Episode #131 - It Is Harder Than I Thought

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode number

131 of Speaking From The Heart, and I

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know it's a lot harder than you might

have thought to go ahead and open up the

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app or maybe even view the link to this

episode of our podcast, and even talking

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about this subject in itself is so hard.

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It's so strenuous.

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It's so tough.

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Ugh.

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I can't believe that we have to talk about

this because it's harder than I thought.

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Well, maybe we are making that as an

excuse, and maybe we're always saying

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that as our excuse when it really isn't

as hard as you might think it is, so

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today, we're going to tackle some of

the things that are really tough to

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overcome, but also at the same token,

deal with the thoughts that are associated

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with making it so tough that you can't

achieve it, and why it's holding you

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back from achieving that greatness.

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Now before you even go into thinking

about how hard it might be, that

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might be your first problem.

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The very thought of saying that you

have to deal with something that is so

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difficult and so tough, that you really

just don't want to deal with it at all.

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You have to take that pause, you

have to walk away, and say, "Okay.

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What is really causing

me to feel this way?

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What is really happening?

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What is making me give up?

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What's holding me back from always

saying that this is really tough to do?"

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Is there something that is traumatic

in nature about what we do?

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Is there something that, even if it's a

routine basis that we do, that it's not

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only hard to do, but it's also strenuous

in nature to be able to overcome.

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Whether we're demoralized or we're

destroyed by the daily tasks that we do.

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Whether it's something that we don't do

on a daily basis or even on a routine

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basis for that matter, it can be

really hard for us to overcome or even

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deal with the situation that we have.

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It's exacerbating the overall

outcome of what we might think

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is something that is easy to do,

but it's much harder in nature.

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Think of it this way.

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I've always heard of this expression that

it's a lot easier for us to talk about

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it, the idea of it, but to actually put it

into practice is a whole other situation;

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it's a whole other discussion for that

matter, and I can't tell you how many

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times that I thought something that would

be really easy, was actually really tough.

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I underestimated how much time, how

much effort, how much it really took

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to get involved with the things that I

want to do, whether that it's relating

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to a business, whether it's relating

to relationships I've had, even some

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of the things that I professionally

want to work on to become a better

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version of myself for that matter.

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I think that we underestimate

the ability for us to accomplish

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simple tasks; even certain things

that we might have as new ideas.

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Those things that are often times

strangers, things that we think

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are really hard to do, are not

very hard at all to deal with.

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We have this excuse that we always come

up with and some of my cliche phrases

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are, "I don't have enough time to do it."

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"I don't have enough wisdom to

be able to accomplish this."

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"I don't think that I have the

capability, or the skill set, to

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accomplish it.", and here's my favorite

one: "Oh, I'll get to it another day.

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There are a lot more important things to

do than just that.", and being that I'm

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autistic in nature, I always exacerbate

what that outcome is, whether that's

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putting off a conversation, whether it's

doing an important task, because I'm

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afraid of what the outcome would be.

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The overall tasks that are involved with

dealing with a situation of a magnitude

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that might be overcoming not only the

things that we feel, but the things

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that we associate with that feeling.

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Whether we are really trying to

overcome something that is really

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tough or not, really depends on

the person that is dealing with it.

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What might be really hard for somebody

might not be as hard for somebody

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else, and that's why I always say

it's about how you go about doing it.

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It's about how you address it from the

vantage point of not only looking at the

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problem as it appears, but also what it

would look like to get to the other side

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of addressing what that problem really

becomes as a solution for that matter.

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I think the best way to actually

talk about this today is to

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really use a concrete example.

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I, for one, have found that running a

business, especially after many years

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of working in the non profit sector,

let alone government experience for

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that matter, can be really challenging.

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Some of the things that I learned

over 20 years ago in high school, let

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alone even 15 years ago from college,

were all circulating back in my mind

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of, " How do I actually go about doing

it?", but even then, 15, 20 years ago

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it was a completely different world.

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Now with the advent of technology, along

with the host of different new ideas and

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approaches, it can be very overwhelming

for somebody of my stature to be able to

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work on a variety of different things.

