Episode #53 - Tapping Into Our Past Anger & Using It In More Constructive Ways

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 53 of Speaking From The Heart.

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Are you angry at me?

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Are you angry at someone else?

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Well, in today's episode, I like to

talk to you about how we can let go of

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that past anger and we can use it in

more constructive ways to become the

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best versions of ourselves, because I am

guilty of holding grudges with a lot of

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different people, with a lot of different

past experiences that I've been through,

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along with repeated patterns that have

always consistently occurred that have

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created some of those things in my life

that I really wish I could take back

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and put it into more constructive ways,

but I know that we can easily say to

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ourselves that it is easier said than

done; that it is easier to just hold

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on to that anger or that pain, carry

ourselves into whatever that aspect of

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our lives are that we continuously have,

but we also throw down the gauntlet every

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single time something like this occurs.

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In other words, always being on the

other side of the problem instead of

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being part of the solution aspect of it,

and I really want to navigate with you

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today about the fact that we can have

some peace with this by breaking the

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chains that bind us, but also finding

peace in order to find ways to be

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more constructive in our daily lives.

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I know that we can easily pick out a

couple of examples that we find not only

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in our workday operations, whether we have

a full time, part time, or even virtual

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job, but even having those opportunities

in our personal lives; maybe being angry

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with your aunt, maybe even being angry

with your babysitter for doing something

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with the kids that they shouldn't have

been doing, but even in my specific

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example, holding onto things that might

have happened 5, 10, 20, 30 years ago,

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and I know for me, personally, this has

been the biggest roadblock that I've

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ever encountered in my entire life.

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For many years of my life, I always

thought that I had to overcome some of

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these aspirations that I had of people

that they thought that they were Mr.

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or Mrs.

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Goody Two Shoes, and that they were able

to do whatever they wanted to do, and

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they got every single thing that they

wanted in their lives, without barely

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lifting a finger, or even just coming

at me, thinking that they know all the

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answers, saying that they have what is

on their mind to be the most powerful

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thing that they could do to help inflict

damage onto my own personal adventures,

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or even professional adventures for that

matter, and that was always something

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that created so much anger for me.

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It was to the point that I would go home,

feeling so anxious and depressed about

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it, and not understanding why these people

were acting the way that they did, and

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then I started to think about the fact

that for many people, this is actually

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a common occurrence, something that

we learned in our childhood, something

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that creates some of those established

patterns in the first place, and then,

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getting back to where we needed to be.

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We had to take some time to even think

about what we could do to just keep

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moving forward; to not let that be the

roadblock that isn't allowing us to

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really get to where we need to go, and

I know that we can easily find the ways

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in which we can navigate through it,

especially if we know that it's always

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a daily occurrence, but why do we have

to spend fifteen, thirty, 45 minutes,

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maybe even upwards of an hour, two hours,

four hours, maybe even 24 hours for

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that matter, to always say to ourselves

that we shouldn't let that person,

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place, or thing bother us the most.

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I know that even in my own experiences

leading in organizations or even non

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profits for that matter, there's always

going to be strife and conflict, and I

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know that for many of us, we can always

try to find that way in which we can

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be passionately engaged and be able to

work through some of those problems;

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to be able to find that voice that we

have deep inside of ourselves to say,

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"We can push forward", knowing that

we have what it takes to get to point

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A to point Z, which we have talked

about in some recent episodes, but I

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know that we have to break this loop.

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We have to break the cycle at some

point, and I have some ideas, maybe

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for all of us, especially even for

myself, that desperately needs to hear

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this sort of advice, about ways in

which we can continue to build that

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best version of ourself by getting

rid of that anger, and using that

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anger for something more constructive.

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One of the very first things that I

have been learning to do a lot more

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than ever before, which I've repeatedly

have mentioned in other episodes, is to

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simply write it out; to journal about

it, and I've been getting better and

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better as the days go on, about writing

these sort of things down; to be able

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to say to myself that even though I

feel frustrated about it today, I can

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still take what is available to me,

to be able to utilize it for something

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better, and use that negativity, put it

on a piece of paper, rip it out of the

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journal, throw it away, and forget that

had ever existed in the first place.

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Journaling is oftentimes the most

creative outlet that we could ever

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do, but when we're in the heat of the

moment, sometimes journaling is not

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always the most effective way of being

able to handle that circumstance.

