Episode 182
Episode #177 - Growing Up
It is not easy to deal with individuals that, by age, should be acting as adults, but in reality, they are still in adolescent development. The challenges of working with such people directly can vastly wreck havoc on our approach to a variety of circumstances, regardless of what purpose that we can possibly contemplate. Today’s episode examines a few types of individuals that you could face (the denier of anything is wrong, the resister of change, and the plausible denier of anything happening at all), and how these personas should not hold us back from achieving what we have already done and will continue to do in our lives. Being “the parent” is not necessarily your responsibility, but guiding these individuals positively can be a first step to changing our mindsets in addressing these types of people.
Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/
Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz
Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support
Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs
Transcript
Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and
2
:determination all converge into
an amazing, heartfelt experience.
3
:This is Speaking From The Heart.
4
:Joshua: Welcome back to episode
number 177 of Speaking from the Heart.
5
:I know that most of us have kids, and we
might have them even tugging and pushing
6
:us around even as we're listening to
this episode, but what about the people
7
:that are around us that act like kids?
8
:You know who I'm talking about.
9
:Those that are whining and crying
about something that is completely
10
:out of anybody's control, but
yet they want to be heard.
11
:They want to be acknowledged.
12
:Those that should have never
opened their mouth because now
13
:they're throwing a temper tantrum.
14
:They're trying to get everybody's
attention to say that this is the way
15
:that we should be handling it; and
then you have those that just deny
16
:that they ever did anything wrong.
17
:They're literally lying to you.
18
:They're telling you something
that is not true whatsoever.
19
:I think that even as we grow older, even
as we think that we have gotten through
20
:this phase of being an adolescent,
there's still adults, even to this day,
21
:that keep on acting like kids, and for
all those that want to be responsible
22
:parents, regardless of whether you
have kids or not, today's episode is
23
:for you, because I know, whether it's
in personal, professional, or business
24
:related topics that we have discussed,
we all have to deal with conflict,
25
:especially when people, adults for
that matter, pretend to be kids, and
26
:they act out of their own accord,
thinking that they're always right.
27
:Now, don't get me wrong.
28
:I'm not talking about the Karens of the
world, because essentially, even if we
29
:wanted to talk about that phenomenon,
that means we would have to do a deep
30
:dive into social media, why we even
give them attention in the first place,
31
:and examine why that is even happening.
32
:Why do we even care, but even then, I
have talked on this podcast about the
33
:importance of being able to be heard,
and even with kids, having that childlike
34
:curiosity can help us raise ourselves
to new heights, to new places that we
35
:could ever possibly get to, but now,
in this context that we're talking
36
:about today, we have to be better.
37
:We have to be more mature, so let's talk
about some of the people that you might
38
:face, especially as you go about your day
and how you can navigate through them,
39
:because even children sometimes need to
be ignored, maybe even disciplined, or
40
:have a stern talking to, which is why I
would recommend that even if a kid that
41
:is an adult is acting this way, using your
words, communication, is truly important.
42
:I think of three types when I
think of this type of conversation.
43
:The denier of anything that is
actually happening; they're wrong.
44
:Everything is wrong.
45
:The resistor of change; those that are
really not working on anything whatsoever
46
:and they don't want to change because they
feel comfortable the way they are, and
47
:are going to make sure that everybody else
doesn't change for their benefit, and yes!
48
:Even those that are deniers of
anything happening at all, that
49
:might be happening right now.
50
:That might be something that is a
true emergency, but they don't care.
51
:They want you to not
worry about it whatsoever.
52
:These types of personas, even in
this big macro universe that we live
53
:in, even if I wanted to make this a
Marvel reference in itself, doesn't
54
:mean that we have all these infinite
possibilities, all these infinite
55
:combinations that we're working through.
56
:We have to learn and understand that these
connections, these types of personas,
57
:could be in a variety of different ways,
and they each take their own light,
58
:so today, try to approach these areas,
thinking about how they relate to your
59
:business, your professional life, or
even your personal life for that matter.