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It means actually prioritizing learning

new skills, new abilities, being able

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to overcome some of the challenges that

we often have so that we don't get stuck

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in a rut, and I know for me and some

of my fellow business owners that are

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listening to this, I know it can be very

tough sometimes to overcome some of the

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challenges that we have, especially when

it comes to not just the things that

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we have to work on on a daily basis,

whether it's from the accounting, the

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administrative, even the overall financial

picture of our company, but it might

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even be about working with clients,

being able to take on new ones, assess

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where we're at with certain projects,

and being able to catch up, while

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working on a finite schedule of time.

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The resources that we have, the different

tasks or projects that we take on,

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especially as being business owners,

can become a little bit overwhelming to

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the point that we are looking at ways in

which we can streamline our ability to

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function with all the different things

that we need to do, while also, trying

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to minimize costs as much as possible,

especially in this climate that we

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live in with high inflation and so many

different things that are occurring in

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the world, even as of this recording.

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Even with all the things that we deal

with, all the different phases of our

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life in which we might be going through,

one of the things that really ring clear

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to me is that we have this excuse of it's

harder than I thought, so I'm going to

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go ahead and push it off, but what if

we say that to every single thing that

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we do, and we never get anything done?

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In other words, if we keep on saying

that we need to hire someone, but

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yet we still continue to find ways

to try to do it ourselves, is that

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really helping us to achieve what we

ultimately want to do, not just in

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our business, but maybe even in the

personal and professional relationships

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that we're trying to develop?

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I think that we have to look at this

from a concept of time management, but

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that's not the only way to look at it.

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We have to look at what are the costs,

the opportunity costs if you will, by

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missing out on important life events?

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Maybe even having that date night

with her wife or husband; having that

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relationship with somebody that we

deeply care about as a friend; or even

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being there for family when it counts

the most, those are the moments that

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sometimes even the precious things that

occur in our lives, are being missed

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out on, because we didn't manage our

expectations of the thoughts, feelings,

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and emotions that we should have managed

more accurately and more from a standpoint

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of being able to see the bigger picture.

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That's why we keep on saying,

it's harder than we thought.

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If we're ever going to make true

progress in life, we have to also

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dispel the fact that everything is hard.

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Everything can be difficult, if we

are choosing that mindset in the

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first place, and I'm not saying

that everything is easy to do.

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No, no, no; I can't say that at all,

because if that was the case, then I

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would be able to do all my legal work.

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I'll be able to do all my accounting work.

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I could do all my compliance with

taxes and all the other corporate

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entities that I need to deal with.

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I would have an easy time marketing

my brand, working with clients, being

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the best version of myself, have the

best relationship with my friends,

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family, and even a significant other

if that ever comes to my future,

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along with a host of other things.

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As I've been on one podcast and I put

it, it's really what you look at to the

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right of things or to the left of things,

and I love that expression, especially

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from that podcast host, because it's

really about the difference between

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whether we want to look to the right,

we want to look to the left, we want to

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look up, or we want to look down to face

the opportunities, or the costs that

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are involved with those opportunities,

in order to become not just the best

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versions of ourselves, but to work through

those difficult thoughts that we have.

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Now the other side of this is really

thinking about the fact that we have a

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hard time; sometimes, and that's not just

because of the things that we deal with.

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It might be because of the

environment that we live in.

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It might have been not a very good day.

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We rolled out of the

wrong side of the bed.

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We didn't get that bagel made correctly

at the local coffee shop, to be able

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to heat up, be able to eat, to be

able to consume, because we've been

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thrown into many meetings, and then we

discover that there was the error that

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we should have caught before we ever

left the coffee shop, and I get it.

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Those things do happen, but it

also means that we have to regroup.

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We have to overcome why, oh why, every

time that we wake up, we always feel like

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we're in a bad mood, because if you are

waking up in a bad mood, there's something

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bigger that might be going on, and I'm

not saying today that you have to examine

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every single little nuance that occurs.

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It means actually keeping a journal, if

you will, of all the things that might

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be bothering you in a given day, and

you have to keep it for a little bit.

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Whether it's a 7 day journal or a 14

day journal, whatever it is, you can

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keep track of it to see if there's a

consistent pattern, and if you realize

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that you're having that same negative

thought, well, then there's a problem.

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It isn't about just tracking

what you're feeling though.

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What's on your mind that day?

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Is it the same thing over and over

again that you're worried about?

