Episode #152 - Discovering Your "True Man" Purpose: An Interview With Mike Van Pelt

Intro: 00:00:00

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

2

: 00:00:03

determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

3

: 00:00:08

This is Speaking From The Heart.

4

: 00:00:11

Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 152 of Speaking from the Heart.

5

: 00:00:16

Today's guest is Mike Van Pelt, and

Mike is an entrepreneur, author,

6

: 00:00:21

speaker, and men's life coach leader.

7

: 00:00:24

He is the founder of the True Man

Life Coaching, and host of the popular

8

: 00:00:29

men's podcast, True Man Podcast.

9

: 00:00:32

Mike's experience and passion for

coaching, guiding, and mentoring

10

: 00:00:35

men has come from his involvement

in leading Christian men's groups,

11

: 00:00:39

along with his own journey to take

his life back and achieve success.

12

: 00:00:44

In addition, Mike has served in

leadership roles for most of his career,

13

: 00:00:48

bringing over two decades of engagement

and expertise in account management,

14

: 00:00:52

consulting, and leadership development.

15

: 00:00:56

Mike has authored numerous

articles and is a three time

16

: 00:00:59

international best selling author.

17

: 00:01:01

In addition, Mike is completing his

first book entitled, True Man, True

18

: 00:01:06

Ways: A Roadmap of Discovery to the

Masculine Heart, and boy, did he get to

19

: 00:01:12

my masculine heart today as we had this

conversation about his journey, what led

20

: 00:01:17

him into this field of wanting to help

other men, and why it's so important,

21

: 00:01:22

especially with the 60,000 miles of blood

vessels that we have inside our body to

22

: 00:01:28

transverse this huge road of success that

we have to achieve, especially as a male.

23

: 00:01:35

Now, I got to say, Mike and I dive into

some very strong conversation about a

24

: 00:01:40

variety of different topics that, to

me, we have been avoiding for so long,

25

: 00:01:46

and have been not even addressing,

especially when it comes to males.

26

: 00:01:50

I love the fact that we challenge

it because especially with what are

27

: 00:01:55

support groups for women, women have

a lot of resources, unlike men, to

28

: 00:02:00

be able to do this, and that's not to

criticize that women also need that

29

: 00:02:05

extra level of support too, but what I

think you're going to find about Mike's

30

: 00:02:09

story is that coaching was ultimately

the reason why he became one himself.

31

: 00:02:15

How he was able to become a true

man, in terms of what was really

32

: 00:02:18

needed in his life, what he was

really curious about, and what was

33

: 00:02:22

really what we needed to do in life

ultimately, which is to get through

34

: 00:02:27

it, no matter how hard it might be.

35

: 00:02:30

I think you're going to find a lot of

inspiration, but for me, this conversation

36

: 00:02:36

was really heartfelt and why we need

to change the dialogue, especially

37

: 00:02:41

in the world that we live in today.

38

: 00:02:43

But with that, let's go to the episode.

39

: 00:02:46

All right, we're here with Mike Van Pelt.

40

: 00:02:49

Mike, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

41

: 00:02:52

Mike: I'll tell you what.

42

: 00:02:53

I love sharing my heart, and this has

been a work in progress and, what I

43

: 00:03:00

commonly tell people when they ask me

what I do, I always say, "I help guys

44

: 00:03:05

get out of their head and into their

heart.", which is something that is

45

: 00:03:10

really missing in the men's community.

46

: 00:03:13

Can I share something with you?

47

: 00:03:15

Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.

48

: 00:03:16

Mike: Did you know that the body

carries 60,000 miles of blood vessels,

49

: 00:03:25

and to put that into context, that's

approximately 3,000 miles across the

50

: 00:03:30

United States from the West Coast to

the East Coast, which means you could

51

: 00:03:34

drive your car back and forth 10 times,

and the whole point of all those blood

52

: 00:03:38

vessels is they connect to your heart.

53

: 00:03:41

Our body is an incredible, powerful

miracle, and it's just so important for us

54

: 00:03:47

to be in touch with our heart, and I spent

so many years not knowing that, so thank

55

: 00:03:53

you for the introduction.

56

: 00:03:55

Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.

57

: 00:03:56

I can't tell you enough though of

how many times that I wish I had that

58

: 00:04:01

information at hand, because I think

how many connections I've made already,

59

: 00:04:06

Mike, and you being one of my several

guests that I've had on the show.

60

: 00:04:10

I have to be close to 100 at this point.

61

: 00:04:12

I have never actually heard of that

fact before, so now, I know what I

62

: 00:04:16

need to take with me going forward.

63

: 00:04:18

Mike: Good!

64

: 00:04:18

Good, so when it's in my upcoming

book, it'll be really original.

65

: 00:04:21

I like that.

66

: 00:04:23

Joshua: Well, thanks for sharing that

tidbit, and that heartfelt fact to kick

67

: 00:04:28

us off, because Mike, I've already let

the audience know quite a lot about

68

: 00:04:33

your background and who you are, what

you've already accomplished, but here's

69

: 00:04:38

the thing that really stuck out to

me, and I just want to jump into it.

70

: 00:04:41

Mike: Sure.

71

: 00:04:43

Joshua: You work with men.

72

: 00:04:46

Period.

73

: 00:04:47

Now, I say that because I've had a lot of

women on the show that work with women.

74

: 00:04:53

Mike: Yeah.

75

: 00:04:53

Joshua: I had a lot of women on the

show that work with women and men,

76

: 00:04:56

but I don't have very often men that

work with men, so I'm kind of curious.

77

: 00:05:03

What got you started into that passion

and that commitment to help other men?

78

: 00:05:08

Mike: Yeah.

79

: 00:05:09

Well, people don't like to work

with men because we're the craziest

80

: 00:05:11

animals on the face of the earth.

81

: 00:05:14

Joshua: True statement.

82

: 00:05:16

Mike: You know, it really

stems from my story.

83

: 00:05:19

I was really at a loss in my life for what

I wanted to do throughout my adult career.

84

: 00:05:27

I had been involved in sports for most

of my life growing up, and that just

85

: 00:05:33

brought me such joy, such passion.

86

: 00:05:36

It was a team environment,

and I love that.

87

: 00:05:40

I love being in the locker room and

strategizing and being around the guys.

88

: 00:05:44

That was my everything, and when all of

that came to an end, there was really

89

: 00:05:49

nothing that ever replaced it, and when

I got into business, and started really,

90

: 00:05:56

for the most part in the sales world,

nothing ever made my heart come alive.

91

: 00:06:03

Just nothing, and our

kids were really young.

92

: 00:06:09

My wife and I, after we got married,

lived in Texas for nine years, and then we

93

: 00:06:12

moved to South Carolina, and our kids were

really young, and I was in the insurance

94

: 00:06:16

and financial business, and when you're

in the insurance and financial arena,

95

: 00:06:20

you build a clientele, so to pick up a

move across the country is a big deal,

96

: 00:06:24

and I was really hoping I would find a

sage old guy at an insurance agency that

97

: 00:06:31

wanted to teach a young guy, and I wasn't

finding that, and what happened was,

98

: 00:06:36

rather than building a niche, I went big.

99

: 00:06:39

I went big, and I got lost and I

really hated what I was doing, and

100

: 00:06:44

I remember sitting with my wife

one night, and she said, "Mike.

101

: 00:06:50

Our kids are young.

102

: 00:06:52

Stay at home with them.

103

: 00:06:53

We're good."

104

: 00:06:54

My wife is a senior executive.

105

: 00:06:55

She's like, "We're good.

106

: 00:06:56

Stay at home and figure out what you

want to do with your life.", and I

107

: 00:07:00

remember having these conversations with

our kids, even though they were young.

108

: 00:07:03

We didn't use daycare.

109

: 00:07:04

We always talked about going

to school, and how important it

110

: 00:07:07

was, and the importance of being

educated, and getting an education.

