had as that aspiration to help others,

because you've talked about what it's

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meant to help and be able to be that

sounding board, be able to guide them.

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I'm wondering if there's been

some life events that have shaped

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and molded you into that too.

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Jenny: Oh, a hundred percent, and I think

growing up, my mom, she used to joke and

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say, "You must have an invisible tattoo

on your forehead that says, 'I will

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listen.'", because I've always just kind

of had that energy of people coming to

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me and telling me their problems, and

even as a kid, and I say kid, like, you

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know, teenage stuff; but we all kind

of have experiences, family challenges

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and I moved when I was in middle

school from New York to South Carolina.

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That was a pretty big culture

shock and challenge, even though

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it was the best thing that probably

could have happened for me.

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I think going through just natural

struggles, I started going to therapy

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for myself when I was in high school,

and navigating anxiety, depression, but

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trying to understand that- and this has

been kind of a long standing lesson that

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I've learned as I've encounter different

life challenges in my adulthood too, is

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that there's really nothing wrong with me.

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No human is inherently

bad or inherently broken.

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We all have our struggles, and it

doesn't mean that we're not worthy of

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love and connection and healing, and

certain things that may have happened

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to us, maybe actually happen for us.

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Not to say that people that go through

trauma it needed to happen in that

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way, or that it's their fault that it

happened, I'm not saying that at all,

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but I often think we don't see the

lesson that's coming on the other side.

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I know I mentioned to you before we

started recording, sometimes we go

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through these dark valleys in our

lives, and we feel like there's this

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dark pit, and that was what I call

mine, where I literally had no idea.

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I don't see the future.

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I don't hear anything.

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I don't feel anything.

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I don't know where my life is going, and

it feels very untethering and very scary,

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but at the same time, I had to go through

that because then I was able to find

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my own internal light to guide my way.

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Instead of looking outside of myself

for the answers, I had to go within,

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and if I did not have that dark hit,

that dark night of the soul people

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call it, I would not have come to

empower myself to pull myself out.

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Joshua: It's kind of like

trial by strength, in a sense.

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Jenny: Yes.

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Joshua: Yeah, and we might not even

know too that we have to go through

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that to get to that other side, but

yeah, as I usually say, "Hindsight's

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20/20.", especially in that sort of

sense, because we could see it perfectly

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clear why we went through some of that.

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Jenny: Oh, we see it on the

other side when it sucks.

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When you're in it, you're

just like, "Oh my gosh.

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I can't see my way out of this.

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What's going to happen?", and that's

where, again, going back to your

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original question, having that

meaningful connection and being

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that sounding board for people

to know that they are not alone.

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I often say to my clients, "I

will meet you in the pits of

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hell if that's where you are.

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Hell does not scare me because I've been

there, but I'm not going to carry you out.

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I'm going to teach you how to walk out.

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I'm going to walk alongside you as

we get you out of hell, because it's

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not my job to carry you out, because

then you don't learn for yourself."

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Joshua: I love that!

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This is exactly 100 percent why I'm glad

that you're on the show, because I sort

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of have that same philosophy, because

if we carry those people through, what

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are they ever going to learn from it?

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Jenny: Yeah.

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Joshua: Yeah, it sucks to be in it,

and I was telling you about one of

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my clients before we started to about

what they're experiencing, and they

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are literally saying about going

through that hell, but sometimes with

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going through that, we start to learn

different habits, different ways in

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which we know we can help ourselves.

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Sometimes they're not healthy, which

by all means, you need to be able

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to to recognize the difference, and

that sometimes is very hard, because

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that's an intrinsic thing, and you

need external help to see what the

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intrinsic side of what's happening there.

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Jenny: Yeah.

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Joshua: But I think you need to

break it down for some people

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that are so wrapped up in it, so

I have to ask you this because-

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Jenny: Mm-Hmm.

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Joshua: You bringing both the therapy

side of this and the coaching side.

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You have a leg up on me, and I love that.

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I worship you as I do.

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Jenny: Oh no.

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I put my pants on the same way you do.

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Joshua: Well, that's so true.

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Yes, and I definitely think that it's

so important though to understand that

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when we do these things different ways,

and I've say this to other people, and

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I even say this to even people that

are interested in me to work with.

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I have certain things that I can provide,

but this person might be a better fit for

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what you provide, so I'm not hesitant.

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I'm not shy of doing that.

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It's not about the business.

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It's not about generating revenue.

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It's about being able to help people

get to where they want to be, so that's

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sort of a unique value proposition

like others, but with that said,

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you're bringing the therapy and

the coaching together with this.

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What do you usually tell

people that are stuck in that?

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Do you help them with a certain

technique that you've developed?

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Maybe there's something that

you've learned in your training?

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I'm just curious.

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What usually is your first go to,

and I know that all situations

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are unique, but in general, do you

start from a common denominator?

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Jenny: A lot of times, and of

course people come to me for

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all sorts of different reasons.

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I do have the therapy clients, which

I'm licensed in South Carolina, so

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therapy, like a certain modality.

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You're a dialectical behavioral,

or want to use your insurance

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benefits, and things like that.

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I can only see clients in South Carolina.

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The coaching is offered worldwide.

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I have clients internationally as

well, and some of it is an overlap,

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but at the same time, because a lot

of the tools and techniques that I use

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are very holistic, even in my therapy

practice, unless they come to me

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specifically wanting a certain modality.

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When I start with a client, often

I ask, "What brought you here?

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What's going on?", and 9 times out of 10,

it is not what they think it is, and so

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my job is to help be that mirror, that

reflector of where in their lives there

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are some maybe blind spots, or there

are some missing gaps, or things that

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they're not able to see, because that's

our job as coaches therapists is we kind

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of shine light on the things that the

client can't see, because if they can see

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them, then they wouldn't need us really.

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I'm trained in a model called The Adult

Chair, which has really been a framework.

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I call it kind of the secret sauce,

because it's a really beautiful blend

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of how we develop over time, and why we

are the way we are, and the tools and

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coping strategies that we've developed

over time that may not really be serving

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us anymore, so the adults your model

is basically a framework to live as

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the healthiest version of yourself.

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The woman who developed this model,

her name is Michelle Chalfant.

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She broke our lifespan down into three

chairs, so we have the child chair, the

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adolescent chair, and the adult chair.

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The child chair is ages zero to six,

and think about a brand new baby.

