Episode #7 - The Determination To Withstand All

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination, all converge into an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Welcome back to episode number seven of Speaking From The Heart.

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Today we're going to talk about the last value of why I started my business,

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Your Speaking Voice LLC, in which will tie in all the things that we talked

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about in episodes three and five, which today I'm calling it determination.

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Determination is one of those abstract concepts that I think is very tough for

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all of us to think about when it comes to understanding how we process that feeling.

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Determination in itself isn't just about having the grit and the

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unwavering commitment to move forward.

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Part of it is building upon some of the things that we've talked about in some

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of the previous episodes in which we have not only the relationships, but

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also the confidence to overcome with determination, because if we combine

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all of those, we will then have the will to pursue opportunities through time.

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We create those passions for goals that we want to achieve by overcoming the

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things such as the events, the past trauma, all the different difficulties

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to become the best version of ourselves and determination can create some of that

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opportunity for us to help exacerbate the aspirations that we have deep inside

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and might been dormant for so long.

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I have to tell you straight out that this episode's going to contain a lot about

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my own personal story as it relates to determination, so for those that are

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going through a mental health crisis, please be forewarned that I'm going to be

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sharing a little bit of my story, which does talk about not only depression, but

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also trying to commit suicide, which I highly encourage any of my listeners here

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to follow up with a therapist, somebody that you can care about and talk about

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confidently and seek the professional help necessary, because that is something

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that I will get into in this episode.

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To share my story, I have to share a little bit about what has been happening

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to me over the last several years.

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Part of the reason that I had started the business was because after a series of

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failures that have happened in my life, both from the personal and professional

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side, I was starting to feel weighed down.

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It was almost like having a brick put on your head and you had to

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balance it on top of your head.

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I don't know if you ever had to do that when you were a kid just for fun,

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but it is very difficult, especially if you are given very little time

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to balance it and to move around.

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Now, take that brick and start building upon all the different types of bricks

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that might be happening in your life.

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Insecurity, frustration, relationship failure, all the different failures in

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your life, all starting to become bricks, and isn't just one brick that happens,

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it's the layering of those bricks.

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In episode five, I talked a lot about my struggles, even as a kid growing up,

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and those were some of the things that I had to suffer through, and as a result

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of all those bricks on one fateful night before my birthday in 2020, February

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23rd, I tried to end my life and it's still tough to talk about those feelings

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that day that I had and all those bricks that I was carrying and trying

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to balance, but they were all tumbling around, but I remember it quite clearly.

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I was attending a meeting with other individuals, and I just

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felt the connection wasn't there.

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I felt that there was trauma, there was turmoil.

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The relationships that I had in my life were falling apart.

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There were people in my life that I really thought that cared

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about me, but they really didn't.

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I was messing around with somebody that, to this day, I still question

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why I did that, because I might have been looking for attention and

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that person wasn't supporting me.

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Going into work at my part-time job because it was a Sunday evening, I

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felt the layers just caving inside of me, feeling that I was being removed

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from society and from the world, it almost felt like having an audit body

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experience, but I knew what I had to do.

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It was time to end my life.

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I didn't want to feel the pain anymore of what that struggle was, and I knew

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that if I had to continue doing this and trying to balance all those bricks,

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it was no way that was going to happen.

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I think that was the moment in my life that determination left and

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I was almost left with nothing.

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The cries for help were happening all around me trying to reach out

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to people on Facebook, trying to say that I needed help, but what came

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out instead is, "no one likes me.

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No one cares about me.

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No one understands what I'm going through."

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I was tearing myself down and tearing myself apart in my very eyes.

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Two friends that belonged to a local Toastmasters club that I belonged

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to who saw those posts, and they were desperately trying to get ahold

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of me, and I was not acknowledging whatsoever what they were trying to do.

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They kept on encouraging me, "Reach out, get some help", but I was still

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refusing, so they took matters in their own hands, and they called 9 1 1.

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I remember that day my landlord was sitting at the couch

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and the door was knocking.

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At the door were the police.

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They came, they wanted to know what was going on with me.

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I said nothing to my landlord when I walked by him earlier that night when I

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finally got done with work, because I was just so removed, I had nothing left in me.

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I knew that I was going sit in the back and slice my wrists, and

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that would've been the end of it.

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I remember those moments, just feeling emptiness deep inside of me,

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the cops coming in asking me if I'm okay, telling me that it's time to

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go, we're going go to the hospital.

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It was a 15 minute drive in the back of a squad car, and the first

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time in my life I was detained, if you will, by the cops in handcuffs.

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I remember that night driving up through the road where the hospital

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was, and the officer said, "I can't believe you would do this for yourself.

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I know you look like this than any other normal person."

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I said, "Yeah, I know, but this is where I'm at and I'm not happy about

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it, but I'm glad that you're here."

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I remember that I said something along the lines of I'm glad you're here, and I

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don't remember what the exact terminology was, but I realized that I needed to be

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able to communicate that to somebody.

