Episode #135 - The Castle (That You Unintentionally Built)

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 135 of Speaking from the

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Heart, and I'm ready for you.

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I've had my castle guards on standby

this whole entire time, and I know

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that you're going to attack me.

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Just wait.

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I have a plan that I'm going to

execute on, and you're not going

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to know any of the details until

you actually do it, so just try me.

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Try doing it.

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Try doing what you really wanted to do

for all this time, because on today's

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episode, we're going to talk about the

unintentional castles that we build.

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I know.

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You never thought on a professional or

personal development podcast we'd be

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talking about castles, but I'm not just

talking about any sort of castle that

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might come to mind, whether that is

something that you found on fictional

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TV, or even found on some sort of

website which you were researching

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growing up, because I'm sure that each

time that you've looked something up

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like this, whether it was in books,

illustrations, or any other sort of

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material, you've always had a picture

of what a castle would look like,

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but I'm not talking about the castles

in which they're physical in nature.

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I'm talking about the castles that re

erect in our lives, and I love this

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concept because I learned about it

way back when I got my life coaching

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certification and the instructors

talked about this presence of a castle.

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It's what we build amongst each other.

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It's not only the things that we

are thinking about as the moats, the

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towers, the guards, the throne room,

even the treasure room for that matter.

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I am talking about the things that are

representations, or even illustrations

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for that matter, of all the things

that we put up as safeguards.

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Things that we often times don't

look at as not only the things

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in which we don't want to be,

but yet they're manifestations.

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Even the rooms that we might have in

our castle might be booby trapped.

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They might be full of traps.

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They might be full of guards ready to

attack you; situations in which you might

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have never thought what you would find in

a castle, let alone even the people, maybe

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even the paintings, even the furnishings

of the castle represent who we are.

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In every sense of the word, the

castles that we build are often the

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things that we represent in our lives.

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Castles for a long time have been

known for strength and resiliency.

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That's why you see many of them,

even in European countries that have

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lasted for centuries on end, but what

if we considered that the physical

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manifestations of those castles might

not be a good thing for even ourselves

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to think of them as a fictional or

emotional or mental type of castle?

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Maybe the guards that are defending a

certain type of event or memory that

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often triggers people with depression

or anxiety are oftentimes the things

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that we closely guard, while other

rooms we might be able to freely enter

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into; the closets in which they have

all kinds of different clothing, all

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kinds of different bedroom furnishings,

maybe even studies for that matter.

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Even this concept, which I've

learned through life coaching, has

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evolved into even some of the therapy

that I've done, working on myself,

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imagining what the room is around me.

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Many of my psychologists would know what

that technique is, and I would certainly

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leave it to you to explain to your clients

that might be interested in exploring

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what that might be because it's not meant

for everyone, but having a visualization,

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having that understanding of what's around

us, why we can't have peaceful passage

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through our castles, can be a gateway,

or window looking into that castle,

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if you will, of somebody that's either

doing really well, or doing really bad.

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How do you look at your castle and how

do you represent it towards other people?

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Well, it's simple.

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If the things that you're trying to cover

up all the time, whether it's some sort

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of addiction that you have, maybe it's

some sort of pain that you're hiding,

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or even other sort of issues that come

up throughout your life, might be stored

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away in some of the closets, maybe even

some of the locked rooms, maybe even

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dungeons for that matter, of your castle,

if they even exist, but even then, maybe

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the places that you allow people to fully

enter into, whether it's the happiest

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aspect of your life, might be something

that you really want to show off.

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It might be the throne room with the

encrusted diamonds on your crown, maybe

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it's even in the scepter that you're

holding, being the king of all kings

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being able to rule over their subjects,

but maybe it's even in the people that

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you're trying to work with; maybe they

are trying to find places in which they

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should exist, because those people,

they might be good people, but maybe

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they're slowly stealing things from

that castle that you never thought that

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could be stolen in the first place.

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I'm talking about not just the time

that you spend in a castle, but

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also the illustration of what you

think might be the most important

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things within that castle as well.

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Let's not even talk about the color!

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Is it a dark, despondent castle?

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Is it a very lighthearted castle, in

which it has many different elements

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that bring out the natural light

that is allowed to be entered into?

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Let's face it, we don't want to always

be exposed to the light, especially if

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we want to hide things in the darkness.