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Very vulnerable, very precious,

very curious, core needs, core

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emotions are on the forefront.

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If they want a cookie in the store,

they're not going to hesitate to tell

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you and they're going to throw a tantrum.

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If they are wet, they are

going to cry and let you know.

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They don't think about, "Oh.

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Mom's had a bad day."

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They have their core needs, and this

is also, though, where we absorb

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everything about the world without

discernment, because we don't have

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that part of our brain developed yet.

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Say dad comes home from work and

starts drinking and gets violent.

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I might think, "Oh, that's scary.

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I need to stay away from dad.", or we're

told, "You're a bad girl because you

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had an accident in your pants.", because

you're potty training and learning.

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"I'm a bad girl."

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That's going to be dropped into

our subconscious mind, so we're

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absorbing everything that we're

hearing, and so around the age

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of 7 is when our brain starts

developing and our ego comes online.

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This is when we start to realize

that we're separate, that we

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have characteristics that are

different than other people, and

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we start comparing ourselves.

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Seven is the start of the adolescent

chair, because it goes 7 to 24,

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which pre-adolescence, adolescence,

and post adolescence, and the way

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that I framed this chair is our ego

defenses, our protectors; who did I

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have to become in order to be loved,

and to belong, and to stay safe?

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This is where we might say, "Oh.

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I'm going to be the good girl.", or,

"I'm going to be the class clown, because

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that's the way that I get attention."

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"I'm going to be the perfectionist,

because that's how I get love."

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This is when we might numb out some of

those emotions from the child chair,

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because they're too big, and so this

is where the seed of addiction is born.

289

: 00:17:22

I don't want to feel this, because

it feels too painful, and it's not

290

: 00:17:26

acceptable to my parents, for example,

or caregivers, or teachers, or whoever,

291

: 00:17:30

and so how do I get rid of this feeling?

292

: 00:17:33

You know, anxiety and depression.

293

: 00:17:34

We live in the past and the future, and we

make up a lot of stories and assumptions

294

: 00:17:39

about the world and who we are and

where we fit into it, so this is where

295

: 00:17:43

I often say this is where we mask up.

296

: 00:17:45

This is where we hide that inner child,

that authenticity, that true self,

297

: 00:17:51

because we want to belong, and we want

to be acceptable, and so fast forward.

298

: 00:17:56

When our prefrontal cortex is fully

online, the adult chair starts at age 25,

299

: 00:18:02

and so if we had healthy models teaching

us how to communicate our needs, and how

300

: 00:18:06

to feel our feelings, and how to navigate

life's challenges, and how to live in the

301

: 00:18:10

present moment, at 25, we kind of slide

into the adult chair pretty seamlessly,

302

: 00:18:16

and that's where we live with presence.

303

: 00:18:18

We live in fact and truth.

304

: 00:18:20

We are able to feel our emotions and

navigate triggers, but oftentimes

305

: 00:18:25

we're not taught how, and not

for any slight on our parents, or

306

: 00:18:28

our caregivers, or our teachers.

307

: 00:18:29

I always believe people are doing

the best they can with the tools that

308

: 00:18:32

they have, but when people come to

me and they're like, "Well, I don't

309

: 00:18:36

know what I'm feeling.", or, "I don't

know how to communicate my needs.",

310

: 00:18:40

oftentimes, it goes back to a belief

that happened in childhood, and so, to

311

: 00:18:44

answer your question, the way that I

work with clients, most of the time is

312

: 00:18:48

to really dive- I hate to say use the

word dissect, but we're like little

313

: 00:18:52

investigators, and so it's like, "Okay.

314

: 00:18:54

Well, where did this belief start?

315

: 00:18:55

When did you first learn that it was

not okay for you to share yourself,

316

: 00:18:59

or that this feeling was not okay?",

and so we might do some inner child's

317

: 00:19:03

work, reparenting, parts work.

318

: 00:19:06

I have a part of me that

feels I can't speak up.

319

: 00:19:10

"Okay, when did that happen?", and

so we'll kind of jump back in time.

320

: 00:19:14

I do a lot of visualizations with

clients, a lot of past work, but it's

321

: 00:19:18

not in the therapy way where it's like,

"Oh, let's lay on the couch for weeks

322

: 00:19:21

at a time, and dissect your childhood."

323

: 00:19:24

We jump back, and it's very quick.

324

: 00:19:26

Joshua: Yeah.

325

: 00:19:27

Jenny: It's like, let's meet with

that part of you that was traumatized.

326

: 00:19:29

Let's meet with that part of

you and reeducate her, or him,

327

: 00:19:33

about this is what's true.

328

: 00:19:35

"Mom and dad didn't know, and it's not

their fault, and they love you.", or,

329

: 00:19:39

"They did the best that they could.

330

: 00:19:41

I'm here now as the healthy adult in

your life, and I get to drive the ship.

331

: 00:19:46

I'm here to navigate.

332

: 00:19:47

I'm here to help."

333

: 00:19:50

Joshua: Wow.

334

: 00:19:50

There's a lot to unpack with what you

said, because there's one part of what

335

: 00:19:55

you just said that I'm like, "Mm hmm.

336

: 00:19:58

Mm hmm.

337

: 00:19:58

Mm hmm.

338

: 00:19:58

I've been through all those

different parts of growing

339

: 00:20:00

up in the adult chair model."

340

: 00:20:02

I'm like, "Yeah.

341

: 00:20:03

I was a lot more in the child.", but it

was definitely adolescence that I had a

342

: 00:20:06

lot of issues, so I was thinking about.

343

: 00:20:08

"Oh yeah."

344

: 00:20:09

I've had my run ins with the law

when I was 16, and not many people

345

: 00:20:13

know that, but it's the truth because

of just some things that I was not

346

: 00:20:17

processing my emotions in a healthy way.

347

: 00:20:19

There was a lot of, "Yeah.

348

: 00:20:20

I didn't really have good

relationships with some people,

349

: 00:20:23

including even my parents.", which

my parents sort of know that.

350

: 00:20:26

They probably don't, so they probably find

out in this episode that I didn't really

351

: 00:20:30

have a good relationship with you guys.

352

: 00:20:32

Sorry-

353

: 00:20:32

Jenny: Yeah.