111

: 00:07:12

I looked at that and I went, "Well,

there's something missing, Mike.

112

: 00:07:15

You didn't complete your college

education.", and so I worked with a career

113

: 00:07:18

counselor, and what we decided was I'm

going to go back to school and I'm going

114

: 00:07:21

to complete my undergraduate degree, and

I did that, and during that timeframe,

115

: 00:07:25

I started to get heavily involved with

a lot of nonprofits and my church, and

116

: 00:07:31

I was doing that work, and my heart

was really coming alive as a result,

117

: 00:07:36

and I realized, "You love nonprofits.

118

: 00:07:40

Maybe that's the direction you want to go,

but what are those nonprofit executives

119

: 00:07:44

have that you're missing?", and some of

the ones that were really good had an

120

: 00:07:49

advanced degree, so I decided, because

I guess I'm a glutton for punishment,

121

: 00:07:54

"I'm going to get my master's degree

as well.", and I went back and got my

122

: 00:07:58

master's degree, and what's interesting

is I tried to go back out in the

123

: 00:08:01

workforce, and I was met with crickets.

124

: 00:08:03

Absolutely nothing.

125

: 00:08:04

People had no idea what to do with Mike.

126

: 00:08:07

Now he's educated, but he's

been a stay at home dad.

127

: 00:08:09

We have no idea what to do with this guy.

128

: 00:08:12

I was getting a lot of "no's" that I began

to internalize it ,and it was crippling.

129

: 00:08:17

It was crippling me, because, as a man,

what happens is you go out, you introduce

130

: 00:08:23

yourself, people want to know your name,

and then they want to know what you do,

131

: 00:08:26

and when they ask what you do, then, human

nature, we start to judge people, right?

132

: 00:08:31

"Oh, this guy's an attorney.

133

: 00:08:32

He must have a big house and a big car.

134

: 00:08:34

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

135

: 00:08:35

I couldn't even get it out of my mouth.

136

: 00:08:37

In fact, there was one party we were at,

and my wife had to answer for me, because

137

: 00:08:42

I was just curl up in the fetal position

when somebody asked me what I did.

138

: 00:08:47

What I decided to do about it was I knew

that I had the knowledge, skills and

139

: 00:08:50

abilities and professionalism to go out

and do anything, and I decided, "Well,

140

: 00:08:55

I'm going to try my hand at business

consulting.", because I had some friends

141

: 00:09:00

that had an opportunity, and so I

decided to go down that road, and I was

142

: 00:09:04

out networking and I was at a business

networking event, met a guy by the name

143

: 00:09:08

of Paul Bailey, and Paul and I hit it

off, but we discovered that we didn't like

144

: 00:09:13

that networking group, that there were

more takers than givers in that group,

145

: 00:09:17

and so we thought, "Well, let's start our

own networking group.", and what happened

146

: 00:09:21

was we never got it off the ground.

147

: 00:09:25

Utter failure.

148

: 00:09:26

Turned into a men's small group almost

immediately because we have that in

149

: 00:09:29

common, and what happened in that group

was I've been a Christian all my life,

150

: 00:09:39

but I had no intimacy with Christ.

151

: 00:09:41

None.

152

: 00:09:41

It just didn't exist.

153

: 00:09:42

I didn't know it was available, and so

we started doing the men's small group

154

: 00:09:46

and I went to a men's retreat and it was

on that weekend at the men's retreat on

155

: 00:09:51

a Saturday morning, and the executive

director said, "We're going to play three

156

: 00:09:55

songs this morning, and I want you to

think of these songs as Christ singing

157

: 00:09:59

them to you.", and they played a song

by Josh Groban called You Are Loved, and

158

: 00:10:03

I literally almost fell to the floor.

159

: 00:10:06

It was in that moment that I heard

God say to me, "I want an intimate

160

: 00:10:10

relationship with you, and you are my

beloved Son.", and my life changed.

161

: 00:10:16

I immediately started looking around, and

I'm like, "There's 300 guys in this room."

162

: 00:10:22

I know what we're doing

in our men's small group.

163

: 00:10:24

I've been to other small groups.

164

: 00:10:26

There's a need for another man to

walk alongside another man, and I

165

: 00:10:33

had never been to a retreat before.

166

: 00:10:35

There was a lot that I had to

unpack, but that was in the

167

: 00:10:38

spring of 2019, by the way.

168

: 00:10:40

By the end of 2019, I'm

now thinking, "Okay.

169

: 00:10:43

This is a direction I want to go.", and

lo and behold, in February of: 2020

170

: 00:10:47

had this small little problem called COVID

pop up, and that just changed everything,

171

: 00:10:54

and then June 15th of 2020, my wife had

been with a company for 14 years, and

172

: 00:11:00

out of the blue, companies are trying

to figure out, "How can I take it?"

173

: 00:11:04

She was in the hospitality business

after 14 years, and completely out

174

: 00:11:08

of the blue, they pulled her in, and

said, "Thanks for being here, but

175

: 00:11:12

you're no longer needed.", and so our

world just got flipped on its head.

176

: 00:11:18

Oh, and by the way, that's

in the middle of the summer.

177

: 00:11:22

Our son's getting ready to be a senior

in high school, and our daughter's

178

: 00:11:24

a sophomore, so now, we know we're

probably going to have to relocate

179

: 00:11:29

at some point, but we really don't

want to do that, because it's going

180

: 00:11:32

to be disruptive for the kids.

181

: 00:11:34

We immediately started looking around.

182

: 00:11:36

"What can we do?

183

: 00:11:36

What can we do together?

184

: 00:11:37

Is there something we can do?

185

: 00:11:38

Is there a business we can buy?",

and I came across this coaching

186

: 00:11:42

platform, and the guy had a thing

about dads, and I'm like, "Oh boy!

187

: 00:11:47

That gets me every time.", right?

188

: 00:11:48

This guy's talking about men, and I called

him, and the rest, they say is history,

189

: 00:11:53

so we started down this road together,

and I was using him, and that's really

190

: 00:11:58

where the coaching thing took off, and

the podcast thing took off, because it

191

: 00:12:02

was a joke in our men's small group.

192

: 00:12:04

" It would be really cool

if we recorded this."

193

: 00:12:06

I didn't even know a lot about

podcasting, and so we began the podcast,

194

: 00:12:11

and that is how my coaching journey

with men started, because men walked

195

: 00:12:17

alongside me in a moment where I

needed to win my heart back, and they

196

: 00:12:22

helped me do that when nobody else

gave a wing ding about Mike van Pelt.

197

: 00:12:28

Those men in that group cared enough

to listen to what I was going through

198

: 00:12:33

and help me rebuild, and what I

offer men, basically, is a shortcut.

199

: 00:12:41

You don't have to go through

what I've gone through.

200

: 00:12:42

Now, unfortunately, you guys are rascals.

201

: 00:12:46

You wait until you're bleeding out your

eyeballs before you come ask for help.

202

: 00:12:51

Don't do that.

203

: 00:12:52

That's a bad thing, by the way, and

so, everything that I do is to help

204

: 00:12:59

be there for guys, and walk alongside

them, to help them find their vision

205

: 00:13:03

and their purpose in life, and I

asked those deep questions that they

206

: 00:13:08

don't know how to ask in that moment,

because they're in the weeds, right?

207

: 00:13:11

We've all been there, and so that's how

this whole thing got started, and that's

208

: 00:13:15

why I work with men, very specifically.

209

: 00:13:20

Joshua: That's an incredible

tale of how you got to here.

210

: 00:13:22

First off, I got to tell you,

you're a fellow brother in arms.

211

: 00:13:25

I also have my master's in

public administration, which I

212

: 00:13:28

noticed that's what you obtained.

213

: 00:13:29

Mike: Yeah.

