Episode 151

Episode #146 - Why Serving Others Matter: An Interview With Leah Parker

Finding ways to serve others means that we have a knack of knowledge, skills, or abilities to display for others. It helps to push us to develop these types of characteristics in ways that will empower us to develop ourselves and our destinies, whether they are pre-defined or not. The amount of work that we spend on ourselves to do this, however, can be influenced by how we are shaped and molded to define our journey. However, what if you walked away from it after a while, wanting to come back, but were denied? How do you fulfill your purpose that you were originally meant to do? United States Marine Corps veteran Leah Parker shares her story of how this occurred for her, and how it helped to become the best version of herself through the work that she does not only for her clients, but how she creates space for others to do the same. Her purpose will not only amaze you, but will inspire you to take action to truly "speak from the heart" in ways that you never thought were possible.

Guest Bio

Leah Parker is a Licensed Therapist, Veteran, and Recovering Perfectionist who has a passion for supporting trauma survivors reconnect to their body, heart, and worth, so they can develop deep connections and healthy relationships. You start your healing journey today by downloading her free workbook, Reconnect with Heartfulness: Nurturing Self-Compassion for a Life of Connection at omicounseling.com/workbook.

Website: https://omicounseling.com/workbook

@complex.trauma.counselor on Instagram

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support

Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Transcript
Intro:

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 146 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today's guest is Leah Parker,

and Leah is a licensed therapist,

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veteran, and recovering perfectionist

who has a passion for supporting

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trauma survivors, reconnecting

to their body, heart, and worth.

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This is to help them develop deep

connections and healthy relationships

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once again, and I love that our

relationship with this episode starts

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from not only the fact that she has

been a United States veteran, but she

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has been going through some of the

biggest challenges of her life, going

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from not only re-enlisting in the armed

forces, which we talk about, but also

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what it means to set goals, help others,

while at the same time being a leader.

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You have to figure that this hard work,

the things that you have to do, allow

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us to understand that we need to gain

a sense of independence, feeling that

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we belong; not feeling like we have all

these bad things always happening to

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us, and of course, looking beyond what's

on the surface, even what's on a paper

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for that matter, because let's face it.

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When you do talk to someone, and you

do deal with them on a daily basis,

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you start to understand them a little

bit better, so how do you overcome some

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of the societal tensions, the cultural

norms, even the things that we have

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to push ourselves through, in order to

have a greater connection with everyone?

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I think that you'll find that Leah's

story today touches on not just all these

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things, but it also connects with why

we need to have a proven identity, an

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understanding of what we are and aligning

with that identity no matter what anybody

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challenges us to feel, to even have as

questionable motives or opportunities in

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our life, because if you think about it,

we are one unique person, and I think

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that you'll find that Leah's unique

story fits all that and so much more.

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But with that, let's go to the episode.

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All right.

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We're here with Leah Parker.

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Leah, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

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Leah: Oh, absolutely.

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Thanks for providing the space.

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Joshua: Absolutely.

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I'm appreciative of you providing a

bigger space because you are one of

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my veterans on the show, and I just

want to acknowledge right away for

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the fact that you served in the Marine

Corps, so thank you very much on the

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bottom of my heart for the service

that you provide to our country.

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Leah: I appreciate that.

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Joshua: Absolutely, and I think that's

a great segue to start off with our

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conversation because I've already let I

already let the audience know, Leah, a

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little bit about you and your background.

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First off, what got you actually

interested in serving in the military,

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and then after you did your military

stint, what made you decide to enter

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the space that you're in right now?

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Leah: Hmmm.

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That's going to make for

an interesting story.

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I think like a lot of our military folks;

they say there's like two type of people.

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There's the type of people who are

running away from something that

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joined the military, and then there's

those that are patriotic, and there's

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not a lot of- I mean, sorry to

burst your bubble, but I came from a

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pretty tumultuous kind of childhood.

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I mean, there was a lot of presence,

but there was a lot of valleys too.

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There was some addiction,

domestic violence stuff.

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We lived in a not great part of that city

for a lot of the time, so there was like

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gang violence and stuff as well, and there

was this sense of this is not it for me.

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I wanted to get out of

there as fast as I could.

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I was looking for any avenue to do

that and recruiters, they love to visit

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high schools and it's almost like they

can sense you from a mile away, and I

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was approached by a Marine recruiter.

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I chose the Marine Corps because he

looked the best in uniform, to be honest.

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He looked sharp and I was like,

"If I'm going to do this, I want

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to be like that person.", right?

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He's squared away.

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He's sharp.

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He's well spoken.

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He was emulating just kind of that aura,

that confidence that I was wanting to

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step into, and then there was another side

of it that I was like, "If I'm going to

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be in the military-", this is my little

cocky little 17 year old self, right?

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" I want to do the hard one."

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Like, why am I going to sugarcoat

it, or scapegoat around it?

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Let me go ahead and do the one that

people say that you can't do or whatever.

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I joined the Marine Corps to pretty much

escape family and just gain a sense of

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independence, and I didn't know it at

the time, but another thing that really

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attracted me to the Marine Corps that

in hindsight I can see is with him being

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so squared away, what that was telling

me is there's a lot of structure here,

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and I came from an environment with no

structure, and I knew I needed that.