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Does it have features in which

you're trying to defend that castle?

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Maybe you have a moat that surrounds

it with a drawbridge that only allows

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certain people to come in and come out.

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Is your castle willing to have

people that come in, no matter

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what kind of background they have?

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Are there even some things that you're

afraid of people seeing, maybe even

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some of the individuals that you invite

as guests that you try to tuck away,

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whether you cover them with some sort

of rug, maybe even have a pitfall,

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if you will, into some of the other

areas of the castle that normally

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would dispose of an enemy very quickly?

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Let's even talk about the bedrooms.

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What do you have inside your

bed that maybe is not even

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something that you want to share?

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Each of the rooms in our castle

have a different way in which we

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look at the lens of our lives.

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Whether we invite those people in or

not is totally the question that we're

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asking today: what is it that you

build inside your castle, whether it's

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intentional or not, that you should be

working on, instead of trying to defend?

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I can't tell you how many times

that I have built my own castle

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just thinking that I was going to

do really well with just defending

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everything that I've ever gained.

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I thought that hard work, even working

on that castle for that matter, would

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make such a big difference in people's

perceptions when they came to visit.

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In other words, every time that I had

somebody over, whether it's in my office,

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whether it's in my apartment, whether it's

in some other place in which I know that

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I have to look pretty darn good, I always

worried about what other people saw of my

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castle, but even then, if I didn't care

about what my castle looked like, would

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you still invite others to come over?

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Would you even have that conversation

with someone if they're really wanting

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to work on their castle in the first

place, maybe even help to rebuild walls?

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Maybe even fill in that moat that you

have around it, with all the alligators.

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Maybe even reduce the number of guards

that are really defending what is

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on your heart, but oh yes, that's

what it really all draws down to.

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The ultimate question that

we've continued to ask on this

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podcast: What is on your heart?

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I think that we build castles because of

the things that we try to hide within our

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soul, within our hearts, within our minds,

and we try to use the castle as a defense

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mechanism, maybe even times try to use it

as an offensive weapon, trying to attack

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people that are trying to get into places

where they shouldn't be attacking; where

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they shouldn't be in the first place.

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How do we find peaceful passage,

let alone worrying about the

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permission that we give to people?

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How can we overcome that image of a

dark, dainty castle, and have it be

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an inviting place in which people

can stand stronger in the long run?

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It's not really that simple.

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Unlike other episodes in which I

feel like we have a simple solution

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to a complex problem, your castle is

developed in a lot of different ways.

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The personal, the professional, the

business, the public speaking, the

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resumes, the interview preparation,

all these different things that

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I even work on each have their

own different type of castle.

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That's even what I deal with clients,

making sure that we can get to the

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root of what is really happening; to

be able to understand what is truly

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going on in order to understand and work

through what you might be going through.

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No castle is unique, which is why you

see castles of all different shapes

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and sizes, and that's why you have so

many different types of rulers to even

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the most friendly of all individuals.

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Probably even the most

contemporary example would be

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looking at the British monarchy.

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Looking at the ways in which they conduct

business, and even if you have one opinion

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over another when it comes to what their

castle looks like, we are all entitled

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to the ways in which we manage our own

house; our own castle, if you will.

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Are we really doing a service or a

disservice when we are putting up

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all these walls, all these things

that we have going on, and not

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letting people come in and out?

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Well, I have to tell you, that for

some people, they never be able

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to get out of their own castles.

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They are stuck in the ways in which

they've always learned throughout most

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of their life, while other people, easily

enough, can break down those walls and

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create new rooms in which they're able

to situate themselves in, and feel

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comfortable about the progress and the

progression that they're entering into,

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regardless of what role that they play.

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I know that for some people, this is easy.

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For others, it's not.

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I love the fact that we can all have

different castles, and I respect the

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fact here on Speaking From The Heart,

that your castle might not look the

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same as mine, or even somebody else's

for that matter, and if we were all

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similar in terms of our castles, we

would not have the individuality, let

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alone the identity, that we represent.

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It's even the things that we

build that allow us to speculate

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and even make improvements on.