354

: 00:20:33

Joshua: We can talk about it, but it's

the truth, but there's something that you

355

: 00:20:37

said about navigating those things that I

think is so true is that we don't usually

356

: 00:20:44

have, and I usually have used the phrase

role models on the show, because of not

357

: 00:20:50

learning correctly how to address that, so

the question back to you with knowing all

358

: 00:20:55

this is, with all the clients that you've

had, maybe even what you have right now.

359

: 00:21:00

Out of the three chairs that you

just discussed, what are most people

360

: 00:21:04

sitting in, and I'm just reading

them off: the child chair, the

361

: 00:21:06

adolescent chair, or the adult chair?

362

: 00:21:10

Jenny: Oftentimes it's

the adolescent chair.

363

: 00:21:12

Joshua: Mm.

364

: 00:21:13

Jenny: Because the adolescent is

designed to keep us alive, safe, and

365

: 00:21:17

acceptable, and who doesn't want to be

alive, safe, and acceptable in the world?

366

: 00:21:21

Joshua: Yes.

367

: 00:21:21

Jenny: It's just how

we do that gets stuck.

368

: 00:21:25

I learn, not me personally, but say I

have a client is like, "Well, I can't

369

: 00:21:29

speak up for myself because then I'm

going to get yelled at.", or, "I'm going

370

: 00:21:34

to get rejected.", or, "I'm going to get

abandoned.", or, "I'm going to get broken

371

: 00:21:38

up with.", or whatever, and so we learn

in this adolescent chair, who do I have

372

: 00:21:44

to become in order to stay alive, safe and

acceptable, and oftentimes we mask up, and

373

: 00:21:51

so when clients come to me, they're like,

"I don't understand why I keep running

374

: 00:21:55

into the same problem over and over

again.", or, "I can't communicate with

375

: 00:21:58

my husband.", or, "My kids are running

the show and I can't discipline them.",

376

: 00:22:01

or, "I can't speak up at work.", or, " I

have this anxiety that I can't get rid

377

: 00:22:07

of.", or, "I'm not sleeping at night.",

and so we get rattled and stuck in time.

378

: 00:22:13

Most of the time it is in this

adolescent chair, because we're trying

379

: 00:22:16

to protect the emotions of that child.

380

: 00:22:19

If emotions are not acceptable, then

we're going to come up with a defense

381

: 00:22:24

to cover them up, and it doesn't

mean that the emotion goes away.

382

: 00:22:28

Let's be honest.

383

: 00:22:29

It just gets buried, and that's

where disease comes up in the body.

384

: 00:22:32

That's where we come out sideways.

385

: 00:22:34

That's where people that are road

rage, or, it's like, "I didn't know

386

: 00:22:37

I had this anger inside of me."

387

: 00:22:38

I'm like, "Because you buried it

down so far.", and so what we do

388

: 00:22:43

with clients is help them to kind

of peel back, and sometimes it's

389

: 00:22:46

a peeling back, layer by layer.

390

: 00:22:48

Sometimes we just freaking jackhammer

it and go straight to the core.

391

: 00:22:52

It just depends on the flow of the

session, and what needs to come out,

392

: 00:22:57

but, most of the time, we are stuck

in our adolescent chair, because it's

393

: 00:23:00

too scary to feel those feelings;

those core needs and core emotions.

394

: 00:23:05

That's what we're trying to cover up.

395

: 00:23:08

Joshua: Have you been just

describing my whole entire life?

396

: 00:23:10

I think you have been, because

I've literally been sitting here

397

: 00:23:13

like, "Yeah, that's what I did."

398

: 00:23:15

"Yep, I also did that."

399

: 00:23:17

"Oh yeah.-"

400

: 00:23:17

Jenny: I did that.

401

: 00:23:18

Joshua: Yeah.

402

: 00:23:18

Jenny: And so did I, but when we know

better, we do better, theoretically

403

: 00:23:22

speaking, to quote Maya Angelou,

but, I think so many times I have

404

: 00:23:28

clients that come to me, they're

like, "Oh my God, I had no idea."

405

: 00:23:31

It's like, "Well, how could you?",

because we have blind spots.

406

: 00:23:34

That's why people come to

therapy, and come to coaching,

407

: 00:23:37

is because we have blind spots.

408

: 00:23:38

There's things about us that we can't see.

409

: 00:23:40

I mean I'm very honest, but I have

my own therapist that I see, because

410

: 00:23:44

I even I can't see all the parts

of myself, and so we need people.

411

: 00:23:49

We're not meant to do life alone.

412

: 00:23:52

Joshua: You're a very brave

person to be able to say that.

413

: 00:23:54

I also have a therapist too , but I mean

it because some people aren't willing to

414

: 00:23:58

admit that I need help, and I got to show

that, yeah, I got all my S H I T together,

415

: 00:24:04

which might not even be the truth.

416

: 00:24:06

Jenny: No, I never claimed to, and

who wants to be with somebody that's

417

: 00:24:10

got all their S H I T together?

418

: 00:24:12

Meaningful connections

are my secret sauce.

419

: 00:24:14

That is what lights my heart on fire, is

having those raw and authentic connections

420

: 00:24:20

with people, and if I can't relate to

you; yes, I have a lot of tools and

421

: 00:24:25

techniques that I use with my clients, and

I often say the best version of myself,

422

: 00:24:30

the healthiest version of myself, is

when I am sitting here, and maybe not the

423

: 00:24:34

healthiest, because I do like to think

that I have a healthy lifestyle, but-

424

: 00:24:38

Joshua: We all do.

425

: 00:24:39

Jenny: Yes.

426

: 00:24:40

It's like, you know, I walk out

of this office, I've got my own

427

: 00:24:43

S H I T show waiting for me.

428

: 00:24:44

It doesn't mean that I get

off scott free with not having

429

: 00:24:47

struggles and challenges in life.

430

: 00:24:49

That's why I have my therapist and

I have my friends and I have people

431

: 00:24:52

that I talk to to help navigate my own

challenges, and I think that that's

432

: 00:24:57

a beautiful part of mirroring for

people that there is nothing wrong

433

: 00:25:01

with needing therapy; needing coaching.

434

: 00:25:04

I think the healthiest people in

the world are the ones that go to

435

: 00:25:07

therapy and coaching because they

know that they can't do it themselves.

436

: 00:25:12

Joshua: I would have told you

five years ago, you're insane for

437

: 00:25:15

saying that, but I would have been

one of those people like, "Yep.

438

: 00:25:18

I'm not going to go because I know

that will make me seem weak.",

439

: 00:25:21

and I know you're a female and

let's just call it for what it is.