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Not on a cognitive level, but

on that unconscious level.

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I knew I needed boundaries.

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I knew I needed to structure my

life, so I did about 10 years in

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the Marine Corps; just shy of 10,

and through that, there was lots of

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ups and downs in that experience.

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There's a lot of really good things that

I took away from it, and there's some

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not so great things that I took away, and

that's okay, but the part of the Marine

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Corps that I liked was the leadership.

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I liked being a leader.

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I liked sitting down with my Marines.

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I liked getting to know them.

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I liked helping them create

goals for themselves.

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I liked watching them surpass me.

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I was not that disgruntled person.

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If I had a younger Marine

get promoted above me, I was

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sitting and I was like, "Yes!

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You are doing something right."

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and so I was like, "Oh.

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There is something here.

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I didn't like."

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The FF games that the Marine Corps played.

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I didn't like that side of it, but

there was something to that piece of it.

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I didn't know what that would

look like when I got out.

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I got out and I think like probably most

veterans, or just anybody that makes a

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big transition, a big career transition,

but maybe military or law enforcement or

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things like that, a little bit more is

there is this identity ,crisis that we

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go through, and I got out and I spiraled,

because I had to sit with the question,

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"Well, if I'm not a Marine, who am I?"

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Joshua: Wow.

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Leah: And that was hard, right?

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When you go from 17 to your twenties,

identifying as this thing above all else.

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When that's ripped away from

you, it's hard to grapple with.

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It's hard to reckon with, so I turned

to some self numbing activities.

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There was a period of depression in there,

and I started to finally see a counselor

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for the first time, and then that kind of

sparked this trajectory of where I am now.

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They were really helpful.

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I learned a lot.

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I grew a lot, and I was like, "This is

what I want to be for other people."

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I want to be a light.

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This is that mentorship that

I gravitated to so much.

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This is the part of the

experience that I enjoyed, and

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then I started down that path.

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Joshua: You mentioned about identity

crisis and for many veterans that I have

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talked to on the show, I think of David

Specht who's one of my guests that I've

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had many, many episodes ago, where he

kind of shared how that shaped him into

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getting into the journalism field and

helping him become a better leader because

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of helping his family, being able to

achieve some of those greatness items.

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You're sharing a little bit of an

opposite story of that, and I noticed

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that a lot of the things that you have

mentioned even on your website about

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yourself is the concept of anger.

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Did that have anything to do with

why it was such an adjustment

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period for you after the military?

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I've had some family members that

have served in the military myself.

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I have never served in the military,

but I know of some others that have had

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that sort of struggle readjusting back

to civilian life, and I'm wondering if

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that has any contribution to what you've

been through, and I'm wondering if you

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can share a little bit about that too.

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Leah: Hmm.

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That's a good point that

you picked that out.

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I was angry.

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I felt betrayed in a lot of ways.

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You know, the military, they hook

you in with this sense of family.

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" We're your brothers.

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We're your sisters.

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We have your back.

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There's this camaraderie.

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We got you.", "You never

leave marine behind.

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We got you.", but when you're in

there, that's for sure not the case.

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You find that these people that

you look to that you respect,

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they're the ones that hurt you.

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They turn their back on you, and

it was a really painful process,

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because a lot of people may not

be aware, and I'll share it here.

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Part of it was I wanted to get out,

but I did submit for re-enlistment,

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thinking, "You know what?

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If they say yes, what's

the worst that can happen?

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I retire in 10 years.", and

they said no, and that stung.

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Joshua: Wow.

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Leah: That really hurt, and so there

was a lot of anger there of this,"

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woe is me", kind of self pity place,

or this other criticism place of,

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"I gave you 10 years of my life.

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I gave you the best years of my life.

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You got all my 20s, and this

is that thanks that I get?"

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and they didn't even give me the full

severance pay, so that was just like icing

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on the cake of my F y'all, and so a lot

of it was stripping away the parts of my

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identity that were formed, encapsulated

to be that essence of a Marine that really

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never fit me anyway, and I think I needed

some of that anger to really let go of a

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lot of those pieces, if that makes sense.

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Joshua: It does, and I can relate to you.

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I didn't really share this with

you, but my listeners know that I

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have been trained in Toastmasters.

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Toastmasters is a non profit that works

on communication, leadership development,

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and I was given the opportunity to

lead several hundred clubs at one time

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because of working through the process.

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I couldn't do it because that was the

time, Leah, that I actually tried to

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hurt myself, and I wasn't really in a

healthy state to be helping other people

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if I needed the help the most, so a few

years later, I tried to go through that

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process and I felt like I was shunned,

and now I know some people listening to

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this know exactly what I'm talking about,

and they're probably already raging in

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anger, like, "Why would you bring that up,

Josh?", because that left a big impression

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in my life when I was going back and

trying again, and I was rejected too,

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so I can relate to that feeling because

you feel like you've been separated out,

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even after you tried to put in the hard

work, but I learned a valuable lesson even

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myself, and I feel like you are trying to

do the same in that maybe that had a place

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in time, but those signs are oftentimes

the ability for us to move in a different

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direction and serve in the greater

capacities that we are able to do, which

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I will contribute that decision of failure

in my life that ultimately led to starting

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my own coaching business, Your Speaking

Voice, hence the reason being able to do

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this podcast, so I think that you started

Omi Counseling as a result of not only

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trying to do this, but also build some

of these other facets of your life out.