214

: 00:13:30

Yeah.

215

: 00:13:30

Yeah.

216

: 00:13:31

Never use it, but-

217

: 00:13:32

Joshua: I never used it.

218

: 00:13:33

I had to use mine for government,

and my full time job that I have

219

: 00:13:38

with the state of Pennsylvania,

so I have definitely utilized it.

220

: 00:13:40

I actually have been fortunate enough

to get two, because I had one before

221

: 00:13:45

that; a business administration masters,

which I didn't use until I started the

222

: 00:13:50

business, so that in itself, I think

that whole conversation of you working

223

: 00:13:54

with a career advisor, and going in that

direction of getting your bachelor's and

224

: 00:13:59

seeing that I can relate to, and what I

also related to is the fact that you have

225

: 00:14:04

gone through these cycles of, "Oh yeah!

226

: 00:14:07

Everything's really great."

227

: 00:14:09

"Oh!

228

: 00:14:09

Everything's not so great."

229

: 00:14:10

"Everything's really great.", and

I say that because I shared with

230

: 00:14:14

this even to you previously, COVID

seems to have changed everything.

231

: 00:14:18

It was a game changer for many people,

and for you to be able to say, "This is

232

: 00:14:23

what I can find as a niche by working

with other people.", that, in itself,

233

: 00:14:28

means so much, and one last thing I have

to say with what you shared is that you

234

: 00:14:32

had the podcast, before the coaching?

235

: 00:14:34

Is that correct?

236

: 00:14:36

Mike: They kind of happened

simultaneously, so the rest of the

237

: 00:14:39

story is, is that when we were going

through what we were going through

238

: 00:14:45

as a family, when my wife lost her

job, we were in a smaller area.

239

: 00:14:49

My wife had always been in corporate

America, and so there was really a limited

240

: 00:14:53

amount of opportunity there, and what

we realized was that if she was going to

241

: 00:14:59

take another position, it was ultimately

going to cause us to relocate, and so,

242

: 00:15:03

I went through some training and got

certified from a coaching standpoint

243

: 00:15:08

prior to us moving and relocating now

outside the Atlanta area, and that was

244

: 00:15:15

a deal that I struck with the guy that

I originally did my coaching services

245

: 00:15:20

through, because I told him, I'm like,

"We don't know where we're going to end

246

: 00:15:24

up, and the last thing I want to do is

be trying to figure out how to run a

247

: 00:15:28

business and be moving at the same time.",

because what ultimately was going to

248

: 00:15:33

happen was that I knew I was going to

have to take a lot more on when we move,

249

: 00:15:38

because my wife was going to be working,

and somebody had to pick up the slack.

250

: 00:15:41

Somebody had to be there for

the cable guy, the gas guy, the

251

: 00:15:45

contractor, whatever the case may be.

252

: 00:15:48

I had no problem doing that, but

I knew that we couldn't run all

253

: 00:15:51

simultaneously, and what's interesting

is the podcast, as I mentioned, was a

254

: 00:15:56

joke in our men's small group, but the

guy that I went into coaching with,

255

: 00:16:01

he jokingly said to me one day, "Mike!

256

: 00:16:03

You've ever thought

about doing a podcast?"

257

: 00:16:04

after I sent him a couple

of blogs, and I said, "Nah!

258

: 00:16:07

Yeah, we talk about it all the time,

but I don't know if I could do it.",

259

: 00:16:11

and as I mentioned to you, I researched

it and I decided, "You know what?

260

: 00:16:16

This could be interesting, but I still

don't know if I'll do it.", and I

261

: 00:16:22

ordered the equipment, had it shipped

to my house, and when it showed up my

262

: 00:16:26

front door, I knew I had no choice.

263

: 00:16:28

I had to figure it out, and that's exactly

what we did, so to some degree, the

264

: 00:16:33

podcast really did start before I jumped

into the coaching, but not formally.

265

: 00:16:39

Joshua: Yeah.

266

: 00:16:40

Yeah.

267

: 00:16:40

It was more informally.

268

: 00:16:41

Either way, I'm going to cut it off by

saying you had the podcast before the

269

: 00:16:46

coaching, and that's funny, because

I had the coaching before the podcast

270

: 00:16:49

for myself, so I just found that we all

take different paths to get to where

271

: 00:16:53

we are, and that's just a unique path.

272

: 00:16:55

I never really heard of that

sort of unique take before.

273

: 00:16:59

I got to ask this, and this is probably

more of a deep question, and it's

274

: 00:17:02

something that you said about your faith

journey and finding Jesus Christ, and I've

275

: 00:17:07

always said to people on this show, Mike,

and I said this to you even before we

276

: 00:17:11

started, and my listeners know this too.

277

: 00:17:13

I think that we all come from

different paths in terms of how

278

: 00:17:16

we got to where we are, and that's

what I really care more about.

279

: 00:17:19

It's not about judging people,

or antagonizing, condemning them.

280

: 00:17:23

I don't believe in that in my show,

and doing this, because I've had

281

: 00:17:27

clients that come from all walks

of life too, and I want to help

282

: 00:17:30

them get to where they need to be.

283

: 00:17:32

That moment where those universal items,

I would say, aligned for you, where a

284

: 00:17:39

lot of things were going down, but yeah,

a lot of things were, you're finding it.

285

: 00:17:43

Was there a sense of peace with you

finding Jesus, or maybe to put it

286

: 00:17:50

in another way, was it comforting

to know that there was a path now

287

: 00:17:54

to move forward to figuring out

what your calling was in life?

288

: 00:17:58

Mike: You know, it's so

interesting, because growing

289

: 00:18:02

up, church wasn't an option.

290

: 00:18:06

Joshua: Yeah.

291

: 00:18:07

Mike: Church was something

we were going to do.

292

: 00:18:08

We were doing it every Sunday.

293

: 00:18:10

I grew up in a Lutheran

church in the Midwest.

294

: 00:18:12

We were going to midweek class

in the middle of the week, and it

295

: 00:18:15

was just something that we did.

296

: 00:18:16

My relationship, I think, with

Christ was very hierarchical.

297

: 00:18:20

In other words, if you go to your

typical church, the minister stands

298

: 00:18:24

in the pulpit, so he stands above you.

299

: 00:18:26

You're in the pews, and so

there was kind of like, "Okay.

300

: 00:18:29

God's up here.

301

: 00:18:30

I'm down here.

302

: 00:18:32

According to what I've read and

heard, all I need to do is just

303

: 00:18:35

pray for forgiveness and I'm good.

304

: 00:18:37

We're good?"

305

: 00:18:38

"Yeah, we're good."

306

: 00:18:38

"Okay.", and I didn't view it as,

you know, God really wants to be

307

: 00:18:45

a part of my life, you know, and

what happened in that moment was

308

: 00:18:52

my heart was broken in that moment.

309

: 00:18:55

I was feeling the pain of not feeling

like the man I wanted to be, and not

310

: 00:19:02

really knowing how I could get there.

311

: 00:19:05

I was trying all kinds of things.

312

: 00:19:07

I'm an eighties kid, right?

313

: 00:19:08

I grew up in the eighties, and back in

the eighties, they told you if you go

314

: 00:19:12

to college, and get your college degree,

you get the house with the white picket

315

: 00:19:17

fence, and the dog, and two kids and a

wife, and everything's hunky dory, right?

316

: 00:19:23

Not so much, and so I was not prepared

to go to school when I went to school,

317

: 00:19:29

and I really could have cared less

about school to be perfectly honest.

318

: 00:19:32

I was more concerned about what was

going on in the football field or

319

: 00:19:35

the basketball, and the bottom of

the beer can for quite a while, so

320

: 00:19:39

school was not a priority to me,

but when you have something happen,

321

: 00:19:48

and it's unmistakable that Jesus

is basically saying to you, "Son!