440

: 00:25:24

For a male, it's even tougher, because

we're built in this society, and I'm

441

: 00:25:29

talking specifically United States,

because I've had international listeners

442

: 00:25:32

as well, that it's really tough to be

able to express those emotions and be able

443

: 00:25:37

to articulate what is actually going on,

because we're told, "We need to be tough.

444

: 00:25:42

We need to be strong.

445

: 00:25:42

We need to be courageous.

446

: 00:25:43

We need to be able to be all, do all,

see all.", and I think that's where

447

: 00:25:49

we have so many adolescent issues, so-

448

: 00:25:54

Jenny: Exactly.

449

: 00:25:54

Joshua: Because we're not processing

those, because that's the impressionable

450

: 00:25:57

age that we start to really form a

lot of those different attitudes,

451

: 00:26:00

beliefs, perceptions, and that makes

me understand a lot more why it

452

: 00:26:06

took me so long to finally recognize

that it's okay to talk about it.

453

: 00:26:10

Jenny: Yeah.

454

: 00:26:11

It's actually very healthy, and that's

again, you hit the nail on the head

455

: 00:26:15

with that is an adolescent mask-

456

: 00:26:18

Joshua: yes.

457

: 00:26:19

Jenny: That many men, cause I do

have several male clients that

458

: 00:26:22

say the same thing, and it's

like, "Well, I can't do that.

459

: 00:26:25

I'll be soft."

460

: 00:26:26

Joshua: Yes.

461

: 00:26:26

Jenny: Or, "I'll be seen as weak.", or,

"I'll be seen as X, Y, and Z.", and so, I

462

: 00:26:31

hate to say that's the problem of society

nowadays, but it is, because we are so

463

: 00:26:36

thirsty for these meaningful connections,

but we're all wearing these sumo suits.

464

: 00:26:42

We have this armor on, and so how do

you connect at the heart level, when you

465

: 00:26:46

have all this padding and protection,

and not to say that you need to bear

466

: 00:26:50

your soul in your heart to anybody that

will listen, because of course we want to

467

: 00:26:53

have that discernment in the adult chair

that we didn't have at the child chair.

468

: 00:26:59

We want to have that discernment

of, "Is this person safe?", but

469

: 00:27:03

knowing that as an adult, I have

discernment now to make those choices.

470

: 00:27:07

Joshua: Yes.

471

: 00:27:08

Jenny: To say, "You are a safe person

for me.", whereas in childhood, we

472

: 00:27:12

may not have had that option, or that

choice, because of circumstances,

473

: 00:27:16

or for lack of brain development.

474

: 00:27:19

Joshua: And I think that sometimes the

other part of it that we often miss the

475

: 00:27:23

mark on is being able to respect the

differences that we all bring to that

476

: 00:27:27

table, because we all have different

ways in which we're coming from.

477

: 00:27:31

Sometimes other people are shutting

other people down when we're all saying

478

: 00:27:34

the same thing, but we're saying it in

different ways, or different words, and

479

: 00:27:38

I think that also hinders, or happens,

the conversation, and what's the worst

480

: 00:27:44

example that we could ever mention

that is the problem that we all have?

481

: 00:27:49

Social media, and because we go on

and do that, and that's a reflection.

482

: 00:27:54

That's why it saddens me to see the

statistics about the kids that are

483

: 00:27:59

engaged in social media have the worst

depression, anxiety related symptoms,

484

: 00:28:05

even suicidal ideations and it scares me.

485

: 00:28:09

It scares me.

486

: 00:28:10

Jenny: Because we're all comparing

ourselves to each other, and they

487

: 00:28:12

are literally both biologically and

energetically in their adolescent

488

: 00:28:18

chair, and so even when I work with

adolescents now, I know that their brain

489

: 00:28:23

has not reached that adult development.

490

: 00:28:25

Their prefrontal cortex is totally not

online, but I love that population,

491

: 00:28:29

because if I can even plant seeds of

what it means to be a healthy human,

492

: 00:28:34

and so when I work with adolescents

and teenagers, it's often like, "Okay,

493

: 00:28:37

well, think about the healthiest version

of yourself, or what would you tell

494

: 00:28:41

a friend to do?", and those kind of

things to get them out of their space,

495

: 00:28:45

and I do that with my adult clients

too, but I do believe that social media

496

: 00:28:50

and comparison is- it's a struggle for

adults, and let alone the kids that

497

: 00:28:55

are that their brains aren't developed.

498

: 00:28:58

Joshua: My mom and my dad would

both say growing up, "Well, we would

499

: 00:29:02

play in the streets until the lights

turned on, and then that's when we

500

: 00:29:06

know we had to go home for dinner."

501

: 00:29:07

I almost had this idea in my head of,

and I know this sounds really crazy,

502

: 00:29:11

and you're probably going to look at

me with four eyes and I understand

503

: 00:29:13

completely, but I'm like, why don't

we have that sort of time anymore?

504

: 00:29:17

I mean, I think they have

somewhat of an idea here.

505

: 00:29:19

Just get the stupid stuff that's

in our hands, or in our ears, and

506

: 00:29:23

covering our eyes too, because we got

all those devices now as well; the

507

: 00:29:28

Meta verse, if you will, going around.

508

: 00:29:30

Why don't we just put those away, and

give ourselves some of that quality

509

: 00:29:33

time, but don't respond to that

because I want to move on because-

510

: 00:29:36

Jenny: No.

511

: 00:29:36

It's fine, but I think it is

coming back to that adult chair

512

: 00:29:39

and being in the present moment.

513

: 00:29:41

Joshua: Yes.

514

: 00:29:42

It is.

515

: 00:29:42

Jenny: You know, that's

what the adult chair is.

516

: 00:29:44

It's living with consciousness.

517

: 00:29:45

It's living in presence.

518

: 00:29:46

It's living in fact and truth.

519

: 00:29:49

You know, I could say, look

at social media and say, "Oh.

520

: 00:29:51

Well, that person has a better life than

I do, or they're happier than I am."

521

: 00:29:55

Is that true?

522

: 00:29:57

How do I know it's true?

523

: 00:29:58

Am I making up a story?

524

: 00:30:00

Joshua: Yes.

525

: 00:30:00

Jenny: And then coming back to that,

is it true for me right here, right

526

: 00:30:03

now, is that I have this, this, this,

and this, and I know we talked earlier

527

: 00:30:06

about acceptance of the suffering.