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Would that be fair to say?

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Leah: Oh, a hundred percent.

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It was a blessing in

disguise by all the means.

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I wouldn't been able to

heal in the Marine Corps.

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I know that there was too much.

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Too much of it requires you to be a little

broken, and I hate to say that, but people

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who've been there will understand what

I mean by that, and so having enough

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separation from it allowed me to come into

my authentic self, and heal parts of me

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that would have never had the space to

heal in that environment, so I 100 percent

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would not be the person I am today, the

mother I am today, the wife I am today,

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the sister I am today, the daughter I

am today, the counselor, the coach, if I

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hadn't had that, quote unquote, rejection.

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Joshua: Were you rejected, though, in

the military itself, because you were

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saying a little bit earlier about not

just the re-enlistment, and the rejection

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of that, but it sounded to me like

you almost didn't fit in, because the

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culture that you were told it was going

to be was not the culture that it was

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in reality sense, so for me, before you

even answer that, hearing what you're

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saying, and you also helping others before

you even got into the counseling world,

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quote unquote, you were a counselor.

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Do you think that might have helped you

with having that sort of atmosphere build

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your perseverance to want to help others?

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Leah: In a sense, I mean, I was a mentor.

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One of the things that I do keep with me

that the military taught me was how to be

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a good leader and how to be a good mentor.

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They teach you a lot of principles

and values that are necessary, and

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so all of that followed me, yes,

but there was a- I'll just say it.

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There's no other way to say it than to

just call it out, but to be a woman in the

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Marine Corps is a very hard thing to do.

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We are such a small subgroup of people.

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We are in a man's world.

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It's still very much a man's world.

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There's still a lot of, at least

when I was in, now that's been about

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10 years now, the older leadership.

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You could tell the ones that really

still didn't think we should be there,

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and even to the other Marines, you

were either seen as a potential sexual

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object, or you were cold, and there

wasn't a lot of room just to be.

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They were quick to label us.

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They have lots of nasty names for female

Marines that objectify us and put us

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out there to be something that we're

not, and even if you don't fit in their

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particular idea of what women are, that

doesn't keep them from spreading rumors.

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It doesn't keep them from

talking about you, so it doesn't

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keep them from harassing you.

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It doesn't stop any of that,

and so I thought I was naive.

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I grew up with mostly sisters.

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I didn't have a lot of brothers and

I thought I was getting brothers, but

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I got a lot of predators and not all.

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I met some really good guys along

the way that I would still consider

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them friends, and I appreciate the

connections we made, and the relationships

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we had during my time in the Marine

Corps, but a lot of it wasn't that.

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Joshua: You know.

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First off, that's the most open that

I've ever heard anybody explain the

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situation being a female in a male

dominated military world, and I have

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to be very careful myself because for

my listeners, they know I'm a male.

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I mean, you can tell I'm a male too,

and you're a female, and I got to be

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very careful walking this line myself

because I believe in everybody having

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the equal opportunity to be able to

become the best versions of themselves.

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I really believe in that so much so that

I've built my business around the fact

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that coaching others to find that voice in

this ever changing world is so important.

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You are the epiphany of wanting to

change people in this ever changing

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world because you're living the mission

that I'm really setting out to do, Leah,

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because you saying what these things

are, are so important, and for you to not

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feel like you were acknowledged in that,

that makes me feel sad; be honest with

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you just listening to this, because here

I am talking to somebody that is very

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intelligent, eloquent, has much education.

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I mean, I'm looking at your

website and I'm just wowed.

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You can probably look behind me because

for my listeners, we were able to see

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each other, although you're only hearing

the audio, but you see that I have many

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degrees behind even me, for that matter,

that I've been able to achieve throughout

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my lifetime, but I never really stopped

to think sometimes about what it might

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mean to struggle through some of the

things that women have to go through,

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and I am not saying that I am sorry,

because that's what's defined you, and

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I'm not the one that did it either, if

it's all these other people, but, at

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the same time, I feel that you are much

stronger of a person than I am, and for

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that reason, I think it's so important to

acknowledge this one question that I have

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for you that I think is really important.

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Do you think that, if it wasn't for

those experiences, especially with

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going through school and going through

the military, do you have any regrets?

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Do you have any sort of feeling

of, "I should have never had to go

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through this in the first place?",

because, to me, I don't know.

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Maybe I'm leading you in this

question, and I might be, but, I

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feel like you have such a strong

skill set that goes beyond that.

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You're able to talk to people

that you can relate to so

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much better than I ever could.

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Leah: Yeah, so early in my healing

journey, I very much was in that place.

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"Why me?"

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"Why did bad things seem to happen to me?"

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"When am I going to learn the lesson?