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I have learned to just pause; just like

I had right now, and I know that for many

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of us, when we have those moments where

we're just rushing to that next adventure

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that we have to go on; maybe feeding the

kids, maybe getting ourselves dressed in

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the morning, making sure that we arrive

in the office on time, especially if we

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have to go in person, making sure that we

complete the assignments that are assigned

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to us by deadlines that are imposed,

maybe even just being able to navigate

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around those different people that have

caused some of the issues that we have.

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Finding ways in which we can just pause

and think about whether we are actually

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going through that process, whether that

is something that we're letting them

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empower ourselves to do, can be the most

stress reducing technique that we can

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employ at any moment, given time and

given patience, and I know that we can

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easily do that if we're just willing

to give ourselves that space, and that

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is oftentimes the most difficult thing,

even with some clients that I have

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about giving themselves the space; the

ability to create the opportunity to

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be able to just breathe and just not

get angry about every single thing that

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might be in the way, but it's a lot

more than what that is really all about.

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It's also about understanding that we

need to be meditating; be thinking about

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the ways in which we can create some

of those best versions of the ways in

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which we can help ourselves, not just

see what we're able to do, but also

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what our future selves are able to do.

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I had for the longest time thought that

maybe this anger that I was carrying

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could be utilized in a different way;

maybe I could just apply it to just

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being better, to just doing a little

bit of extra work in the gym, maybe

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just being able to use it in a way

in which maybe other people didn't

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really see what I was capable of doing.

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It might have been just a deficiency, for

that matter, that I was going through,

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but as time has gone on, and as I've

evolved, even as a professional human

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being, I have learned that it isn't

just about understanding and being in

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these different dimensions of creating

that awesome power that we have inside

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of ourselves that we are able to do.

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It's actually about being able to

understand with full confidence and full

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determination through the relationships

that we have that reflecting on what

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we can potentially become and what we

can potentially just do if we're just

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writing out those goals that we have

inside of ourselves, to help focus

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where that anger could ultimately go.

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People often take time on vacations,

maybe even in emails, maybe even

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in other activities, whether that's

drawing or writing, creatively and

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passionately write about some of those

inherent experiences that we have,

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and those are all great activities.

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Hobbies in themselves are really a

great stress reducer, but we have to be

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able to say to ourselves that if we're

going to break the chains, if we're

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ever going to find peace in some of the

things that we have ever gone through,

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we have to find something that's even

deeper than maybe we ever realized,

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and that concept is forgiveness.

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Two friends of mine that I was able

to intern with when I started my

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second master's degree with public

administration at Shippensburg

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University was with a young organization

based in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania,

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called Someone To Tell It To.

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Tom Kaden and Michael Gingerich, which

have been now working on this project

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for over a decade, have been able to help

other people countlessly across the world

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and being able to provide not only the

opportunities that they see and other

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people that they work with, but being

able to compassionately listen to those

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that need to be listened to, especially

since they don't have the avenue to

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feel like they are being appreciated.

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This concept of listening, compassionate

caring, amongst other things, is usually

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at the root of every single practice that

you could think of, whether it relates

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to therapy, whether it relates to medical

professions, whether that's even being

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a lawyer, one of the very concepts that

I which I wanted to have a career in,

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but Tom and Michael were mentors that

had helped me for the longest time.

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Now, as this recording has happened,

they've just recently celebrated their

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11th Annual Gathering in which they've

been able to celebrate some of the

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successes of the organization as a

whole, and I've been fully appreciative

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of what they have contributed to this

bigger picture, which I hope one day

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they would love to be on this show, and

I would love to talk with both of them

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about what got them started in a two part

episode that I'm sure will be riveting,

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especially with everything that they've

been through, but I was able to be the

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boots on the ground and being an intern

during that process of their development

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of the organization, which has now reached

several thousands, maybe tens of thousands

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of people all across the world because of

their contributions to society as a whole.

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I can't think of a more powerful moment

that they have always expressed to me when

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I was feeling absolutely down about myself

about the concept of forgiveness, that

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we are forgiving not just the things that

we have done in the past, but what we are

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able to do now that we forgave ourselves

to press forward in the future, because

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there is always a space to be forgiven in.