60
:First, let's dive into the
denier of anything is wrong.
61
:These people always say that it's okay.
62
:Everything's going great.
63
:Why are you telling me this?
64
:There is nothing wrong whatsoever.
65
:They're literally ignoring
you and what valid concerns
66
:that you're trying to bring.
67
:You might be initiating the conversation.
68
:You might be trying to give solutions,
but they don't want to hear you.
69
:I can think of so many times in my
life where I had all the information.
70
:I knew what I was saying, what I was
doing was 1,000% correct, especially
71
:when it came to work related
tasks, but I was always ignored.
72
:I was never listened to, and the only
reason why that was happening was
73
:because nobody gave me the time of day.
74
:They didn't trust me.
75
:Why wasn't I trusted?
76
:I don't know.
77
:Maybe it was because of
something that I did.
78
:Maybe it was because of
something that was said.
79
:Maybe it was because of my
position; my status in the company.
80
:Regardless, being listened to means that
you have to open your mindset to the fact
81
:that if somebody's telling you that you
need to work on something, and they have
82
:genuinely seen it happening, give them a
few minutes to actually plead their case.
83
:I know that children sometimes
don't want to listen to reality.
84
:They don't want to have truth staring
right at them, and for that fact, I
85
:know that that will catch up to them.
86
:It will actually hurt them in the long
run if they keep ignoring you, and
87
:don't try to fix anything about it.
88
:Those are the type of people that
you have to say to yourself, "As
89
:much as I have tried to tell you,
this is what's going to happen.
90
:This is what is actually going to happen.
91
:You need to take action on
it.", and that's all you can do,
92
:especially if your hands are tied.
93
:It's a completely different type of
discussion when we're talking about your
94
:business, and if you are that type of
person that is running your business,
95
:not listening to those that are around
you, it's time to pay attention,
96
:because they know more, and are a lot
more educated, than you might imagine.
97
:They might also have a reason, firsthand,
as to why they're saying what they're
98
:saying, and you need to take course
correction before you find yourself not
99
:without that employee for that matter,
but also, might be heading into the red,
100
:so those types of people, the deniers
of anything is wrong, is something
101
:that you need to be careful about.
102
:Number two is the resistor of change.
103
:Now, this is not the same as the
first one, because the denier
104
:is okay with change, but it's
okay with it on their own terms.
105
:Those that are resistors will throw
up roadblocks left and right, trying
106
:to get you to not even make any more
attempts, using your own energy, to try
107
:to fix what is happening around you.
108
:Maybe they don't want this
change to happen, because it
109
:will directly impact them.
110
:They're very stubborn.
111
:It's almost as if you're trying to
give your child a bath, and I know
112
:that as a younger kid myself, my mom
and dad always had frustration with
113
:me, but that's just the nature of it.
114
:Some of us don't like to be in
the water, and that's exactly how
115
:you could associate with this.
116
:People that are resistant to
change don't want to be changed
117
:in terms of their environment.
118
:The water that they might be standing in
feels okay, but they might have gotten
119
:used to the temperature change, and the
things that are happening, and they have
120
:no idea that something bad is occurring.
121
:Those that are resisting change
have to learn how to understand how
122
:change can actually be a benefit.
123
:It doesn't mean that every single time
a change occurs, it is a negative, so
124
:for those that are out there trying
to figure out how can we connect with
125
:each other, how we can help each other
understand that change is okay, go to
126
:a Toastmasters meeting, and I know that
I've talked about Toastmasters for so
127
:long now on this show, but hear me out.
128
:Toastmasters helps you to understand,
and break that vein of thinking that
129
:you are good enough, that you are
trying your very best, because you
130
:can receive feedback that is not only
constructive, but also help you in
131
:your relationships, help you in your
confidence, and build determination
132
:to wanting to fix it with a supportive
group of people, but regardless of that,
133
:you can form teams in your business.
134
:You can have other confidants,
friends, family members for that
135
:matter, that are objective in nature,
helping you to give feedback, and how
136
:you need to stop resisting change.