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Whoever you are out there, I

think I've learned the lesson."

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We don't need to circle back around,

but it's one thing that, I think we've

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probably heard this so many times before,

but your trauma can be your triumph,

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and it's like you said, it is giving me

a level of depth that I wouldn't have

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had I not went through those things

and was resilient and had to learn how

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to process and come back to myself,

and so I don't regret what happened.

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I do have a few regrets about some

things in life, but it's more about how

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I related to things, versus the things

that happened to me, if that makes sense.

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I don't think that I would take those

things away, but if I could go back

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to my younger self and mentor her

a little bit better, the way I was

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relating to those things, I would

have loved to hold her hand and helped

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her through those in a much quicker,

quicker way, if that makes sense.

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Joshua: It does, and for us to be able to

do that means that we have to have that

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empowerment, or that knowledge, to be

able to do just that, and sometimes it's

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not as easy as it might sound, because

we have all those past traumas, like you

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said, but I love what you said: trauma

can be our triumph, and you did triumph.

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I'm going to just go ahead and call it

out for what it is, okay, because, as you

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know, and we even talked about this before

we started, I'm about calling it out

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for what it is all about, because that's

where I am at and this point in my life.

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Whether people are apologetic about it

or not, I don't care, because I feel that

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if it's really something that you've done

that's really good, I'm going to say it.

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Bachelor of Arts in

Psychology, Columbia College.

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Master of Arts in Counseling, St.

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Edward's University.

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You have all these different

certifications and trainings in not

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only postpartum, prenatal yoga, heart of

trauma, emotional transformative therapy.

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You've done so many different things

to build yourself this opportunity

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that is not only something that

I'm like shocked at because of what

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you've been through because easily

people can make the decision of, "No.

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I'm not going to continue with this.

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I'm just going to sit in my sorrow."

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My question for you is

you've done all these things.

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Why give back?

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Why try, because you obviously

do find that energy inside

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of yourself to try, Leah.

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Why you try to help others

to try to find that as well?

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Leah: When I was talking about going

back to that younger version of myself,

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and really sitting with her a little

earlier and shaking her a little

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bit, like, you are worth so much more

than you are offering to yourself,

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and on paper, here's the thing.

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I've always looked fantastic on paper.

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I am a recovering perfectionist.

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I have always had, well not

always, but I worked really

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hard to have the perfect body.

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I would have the perfect uniform.

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I would have the perfect CFT score.

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I would never have a perfect

PFT because I could never run

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that fast, but that's okay.

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It was always a first class.

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On paper, I did all the things.

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I went above and beyond.

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I checked all the boxes, because I was

constantly trying to earn my worth,

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to earn my value, so some of what

you're reading there, as impressive

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as it is, is an extension of that.

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Earning my confidence and my competence

in this field, and feeling like I

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have to have all these things, to

then have the space to be able to

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:

show up and talk like I am right now.

332

:

Some of that is just, I have a deep

love for learning, and that will

333

:

never end, and I like to be efficient.

334

:

Joshua: Yeah.

335

:

You definitely are efficient

with what you've been answering

336

:

these, I got to tell you.

337

:

Leah: But the piece that I have now, the

love that I can truly sit with myself

338

:

in, and how that has changed, like

transformed, the relationships in my

339

:

life is why I try, and I don't try in a

way that I have someone in front of me

340

:

and I'm efforting to get them somewhere

because that's rude, that's invasive, and

341

:

I don't do that, but I try in the sense

that I hold the invitation, and I will

342

:

hold it for as long as they need me to.

343

:

Joshua: Yeah.

344

:

Leah: That what you said to me,

that I see you, and I don't only

345

:

see who's in front of me, but I see

the little five year old in you.

346

:

I see the little eight year old in you.

347

:

I see the little 12 year old in you.

348

:

I see that 21 year old in you.

349

:

I see all those parts of you,

and I embrace all of them.

350

:

Joshua: I had a guest on recently

that talked about the different chairs

351

:

that we sit on, and how they all

interplay into how we become an adult,

352

:

and sometimes we're sitting though

in the adolescent chair the most,

353

:

and it's such a fascinating concept.

354

:

Jenny Jansen, who was on the show,

actually talked about this quite a lot,

355

:

and I think that what you're saying

is not just about being seen, which I

356

:

did say to you, and for my listeners,

before we even started, I did say to

357

:

Leah because she had some hesitations

about doing this, I said, "I do see you.

358

:

You don't have to be nervous about what

you're sharing today, because I think

359

:

what you share sometimes the things that

we don't share in the moment that counts

360

:

the most are the things that we really

need to hear the most.", but this is

361

:

just about the chairs that we sit in.

362

:

It's not just about what we have

accomplished, which yes, I'm also

363

:

recovering perfectionist myself.

364

:

I feel like we're two peas in a pod here

because I always tried to overachieve

365

:

because I was always overweight, and

always didn't feel good about myself,

366

:

up until about four years ago, and then

something clicked that I can't do that

367

:

anymore because it's not sustainable,

but you're saying something that

368

:

is truly important, and it's about

that continuous learning process.