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Anybody that would listen, and that officer that was driving

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me there was willing to do that.

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He gave me the dignity of unlocking the handcuffs and allowing me to walk my

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own free will into the emergency room.

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The doctor took a look at me and after all those things that had happened earlier

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in the day, unbeknownst to me, was that those two people that also called the

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cops also talked to the doctor and said that this person needs to be able to take

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control of what is happening right now.

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This person that is in your emergency room, they said, needed medical

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attention from a therapist, from a team of doctors, he needs to be observed.

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I was admitted into a mental hospital for 72 hours for observation, and

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that was the lowest point in my entire life that I have ever felt about the

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dignity of determination, having those connections with others and having the

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confidence to really build myself back up.

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I remember those three days, seeing all kinds of different people and

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thinking about all the different people that were in my life that

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were just tearing me apart, making me feel like I was worthless.

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The non-verbal, the verbal, the things that would make me feel like

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I'm complete were not the answers that I was looking for, the formula

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that I was using for 30 some years of my life was not working for me.

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I realized at that moment that something had the change as I was

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sitting in the hospital with the same clothes that I was wearing for almost

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three days, because I had nobody that was able to bring anything for me.

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I realized that I needed change, and change is what I needed to do.

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That was over three years ago, and now I sit here recording this

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podcast, thinking about my blessings every time that I have been able

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to make steps towards my recovery.

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The journey has not been easy.

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It has meant facing some of those toxic relationships that were not the

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greatest underpinnings of my life.

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It was about dealing with the confidence that was sucked outta my life.

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I was not the best version of myself.

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I needed help so bad that I needed to be able to understand the true importance

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of creating value all over again.

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I mentioned in another episode that I was diagnosed with autism, and that

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started to connect all the dots as to why these overreactions, this acceptance

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that I needed, the calls for help, were trying so desperately to be reached out.

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Determination is something that you find deep inside of you when

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you have to make a choice about what you need to do in your life.

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I had to make a choice as to whether I wanted to keep going forward, whether

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I wanted to keep fighting back, whether I wanted to have a voice in this

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ever-changing world, and I know that I could have quit anytime, anywhere and

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would've just ended everything that was happening in my life, but something

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pulled me back, and kept telling me to keep pushing forward, to keep telling

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myself that I was worthy of all the things that were yet to come in my

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life, that all the things that ever needed to happen came from not just the

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people that could surround me that were a positive influence and have bestowed

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so many gifts for me, but are able to create some of the opportunity that

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I have now been able to flourish in.

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This is why this podcast exists.

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This is why I have the drive now to keep continuing the conversation as to why

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mental health is so important, why we need to be able to take ourselves from

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point A to point B on a higher scale.

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This is why we can do it together.

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I know that maybe you listening to this have everything together.

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You are part of this important piece of the puzzle for so many in which you

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can help others become the best version of yourselves in order to describe the

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determination that you have, not only for yourself, but for others as well.

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You can be a source of inspiration in which those people can come to

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you for advice and consultation.

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You have a gift, and that gift needs to be shared with so many people, and

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that's found through the determination that we all have within ourselves.

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Whether it is something personal that's holding you back or something

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professional, each of us have an inherent duty to find what's inside of ourselves,

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to lift us to that next level, and to create some of the vast opportunities

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that we can share with others.

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Speaking from the heart isn't necessarily about creating those relationships

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with others to understand what drives and creates the confidence,

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whether that is something that's physically or mentally holding us back.

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It's about the determination that they're willing to have to share

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what we have as our inner essence.

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To be able to say to ourselves that we are a great gift to this Earth and we

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are able to take it to the next level by being able to improve ourselves

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consistently over and over and over again.

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My life is not without meaning.

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It is something that I often think about, and even to this day, I still

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ask myself the questions as to what happened in the back of my landlord's

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room, in which I wanted to just end it, and it's something that we all need to

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do in order to create some of the best values, some of the best things that

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we would ever have in our entire life.

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We are important.

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It's about our civic duty to help each other to create some of that value for

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not only ourselves, but for others as well, and all you need to do is take

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one baby step into the right direction.

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Determination isn't just about the things that we can do through time, but it's

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about what the things we can do that start today that are the incremental steps to

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becoming the best version of ourselves.

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We have the keys within ourselves to unlock that potential, and if we're

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able to do it by building the best relationships with individuals, if we're

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able to create the confidence that we want to have by exhibiting some of the things

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that we see in others, and if we're able to take it to the next level by showing

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what our real grit is when it comes to being determined, nothing is impossible.

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If you can share what's inside of you, you are unlocking something that is

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so beautiful that the world will have at its disposal, and only you have

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the richness to share with others.

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These three values, confidence, relationships, and determination, create

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the framework of what makes all of us be able to have a speaking voice.

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Thanks for listening to episode seven of Speaking From the Heart,

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and I look forward to hearing from your heart very soon.

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Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified wherever you listen to your podcast.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz for more information about potential

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services that can help you create the best version of yourself.