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There is always an opportunity to feel

that you are being listened to so that you

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can start that process of healing to say

later on that you could forgive yourself,

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and that was something that Tom and

Michael had instilled in me over a decade

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ago that I didn't really understand that

concept until this very day, three and a

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half years later after my suicide attempt.

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I feel that we often forget about the

fact that suicide attempt was because

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of my anger, and I don't know if you're

struggling with it right now, and if you

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have issues, I encourage you to check

out the episode notes, where not only

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will you find out more information about

Someone To Tell It To, and their awesome

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contributions that they're giving, but

you will also learn a lot about 988,

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which is also the Suicide Prevention

Hotline, and it has access to a wealth

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of mental health resources, and I'll

put those in the episode notes if you

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want to check out more, but I learned,

through all these things that I have

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been through, that if I was ever going

to cut the chains, the bolts that have

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been holding in my shackles, on my hands

and also my feet, and if I was ever

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going to find the inner connection to

the bigger picture as a whole, is that I

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needed to forgive so that I can move on.

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There are many people in my life that

I hope as we continue this podcast, I

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can share with you some of those more

intimate stories in which I will protect

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the innocent, but I will share with you

the aspects in which I have personally

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been through to get to where I'm at, a

podcast host and owner of a professional

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and personal development organization

or business called Your Speaking Voice.

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We can take our gifts that we have, the

things that we have gone through, and

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create tapestries of awesomeness that

stem from not only the things that we

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have been through, but the things that

we have yet to achieve, we can start to

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build using those Lego bricks that we have

already collected, because let's face it,

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whether we have all the different types

of colors or all the different patterns

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or pieces, we can start to share what

we have collected with each other, and

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that's been something of a big adventure

for me, so that I can remove that anger,

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and just think that I can stew in it, and

move forward in a more constructive way,

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so that I can create the opportunities

that I know exist, not only for me,

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but also for you: potential clients,

and potential people, that are just

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looking for that voice of inspiration.

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We can all be better in every

single aspect of our life, but if

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we're ever going to move forward in

getting past that anger, if we're

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ever going to be more constructive in

the things in which we're able to do

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in our lives, we have to let it go.

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We have to find forgiveness, and I

don't know where you are in your life

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when it comes to that, and if you

have achieved forgiveness, fantastic.

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I would love to have you on the show so

that you can inspire my listeners, my

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individuals that have been going through

a lot of these different struggles,

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but for a good majority of people, they

do not know how to start that process,

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myself included, for the longest time.

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If we're ever going to find the

best version of ourselves, if we're

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ever going to find this voice in

this ever changing world, we have to

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get rid of that anger, but we might

need to disassociate from the pain.

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The pain that we carry

inside of ourselves.

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The pain that makes up who we are, and the

pain that identifies with our very soul.

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I don't know who you are that might

be listening to this, and I don't know

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where you might be in this journey

in which you're creating those great

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opportunities that lie ahead, but we know

that we are truly capable of doing this.

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If we're just willing to open our eyes, to

open our hearts, to the possibility that

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we don't have to break these loops in a

way in which they're toxic, in which they

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create frustration, in which they might

not resolve what is really in our hearts,

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but I do think that we can get past it.

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I think that if we find ways in

which we can apply ourselves, whether

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that's in better communicative ways or

leading others, whether that is being

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that person that we can go to, to ask

questions, or even more importantly,

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being able to see what is truly ahead

of ourselves, we have to let go of

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what is really eating us up inside.

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I don't know who you're holding a

grudge against; maybe you're holding

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a grudge against me and you're

listening to this and I had no idea.

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It's time to reach out to that person.

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If that's the way in which you

can heal, reach out, and do it in

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a way that isn't full of anger.

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All that email has to say, all that text

has to say is, "You and I need to talk."

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You can do this, because you can navigate

what is through these never ending

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loops that we set up for ourselves.

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These repeated patterns that keep

holding us back from ever recovering,

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because I know that you got it inside

yourself to just let go of that anger.

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Use it in a way in which it can radiate

change in the world, because just

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maybe, you don't have to listen to

those people, those voices of the past

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that have been telling you "No, no,

and no" anymore; maybe you can tap into

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something more positive, maybe you can

tap into something more creative, in

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which you can live a God given life.

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A feeling not only worth

exploring, but also forgiving for

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all those that are around you.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 53 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.Biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.