322

: 00:19:55

Just love me like I love you.", and he's

talking to you and you hear that voice.

323

: 00:20:02

It's really one of the more

transformational things that has

324

: 00:20:05

ever happened to me, so TrueMan,

that was our men's small group

325

: 00:20:08

that was taken out of scripture.

326

: 00:20:10

Jesus Christ walk on earth as a true man.

327

: 00:20:13

That's what we pulled it from, and

so, in our minds, the best role

328

: 00:20:20

model that had ever walked the

face of the earth was Jesus Christ.

329

: 00:20:23

Now we're never going

to get to Jesus's level.

330

: 00:20:26

That's not the point.

331

: 00:20:28

The point is He gave us

the playbook: the Bible.

332

: 00:20:33

It's all in the Bible.

333

: 00:20:34

He gave us the playbook.

334

: 00:20:36

Joshua: Yes.

335

: 00:20:37

Mike: You know, and said, "Here you go.

336

: 00:20:39

Here's how you do this.", and so in

our minds, that was how to get it

337

: 00:20:44

done, and I set out, every day, to be

the best true man that I can be now.

338

: 00:20:51

I have a lot of people, maybe this

is going through your mind right now.

339

: 00:20:55

A lot of people ask me, they're like,

"Well, Mike, how do you define true man?"

340

: 00:20:58

Joshua: Actually, I was going

to ask that as it relates to

341

: 00:21:00

your clients, but go for it.

342

: 00:21:02

Mike: Yeah.

343

: 00:21:03

What is a true man, and here's what

I've learned about that, and I had

344

: 00:21:07

to evolve from this, and this is

the beauty of what God's given me.

345

: 00:21:11

God has entrusted me

with the TrueMan brand.

346

: 00:21:15

It's not mine.

347

: 00:21:17

He's trusted me.

348

: 00:21:18

Now, I have a business coach.

349

: 00:21:20

I believe every coach should

surround themselves with

350

: 00:21:22

coaches, and everything they do.

351

: 00:21:24

I have a business coach.

352

: 00:21:25

I had a podcast coach.

353

: 00:21:26

I've had a golf coach in my life.

354

: 00:21:28

I have faith coach.

355

: 00:21:30

Why do I do that?

356

: 00:21:32

I do that, because I want to be the best

person I can be, and I can't get there

357

: 00:21:38

on my own, so I thought about, "Well.

358

: 00:21:41

Okay.

359

: 00:21:41

God's entrusted you

with this TrueMan brand.

360

: 00:21:44

What does that mean, exactly?", and

what I realized was, and I was going

361

: 00:21:47

back and I was looking at some stuff

from the television show, The Chosen,

362

: 00:21:51

and if you haven't watched The Chosen,

by all means, what are you waiting for?

363

: 00:21:57

Joshua: Yeah, it's a really good show.

364

: 00:21:58

I've watched a few.

365

: 00:21:59

I didn't watch all of it.

366

: 00:22:00

Mike: So the guy that plays Jesus

on there is absolutely incredible.

367

: 00:22:03

I mean, that's my Jesus right there.

368

: 00:22:04

That is my vision of the Jesus, but

there's a scene in there where Simon,

369

: 00:22:08

Peter, and everybody's heard this

story about fishing and, you know,

370

: 00:22:12

cast your nets out on the right side

of the boat, and so I'm watching the

371

: 00:22:15

scene, and there's something about,

that's almost unexplainable to me,

372

: 00:22:21

when Jesus says to Simon, Peter.

373

: 00:22:26

"Follow me.", and I just kept playing it

back, and back, and back, and back, and

374

: 00:22:31

back, and I'm like, "What is a true man?"

375

: 00:22:36

I'm like, "Really?

376

: 00:22:36

It's two words."

377

: 00:22:38

"Follow me.", and guess what?

378

: 00:22:40

I don't get to define what a true man is.

379

: 00:22:44

You do.

380

: 00:22:46

Your definition of a true man is what a

true man is, and I tell everybody that,

381

: 00:22:50

and really, what that comes from is it's

a byproduct of the coaching model that I

382

: 00:22:55

have, which is, basically I can't fix you.

383

: 00:22:58

I don't want to fix you.

384

: 00:23:00

I don't even understand

what the word fix is.

385

: 00:23:03

I will guide you, because

I believe, just like I did.

386

: 00:23:09

You have the answers inside of you.

387

: 00:23:12

I'm just going to ask very powerful

questions, and be the guide that

388

: 00:23:15

helps you get them out, and if we

help you get that out, you will be

389

: 00:23:22

able to define what a true man is for

you, and so that's how I define true

390

: 00:23:28

man, if that is even a definition.

391

: 00:23:32

Joshua: I've explored that subject a

few times with some of my other guests

392

: 00:23:35

too, and every time that I feel like

I have an answer for it from what

393

: 00:23:40

another guest says, another guest

comes along, like you and says, "Well.

394

: 00:23:45

Wait.

395

: 00:23:45

Wait.

396

: 00:23:46

Wait.

397

: 00:23:46

Wait.

398

: 00:23:46

Let's see a little bit about what's

behind the curtain, and get beyond what

399

: 00:23:51

you might see on the surface.", and

it's so true, and I can say this with

400

: 00:23:56

some credence because of being a man

myself, but I feel that I have hidden

401

: 00:24:01

behind the veil, Mike, for so many

years, and I'm younger, obviously, you

402

: 00:24:06

can tell my beard hasn't grayed out yet

myself, but, one of the things that.

403

: 00:24:11

Yeah, I looked at you.

404

: 00:24:12

Mike: Gray beard?

405

: 00:24:13

Okay.

406

: 00:24:13

All right.

407

: 00:24:14

Joshua: Yeah.

408

: 00:24:14

I had to call it out.

409

: 00:24:15

I'm sorry, but you have a

nice photo that isn't showing

410

: 00:24:18

any of that, so you got that.

411

: 00:24:20

Mike: This is relatively new.

412

: 00:24:21

I haven't, you know, we're just-

413

: 00:24:23

Joshua: This is relatively new as in

the last four years, it decided to

414

: 00:24:26

do like my dad did, which is grow out

the beard too, so I completely can

415

: 00:24:30

understand that, but anyways, getting

back to the subject, I find that when

416

: 00:24:35

we, as males, are trying to figure out

how we best communicate that, we don't

417

: 00:24:41

also want to show that sign of weakness.

418

: 00:24:44

I lived in that weakness for so long, and

I almost felt like, earlier, when you're

419

: 00:24:48

telling your story, you're talking about

your weakness, but you were proud of your

420

: 00:24:52

weakness, which is something a little bit

strange to me, because people aren't proud

421

: 00:24:57

of that stuff, but you're like, "Yeah.

422

: 00:24:58

I walked through that, and here I am."

423

: 00:25:01

I don't know.

424

: 00:25:02

I mean, I could be wrong.

425

: 00:25:03

Mike: At the time, I didn't embrace it,

so what I've learned to be is curious.

426

: 00:25:11

Curious about the world.

427

: 00:25:13

Curious about the word of God.

428

: 00:25:15

Curious about myself.

429

: 00:25:17

Just curious.

430

: 00:25:19

When you're in a state of curiosity,

you're in a powerful state.

431

: 00:25:25

You're in a powerful state, and I wasn't

curious when I was going through some

432

: 00:25:33

of the things that I was going through.

433

: 00:25:35

Not to the extent that I am now.

434

: 00:25:37

I mean, I was curious, but just not

curious, curious, if that makes any sense.

435

: 00:25:42

I was hurt.

436

: 00:25:46

There's a number of different words we

could probably throw at it: wounded,

437

: 00:25:50

traumatized, you're in pain, and it

doesn't necessarily matter what it is.

438

: 00:25:56

We could sit here and go, "Well,

on a spectrum of things, this is

439

: 00:26:00

really bad, and this is not so bad."