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Is there something else that's happening

with maybe conflict, maybe dealing

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with a difficult person at work, maybe

even in a relationship that you have?

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When you continue to say that it's

a problem, and you're not addressing

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it, it is going to be harder

than you thought to overcome it.

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It also means you have to

handle it in a different way.

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It doesn't mean all the time, though, that

you handle it in the same exact pattern

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that you've always handled it, because

as I've mentioned in previous episodes,

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that's the definition of insanity.

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I also don't want you to give up at the

same token, because giving up is accepting

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that you are that negative thought and

that is much harder than you might have

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ever imagined, so as I can always say

in any episode, I could easily argue,

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go hire a coach and end it here today.

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That's it.

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That's your magic formula.

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Find somebody, even a fractional coach,

which we just talked about in a recent

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episode, could help you with overcoming

some of those roadblocks that you might

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face when it comes to difficult thoughts,

but even if you have the money to be

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able to do that, and you even have

the willpower to keep pushing forward.

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Is that really the solution

that you should be seeking?

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I always go back to the fact that if there

wasn't purpose in my life, I would have

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never been able to get over the suicidal

thoughts that I had in my life, which we

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talked about this way back in an early

episode entitled The Lighthouse, which I

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talked about, the watercolor drawing that

I did while I was in inpatient care at a

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mental institution located in Maryland.

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Those 72 hours signified to me that

my thoughts were toxic, and I never

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took the time or the appreciation

to understand why those thoughts

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were happening in the first place.

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What turned out to be a three day

ordeal essentially of understanding why

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I went into that pattern of thought,

led into a discovery phase that has

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lasted for over four years, and the

clock is still counting, on how much

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I've been continuing to work on that

idea of why it's so hard to have those

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challenging thoughts to overcome.

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We can have all these different excuses

of all the different things that we

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have to do when it comes to projects,

chores, tasks on our list, maybe even

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overcoming the defeating thoughts that

are associated with it, but if we're going

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to be completely giving up on ourselves,

to not even attempt to challenge the

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status quo, it doesn't matter if you hire

any sort of coach, you hire any sort of

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entity that will help you to organize your

materials so that you feel a lot better.

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It doesn't matter what you try, because

you will always go back to the same two

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out of 10 ways that you've always been in.

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It means you have to radically

shift yourself so that you don't

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ever fall into that pit ever again,

which we've talked about the pit.

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Portia Nelson's poem about five chapters

of how you fall into that hole and

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getting back up is sometimes what some

people live in, and I will be one of

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those people that will continue to fall

into chapter three: climbing back up,

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knowing that hole exists, but yet wanting

to be in it, but quickly getting myself

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back out of it, realizing that was a

terrible mistake in the first place.

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Human evolution, and even human

thought for that matter, will always

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lead us down a path of feeling so bad

about ourselves, that we will want

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to defeat ourselves at the same time.

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That is, by its very definition, the evil

that exists in this world, but there's

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no excuse to continue feeling like

you can't make progress, even handling

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those difficult thoughts that you have.

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I encourage you, keep track of

what you have going on in your

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life, and trust me on this.

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Maybe you can overcome what has

been defeating you all along.

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Maybe you will start to realize something

that you never realized before about

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your thought patterns, because changing

mindset is just one aspect of this.

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It's about being conscious of what

is around you, even when you think in

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your subconscious it exists, you're

not speaking it into existence.

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That is what I want you to do today..

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It is not harder than you thought.

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You're just setting up roadblocks, and

maybe even other people are setting up

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roadblocks for you to be able to achieve

that ultimate version of who you are,

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so don't let them get the best of you,

not even yourself for that matter.

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It's time to overcome.

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It's time to handle new, difficult

matters with a clarity that you've

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never seen before in your life.

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It doesn't mean putting off what

is happening in the present.

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It means taking on what's happening in

the present in a whole new different

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way, by simply acknowledging that

there is a problem, and hey, if there

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is no problem, maybe you can have that

successful business, maybe have that

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successful relationship, and oh yeah,

maybe even work on yourself to become

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so much better in the grand scheme of

things to help everyone else, because

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that trademark statement of, "It is harder

than I thought.", needs to stop, because

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I want you to be able to say, "This is

easier than I thought, and I'm glad that

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I changed my mind about taking this on."

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 131 of Speaking From The

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.