369

:

It's not just about staying stagnant.

370

:

It's not just about feeling that you have

to always cater to what the intrinsic

371

:

or extrinsic motivations are, which I

had a recent client that we've talked

372

:

about those concepts, and why it's so

important to be in balance with both

373

:

the intrinsicness and the extrinsicness

because you can have too much of feeding

374

:

your self ego, but you can also have too

much of other people trying to feed your

375

:

ego and you're relying on that, and then

when it goes downhill, you go downhill.

376

:

Leah: You spiral fast.

377

:

Joshua: Yes.

378

:

Leah: Oh, does the spiral go deep?

379

:

Joshua: Yes, it does go super deep.

380

:

It goes super into the weeds of why

we are sometimes struggling to create

381

:

that context in our lives that we are

trying to find, but, you are doing that.

382

:

Are you happy with where you're at now?

383

:

Leah: So much so.

384

:

I mean, of course I still have goals.

385

:

For the first time, I can say that I

am content in my romantic relationship.

386

:

I could never say that before.

387

:

I could never invite that in.

388

:

I am content in the

professional that I am.

389

:

I have a desire to make a greater impact,

which is part of this podcast tour that

390

:

I'm doing, but I am extremely happy with

where I am, and it's because I slowed

391

:

down for myself and I built relationships

with my own little people inside that

392

:

I can hold the space for others to do

the same, and it's really for me about

393

:

inviting people to just form connections

with themselves, to deepen that connection

394

:

with themselves so they have the space

to open up their heart to others.

395

:

That's my why, you know.

396

:

Joshua: Yeah.

397

:

You have to be able to, and you need to be

able to always ask that question of why.

398

:

Leah, we're almost towards the

end of our time, and it's been

399

:

such a heartfelt conversation.

400

:

I feel this sense of kindredness inside

of me right now of peace being able

401

:

to hear your answers, and I don't know

why, because I feel that you've been

402

:

through so much, but yeah, you're a

very strong woman for being able to

403

:

share your convictions of what you have

been through, and why something needs

404

:

to change, and I'm going to ask you

a question that you ask your clients,

405

:

because you have this on your website,

and I found this really fascinating.

406

:

Yeah, you probably know what I'm going

to ask you, because it's straight out

407

:

there, and I'm looking at it and I'm

like, "Yeah, this is the question to ask

408

:

you.", so you have on your website, for

my listeners, she says, "What is your

409

:

first question for a client, and why?",

and you wrote, in quotes, "If our time

410

:

together provided you with everything

you need to live your best life, how

411

:

would you know our work was done?"

412

:

Well, my question, to rephrase that for

you, is, how will you know that your work

413

:

is done, Leah, or will it be ever done?

414

:

Leah: I don't think it'll ever be done,

because the world will never be- well,

415

:

I don't want to say never, but in my

lifetime, I don't believe that we'll

416

:

be able to treat each other with enough

empathy and compassion that there

417

:

won't be trauma in the process, and so

as a trauma therapist, as a perinatal

418

:

therapist, women will always have babies

and that will always be a hard transition.

419

:

Couples will always have struggles.

420

:

They, like my work will

never be done, done.

421

:

That doesn't mean that I'll never be

able to close the book on my professional

422

:

chapter, but being a mentor is who I

am, and whether that is for clients in a

423

:

professional setting, or my own children,

or my grandchildren, or my friends and

424

:

family, I'll never stop being the person

who sits down and really sits with you.

425

:

Joshua: We don't have enough of that

in this world, and sometimes we need

426

:

to have that extra chair out for the

nights that someone does show up and

427

:

we need to be able to make a cup of

coffee, make a cup of tea, whatever

428

:

that is, and be able to just sit

with them, and whether that's crying,

429

:

whether that is just having someone to

talk to, whether it's something else.

430

:

I know that for me in the darkest of

times- sorry, I'm getting a little

431

:

emotional thinking about this too, but

I often wanted somebody to do just the

432

:

same, and instead, they would either call

the cops, or they would call somebody

433

:

instead, but I really wanted to hear from

them more than anything else, even if

434

:

I wasn't in a good mindset, and that's

why it's always been my mission since

435

:

I have become more self aware of what

I had done destructively to myself that

436

:

I needed to be able to help others.

437

:

You're doing such the same by pulling

up that chair, and I encourage you to

438

:

keep pulling up that chair, because you

got not only the goods to bring, because

439

:

of all the things you did, even if it

was from the time that you had that

440

:

perfectionalism inside of you, but you

are doing something that in this world, we

441

:

need to be able to continue doing, which

is having that extra chair out, so Leah-

442

:

Leah: That's all we really want, right?

443

:

Be seen, but not to be seen for who

they want us to be, but to be seen

444

:

for who we are, and to be accepted,

and to be held, and so, yeah.

445

:

My chair, my door, my room,

it will always be open.

446

:

Joshua: Thanks for being so open

with all of us, and Leah, I want

447

:

to give you the last few minutes.

448

:

I'm sure many people are sitting

back now and thinking, "Wow.

449

:

This lady's incredible.

450

:

I want to be able to reach out to her.

