Episode #195 - That Prolonged Feeling of Loneliness

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 195 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Do you ever feel lonely?

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Lonely enough that you would feel

that you're all alone in this

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world, and there's nobody that

you would be able to turn to,

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especially when you need it the most?

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Do you have that neighbor, that

friend that might live a few

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blocks down, that would be able

to drive by, see how you're doing.

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Maybe even cook dinner.

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Have a conversation.

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Feel a little bit better about

life and what it has to provide.

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Maybe even at work, do you have

somebody that is a confidant?

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Somebody that you can turn to; talking

about the chaos, the situations that you

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might be facing whether it's relating

to a deadline, whether it's relating to

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something else that might be taking place.

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All of these things, and so much more,

might be impacting the way that you feel,

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and unfortunately in the United States,

this loneliness epidemic, the way in which

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we might feel about our own security,

the way in which we can interact with

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others, has been growing rapidly not just

because of the technology that isolates

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us sometimes, such as social media, but

because we don't know what it's like to

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sometimes have that kind of conversation

with someone, to feel that we are wanted,

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that we're needed, and to be able to be

appreciated for what we bring as value

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sometimes is overlooked by all the things

that are going on that is creating these

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differences, these aspirations, these

aspects in our life that do create these

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tumultuous aspects that we can't seem to

let go of, to work through, so in today's

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episode, I want to talk about my thoughts,

these feelings, these emotions that

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might create loneliness, but also, put an

interesting take on to it about something

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that has been emerging in the last several

years that you might have heard of in

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some news articles, but full disclosure.

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I'm going to admit something that I

have done that has helped me a lot with

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getting over that loneliness aspect

that I haven't disclosed to anyone else.

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Pssst.

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There's a big secret that I will be

revealing in today's episode about me

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that you might have never even realized

that I was doing, but before I get to

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that, and to build some suspense, let's

talk about what it means to be lonely.

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Loneliness, in itself, might be from

a variety of different perspectives.

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I mentioned a few already.

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It could be from your work.

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It could be at your home.

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It could be a combination thereof,

but there's even a lot of things

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that happen as we're growing up as

children, getting to where we're at

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today, that create this feeling of

loneliness, especially being prolonged

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for a significant amount of time.

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Loneliness can be an adjective that

describes many of the things that we might

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feel, particularly as it relates to not

only the epidemic of depression, anxiety,

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and other sort of concerns, but why we

feel insecure about ourselves and how

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we're able to move forward in our lives.

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These feelings, these ways in which we're

trying to address these conditions, if

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you will, sometimes have a different

type of ability to help us to learn

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how we can adapt, to move past that, to

know that maybe the person that might be

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making us feel that way isn't necessarily

trying to do that intentionally.

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It might just be because of what

they are dealing with in their lives.

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It might be something that they don't

know how to overcome on their own.

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Truthfully, mental health, especially

with having these types of conversations

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about what is going on in someone's life

and supporting them with a variety of

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different resources, isn't simply enough.

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It means actually building long

lasting relationships with others on

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a variety of different fronts, both

personally and professionally, so that

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we know how to overcome those difficult

feelings, those aspects of our lives

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that might be challenging overall.

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These things, these aspects that might

be pushing us along, especially with the

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roots of all the different illnesses that

we might experience, especially as we get

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older, especially as we have kids that

are going through some of these similar

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things, especially with the challenges

that are being faced today in society,

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means that we have to look at a variety of

different techniques that help to combat

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that, but one of the very first things

that we have to start thinking about

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is how we communicate more effectively.

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How do we actually overcome loneliness

means that we have to have meaningful,

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deep relationships with others so that

we don't feel alone, that we don't feel

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that we're isolated, that we are able

to work through a variety of different

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circumstances, being able to address

the conditions, or the taboos, that

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might be attached to having these types

of situations happen in our lives.

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These types of conversations

are not easy to have.

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It means that we have to work on the

healing, both within ourselves and

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within others, so that we know what

are those pain points, what are those

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pressures that might push us into a

corner, that might make us feel insecure.

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It means that we have to address

head on what is it that's

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really causing that loneliness.

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As a kid, I was always afraid of being

in the dark and I remember having this

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Popeye light that would be hung up in

my room especially as I heard a variety

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of different sounds outside, but also

heard my parents fighting quite a lot.

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It wasn't something that I really liked

listening to, but at the same time, the

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light gave me comfort knowing that there

was somebody there, even if it was just

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an inanimate cartoon character that was

lit up by electricity, but even then.

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That sort of reliance on light, that

ability for me to feel like I was safe

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in a place that might have otherwise not

been safe overall, definitely helped me in

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growing in my self confidence and feeling

a little bit better about what I had

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going on in my life, and full disclosure.

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That wasn't the secret that I

was trying to disclose earlier.