528

: 00:30:09

If I'm not happy in my life, what is

it that is keeping me from being happy,

529

: 00:30:14

and I first have to accept that I'm not

happy before I'm able to make a change.

530

: 00:30:18

Joshua: Oh.

531

: 00:30:20

I got to move on from that because I can

dive into that even more, but, let's-

532

: 00:30:25

Jenny: That'll be a whole nother episode.

533

: 00:30:26

Joshua: That's a whole other episode.

534

: 00:30:28

I think that we could easily

dive into that subject matter.

535

: 00:30:31

I want to talk about your business because

it is a very fascinating concept when I

536

: 00:30:36

was looking at it, and for my listeners,

I'll have the website and the episode

537

: 00:30:39

notes, but it's Conscious Living Therapy

and Coaching; the name of your business.

538

: 00:30:43

Jenny: Yeah.

539

: 00:30:44

Joshua: I have never seen this before,

and I've seen a lot of different web

540

: 00:30:47

pages with a lot of different businesses.

541

: 00:30:49

You have nine core values, so there's

things from meaningful connections,

542

: 00:30:54

consistent integrity, heart centered.

543

: 00:30:57

For my listeners, you have

to go check it all out.

544

: 00:30:59

It's great content, but out of the nine

values, what would you say, Jenny, is

545

: 00:31:04

the most important one to you, and I

know that's a big, tall order to ask.

546

: 00:31:08

Jenny: Oh, I gotta pick one?

547

: 00:31:09

Joshua: You got to just pick only one,

and yep, I'm putting you on the spot

548

: 00:31:12

with that, but what's the number one

thing that, through your business, you

549

: 00:31:15

really want people to be like, "Yeah.

550

: 00:31:17

When I think of this, that's how I

think of Jenny and her business."

551

: 00:31:22

Jenny: Radical authenticity.

552

: 00:31:24

Joshua: Mmmm.

553

: 00:31:25

Jenny: What you see is what you get.

554

: 00:31:28

I don't mask up.

555

: 00:31:31

I don't.

556

: 00:31:33

I want to be as authentic as

possible, because I don't want

557

: 00:31:39

you to show up inauthentically.

558

: 00:31:41

If we want real and that's like,

literally, top value is authenticity;

559

: 00:31:47

very, very close second, is

that meaningful connection.

560

: 00:31:51

I may have cheated on the

answer, because I know-

561

: 00:31:53

Joshua: Yeah.

562

: 00:31:53

You did actually.

563

: 00:31:54

I wasn't going to call you out.

564

: 00:31:55

I wasn't going to call you out.

565

: 00:31:56

Jenny: I know I cheated.

566

: 00:31:56

Joshua: Because you could easily

correct to be like, "There's 10.",

567

: 00:31:58

and then I would look like the

idiot, because there was actually

568

: 00:32:01

9 at the time of this recording.

569

: 00:32:03

Jenny: Yeah, it's hard.

570

: 00:32:04

I mean, those two are my go tos, because

we can't have meaningful connection

571

: 00:32:08

without authenticity, and so when I

think about what it means to show up,

572

: 00:32:15

feel, I don't want your fake self.

573

: 00:32:18

I don't want you to come and say, "Oh.

574

: 00:32:19

Yeah, everything's great.

575

: 00:32:21

Everything's this.", because then I'm

going to meet you there, but we're not

576

: 00:32:24

going to get any meaningful work done

unless we go to those pits of hell,

577

: 00:32:28

which I often say to my clients, like,

"I will go to the pits of hell with you.

578

: 00:32:33

I've been there.

579

: 00:32:34

I've done that.

580

: 00:32:35

It doesn't scare me, and so let's walk

out together, but I've got to know

581

: 00:32:40

where you are so that I can be the

best service to you.", and nothing

582

: 00:32:44

is off limits, and that's where

I think the radical authenticity.

583

: 00:32:47

I've talked- you wouldn't believe

some of the things people bring up in

584

: 00:32:49

sessions, and I'm just like, "Okay.

585

: 00:32:51

Cool, so you drink two bottles

of wine every single night.

586

: 00:32:54

Boom.

587

: 00:32:54

All right.

588

: 00:32:54

Let's talk about it."

589

: 00:32:56

"Oh, I cheated on my husband."

590

: 00:32:58

"Okay.

591

: 00:32:58

Let's talk about it."

592

: 00:33:00

Nothing is off limits, and I think

when you can really bring your

593

: 00:33:03

true self, and be witnessed and

seen, it takes the shame out of it.

594

: 00:33:08

Shame is such a pervasive emotion and

it really serves no purpose to me.

595

: 00:33:15

That belief that I am just inherently bad.

596

: 00:33:18

Joshua: I'm sitting here, and I'm

thinking, "What are some of the places

597

: 00:33:22

in my life, yet, where I still hold

on to shame, and that's not allowing

598

: 00:33:27

me to be the most authentic?", and

literally, I thought of three things.

599

: 00:33:30

I'm going to go write about them,

and journal about them now after

600

: 00:33:33

you saying that, because those three

things, if I let go of those, and I'm

601

: 00:33:38

really truthful to myself, and I'm

really considerate of the fact that I

602

: 00:33:42

know I need to work on those things.

603

: 00:33:44

Wow.

604

: 00:33:45

The radical authenticity,

those same words.

605

: 00:33:47

I'm stealing those words right now.

606

: 00:33:50

The radical authenticity of myself would

just explode, and I feel that's why, like

607

: 00:33:54

you said, having somebody to be able to

talk about that with is so important.

608

: 00:33:58

Jenny: And how freeing is it?

609

: 00:34:00

Joshua: Yeah.

610

: 00:34:00

It is freeing.

611

: 00:34:01

Jenny: You don't have to carry that armor

anymore, and I think another quick little

612

: 00:34:05

side note, you know, a lot of times

clients get guilt and shame mixed up.

613

: 00:34:10

Guilt is I did something bad.

614

: 00:34:12

Guilt is a very healthy emotion.

615

: 00:34:15

Guilt: I cheated on my husband.

616

: 00:34:17

Okay.

617

: 00:34:17

Why do you feel guilty about that?

618

: 00:34:19

It's a behavior that I did that is

not in alignment with my values.

619

: 00:34:23

Cool.

620

: 00:34:23

Let's talk about it.

621

: 00:34:24

Let's realign you with your value.