451

:

I probably have more questions."

452

:

How can people reach out to you?

453

:

If people are interested in having

some counseling with you, maybe you can

454

:

talk a little bit about Omi Counseling

and how they can schedule some of that

455

:

time with you, even if people want to

reach out to you on your social media,

456

:

I would love for you to share some

of that, but I'm going to give you

457

:

the last few minutes to do all that.

458

:

Leah: Yeah, absolutely.

459

:

If the way that I held space today,

or the way that I have come across

460

:

resonated with you in any way, and

you would like to spend some time

461

:

with me, just go to my website.

462

:

It is www.omi, that's Oscar, Mike,

India, counseling.com, and you can book

463

:

a consultation with me through there.

464

:

I also do workshops, and I hold retreats,

and I do lots of other things, so if

465

:

you even just want to be in my world

to see what's coming up, you can

466

:

jump on my newsletter, and if you are

really resonating with my invitation

467

:

to return back to your heart, you

can go download my free workbook.

468

:

It is a guide to return to the heart and

our nurturing your self compassion, and

469

:

it really walks you through the phases

where we're most likely to disconnect

470

:

from our heartfulness, so you can kind

of get an idea of what your core need

471

:

wounding is, like who you need to go

mentor inside, and it kind of guides

472

:

you through what that looks like, and

then, it gives prompts to practice self

473

:

compassion, because it's a skill that we

have to learn, and with perfectionism,

474

:

there's always a very fierce critic that

comes with that, that took me a lot of

475

:

time to soften her, and starting with

self-compassion is so important because

476

:

we can't heal from a state of shame.

477

:

We can only heal from a state of

self-compassion, so I invite you to

478

:

get that workbook and start working

through that, and if you need any

479

:

help with any of the concepts, you

can reach out for more support.

480

:

Joshua: I'll put all those

resources, including the free

481

:

workbook that you mentioned,

into the episode notes, but Leah,

482

:

for maybe one of the few times as

I wrap up this, I am speechless.

483

:

I have so many things running

through my mind right now as it

484

:

comes to what you've been through.

485

:

I mean, first off, let me reemphasize the

fact that you served our great country

486

:

and being in the Marine Corps, despite

the difficulty that had been to be in

487

:

that sort of environment, and I want

to say thank you again for doing that.

488

:

The other thing is, you have been

through a lot of things, whether that

489

:

was through society, whether that's

through culture, whether that is

490

:

through some of the things that you

had to traverse, because it's just the

491

:

process of what we go through as life.

492

:

Where many people would continue to

carry the anger and the shame that you

493

:

have talked about today, you are using

this in such a way that I can't quite

494

:

put my finger on, and that's why I'm a

little bit speechless because there's an

495

:

energy, as some of my guests have talked

about, that we often exude or share, and

496

:

I feel that you're sharing this energy

of this space, whether it's a physical

497

:

manifestation, or whether it's something

that you create from nothingness.

498

:

I feel a sense of comfort today, and

it's very unusual for me to wrap up a

499

:

show where I'm talking about this sense

of comfort, but I feel that way, and

500

:

I don't know if that's a gift that you

have, or if it's something that you have

501

:

learned to cultivate and to transpire

because of your partner's support, being

502

:

a mother, whether it's because of the

training that you have gotten through

503

:

the military, whether it's through your

formal education, I don't quite know, but-

504

:

Leah: That's just me.

505

:

Joshua: But I think it's just you, and I

think because you are just being you and

506

:

I think that you're you is making us feel

like we're a million dollars and that

507

:

we're able to see that best opportunity,

that best authentic version of ourselves,

508

:

I want to say thank you from the bottom of

my heart being on Speaking From The Heart,

509

:

because not only did you open some of

those doors today, but you're continuing

510

:

to open those doors, and you're definitely

a bright light in this world, so don't

511

:

let that light be extinguished, so thank

you again for being part of the show.

512

:

Leah: Absolutely.

513

:

It's been my pleasure.

514

:

Joshua: I want to thank Leah for being

part of the show, and sharing not only

515

:

her story, but also how she's been able to

overcome so much, even with all the things

516

:

that are deemed as maybe the bad things in

life, and turning them into great things,

517

:

because let's deal with the fact that all

things that are great might be bad, and

518

:

all things that are bad might be great.

519

:

It's all a matter of perspective.

520

:

It's all about getting to

a better part of our life.

521

:

Are you willing to do the hard things?

522

:

Are you trying to get a sense

of independence by being

523

:

able to do it on your own?

524

:

Are you reaching out to others?

525

:

I think Leah's story, and so much of

what she shared, all interconnects into

526

:

finding that sense of independence,

being liked as a leader, setting those

527

:

goals, and helping others while you

are a leader in many different facets.

528

:

The military, regardless of where you

are in the world, certainly prepares

529

:

you into all kinds of opportunities,

even after you serve your country, to

530

:

be able to help in a variety of ways,

but speaking in a perspective of the

531

:

United States, I feel that we could

be doing so much more to be the light,

532

:

to be the change that we want to have

in our lives, because let's be real.