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Even if we had to have a night light, or

we have to have some sort of script that

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we were able to overcome, or work with,

the different types of people that we need

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to be interacting with so that we have

deeper relationships, it means that we

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have to open up a little bit, and I think

that in some of the things that we conquer

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in today's society, we are so afraid of

putting ourselves out there in fear of

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retribution, feeling like we're insecure,

feeling like we're worth absolutely

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nothing, and I think that these feelings,

these different types of illnesses that

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we're experiencing, especially from

the personal and professional fronts,

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are always compounded, or they're

stacked by all the different types

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of aspects, those things that we're

not sure what might be coming next.

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That's what's creating some

of these issues that we're

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feeling in the first place.

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These different fronts, these different

conversations that we need to have,

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means that we have to look at not

only the financial side of it, but

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also what is it that motivates us?

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What is it that is making us feel

this way in the first place, so

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that we can overcome that feeling,

so that we can feel a little bit

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more secure in our surroundings?

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Maybe it's about our physical security.

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Maybe it is about where we're living that

might create some of that loneliness.

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It might be even some of the things that

we are trying to deal with as a whole,

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trying to deal with all the circumstances

that we are trying to help others in

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achieving that also separates us the most,

but even from a career aspect, I've always

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heard that as you ascend the ladder of

leadership, it gets lonelier and lonelier,

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and the only reason for that is many

people think of you as the role model.

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Of course.

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I'm not going to talk to you

about their six year old daughter.

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I'm not going to say to you, or send

to you via text, a bunch of snapshots

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of what you made for dinner last night.

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Of course not.

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It means that you have to overcome

these feelings, these animosities,

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these emotions if you will,

that might be creating these

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different fights within ourselves.

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It means that we have to look from

a different perspective, all the

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conversations, all the support, all

the things that might help us in

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terms of resources in order to grow.

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Over the last several years, I think

there's been more attention given

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to this subject, especially with

the rate of suicide increasing,

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especially from the pandemic era.

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It's really shined a light on how

many people are truly alone and

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have no one to turn to, especially

when the going gets tough.

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Gyms can provide a sort of safety net,

but many of those gyms even closed

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during the pandemic era, and even those

that are returning are mostly corporate

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gyms that don't really foster that

opportunity to collaborate, to have

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that kind of conversation with others,

except that they're spotting you.

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Except if they're trying to help

you with an exercise, if you will.

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Even then, trying to find a place in

which we can create that connection, even

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at a bar, a restaurant, is starting to

slowly disappear, especially when we look

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at all the different types of delivery

apps: Uber Eats, DoorDash, all those

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different types of food prep industries

that help get rid of all the guesswork,

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especially going to even the grocery

store for that matter, has limited our

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ability to interact with each other, and

as a direct result of that, that's where

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this feeling of loneliness often starts.

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Truthfully, your podcast host has always

struggled with loneliness, especially

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at a younger age, and it's not because

I didn't know how to overcome that, and

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it doesn't mean that I wasn't able to be

given the skills necessary to overcome

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those fears, those attributes, if you

will, but many of the things that we

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struggle with, many of the things that

we have as loneliness, especially in

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this epidemic, come from the feeling of

being wanted, to be cared about the most.

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One of the most unique aspects that has

developed in the last several years that

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has been featured in the news has been

cuddling; actually meeting strangers

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for the first time, being able to be

embraced by somebody, getting massages,

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feeling like they are wanted, but also

engaging in conversation in your own

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home, in public, going out on dates

with no strings attached, especially

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when it comes to interacting with

other people, and yes, my friends.

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That is the big secret

that I'm revealing today.

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I have been not only a cuddler, but

also been cuddled by other women.

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Now, before you judge

me, and you go, "Josh!

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I thought you have been through so much,

and you have learned a lot of lessons

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about dealing with relationships,

dealing with other individuals.

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I can't believe that you

would talk about this.

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Is this really true?",

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and the answer is yes.

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There are people that are married.

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They might be engaged.

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They might be not in a relationship

whatsoever that are seeking

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these types of services.

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Some of them are seeking it for money.

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Some of them are seeking it for just

the connection, the touch, but also

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being able to feel fulfilled, and

fulfillment is not in a sexual way.

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It means about feeling like we're

connected by touching our hands, our

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arms, being like we know that we are

being wanted, that even when we unlock

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the chemical imbalances that take

place because we have this bubble that

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surrounds us, this isolation, if you will.

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It creates a different modality, a

different way in which we appeal to other

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people when it comes to the ways in which

we even work on our own health, and I

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have found that even using this technique,

engaging in this practice, has helped

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me significantly, even feeling like I am

wanted, that I have the confidence to feel

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wanted by someone else, and to resolve

that loneliness that I have been feeling.

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Truth be told, it'll be almost five years

now since I almost tried to end my life,

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and one of the biggest things that was

always a struggle for me was feeling

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that sense of connection with someone.

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Somebody could be saying to me till

they are blue in the face, "Josh.

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I really care about you, and I know

that you might not have all the things

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that you want achieved right now, but

I want you to know that you're wanted."