622

: 00:34:27

Shame is just that pervasive, "I am bad."

623

: 00:34:29

What it feels like to me is just

like this nasty slime that's like,

624

: 00:34:32

"I'm just a bad person.", but I

believe everyone is inherently good.

625

: 00:34:36

Everyone has good parts.

626

: 00:34:37

We may have quote unquote, bad behaviors.

627

: 00:34:39

We may have ways that we get out of

alignment with ourselves, but if we

628

: 00:34:45

can realign with our heart, and with

our sole purpose and like, "What am I

629

: 00:34:49

actually here to experience in this life?"

630

: 00:34:52

Then the other stuff just kind of falls

away, and if we can get back to the

631

: 00:34:56

truth of who we are, then we'll have

those meaningful connections, which is

632

: 00:34:59

what makes life rich, and meaningful,

and fulfilling, and beautiful.

633

: 00:35:06

Joshua: It's all about having that

fulfillment, and even with my clients,

634

: 00:35:09

I even asked some of them, I actually

have a few right now, we're going through

635

: 00:35:13

this and saying, "What is your purpose?

636

: 00:35:15

Have you ever thought about what

your purpose is?", and then they

637

: 00:35:18

take a step back being like, "No.

638

: 00:35:20

I've just gone through life, and

I've had to deal with things as they

639

: 00:35:22

come along.", and it's like, "What's

the purpose of doing those things?

640

: 00:35:27

Are they helping you to

achieve what those goals are?

641

: 00:35:29

Are they helping you to become the

best version of who you are?", so-

642

: 00:35:35

Jenny: How do you become the

healthiest version of yourself, and

643

: 00:35:38

realign with that every single day?

644

: 00:35:39

I set three word intentions every

day of like, "What am I intending

645

: 00:35:43

for?", It can look different.

646

: 00:35:46

I set like a word of the year, and I

have different things that I do to try to

647

: 00:35:50

keep myself in a line, and I say aligned.

648

: 00:35:52

That's actually my word for 2024 is

aligned, and so a lot of times, when I

649

: 00:35:57

feel off balance, or if I'm tuning in,

and I have more anxiety, not sleeping,

650

: 00:36:02

or maybe I'm getting sick more often.

651

: 00:36:04

It's like, "Okay.

652

: 00:36:05

Where am I out of alignment,

and then how do I get back into-

653

: 00:36:09

you know, connected to myself?

654

: 00:36:12

Meaningful connections, not

just with others, but with

655

: 00:36:14

ourselves, and just own your life.

656

: 00:36:19

We get this one precious life.

657

: 00:36:21

Joshua: Mmmm.

658

: 00:36:22

Yes.

659

: 00:36:22

Jenny: So how are we going

to make the most of it, while

660

: 00:36:26

acknowledging the fact that, yes,

there is suffering in the world.

661

: 00:36:29

Yes, we are going to experience pain.

662

: 00:36:30

We can't know joy.

663

: 00:36:31

If we don't know sorrow, we can't know

light if we don't know dark, so we're

664

: 00:36:35

here to experience that duality, and

learn through contrast, but we don't

665

: 00:36:39

have to sit in one place or the other.

666

: 00:36:41

It's not that all or nothing.

667

: 00:36:43

It's both.

668

: 00:36:44

Joshua: Yeah.

669

: 00:36:45

Jenny: And how do we learn to accept

all parts as a beautiful tapestry?

670

: 00:36:50

Joshua: I was literally just

thinking like the word tapestry

671

: 00:36:53

and how that all weaves together.

672

: 00:36:54

Jenny: Yeah.

673

: 00:36:55

Joshua: Jenny, we're out of time.

674

: 00:36:57

I mean, this has been

an awesome conversation.

675

: 00:36:59

There was so many more questions.

676

: 00:37:00

I'd love to have you back on the show.

677

: 00:37:02

Jenny: I'd love to.

678

: 00:37:03

It's been such a great conversation.

679

: 00:37:05

Joshua: But in the meantime, could you, in

the last few minutes, pitch your business?

680

: 00:37:09

If people are interested in maybe getting

some coaching, maybe if they're in the

681

: 00:37:13

South Carolina area, I know I have a

few listeners down there, maybe they

682

: 00:37:16

are interested in getting some therapy

from you, maybe share a little bit

683

: 00:37:21

of how they can contact you as well.

684

: 00:37:23

Feel free to take the last

few minutes to do that.

685

: 00:37:25

Jenny: Sure.

686

: 00:37:26

My website is trueconsciousliving.com.

687

: 00:37:29

I'm also active on social media.

688

: 00:37:31

Facebook is @trueconsciousliving;

Instagram and TikTok as well.

689

: 00:37:36

I've bit the bullet and join the TikTok,

so every now and again, I'll post just

690

: 00:37:40

short clips about life challenges,

or how to overcome certain things.

691

: 00:37:43

I also have a free download on my website

on uncovering your self worth, so if you

692

: 00:37:49

go to at trueconsciousliving, there's

a pop up where you can turn in your

693

: 00:37:52

email and opt in to receive that free

downloads that you can start the journey

694

: 00:37:57

of uncovering your worth and who you are,

because I think when we own who we are

695

: 00:38:03

as precious beings on this planet, and

believe that we are worthy of having that

696

: 00:38:10

meaningful life, that's the 1st step, and

so that's a good, maybe starting point

697

: 00:38:15

,just to get to know me a little bit.

698

: 00:38:16

I have a blog that I post every once

or twice a month or so on just various

699

: 00:38:21

topics, so you can always subscribe

to receive updates to my website and

700

: 00:38:25

updates to my blog, and yeah, feel free

to reach out via email; via social media.

701

: 00:38:30

I'd love to connect with you,

see how things are going if

702

: 00:38:33

there's any way that I can help.

703

: 00:38:36

Joshua: I will put all that in the

episode notes, and Jenny, I have

704

: 00:38:40

to say, you've talked a lot today

about what people can go through when

705

: 00:38:44

it comes to the different chairs.

706

: 00:38:46

You've talked a lot about what

you are trying to do authentically

707

: 00:38:50

with what you have as a background.

708

: 00:38:53

I love the fact that you being a

teacher, beforehand, led you into

709

: 00:38:57

really helping others, and I think

that having that nurturing attitude,

710

: 00:39:01

which you certainly have exhibited

today as well, even with me, because

711

: 00:39:05

I'm like sitting here thinking, "Well.