533

:

A lot of the things that we try to

help out with and try to connect

534

:

with, I think it makes such a big

difference to have some careful

535

:

considerations for developing yourself.

536

:

You have to learn how to set up not

only the success that you'll have for

537

:

the rest of your life, but even in the

military, you have to feel a little

538

:

bit more disciplined when it comes

to what you're trying to achieve.

539

:

I'm sad to hear that even with Leah's

story that she tried to re-enlist,

540

:

because she missed that passion

and could not do it, she had to

541

:

find another way to make it work.

542

:

Even if you wanted to say that she

should have stayed in the armed

543

:

forces and been able to help serve

her country, sometimes things change.

544

:

Sometimes the perspective that

we have back then doesn't make us

545

:

realize that we had something good

to provide until it's too late.

546

:

I know for even my own life, I have

reached out, tried to get into different

547

:

types of positions, and failed to do

so, and then when I did leave positions

548

:

because I thought I was going to a

better place, I wasn't, and I tried to

549

:

go back, but it was already too late.

550

:

Sometimes, we don't know what our

perspective is that we're trying

551

:

to reach for, until we miss what

we really were called to do, so

552

:

where is that place of healing?

553

:

Where do we find that space?

554

:

Sometimes it's hard to even do that in

the hustle and bustle of life, which

555

:

we've talked about on so many occasions

on this podcast, but yet trying to find

556

:

it means that you have to have a heart

to heart, an exercise in which you

557

:

discuss what you're trying to achieve.

558

:

You have to figure out what are

some of the best ways to keep moving

559

:

yourself forward, while not moving

backward, even if you think that

560

:

you're heading into a better position.

561

:

I think that we have to look at what

our feelings are, how we're being

562

:

treated by the world, how we're being

treated by others, because if we are

563

:

feeling objectified, if we feel that

it's something that they could be doing

564

:

a much better job at, especially with

our management, even if we're stuck in a

565

:

workplace situation that we really want

to escape, can we find the good in it?

566

:

Are we learning something from these

experiences so that we never take it

567

:

again to the chin, to the chest, to even

other places that we might not want to

568

:

have anywhere else in our life, even

our personal lives for that matter?

569

:

I know that it can be a struggle.

570

:

I know that sometimes you're trying to

figure out what are some ways to keep

571

:

moving the needle forward, but in all

honesty, sometimes that needle, as I've

572

:

even said, can be even pushed, bent,

and even destroyed, by other people's

573

:

intentionalities and their false hopes,

their false idols of what they should be

574

:

thinking as being able to move forward.

575

:

You might be even asking the

question, "Why do we have

576

:

these bad things happen to me?

577

:

Why is this always happening over

and over again?", and I get it.

578

:

Sometimes, those struggles, those

fears that we have, the aspects in

579

:

which we're trying to overcome, and

learn how to come back from all those

580

:

past failures, all those ridiculed

individuals that we have been facing,

581

:

all those people that have tried to

make us feel like we're worthless,

582

:

means that we also have to figure out

what it means to keep pushing forward.

583

:

Maybe we look good on paper.

584

:

Maybe we have the perfect body.

585

:

Maybe we go above and beyond.

586

:

Maybe we are even saying to

ourselves that we are competent.

587

:

We are loved.

588

:

We are going to keep learning and

growing, but even then, we might

589

:

be telling lies to ourselves.

590

:

We might be having to work on ourselves

in a variety of other ways so that we

591

:

do get that attention, we do get that

understanding from others, and that

592

:

we try to push ourselves, and extend

ourselves, thinking that that will

593

:

help us get to where we need to be.

594

:

Wow!

595

:

Isn't that quite a lot of different

things happening all at once?

596

:

To try to balance?

597

:

To try to feel like you're worthy,

and yet, maybe all that work is for

598

:

naught, and to feel like you are

worth nothing, after everything that

599

:

you've tried to pour into yourself

to do, is all for waste, or is it?

600

:

I have often sat here, even in my own

office, throwing pity parties for myself,

601

:

thinking that I was never good enough,

never able to accomplish the things

602

:

that I should be accomplishing, and I

let my own thoughts, my own desires, my

603

:

own setbacks even, get the best of me.

604

:

As I've even said to some of my own

clients, I have some of the past versions

605

:

of myself, let alone even people that

I have shamed and wronged, even look

606

:

at me, even though they're not here,

pointing the finger at me, and saying

607

:

that I'm worthless, that I'm never going

to make a better version of myself.

608

:

They, those people, those past versions,

do not have the empathy and compassion

609

:

for what I've been through in terms

of my own struggles, whether that

610

:

has involved infidelity, maybe even

mismanagement of my own resources,

611

:

or even, diving into addictions

that even I myself am still working

612

:

through, even as a coach to this day.

613

:

I do realize that I am human, but yet

through that trauma, I will triumph.

614

:

Trauma in itself should not be the root

cause of what holds us back from the

615

:

unlimited potential and the awesome

abilities that we are harvesting, because

616

:

even if we feel ridiculed, objectified,

racial slurs and other condescending

617

:

comments that might push us down into a

completely different type of mindset, does

618

:

not excuse or define who we should be.