440

: 00:26:02

It doesn't matter!

441

: 00:26:04

If you're hurt, you're hurt.

442

: 00:26:06

That's all there is to it, and so

I was hurting, and I didn't want

443

: 00:26:13

anybody to know that I was hurting.

444

: 00:26:16

On the outside, I look like

I had everything together.

445

: 00:26:19

On the inside, man, I was reeling, and

part of that is in the men's community;

446

: 00:26:29

again, I grew up in, in the eighties.

447

: 00:26:30

I think that this is a little less now.

448

: 00:26:33

I feel like people, the younger

generation, is much more in touch

449

: 00:26:37

with this emotional side of things.

450

: 00:26:40

I didn't grow up like that.

451

: 00:26:43

I had a very loving dad.

452

: 00:26:44

I had a very supporting dad.

453

: 00:26:45

I didn't have a touchy, feely, huggy, dad.

454

: 00:26:47

No, I mean, my dad was in the Vietnam

War, and his father's- I mean, you're

455

: 00:26:53

talking about generations of guys that

grew up watching people get their heads

456

: 00:26:57

blown off, and saw things that I've

never seen, nor do I want to see, and a

457

: 00:27:03

lot of these guys weren't touchy feely.

458

: 00:27:05

They were like, "Get up off your butt and

rub it out, and don't say ouch.", right?

459

: 00:27:12

That was a masculine way that

a lot of us were brought up.

460

: 00:27:15

Either right nor wrong, that's just the

way it is, and so, you know, this like

461

: 00:27:20

rub it out mentality, this tough it out

mentality, it works until it doesn't work,

462

: 00:27:25

because when you try to tough something

out, that means you're hiding something,

463

: 00:27:30

and when you're hiding something,

you're not expressing something, and

464

: 00:27:34

so when I reflect on where I was to

where I am now, I'm comfortable with me.

465

: 00:27:41

I was one of these guys,

I was wearing a mask.

466

: 00:27:43

I remember going to sales meetings,

and there was this mentality

467

: 00:27:47

in the sales marketplace, and

maybe it still exists today.

468

: 00:27:50

I don't know.

469

: 00:27:51

It's kind of a stupid saying, really.

470

: 00:27:53

"Fake it till you make it."

471

: 00:27:56

Well, I mean, that says a lot of

things, and they're all not good.

472

: 00:28:01

In the men's community, and John

Eldridge really brought up a lot of

473

: 00:28:05

these great topics of wearing a mask,

and posing, and all these things.

474

: 00:28:10

That is not good.

475

: 00:28:12

That means you're not authentic,

and people don't buy authentic.

476

: 00:28:16

They don't like authentic.

477

: 00:28:18

They want to be around real people, but

you've got to discover that for you,

478

: 00:28:22

and really, what I was going through

for a period of my life was I didn't

479

: 00:28:26

know who I was, and I got to say.

480

: 00:28:29

Why do we have such a high

divorce rate in this country?

481

: 00:28:33

Because people aren't

in love with themselves,

482

: 00:28:37

and you can't have a relationship

with somebody else if you

483

: 00:28:41

don't like yourself first.

484

: 00:28:43

Actually, what's crazy is if you

look at the divorce statistics,

485

: 00:28:46

second marriages fell faster

than first ones and third ones.

486

: 00:28:50

Why?

487

: 00:28:51

Because you're just going to find somebody

else and everything's going to change?

488

: 00:28:54

No!

489

: 00:28:54

Maybe you need to take

a look in the mirror.

490

: 00:28:58

You got to do the work on you first,

and men don't like to hear that because

491

: 00:29:03

we're not supposed to be at fault, right?

492

: 00:29:05

We're supposed to lead well.

493

: 00:29:06

Head up.

494

: 00:29:07

Chin up.

495

: 00:29:08

Shoulders back.

496

: 00:29:09

Try that.

497

: 00:29:10

Let me know how that's working out

for you, and you know, why do we

498

: 00:29:13

have what we have now in the world?

499

: 00:29:16

It's because we don't have strong men,

and I can tell you, if you look at the

500

: 00:29:20

statistics, and you can go look at Barna.

501

: 00:29:22

Barna is a great Christian organization

that has all kinds of statistics.

502

: 00:29:26

Churches are failing.

503

: 00:29:29

Churches are closing their doors.

504

: 00:29:31

Why are they doing that?

505

: 00:29:33

Because men are weak.

506

: 00:29:35

Men are weak, and the church

is not doing anything about it.

507

: 00:29:38

When we have weak men,

we have weak families.

508

: 00:29:41

When we have weak families,

we have weak churches.

509

: 00:29:43

When we have weak churches,

we have weak communities.

510

: 00:29:46

When we have weak communities,

you got the United States and

511

: 00:29:50

look at this place right now.

512

: 00:29:52

It's crazy, because we got weak men.

513

: 00:29:55

Joshua: It's the poison that really

starts at a small, non-noticeable level,

514

: 00:30:01

which might have happened a long time

ago, but now, as I've even said to even

515

: 00:30:07

other topics relating to this, Mike,

I've said the same thing is that it all

516

: 00:30:11

has to start with how we love ourselves,

and dude, I'll tell you, February 22nd,

517

: 00:30:16

2020, the day before I decided I wanted

to end my life, I was just feeding

518

: 00:30:22

into the narrative also of, "Yep.

519

: 00:30:24

Everything's great.

520

: 00:30:25

Everything's good.

521

: 00:30:26

Everything's going to be peachy dory.

522

: 00:30:27

I think I'm going to

fake it till I make it.

523

: 00:30:30

Everything will just be all right."

524

: 00:30:34

It wasn't to a core, and as you're

saying all this, and you see my

525

: 00:30:39

emotional reactions, like "Yes!

526

: 00:30:41

Yes!

527

: 00:30:41

Yes!", you probably see

me in the most animated.

528

: 00:30:43

I'm sitting here and I'm thinking, "Yeah.

529

: 00:30:47

If I could have just heard even some

of those words, if I just had another

530

: 00:30:51

man, even another woman, just be able

to put their hand on my hand and say-

531

: 00:30:56

Mike: Yeah.

532

: 00:30:57

Joshua: "Let it go."

533

: 00:30:59

"Let it go."

534

: 00:31:00

That would have made such a

huge difference in my life.

535

: 00:31:03

Mike: Yeah.

536

: 00:31:03

You know, what happens is, and I did this.

537

: 00:31:06

There's this feeling

like you're not worthy.

538

: 00:31:09

I'm not worthy.

539

: 00:31:10

I'm not worthy, man.

540

: 00:31:12

That's such a load of crap.

541

: 00:31:14

I hate that line, and I would say

to you, brother, you are worthy.

542

: 00:31:19

Thank you, Jesus, that we're

here talking with each other.

543

: 00:31:22

I mean, really, you're worthy.

544

: 00:31:24

You're worthy.

545

: 00:31:26

Joshua: So are you, man.

546

: 00:31:26

Mike: And so I love telling

people that they're worthy,

547

: 00:31:31

because that's what Jesus did.

548

: 00:31:35

That's what Jesus did, and we're in

a time and a place where people are

549

: 00:31:39

just too doggone busy, yelling at each

other, and they think every time- I

550

: 00:31:46

shot somebody an email the other day

and I was really honest with them.

551

: 00:31:50

There was this back and forth going on.

552

: 00:31:52

I said, "Man, this is feeling salesy."

553

: 00:31:54

Salesy.

554

: 00:31:56

" I don't feel the relationship here.

555

: 00:31:57

It feels salesy."

556

: 00:31:59

You know what the guy did to me?

557

: 00:32:01

He sent me an email back and said,

"You're off all our email lists.

558

: 00:32:06

In fact, we're putting

you on the a hole list."

559

: 00:32:10

Joshua: Wait.