137
:If you're willing to build those kinds
of relationships, if you're able to
138
:see through the trees and get to the
other side of the forest, and have that
139
:open pasture that you can walk on, you
can stop resisting change, so for all
140
:those that are doing that, and you know
somebody that is, try to help them out.
141
:It doesn't mean that they
have to be tepid in the water.
142
:They can be lukewarm, and it's
okay, if they're just willing
143
:to see that it's alright to be
cold and hot at the same time.
144
:They have to see the bigger
picture is what I'm trying to say.
145
:The last type of children is the plausible
deniers of anything happening at all.
146
:It isn't about ignoring it, or is it?
147
:Those that say that something is wrong
might be ignoring it, but it's not the
148
:same type of plausible deniability.
149
:Not only do they see that something is
going wrong, not only are they resisting
150
:the change, but they are putting the
blinders up . They don't want anything to
151
:do with it, and they will punish you if
you are trying to make any sort of attempt
152
:whatsoever to do anything about it.
153
:Everything is fine.
154
:The building might be collapsing, there
might be people on fire, there might be
155
:emergency vehicles outside, but go back
to your desk, keep on working, and if
156
:I need you, I know where to find you.
157
:Those types of people are really
the most ignorant of them all,
158
:because you know that you need to
do something right at this moment.
159
:We've reached this critical moment in
which we need to fix this, but they are
160
:not willing to budge on their position
and they're not willing to change.
161
:This type of persona is also denying
that anything that has occurred,
162
:even after those emergency vehicles
showed up, is really serious.
163
:They don't care whatsoever about what
it means to go through these different
164
:situations, these different concerns.
165
:I know that maybe those types of
people are frustrating to work with,
166
:because they are simply changing the
reality and they don't want to accept
167
:responsibility, but you have to also
understand that if you can't work
168
:with those types of people, if they're
not willing to change, and you tried
169
:everything that you could, especially
with what I have mentioned with the other
170
:two personas, it's time to pack up and
leave, and I know that can be very hard.
171
:I know that can be very challenging.
172
:That's almost me saying to you, and
I know, I'm going to hear it, "Josh!
173
:You're saying that I need to divorce my
husband when he doesn't change one thing?
174
:That's crazy!
175
:We should be able to work that out.",
but that's after you possibly utilized
176
:all the resources, all the available
tools, maybe even going to therapy for
177
:that matter, to get counseling for your
marriage, and you're still saying that
178
:that is going to be okay, that this
behavior is acceptable to tolerate.
179
:To me, whether you disagree with me
or not, it sounds like you're living
180
:in an alternate universe yourself.
181
:You might be the plausible denier of
something that should be changing, and
182
:you're not willing to change yourself.
183
:I know that's a hard pill to swallow.
184
:That means that you have to tell your
kids, "You need to stop saying that.
185
:You're lying to me.
186
:You have to set the record straight.",
and being the parent, sometimes it's
187
:not necessarily our responsibility,
especially for these kids should be
188
:adults, and they should know better,
but have you ever stopped to consider
189
:that maybe these children, these people
that are acting out, never really had
190
:a good role model to begin with, and
maybe they couldn't grow up because
191
:they had some of their own issues?
192
:Maybe they didn't know what was
going on around them, for all
193
:intensive purposes, because they
were fed the wrong information, to
194
:even look at in the first place.
195
:I know that our automatic conclusion
is that they are wrecking havoc.
196
:We need to do something about
it, and it's absolutely extreme.
197
:We need to get them in a meeting.
198
:We need to give them a
disciplinary conference.
199
:We need to sit down with our
significant other, tell them that
200
:they're doing horrible things to us.
201
:We need to blast it on social media
when that business does wrong.
202
:We need to tell our boss that they're
a disgusting piece of shit, especially
203
:when they do something terrible to us,
and they mess with our future, but in
204
:all those rapid fire suggestions of
different scenarios that you might be
205
:going through, have you ever stopped
to ask the question, "What is going on?
206
:Are you okay?"
