Episode #8 - Keeping The Movement Forward: An Interview With Michelle Westgate

Intro: 00:00:00

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

Intro: 00:00:03

determination, all converge into an amazing, heartfelt experience.

Intro: 00:00:08

This is Speaking From The Heart.

Joshua: 00:00:11

Welcome back to episode number eight of Speaking From The Heart.

Joshua: 00:00:15

Today we have yet another Toastmaster, a Distinguished Toastmaster, Michelle

Joshua: 00:00:20

Westgate, who is currently the Division G Director for District 38 Toastmasters,

Joshua: 00:00:25

covering Eastern Pennsylvania and Central and Southern New Jersey, and

Joshua: 00:00:29

was recently elected the district's Club Growth Director, which we're

Joshua: 00:00:34

going to talk about a little bit in the episode when we interview her.

Joshua: 00:00:37

She is a veteran of the United States Air Force, in which she has

Joshua: 00:00:41

an impressive background in business development opportunities that have

Joshua: 00:00:45

reached public and private development.

Joshua: 00:00:48

She has also created relationships through those partnerships, which have led in turn

Joshua: 00:00:53

to high level sales growth with teams that she's been involved with over her 25 plus

Joshua: 00:00:59

year career that she has and has worked with various technical teams as well.

Joshua: 00:01:05

She's also a volunteer and part of the planning commission for West Norriton

Joshua: 00:01:10

Township, which is part of a county in Eastern Pennsylvania, which helps

Joshua: 00:01:15

to provide continuity on land use, zoning, subdivision controls, and she

Joshua: 00:01:20

works with county planners to maintain continuity in her local community.

I will forewarn you: 00:01:25

this episode does talk about domestic violence and if you

I will forewarn you: 00:01:30

are somebody listening to this episode that's currently going through any sort

I will forewarn you: 00:01:34

of situation relating to partner abuse or going through troubling times with

I will forewarn you: 00:01:40

a significant other, I want you to know that there are resources available to you,

I will forewarn you: 00:01:44

which I'm going to put not only in episode notes, but we also going to talk about

I will forewarn you: 00:01:49

a little bit in the interview itself.

I will forewarn you: 00:01:51

I will say also that Michelle has a unique story that all of us can

I will forewarn you: 00:01:58

learn, whether we are in the personal or professional realm, and will

I will forewarn you: 00:02:03

help us take it to the next level.

I will forewarn you: 00:02:05

But with that, let's go to the episode.

I will forewarn you: 00:02:09

We have Michelle Westgate here with us.

I will forewarn you: 00:02:11

Michelle, welcome to the show.

Michelle: 00:02:14

Thanks, Josh.

Michelle: 00:02:15

Thank you for inviting me to your show.

Michelle: 00:02:19

It's quite the honor to be a member of your cast for the day.

Joshua: 00:02:24

Yes, absolutely, and being the fourth guest on my show.

Joshua: 00:02:28

I really appreciate you being one of those pioneers.

Joshua: 00:02:31

I was really interested in your story because you and I have known each other

Joshua: 00:02:36

for several years now, off and on about not only things that we have worked

Joshua: 00:02:41

together on, but also indirectly, and I'm really curious, and I'm sure the

Joshua: 00:02:47

audience would want to know this too, tell us a little bit about where you have

Joshua: 00:02:53

started from when it had came to a career path, and how did you get to where you

Joshua: 00:02:58

are today, because I've already let the audience know about all the things that

Joshua: 00:03:02

you do and what you have achieved and I'm just wondering, how does someone go

Joshua: 00:03:08

from really working at Sears all the way up to what you're doing right now.

Joshua: 00:03:14

Tell us a little bit about that.

Michelle: 00:03:17

Well, even working at Sears was a terrific opportunity for me.

Michelle: 00:03:22

I went from being just a regular employee walking through the door,

Michelle: 00:03:27

entry level, moving all the way up to as high as I could get without

Michelle: 00:03:33

a college degree in the company.

Michelle: 00:03:35

I was in charge of a team.

Michelle: 00:03:37

I led international efforts towards building a new line of business.

Michelle: 00:03:43

I created a lot of documents that they used and they may still use

Michelle: 00:03:50

somewhere in the Sears Discover world.

Michelle: 00:03:55

I eventually left Sears.

Michelle: 00:04:00

I had been there for over nine years, and one day I drove into the parking

Michelle: 00:04:04

lot and I couldn't get out of my car and I decided to just go home.

Michelle: 00:04:12

I just could not take the stress of doing what I was doing there any longer and

Michelle: 00:04:17

thought there's more to my life than what I'm doing at Sears, and not that it

Michelle: 00:04:23

was a bad company, but I just felt a lot of stress and pressure in that moment.

Joshua: 00:04:31

Was there a moment when you decided, yes, I'm going to leave and

Joshua: 00:04:37

I'm going to see what's out there?

Joshua: 00:04:40

Was it because that you felt that you had a lot more to offer, or was it something

Joshua: 00:04:45

that just happened one day, like you said, that flipped a light switch for you?

Michelle: 00:04:52

Between the mix of personal and professional stress,

Michelle: 00:04:58

I think it was just a point where I could not stay in the situation

Michelle: 00:05:05

I was in, I had to make a change.