560

: 00:32:10

He said that in an email to you?

561

: 00:32:13

Mike: In an email.

562

: 00:32:14

In an email.

563

: 00:32:15

In an email, and I thought, "How

small of a life are you living

564

: 00:32:23

in that you have to do that?"

565

: 00:32:27

By the way, I use his company for

business, and I said to him, "I

566

: 00:32:34

think I'm going to have to rethink

that.", which he took as a threat.

567

: 00:32:43

Now that's living in a small world, and I

say that, because, while you're out busy

568

: 00:32:47

giving people the finger on the interstate

because somebody cut you off, and it

569

: 00:32:51

could have been a complete accident, and

you don't know what kind of day they're

570

: 00:32:54

having, by the way, while people are

out dropping F bonds, I always laugh.

571

: 00:32:59

I said, "Dad!

572

: 00:33:00

You remember when people used

to talk behind your back,

573

: 00:33:02

and nobody does that anymore.

574

: 00:33:05

They just tell you to your face."

575

: 00:33:07

Man,

576

: 00:33:09

it saddens me.

577

: 00:33:11

I remember multiple things.

578

: 00:33:13

One, I love this country.

579

: 00:33:17

I love this country, and I'll

tell you a couple of reasons why.

580

: 00:33:22

One, this country was

founded on godly principles.

581

: 00:33:25

The other thing that I remember

was the: 1980

582

: 00:33:29

when we beat the Russians.

583

: 00:33:30

I was 10 years old, and at that

time, we were talking about, "Oh man.

584

: 00:33:37

We might go to war with the

Russians.", and I was scared, man.

585

: 00:33:41

I was scared.

586

: 00:33:42

I looked at my dad's Vietnam stuff and I'm

like, "I don't want to wear a gas mask.

587

: 00:33:45

That looks scary, man."

588

: 00:33:48

Joshua: Yeah.

589

: 00:33:48

Mike: And when we kick their tails, man.

590

: 00:33:54

To this day, I tell people, I'm

like, "That is the greatest single

591

: 00:33:57

sporting events ever happened in

my life, and I'm not sure it could

592

: 00:33:59

ever be topped.", because we won.

593

: 00:34:02

It wasn't them winning.

594

: 00:34:04

We won as a country.

595

: 00:34:07

They put us on their back and made

everybody feel great, and then on the

596

: 00:34:11

back end of that, Ronald Reagan ruled

the eighties, and Ronald Reagan, I bought

597

: 00:34:16

everything that guy said, because he

told us we were a shining city on a hill.

598

: 00:34:21

We don't look like that right now, man.

599

: 00:34:24

Joshua: Well, I have to ask this final

question because we're already over

600

: 00:34:27

time, but I want to ask you this anyway,

and I don't care if we're over time.

601

: 00:34:30

Mike: I'm just getting started.

602

: 00:34:31

Come on.

603

: 00:34:32

Joshua: Yeah, I know, we're

just getting started, right?

604

: 00:34:34

You have this about the True

Man Journey on your website.

605

: 00:34:38

When someone steps into your coaching

program, you have: "be your own man,

606

: 00:34:42

on your own terms, free to be you."

607

: 00:34:46

Those three things.

608

: 00:34:48

Are you doing those three things, Mike?

609

: 00:34:50

Mike: I try like hell every day.

610

: 00:34:52

It's so important to me to be

authentic, and vulnerable, and real,

611

: 00:35:01

and I would like to think that this

time we've had together shows that.

612

: 00:35:07

Do I get it right all the time?

613

: 00:35:09

No!

614

: 00:35:10

I'm a human being, but I'm learning

every day, and one of the beautiful parts

615

: 00:35:15

about what I do is when I'm coaching,

or I'm working with somebody, or in

616

: 00:35:20

small group, or whatever the case may

be, I'm walking alongside with you.

617

: 00:35:26

I'm learning too!

618

: 00:35:27

I'm learning too!

619

: 00:35:29

I view it as a partnership, and so I think

what I have found ,and what I feel good

620

: 00:35:36

about, is this sense of lightness in my

life that I'm finding more freedom in

621

: 00:35:40

a life of more, because I used to walk

around- I grew up in the Midwest, right?

622

: 00:35:46

You're out there in Pennsylvania,

so you know how the snow works, man.

623

: 00:35:49

They call it white knuckling it, right?

624

: 00:35:51

When you get hands on the

wheel and you grip that sucker.

625

: 00:35:54

You know what?

626

: 00:35:55

I got tired of going through

life white knuckling it.

627

: 00:35:59

That gets tiring.

628

: 00:36:00

After a while, you have to ask yourself,

"How long am I going to white knuckle this

629

: 00:36:04

thing?", and that's what I'm there for;

take your hands off the wheel for a while.

630

: 00:36:09

Sit back.

631

: 00:36:11

Relax.

632

: 00:36:12

Let's figure this thing out,

and that's what it's all about.

633

: 00:36:15

I have a thing on my desk right

here next to the ace of spades.

634

: 00:36:19

I won a thousand bucks that night.

635

: 00:36:21

Thank you, Northcob Rotary.

636

: 00:36:23

That was a good pull right there,

but right on top that card, it

637

: 00:36:27

says, "1 percent every day."

638

: 00:36:28

That's the goal.

639

: 00:36:29

You don't eat the elephant

in one bite, right?

640

: 00:36:32

You just make the effort to get better

every day, and that's what it's all about.

641

: 00:36:37

Joshua: You make me realize that I'm

on the right path, and you gave me the

642

: 00:36:43

validation to say that sometimes I do fall

flat on my face, which ironically enough

643

: 00:36:50

yesterday, which yesterday in listener

world, that was months ago now, because of

644

: 00:36:56

when we record this, but yesterday, I was

at the lowest point and I was like, "Ah.

645

: 00:37:01

I'm not feeling it today.

646

: 00:37:03

I'm not going to give my 1 percent.",

and it's okay not to give that

647

: 00:37:05

1%, but today, I'm going to move

that needle forward 1 percent.

648

: 00:37:09

Mike: Fail fast ,and better

your best, every day.

649

: 00:37:14

Joshua: I'm going to leave it at that.

650

: 00:37:15

Mike, I want to give you

the last few minutes.

651

: 00:37:18

Tell us a little bit about how we

can find True Man Life Coaching, True

652

: 00:37:21

Man Podcast, all those good things.

653

: 00:37:24

I know we haven't even gotten into the

books, and you're going to be writing a

654

: 00:37:27

book, and maybe you want to quickly talk

about that in maybe in like 30 seconds

655

: 00:37:32

or so, but I will put that in the episode

notes too, so I'll give you the last few.

656

: 00:37:36

Go for it.

657

: 00:37:36

Mike: You know, a lot of the things

that we talked about on the program

658

: 00:37:39

today or what's going in the book,

to be honest with you, and the

659

: 00:37:43

best way to get ahold of me is to

go out to truemanlifecoaching.com.

660

: 00:37:46

I have all of my social media on there.

661

: 00:37:49

I've got ways to connect.

662

: 00:37:51

People will ask me all the time, "Well,

how can I find you on the podcast?"

663

: 00:37:54

Well, if you go to truemanpodcast.com,

that goes right into my website.

664

: 00:37:58

You can connect into whatever platform

you want to connect on, because I'm

665

: 00:38:02

on all the main ones: Apple, Spotify.

666

: 00:38:05

I don't even know what all the- all of

them, but you can connect through it on

667

: 00:38:09

my website, and my books are out there.

668

: 00:38:11

Yeah, I've been in some

collaboration books.

669

: 00:38:13

Those are on my website, and I'm

working on my book right now called

670

: 00:38:16

True Man, True Ways: A Roadmap of

Discovery To The Masculine Heart.

671

: 00:38:18

You

672

: 00:38:21

see how that played in

on the initial question?