207
:Human compassion is something that
at the heart of these three things is
208
:really how we can nurture somebody,
especially if they're acting as a child,
209
:to come back to reality, and I'm not
saying that my solution is foolproof.
210
:Please don't walk away thinking that I
have all the answers, but in the times
211
:in which I just wanted to be heard, and I
have approached people in Toastmasters, in
212
:my relationships, and even addressing my
own shortcomings, I realized that I wanted
213
:compassion, but guiding these people into
positivity is really the first step that
214
:you can take in all of these different
types of personas, whether they're
215
:denying that anything is wrong, they
are resisting change, or they don't even
216
:care that anything is happening at all.
217
:These are all mindsets that if you're
just willing to take a moment and
218
:have them listen to you, but you do
it with a human centered approach,
219
:with a heart of gold, you will find
that the whole conversation, the whole
220
:tone for that matter, will change.
221
:I think that we see some of that,
especially in our country, whether
222
:you like it or not, of how you can
form some of these relationships.
223
:It's not easy sometimes starting from
scratch, especially when the culture that
224
:we live in means that we have to take
sides, but we never had to take sides.
225
:That was always our strength in which we
were unified, that we were able to work
226
:together, that we were able to share what
is on our hearts, and on our minds, have
227
:constructive, passionate debates, and
being able to solve some of the biggest
228
:problems growing up by being willing to be
on the other side of the table, listening
229
:with an intentional heart, an intentional
brain, of what it meant for them to
230
:go through what they're going through.
231
:That could be as simple as starting a
conversation today with somebody that
232
:has pushed you aside, made you feel
insignificant, maybe acted in a bad way,
233
:especially with the temper tantrums that
they're throwing, and seeing that maybe
234
:there is something deeper happening.
235
:We have lost our way, ladies
and gentlemen, in which how
236
:we can connect with others.
237
:It isn't about responding to social
media, we've talked about this on
238
:other episodes of why we need to
avoid always trying to type it out.
239
:Our words, the way in which we say them,
the way in which we even speak into our
240
:phones, and even our body language when
we're there in person, can make all
241
:the difference in our relationships,
confidence, and determination, especially
242
:when we're growing up, and trying to
speak from the heart, so today, If you
243
:know of somebody that is acting that way,
whether they're acting like a terrible
244
:adult, although they are really a child,
and you are trying to help them see the
245
:light, try to have it in a different way.
246
:Take them out for lunch if you're at work.
247
:Have them grab a bite to eat
while you're able to drive.
248
:Take them into the conference room.
249
:Explain to them why you feel
the way you do, and if you're
250
:at home, take the kids outside.
251
:Take them to the grocery store with you.
252
:Take them to a nice restaurant.
253
:Explain to them the value
of what it means to grow up.
254
:We all care about each other.
255
:I know we do.
256
:It's sometimes masked by different
motives and tensions that we have inside
257
:of ourself, but if we're able to stop
wrecking havoc, and we can change the
258
:circumstances to a positive mindset,
regardless of the types of people that
259
:we might interact with, trust me on this.
260
:I think you're going to see different
results, a different connection, if you
261
:will, not only with those individuals,
but I think it will help you mature from a
262
:child to an adult, because let's face it.
263
:You and I can also act like little
children, and it's okay to be
264
:reminded that now is the time,
as an adult, to learn and grow
265
:in a variety of different ways.
266
:Regardless of what you might
think about it, we have a voice.
267
:Let's use it today, because
we have that voice that is all
268
:powerful, and excited with childlike
curiosity, to change the world.
269
:Thanks for listening to episode
number 177 of Speaking From The
270
:Heart, and I look forward to
hearing from your heart very soon.
271
:Outro: Thanks for listening.
272
:For more information about our podcast
and future shows, search for Speaking From
273
:The Heart to subscribe and be notified
wherever you listen to your podcasts.
274
:Visit us at www.
275
:yourspeakingvoice.
276
:biz for more information about
potential services that can help you
277
:create the best version of yourself.
278
:See you next time.