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That's why I even talk about learning

from other people and growing from those

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experiences, whether that is even reading

or through a podcast, or even some other

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area in which I've even challenged on

previous episodes, but even with people

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that show up unannounced to your castle,

and even then, when you're facing and

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eliminating some of the pitfalls, maybe

even some of the dungeons, maybe even

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some of the places that you normally

don't go to and you don't use anymore,

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it means that you have to invite yourself

to stand stronger; to be willing to

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learn and grow in the ways in which

you should be growing, but even then,

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knowing that your castle is ever evolving.

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The ever evolving that we've already

talked about on this show is just

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about learning more of who you are, and

understanding and believing that you have

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unlimited potential to develop anything

that you could ever develop in your life,

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just by not letting it stand in your way.

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That could be a castle in itself.

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That's why I even say that castles that

come in all shapes and sizes have to

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have by design something that might

be the reason why it was erected in

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the first place, so if you're not sure

why that castle stands in the way it

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does today because you unintentionally

built it, it might be time to examine

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if that castle is really needed.

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If you have had that problem with a

friend that you've been holding back

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for so long and you have kept them

in the dungeon, maybe it's time to

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go talk to them and release them from

the jail cell that they've been in.

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If you've had somebody that has really

hurt you, and you have not yet forgot

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about that situation and what they

have done to you, maybe, just maybe,

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they might be one of the guards that

have been silently watching you.

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It's time to walk up to them

and strike up a conversation.

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Maybe there are things in the kitchen.

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Maybe there are places

within your treasure room.

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Maybe there are other areas of your

life that might be missing that

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all important piece of the overall

puzzle; the block that is missing

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from the overall castle wall that

needs to be repaired once and for all.

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Castles can come not only in the

shapes and sizes that we have already

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mentioned, but they come in the ways

in which we want to address those ever

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deteriorating situations that might

be happening, and even if those things

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are not deteriorating, they might be

things that you've been putting off for

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so long that now is time to address.

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Castles do not have to be the source

of inspiration or even of negativity.

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They are places in which we live.

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We have to be able to live within the

comfort, within the care, within the

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compassion of the walls in which we

surround ourselves with every day,

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and so if you're not doing that for

yourself, in which you're working on

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your own castle, let alone letting

even other people in, or even letting

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other people out for that matter, you

might have a dysfunctional castle.

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Maybe the castle that you have always

held on to needs to be finally let

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go of in order to be able to have a

new owner that can take occupancy.

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Whether you think you are a king or a

queen, a prince or a princess, a castle

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guard or a cook, maybe even a knight for

that matter, always saving the day of the

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many peasants that live outside of it and

around that castle, just know that you

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still have a valuable place, and maybe

sometimes walking out of that castle

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could be the biggest part of winning

your salvation back, maybe even finding

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the freedom, not being trapped in those

walls that you've always been trapped in.

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I'll leave you with this note.

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A long time ago when I did learn about

this concept, I once examined what

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those walls looked like, but I put it

to the side, thinking that my castle

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walls were mightier than ever before.

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I had a good job.

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I was doing really well with

learning all kinds of new things.

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My life was getting better, but the

problem that I had was that one thing

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led to another; inside my own castle,

that I never paid attention to, and

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one day, it all caught up to me,

and the walls of my castle fell in.

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The castle that we build doesn't

mean that it stays forever.

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It takes a lot of work to maintain,

which is why, I am asking you

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to examine your castle today.

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Don't let it go another day where you

might have somebody or something that's

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holding you back, but even then, it's

okay to have a conversation with some

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of the individuals that represent the

feelings, the problems, the situations

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that you have spent some time in,

because you are allowed to talk.

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You are allowed to be with other people.

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You are allowed to address what these

issues are, because I'd rather that

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you step outside your castle from

time to time and allow me to help you.

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I would hope that somebody was helping

you, even if you feel trapped inside

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that castle, because it's time to not

be part of it anymore if it's holding

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you back, but if you have a nice

castle, please think of me, Joshua D.

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Smith, the next time that you are holding

a party, because I would love to celebrate

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within that big castle, and I think those

castles are pretty darn cool to be able

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to take photos in, even if they're just

selfies, because those selfies, are really

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one big special thing, especially when

we're building our own castles to compare.

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When we compare, by the way, we're able

to learn a lot more about ourselves,

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especially when we're invited, and that's

a great feeling to have inside, knowing

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that you're loved and appreciated.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 135 of Speaking From The

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.