673

: 00:38:23

It's all about the heart.

674

: 00:38:24

The heart should be at the center

of everything, and that's biblical,

675

: 00:38:27

so there you go, but yeah, go

out to truemanlifecoaching.com.

676

: 00:38:31

You can get on my calendar.

677

: 00:38:32

My email is mike@truemanlifecoaching.com.

678

: 00:38:35

Reach out to me.

679

: 00:38:37

I give a free initial call to everybody,

because what I do is all relational,

680

: 00:38:42

whether I'm doing a podcast like we're

doing today, it's all relational.

681

: 00:38:45

I'm not trying to sell anybody on

anything, and if I'm not a good

682

: 00:38:49

fit for you, or if you have mental

health issues that are well beyond

683

: 00:38:53

where I'm at, I'm happy to talk with

you and refer you to somebody else.

684

: 00:38:57

Also, I want to say this, and I

think this is an important point.

685

: 00:39:00

Men, you need to find a small group to be

in, and you may say, "Well, I don't know

686

: 00:39:06

where to find one.", then reach out to me.

687

: 00:39:08

I will connect you.

688

: 00:39:09

I have connections around the country,

and I will help you find a men's

689

: 00:39:15

small group if you don't know how to

do that, so I want to give that out.

690

: 00:39:18

I don't say that enough, and I need to.

691

: 00:39:21

Joshua: I'm glad you said it, and I

think that, as I mentioned to you even

692

: 00:39:24

before the show, I think sometimes

just finding those people that we can

693

: 00:39:28

connect with helps us so much, and

you even said you have your own coach.

694

: 00:39:32

I'm also finding a coach too, and trying

to get my level of support because I

695

: 00:39:37

know I can't do this alone, but the

fact that you find that peace with

696

: 00:39:42

Jesus Christ, the fact that you've

built all these things to help yourself

697

: 00:39:47

isn't just about the fact that you did

it, but you did it with that in mind,

698

: 00:39:52

and with men that you walk along with.

699

: 00:39:55

You, sir, are really important person

when it comes to that, because we

700

: 00:39:58

need more people like men to walk

along with, and that reminds me of the

701

: 00:40:03

importance that what I need to start

doing today, which is also reaching out

702

: 00:40:07

to my fellow males, because I know that

that is something that I really feel

703

: 00:40:11

passionate about, but Mike, thanks for

being on Speaking From The Heart today.

704

: 00:40:14

Thanks for sharing your story.

705

: 00:40:16

Thanks so much for digging into this

with me, and I really enjoyed not only

706

: 00:40:20

the vulnerable conversation that both

you and I had, but the important aspect

707

: 00:40:25

of it is, it isn't just about us.

708

: 00:40:28

It's about all those that need to hear

this today, so thank you for that.

709

: 00:40:31

Mike: A hundred percent.

710

: 00:40:32

Thanks for having me on, man.

711

: 00:40:33

I received those words.

712

: 00:40:34

Thank you.

713

: 00:40:36

Joshua: Again, I want to thank Mike

so much for being part of the show,

714

: 00:40:39

sharing what has been involved with

his story, digging really deep with me,

715

: 00:40:43

especially with this conversation about

men's mental health especially, and

716

: 00:40:49

being able to create that school for us

to learn why it's so important to keep

717

: 00:40:54

on having the conversation, engaging

with that conversation through all the

718

: 00:40:59

different mediums that he has available.

719

: 00:41:01

I highly encourage you

to reach out to him.

720

: 00:41:03

Check out his YouTube that he has as

well, even check out his website, because

721

: 00:41:07

I think you're going to find that what

we're involved in with all these different

722

: 00:41:12

opportunities for men comes from the

heart, and that's why I have this show.

723

: 00:41:18

That's why I love having

people like Mike on.

724

: 00:41:21

It really digs deep into the importance

of how we connect with each other, but

725

: 00:41:27

we have to learn that it doesn't mean

that we just take one piece of advice,

726

: 00:41:31

walk away with it, thinking that we got

everything that we ever wanted to get out

727

: 00:41:35

of it, and leaving it be for what it was.

728

: 00:41:39

The heart for us has to come alive

from the things that really embody

729

: 00:41:44

our freedom, our expression of doing

that, our ability to speak out loud,

730

: 00:41:49

knowing that we're going to be able

to help people in a variety of ways.

731

: 00:41:54

Now, for me, I know that we have so many

people on this show that have shared

732

: 00:42:00

that perspective, they have dug deep

with us, and normally we're hearing from

733

: 00:42:04

coaches, we're hearing from people that

have found that calling, surrounding

734

: 00:42:09

themselves, helping to push that forward,

my story included, but the thing is

735

: 00:42:14

is that with doing this, having that

connection, having that creativity, to

736

: 00:42:19

be able to learn from these kinds of

stories, we can easily see parallels,

737

: 00:42:24

connections with what other people are

going through, regardless of any industry.

738

: 00:42:30

I think what happens when you're crippled

by what you have gone through means

739

: 00:42:35

that you have to learn to dig deep, and

sometimes digging deep isn't the same

740

: 00:42:39

for everybody, and I've continuously have

said on this show about the importance

741

: 00:42:43

of respecting all different viewpoints.

742

: 00:42:46

It doesn't matter if you're religious.

743

: 00:42:48

It doesn't matter if you

believe in something else.

744

: 00:42:51

You could believe in pigs, and

worship the almighty pig god, for

745

: 00:42:55

all I care, but being able to learn

how to love is something that we have

746

: 00:43:01

to find within our own personality.

747

: 00:43:04

We all have different love languages as

the author Gary Chapman with his Five Love

748

: 00:43:08

Languages book series even talk about.

749

: 00:43:11

It's about how we can connect with

others, whether it's within ourselves

750

: 00:43:15

or with others, but walking alongside

of people, being able to learn how to

751

: 00:43:20

create that engagement, that context,

especially when it comes to men

752

: 00:43:24

in Mike's case, is what makes this

really a fascinating story for me.

753

: 00:43:30

I think we have to also learn to create

an opportunity not only for making up

754

: 00:43:35

for all the ways in which we have these

paths, but ultimately how we cross those

755

: 00:43:40

paths, ultimately help us to show the

clarity and direction of where we need

756

: 00:43:45

to follow in our heart, especially when

we're working with people that need that

757

: 00:43:50

help to figure it out for themselves.

758

: 00:43:54

I know for many men, our hearts

have been broken one way or another.

759

: 00:43:59

Whether it has been a poor upbringing,

whether we've been told not to share

760

: 00:44:03

what our feelings are, maybe it's even

to navigate the things that are occurring

761

: 00:44:08

without much guidance, because we're

supposed to figure it out, knowing that

762

: 00:44:12

we are supposed to be strong overall,

and I know that can be very easy to

763

: 00:44:16

say, but very challenging in itself.

764

: 00:44:20

How you do those things means that you

have to have a good set of morals, ethics,

765

: 00:44:25

code of values, which, especially in this

fatherless epidemic that we have, is not

766

: 00:44:32

very easy to do, and unfortunately, is

not very much talked about in today's

767

: 00:44:37

culture, especially in the United

States, so how do we become a true man?

768

: 00:44:44

I think Mike really started to dig

into some of these areas, and I know

769

: 00:44:47

if I had more time with him today,

he would have dug even more, but I

770

: 00:44:50

encourage you, listen to this podcast.

771

: 00:44:52

I think you might get something out of it.

772

: 00:44:55

Especially when it comes to helping

these types of individuals, especially

773

: 00:44:59

those that have been hiding for

so long because they don't know

774

: 00:45:02

how to quite express it, because

they've been told not to express it.

775

: 00:45:08

What keeps you going?

776

: 00:45:10

What helps you in terms of what you

need, so that you can keep going?

777

: 00:45:14

Who will help you to keep going?