619

:

We should not let others push us into

that corner, because every time that we

620

:

are pushed into the corner, we need to

fight back, but it doesn't mean that we

621

:

use physical violence, or our own fists

for that matter, to make that happen.

622

:

I find it ironic even as I say that

because Leah's story is all about serving

623

:

and giving, but even if you think that the

military shouldn't have been the way that

624

:

she did it, let me challenge you on this.

625

:

What other occupation, what other field,

would make you feel like you were as

626

:

prepared as Leah was when she left,

because even if you understood the

627

:

independence factor of why she wanted

to lead, why she wanted to help others

628

:

and set goals, we have to understand

that things change, but the persona of

629

:

ourselves might not change, even when

everything else is moving in a direction

630

:

that it should be moving towards, and that

can be the biggest setback that anybody

631

:

could ever have, especially when it

comes to those self destructive thoughts,

632

:

so where is your place of healing,

going back to the original question?

633

:

Are you feeling worthy?

634

:

Are you able to find that place?

635

:

I find that even with the people that

will continue to have on the show, and

636

:

the people that have been here in the

past, one thing has remained clear.

637

:

The people that have been sharing

these tales are in a place of healing,

638

:

and continue to heal every single

time that they share their story,

639

:

even if they have overcome the odds,

or have celebrated their successes

640

:

here, one thing remains true.

641

:

They keep on wanting to come back, not

just to pad their paper because they can

642

:

say that they've been on Speaking From

The Heart, but they're trying to push

643

:

themselves in a new direction, maybe in

ways that they have never experienced

644

:

before, which is why I'll end with this.

645

:

Try something new.

646

:

Maybe it's something that you've already

tried, but it's been a number of years.

647

:

Try again.

648

:

It might be an opportunity to

expose something in your life that

649

:

you haven't tried before, but at

the same token, allows you to have

650

:

opportunities, even if you have done

it, to see what that new goal is.

651

:

Maybe it's something that now, you

are a lot older, a lot wiser, a lot

652

:

more mature for that matter, but

more importantly, you want to live

653

:

that experience for someone else.

654

:

Maybe you're helping them see

the best version of themselves.

655

:

For a long time, I've been desiring

relationships, confidence, and

656

:

determination to all come together for

me; to find a path forward, but I realized

657

:

that even for myself, it takes hard work.

658

:

It doesn't mean that I'm trying to

figure out my identity, or that I have

659

:

an identity crisis especially at 37

years of age, but it's allowing me to

660

:

understand that I can be able to test

new theories, new concepts, and even

661

:

retest those theories and concepts in a

whole new world, which is why I'm able

662

:

to speak behind this microphone and be

able to do something that I continue

663

:

to grow in, to continue to feel that

I belong, and more importantly, look

664

:

better on paper, but I have to scratch

out that last sentence, because it

665

:

isn't about what I look like on paper.

666

:

It's about pushing and extending myself

into a greater conviction that allows

667

:

empathy and compassion to overcome the

struggles that we all have, so overcome

668

:

those struggles, my fellow listeners.

669

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Allow Leah's story to enter you into

ways in which you can do the hard things.

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It can be as difficult as serving in

the armed forces, but be the light, be

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:

the change for your family and friends,

because maybe your inspiration might do

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:

something for a complete stranger like me,

to allow me and others to grow, and to the

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:

best versions of themselves that they have

never seen before, and it was all because

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that we overcame that place of negativity

and entered a place of healing, and that

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might be the way in which we can overcome

not only that negative self talk, those

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negative feelings about ourselves, but

more importantly, overcoming our trauma.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 146 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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:

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.

About the Podcast

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Speaking From The Heart
Your Speaking Voice LLC's Business Podcast

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About your host

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Joshua Smith

Joshua D. Smith is the Owner and Founder of Your Speaking Voice, a life coaching, business coaching, and public speaking company based in Carlisle, PA. Serving clients across the world, Joshua got his start in personal/professional development and public speaking in April of 2012 through his extensive involvement in an educational non-profit organization called Toastmasters International.

Toastmasters International operates clubs both domestically and internationally that focus on teaching leadership, development, and public speaking skills. Joshua quickly excelled in Toastmasters International and found that he had a passion for leadership and helping others find their confidence and their true "speaking voice". Joshua has held all club officer roles and most District level positions in Toastmasters International and belongs to numerous clubs throughout the organization. Joshua has also been recognized as two-time Distinguished Toastmaster, the highest award the organization bestows for achievement in leadership and communication.

Outside of his community involvement, education is something that Joshua has always taken great pride in. His academic achievements include a number of degrees from Alvernia and Shippensburg University. He earned a Bachelor's degree in political science and communications from Alvernia in 2009, a masters of business administration from Alvernia in 2010, and later a masters in public administration from Shippensburg in 2014.

In the professional world, Joshua has held multiple positions with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania for over 14 years which includes a variety of data analytics, procurement, budgeting, business process improvement (IT and non-IT), legal compliance, and working with the blind. He has applied his public speaking and development skills in the professional world to tackle numerous public speaking engagements and presentations from all levels of the organization, including executive management.

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