712

: 00:39:07

There's a lot of things I can work on.

713

: 00:39:08

There's a lot of things I can do here.",

but you said it in such a way that,

714

: 00:39:13

although that wasn't your intention, I

was affected by it, and I can only imagine

715

: 00:39:17

what others are; how they're impacted by

you, because you carry that aura that's

716

: 00:39:21

very calming, and also at the same time,

let's get some business done, so like

717

: 00:39:26

you have that seriousness aspect to it,

and I think that's what's called balance,

718

: 00:39:29

and we need to have that balance, and-

719

: 00:39:31

Jenny: Well thank you.

720

: 00:39:32

Joshua: So I think that, and for all

those reasons, Jenny, thanks so much for

721

: 00:39:36

being on Speaking From The Heart today.

722

: 00:39:37

It was really a privilege to

have this conversation, and we'll

723

: 00:39:40

definitely continue this conversation

in a future episode, so thank you.

724

: 00:39:43

Jenny: You're welcome.

725

: 00:39:44

I love that.

726

: 00:39:45

Thank you so much for having me.

727

: 00:39:47

Joshua: Again, I want to thank Jenny

for spending time with me, being able

728

: 00:39:50

to talk about all these different

types of aspects of her life.

729

: 00:39:54

I think that, in many ways, we serve

as different teachers for each other.

730

: 00:39:58

Being able to work through the different

parts of our life to find meaning, in

731

: 00:40:02

order to create that level of engagement

in our lives, oftentimes means that we

732

: 00:40:06

have to spend time in certain chairs

that we are learning and growing in,

733

: 00:40:11

whether it's the child, whether it's the

adolescent, or the adult chair, which I

734

: 00:40:17

feel like I haven't spent enough time in

the adult chair myself, even after hearing

735

: 00:40:21

this perspective today, but how we find

our way through the pain, and all the

736

: 00:40:27

suffering, also stems from how we learn

how to grow within our own perspectives,

737

: 00:40:34

meaning that we are learning some of

these things when we're younger, and still

738

: 00:40:38

applying some of those same tools today,

and when Jenny was explaining this whole

739

: 00:40:43

process to me, my eyes lit up, because

now I'm starting to understand how it

740

: 00:40:48

all connects together, and I think for

many of us, we don't realize how those

741

: 00:40:53

dots interconnect with each other to be

able to work through some of the stuff

742

: 00:40:57

that is usually in the basement of our

lives, because we put it in storage.

743

: 00:41:02

We often forget about it.

744

: 00:41:04

Subconsciously, we often are working

through all kinds of different things

745

: 00:41:08

that we have going on in our lives,

but yet, at the same time, that pain

746

: 00:41:13

and suffering that we're struggling

through, trying to figure out what's

747

: 00:41:16

the best modus operandi to keep moving

forward, means that we have to suffer.

748

: 00:41:23

Go through pain.

749

: 00:41:25

Do this trial by error type of process in

order to work through some of the things

750

: 00:41:30

that we got going on in our life, because

we have no other role model to turn to.

751

: 00:41:36

We have to be that person, though,

for others, especially if we see

752

: 00:41:40

them walking down that same path.

753

: 00:41:42

Being able to say, "Stop!

754

: 00:41:44

Don't go down that road!

755

: 00:41:45

It's too dangerous!

756

: 00:41:46

I've been down that road before!",

but sometimes we shout so loud, that

757

: 00:41:52

even we scare those other people.

758

: 00:41:55

They don't know how to react to

some of the things that we have

759

: 00:41:58

learned in our life, and they have

to walk down that road themselves.

760

: 00:42:03

We all have challenges.

761

: 00:42:05

We all have to find the way in

which we navigate through them.

762

: 00:42:09

We all live unique lives as a result,

so how do we tether ourselves?

763

: 00:42:14

One of the things that I think is really

important to understand is that we can't

764

: 00:42:18

be afraid of what that outcome will

look like down the road, even if we're

765

: 00:42:22

afraid of what hell might bring for us,

because if we're able to just build, and

766

: 00:42:29

build, and build, we can prevent some

of these things from ever happening in

767

: 00:42:33

the first place, which is what I think

Jenny was really trying to say to us.

768

: 00:42:38

When we look at ourselves in

the mirror, at the end of the

769

: 00:42:41

day, what's looking back at us?

770

: 00:42:44

Are we going to be represented by all the

struggles, all the hell that we have been

771

: 00:42:48

through, or are we actually going to be

appreciative of who we are as a person?

772

: 00:42:54

Are we going to be able to sit in one

of those three chairs that she talked

773

: 00:42:58

about, and I think out of anything that

I've ever heard on this show, especially

774

: 00:43:02

with what she has been certified

in, this makes a lot of sense to me.

775

: 00:43:07

Are we numbing out these

feelings that we have?

776

: 00:43:10

How are we trying to go about

eliminating that feeling?

777

: 00:43:13

Are we just pushing it to the

side, as I'm mentioning earlier?

778

: 00:43:17

Are we putting it in the basement, or

are we actually going to take it head on

779

: 00:43:21

which means that we have to navigate, in

a more effective manner, the triggers, so

780

: 00:43:26

how do we address those wants and needs?

781

: 00:43:28

How do we get unstuck, especially if we're

stuck in one particular type of chair?

782

: 00:43:34

How we address those concerns means that

we have to have a mindset, not looking

783

: 00:43:39

at it from an adolescent perspective, not

looking at it from a child perspective,

784

: 00:43:44

but perhaps looking at it from an adult

perspective, from what we are, by age.

785

: 00:43:49

Now, you might be just chuckling to

yourself a little bit, listening to all

786

: 00:43:55

this, because you might be saying, "Josh.

787

: 00:43:57

I know of a lot of people that are stuck

in the adolescent chair, they just can't

788

: 00:44:01

seem to get themselves out of it, and

they're 30, 40, 50, 60 years old, and they

789

: 00:44:08

never got out of it.", and I understand,

but maybe there's more to what is on

790

: 00:44:15

the surface, so instead of laughing

about it, why not do something about it?

791

: 00:44:21

You see I think that part of this is about

being passive and being able to actually

792

: 00:44:25

address it because we're afraid of what

might be the problem with that person.

793

: 00:44:29

We're trying to take a little bit

of responsibility for it, but at the

794

: 00:44:33

same time, we might be doing more

damage by not addressing it head on.