778

: 00:45:18

Even those five W's that I started to

even ask in this line of questioning

779

: 00:45:24

could help you, and help someone

that is struggling with this, become

780

: 00:45:28

better, but I have to be real.

781

: 00:45:32

You have to be curious about what the

world is around you, especially if you're

782

: 00:45:36

hurt, you're wounded, you're traumatized.

783

: 00:45:39

You have to be curious about what

if I am able to work on myself.

784

: 00:45:44

What if I'm able to change the story

that I have going on right now?

785

: 00:45:47

What if I can speculate how I can follow

somebody, anybody for that matter, that

786

: 00:45:56

will help me to become somebody that I

always admired, always wanted to have the

787

: 00:46:01

respect for, and more importantly, how I

can move myself into a positive direction?

788

: 00:46:08

Those are the things that I believe in

my own definition would help me become

789

: 00:46:14

a true man myself, but I have to be

comfortable first to be able to do that.

790

: 00:46:20

I have to admit.

791

: 00:46:21

Mike's conversation really strikes

at me with the iron that is very hot,

792

: 00:46:27

and the reason why is that even my

own dad, the relationship that I have

793

: 00:46:31

with him, the relationship I wish

I had with him, never materialized.

794

: 00:46:36

Growing up, we just didn't see eye to

eye, and I don't know if that means

795

: 00:46:41

that I'm a terrible son, or that I have

to do better when it comes to being

796

: 00:46:46

able to associate with my own parents.

797

: 00:46:49

I don't know if that means I'm

inadequate, because I don't have some

798

: 00:46:52

of the skills that he wanted me to

have, or even enjoying what I should be

799

: 00:46:57

doing in my life, because I know that

I should be doing more, and I'm not

800

: 00:47:01

doing what he thought I would be doing.

801

: 00:47:04

I wasn't comfortable with myself.

802

: 00:47:07

I didn't love who I was.

803

: 00:47:08

I didn't love even my own country, and

I'm not talking about the United States.

804

: 00:47:13

I'm talking about the country

that I am building for myself.

805

: 00:47:16

Who's going to be running it?

806

: 00:47:18

Who's going to be part of my cabinet?

807

: 00:47:20

Who's going to help me making sure

that policies, procedures are followed?

808

: 00:47:24

Who's going to make sure the finances, the

legal aspects of this, are under control?

809

: 00:47:31

Sometimes we're just walking through life,

right knuckling it, hoping, throwing up

810

: 00:47:37

a prayer, and making sure that we just

cover our asses, especially when it

811

: 00:47:43

comes to the things that might happen

or might not happen in this world, even

812

: 00:47:50

if we think we're doing the right thing.

813

: 00:47:53

I don't know about you, and I don't

know about what your journey is, and

814

: 00:47:57

that's why I've even said from the very

beginning of this podcast that it's

815

: 00:48:02

about exploring what is on your heart,

and even in episode 100, going all the

816

: 00:48:06

way back to earlier this year when I

celebrated that milestone with you, it

817

: 00:48:11

was about understanding how we can answer

that question even more effectively.

818

: 00:48:17

Sometimes we don't know what that

answer is, even if we try to work

819

: 00:48:20

with people like Mike to figure out

through this 60,000 miles of blood

820

: 00:48:25

vessels that we have inside of our

bodies, how we can be better mentors,

821

: 00:48:29

how we can be better communicators,

especially in the relationships that

822

: 00:48:32

we have, either with men or women,

depending on who you are today.

823

: 00:48:38

The picture is not the same, and if I were

to tell you today this is what you need

824

: 00:48:43

to do, I would be doing you the biggest

injustice ever, and people that tell

825

: 00:48:48

you that you should be doing something

a certain way, do not understand,

826

: 00:48:51

or have your best interests in mind.

827

: 00:48:53

You have to take it with a grain of salt.

828

: 00:48:55

You have to also respect your

body, which is a temple in itself.

829

: 00:48:59

When you start to violate your own

temple, that is what makes this so hard,

830

: 00:49:04

and for me and my dad, getting back to

the subject that I was starting to go

831

: 00:49:08

down on, I realize, why, oh why it's

so hard for me to associate with him,

832

: 00:49:15

so today, this message is for my dad.

833

: 00:49:20

I love you, dad, and I'm sorry that

I hurt you, and I'm sorry that we've

834

: 00:49:25

never been able to really see eye to

eye, and I hope that one day, even when

835

: 00:49:30

you're still here, you can forgive me,

but at the same time, I hope that you

836

: 00:49:35

understand why I made the choices I

did, and you can respect me as well.

837

: 00:49:41

Holding that men's retreat is something

that I really want to have with my dad.

838

: 00:49:46

Being able to have that heart to heart

in which we open up and we're able to

839

: 00:49:50

share our identity, our perspective.

840

: 00:49:52

I think that's what Mike

really wanted me to do today.

841

: 00:49:55

I think that's what he wants us all to

do today, regardless of the kinds of

842

: 00:49:59

relationships that we're in, because

if we're broken in our hearts, of

843

: 00:50:03

course we're going to be shut down.

844

: 00:50:05

Of course we're not going to

see the different perspectives

845

: 00:50:07

that we have available.

846

: 00:50:08

Of course we're not going

to make any changes.

847

: 00:50:10

Of course we're not going to follow

what we should be following, because

848

: 00:50:14

regardless of any kind of advice, self

help books, podcasts, anything that you

849

: 00:50:19

might even engage in with conversation

with others, you have to realize that

850

: 00:50:25

your heart, your mind, your body,

your soul, all have to open up to

851

: 00:50:33

speculate on the question of, "What if?"

852

: 00:50:37

I know that this can be a very challenging

subject, and even for me today, this

853

: 00:50:41

is so hard for me to open up about my

dad, the relationship that I always

854

: 00:50:46

really wanted, and I didn't really get

to have, but I have to tell you, for my

855

: 00:50:51

fellow listeners listening to this today,

you have to love your country, and I'm

856

: 00:50:56

talking about you, not the United States,

not where you live across the world.

857

: 00:51:00

I'm talking about how you can love your

own country, how you can create those

858

: 00:51:05

resources for yourself, how you can be

comfortable with you, but also letting

859

: 00:51:10

go of the pain that your heart has, and

stop letting it be broken down the road.

860

: 00:51:18

You are respected, and by respect, you

have to create a context, an image in

861

: 00:51:25

your mind of, what this will look like

down the road, knowing that you have

862

: 00:51:30

all the abilities, all the respect,

all the wisdom to be able to overcome.

863

: 00:51:35

It just starts with a mind shift.

864

: 00:51:38

It starts with knowing that it's

okay to open up, my male friends, to

865

: 00:51:42

the possibility of actually having

something that is on your heart, and

866

: 00:51:48

being able to share it once and for all.

867

: 00:51:52

If you need help with

that, reach out to me.

868

: 00:51:54

Reach out to Mike.

869

: 00:51:55

Reach out to whoever you trust with

that kind of conversation, because when

870

: 00:51:59

you start to have that, when you start

to engage with that, when you start to

871

: 00:52:03

figure out what ultimately will happen

in your life because you had that tough

872

: 00:52:07

conversation, I guarantee you, just

like I'm going to have with my dad.

873

: 00:52:14

You're going to see a different

perspective because you became curious

874

: 00:52:18

on the question of what if, and now you

see the possibilities after answering

875

: 00:52:24

that question, of what you've created.

876

: 00:52:27

That creation is something

really beautiful in itself.

877

: 00:52:34

Thanks for listening to episode

number 152 of Speaking from the

878

: 00:52:38

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

879

: 00:52:43

Outro: Thanks for listening.

880

: 00:52:44

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

881

: 00:52:48

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

882

: 00:52:53

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

883

: 00:52:59

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

884

: 00:53:04

See you next time.