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That still doesn't do anything for me,

especially when it comes to knowing

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that there is always this one step that

I need to take to have a relationship

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with someone, and it can be very hard.

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Sometimes my expression, being

able to overcome that loneliness,

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means I have to open up even more.

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This openness, as much as I have been

open on this show about a variety of

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different struggles that I've had to get

to this point, still hasn't been quite

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satisfied, even for me, as to what I need

to do to overcome this prolonged feeling

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of loneliness that has been around since

I was a kid, which proves my point.

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Some people engage in these services not

because they have some sort of malicious

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intent, not because they're just trying

to find someone and meet with someone

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so that they feel a little bit better

about themselves, but truth be told.

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They might be a chronic struggler of this

feeling of loneliness, and this is why,

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ladies and gentlemen, mental health is

so important, especially when we look at

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not just the personal and professional,

but how we can be able to get creative

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to address some of these circumstances.

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Now, I'm not saying that for every

cuddler I met that I have a new friend,

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and it doesn't necessarily mean that

even after that cuddle session, I

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even talk to some of these people.

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Sometimes it's just an exchange, knowing

that we are interconnected as human

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beings, feeling a little bit better about

each other, and I can only say that I've

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done this on a count of two hands with

a number of people that I have been able

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to meet, mostly women for that matter.

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Feeling wanted, feeling like

you're connected with someone is

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a technique in itself that has

many different healing properties.

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It literally rewires your brain to

know that you are feeling loved,

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that you're feeling engaged with

somebody, or something, that you

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thought you lost a long time ago.

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That engagement, especially when we

feel that it's really tough to have

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connections with one another, means

that we're breaking down barriers

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that would otherwise not be broken

down if we weren't able to meet people

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that were going through some of the

things that we've been going through.

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It doesn't mean that all the time

some of those problems that we

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have been feeling are melting away.

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It doesn't also mean that we have all

these aspects, these struggles, that

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we're trying to overcome will be able

to be resolved during that session.

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What it has meant for me, though, is

that it has established for me personally

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that I do have value, that I do have

something to share to this world, and

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that when I'm ready, and I'm actually

feeling that I'm comfortable enough to

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enter into a relationship with someone

that I deeply love and care about, that

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feeling of loneliness will go away,

one way or another, but to get there

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means that I have to overcome so many

more barriers knowing that I don't

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have to rely on things such as cuddling

to make a difference, but even if I

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had to rely on cuddling, it doesn't

mean that it's the end of the world.

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It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person.

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It just means that I need to

connect in a different way.

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For anybody that is struggling with

this sort of issue, please note

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that trying to overcome, trying to

deal with these different thoughts,

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emotions, these feelings means

that you have to follow through.

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You have to be able to stick up for

everything that you have going on.

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It means that you have to feel that

there is hope at the end of the tunnel.

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It's a dynamic shift in your mindset to

be able to say that I'm not alone anymore,

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that I don't need to feel this way, that

it's okay that even if I do, there will

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be days that might be harder over others,

but overcoming those types of situations

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means that you have to learn deep inside

of yourself that it's okay to feel alone.

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Sometimes in solemn isolation, you

can accomplish so much, but don't

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spend all your time all alone,

especially when you feel that you

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can offer so much more to the world.

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There are so many different types of

opportunities out there, both personally

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and professionally, if you start engaging.

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Trying to find ways in which

to do that means that you

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have to get outside your box.

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Finding tools such as Meetup, even

going on to different types of dating

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websites that are more legit than say

Tinder or Bumble, for that matter, can

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help you connect with other people.

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Even beyond all those things, finding

places where you can collaborate, even

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in a cafe, at a book club, learning

a new skill, a new dance routine, or

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something else, can be some of the

ways in which you can start moving

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forward past this feeling of loneliness.

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Some of the traditional ways

in which we used to do it are

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long gone, and that's okay.

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Society changes.

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The things that we're trying to

do yesterday do not equally fit

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today, but even if you decide to do

something like cuddling which I've

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been able to do, just know that

it doesn't mean that you're weak.

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It doesn't mean that you have

something wrong with you.

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It doesn't mean that you're worthless.

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That feeling of loneliness can go away

if you're willing to work on yourself,

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appreciate the differences that you have

to bring, but more importantly, know

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that no matter what is happening in your

heart, in your mind, in your soul, that

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those different angles, those different

ways in which we approach problems,

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especially when it comes to our own

loneliness, means that we can be better.

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We can be different, and by being

different, we embrace something that

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many people might see as an opportunity

to grow, so don't be alone today.

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Seek out the people that you

love and care about, and let

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them know that you're struggling.

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Let them know that maybe you need

a little bit of extra attention

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today, because it's okay.

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As long as you're willing to open

up, and tell others about what you're

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going through, trust me on this.

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They'll be more than

happy to keep you company.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 195 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

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for more information about potential

services that can help you create

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the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.