795

: 00:44:39

Those are real, legitimate concerns,

so when the shit show happens in that

796

: 00:44:44

person's life because you didn't do

anything about it, whose fault is it then?

797

: 00:44:50

Theirs, or yours?

798

: 00:44:53

We have to be able to discern and have

the courage and the bravery to be able

799

: 00:44:58

to address those sort of circumstances,

especially if we're saying that we

800

: 00:45:02

are that friend for that person.

801

: 00:45:06

It really means though

having a reset button.

802

: 00:45:10

Having that ability to have that space to

be able to create that, because obviously,

803

: 00:45:14

you wouldn't go up to somebody randomly

and say, "Your life is a shit show."

804

: 00:45:19

You wouldn't do that, and I

wouldn't do that to anybody,

805

: 00:45:22

because I've had that happen to me.

806

: 00:45:24

My life was a shitshow four years ago as

I was doing this whole process of healing,

807

: 00:45:30

and growing, and figuring out where

I needed to be in this bigger context

808

: 00:45:35

of what life is all about, and there

wasn't anybody around saying, "You need

809

: 00:45:40

to fix this, and you need to fix that."

810

: 00:45:43

It was up to me to seek out that help, so

there has to be a level of responsibility

811

: 00:45:49

at the same time when we're talking

about this, which I think that we have

812

: 00:45:53

to figure out what that reset button

looks like, whether that is with somebody

813

: 00:45:58

else, whether that's through writing

and journaling and figuring out that

814

: 00:46:01

these are toxic thoughts on our own,

or a combination of both, which is

815

: 00:46:06

better than doing absolutely nothing,

which most people, I would say, are not

816

: 00:46:12

thirsty for being able to figure out

what they have going on in their life.

817

: 00:46:18

Ultimately, it's really about asking the

question, What is true for me right now?

818

: 00:46:23

What is true for me in the

future, because let's face it.

819

: 00:46:28

If we're not authentic about what

our intentionality is in terms of

820

: 00:46:32

working towards what our end goal

is, how we want to be remembered

821

: 00:46:36

for the rest of our life, we have to

figure out how we can be authentic.

822

: 00:46:43

In other words, don't be a fake.

823

: 00:46:47

There's a lot to unpack with what

I've just said the last few minutes

824

: 00:46:50

to really summarize this, and I think

that if Jenny and I continued this

825

: 00:46:53

conversation, we would have unpacked

a lot more, but really, what we both

826

: 00:46:58

discussed today, which I think applies

to all of us, is about how we take the

827

: 00:47:03

shame out of knowing that we need to

continue to develop ourselves and not

828

: 00:47:07

be ashamed of who we are right now.

829

: 00:47:12

You know, I feel in this world that

sometimes we get held back from our

830

: 00:47:16

limiting beliefs; the things that

we have and we manifest that aren't

831

: 00:47:20

necessarily true, but yet we have to

keep figuring out ways to keep working

832

: 00:47:25

forward towards a brand new world.

833

: 00:47:29

On this show, I've admitted so many

different times to so many different

834

: 00:47:32

types of individuals that I've had about

the impacts of having some of these

835

: 00:47:36

conversations and bringing to light some

of the things that even I personally,

836

: 00:47:40

your podcast host, have to keep working

through, and even with my clients,

837

: 00:47:44

through my business at Your Speaking

Voice LLC, I have to keep figuring out,

838

: 00:47:49

how can I consume better content in

my life, so that I'm not always stuck

839

: 00:47:54

in one of those past chairs that I no

longer believe that I should be sitting

840

: 00:47:58

in, but what I really think is the whole

important concept of this is really about

841

: 00:48:05

figuring out the people, the items in our

lives, and the connections that we need

842

: 00:48:11

to create, in order to truly transform

what we have going on in our lives.

843

: 00:48:18

It all starts, though, with finding

the teachers and finding the people,

844

: 00:48:23

that regardless of what kinds of

crises that will come up in our life,

845

: 00:48:26

whether it's today, tomorrow, or in

the future, that will allow us to

846

: 00:48:31

keep pushing forward, and to separate

us from that pain and suffering that

847

: 00:48:35

we have stuffed in the basement.

848

: 00:48:39

It doesn't mean that we ignore any of it.

849

: 00:48:42

It just means that we have to find a

better way to embrace it, and today

850

: 00:48:45

I'm asking you to embrace it, not just

for the things in which you might be

851

: 00:48:50

sitting in one particular chair and

doing, but how you can get in touch

852

: 00:48:54

with tethering yourself to a better

support system so that you never have

853

: 00:48:58

to walk through some of those dangerous,

disgusting things again, because those

854

: 00:49:03

things, the most extreme of things,

will never repeat themselves, except,

855

: 00:49:10

if you don't work on your authentic

self to be able to change who you are

856

: 00:49:14

today to be better for the future.

857

: 00:49:19

Let's do this.

858

: 00:49:21

Let's make this happen.

859

: 00:49:23

All it means is that you have to just

realize that maybe there is just some

860

: 00:49:27

limited things that are holding you back

today, and all you have to do is just

861

: 00:49:31

walk forward, because let's face it,

hell doesn't have to scare you anymore.

862

: 00:49:36

Life doesn't have to be a

shit show, and let's face it.

863

: 00:49:40

If you develop your brain and you

create those opportunities that allow

864

: 00:49:45

you to navigate through it, your

future will be much brighter, and

865

: 00:49:50

much more authentic, than it could

ever possibly be, so get your butt

866

: 00:49:56

off that chair and sit in a new seat.

867

: 00:49:59

That hard plastic covering that you've

been sitting on for a long time might

868

: 00:50:04

have your butt imprint on it, but there's

a new seat waiting for you that is a lot

869

: 00:50:09

more comfortable, a lot more exciting

to sit in, and I've heard that maybe it

870

: 00:50:13

gives you a couple extra bonus things

in your life, a little bit of extra

871

: 00:50:18

tools at your disposal to make you feel

a little bit more comfortable to sit

872

: 00:50:22

down in, focus your attention, and learn

some incredible things along the way.

873

: 00:50:31

Thanks for listening to episode

number 132 of Speaking from the

874

: 00:50:34

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

875

: 00:50:40

Outro: Thanks for listening.

876

: 00:50:41

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

877

: 00:50:45

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

878

: 00:50:50

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

879

: 00:50:56

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

880

: 00:51:01

See you next time.