Michelle: 00:05:08

My personal life was a disaster at that point of time.

Michelle: 00:05:14

I was dealing with a lot of pressure at home and at work.

Michelle: 00:05:21

I was overseeing a lot of people who would escalate their calls to me.

Michelle: 00:05:29

I was the one who was taking those tough calls and it got to the point where people

Michelle: 00:05:34

were circling me to see what I was going to say when I got somebody on the phone.

Michelle: 00:05:40

How was I going to deal with telling somebody that we're going to rip

Michelle: 00:05:45

the carpet out of their home?

Michelle: 00:05:48

How was I going to deal with telling somebody that we're going to come and

Michelle: 00:05:54

take your roof off your house because you're not paying for it, and I started

Michelle: 00:06:03

to think it was more of a joke than a serious issue, but I learned a lot.

Michelle: 00:06:11

I learned that no matter where you are in life, don't ever take it for granted that

Michelle: 00:06:19

you are always going to be there tomorrow.

Michelle: 00:06:23

We could become homeless in a heartbeat and that was my first

Michelle: 00:06:30

experience with seeing the world in a bigger way, knowing that there

Michelle: 00:06:36

was more, that there was a reality that I had not even touched on yet.

Michelle: 00:06:43

I was a young adult.

Michelle: 00:06:44

I was in my early twenties and moving into the next part of my life.

Michelle: 00:06:52

Somehow, I landed at an engineering firm and that was when I started

Michelle: 00:06:59

my path in the AEC industry; that's architects, engineers, construction.

Michelle: 00:07:09

I've been in that industry in some way for the rest of my career, all

Michelle: 00:07:15

the way up until just recently.

Joshua: 00:07:18

Wow.

Joshua: 00:07:19

I found something resonate with me when you say that when you were a

Joshua: 00:07:23

young adult and you connected all the dots essentially with seeing different

Joshua: 00:07:29

experiences and seeing different people coming from all walks of life.

Joshua: 00:07:35

What was the moment that you realized that you needed to see not just people

Joshua: 00:07:41

in just where they're at, but also how did you navigate through learning

Joshua: 00:07:47

from those people, meaning, was there something that you have taken from

Joshua: 00:07:51

those experiences, even your young career at the time, to even the present?

Joshua: 00:07:56

Is there something that you've shared with others, whether those are employees,

Joshua: 00:08:00

those are people that you work with, and some of the volunteering that you do, or

Joshua: 00:08:05

even some of the service you do publicly?

Joshua: 00:08:08

What have you taken with you and what would you say to my audience as to what

Joshua: 00:08:15

are some things that we can do even in today's environment, which I think is

Joshua: 00:08:19

some of the most shakiest when it comes to not only getting a job, but also a stable

Joshua: 00:08:25

job that has all the bells and whistles, like benefits and healthcare specifically

Joshua: 00:08:32

all of those, what's your take on that?

Michelle: 00:08:35

My take on that, thanks, Josh.

Michelle: 00:08:37

I would say that you should be authentic and you should care.

Michelle: 00:08:45

You should really care about the people and the things happening around you, but

Michelle: 00:08:50

mostly you should care about yourself.

Michelle: 00:08:53

If you're not getting joy out of what you're doing, then you should find

Michelle: 00:08:58

something that you will get joy out of.

Michelle: 00:09:03

I became a mentor in my professional life, and that's where the

Michelle: 00:09:08

biggest part of my joy comes from.

Michelle: 00:09:11

I can do almost any job and be a mentor, and I have to take the perspective

Michelle: 00:09:18

that most people have when they go into a job and they're trying to

Michelle: 00:09:23

work ahead and switch it, skew it so that it is more about what I'm

Michelle: 00:09:32

getting out of my giving to others.

Michelle: 00:09:38

It's the joy that I get when I see some buddies' lights

Michelle: 00:09:43

just go on.; they get excited.

Michelle: 00:09:47

They become a leader.

Michelle: 00:09:49

They take charge.

Michelle: 00:09:50

They share their ideas, they open up and they speak, and that is exciting

Michelle: 00:09:56

when you're a mentor, especially when it's somebody who comes into

Michelle: 00:10:01

your environment, into your world and they don't have that confidence.

Michelle: 00:10:09

They don't have that readiness to take on the world, and you get to empower them.

Michelle: 00:10:18

You get to help them move forward, and there is so much excitement

Michelle: 00:10:23

in that it drives me forward.

Joshua: 00:10:28

I noticed too, that you are a veteran of the United

Joshua: 00:10:31

States Air Force, which thank you for your service, by the way.

Joshua: 00:10:35

It's greatly enduring and is always a sacrifice to do when you are giving

Joshua: 00:10:41

to our country, and specifically the United States for my international

Joshua: 00:10:46

listeners, just to clarify, is there something that you learned from that

Joshua: 00:10:50

that kind of help to start that motion into that direction, because I think what

Joshua: 00:10:55

you just said is something that isn't necessarily taught, it's something that

Joshua: 00:10:59

we kind of go through of experience.

Joshua: 00:11:01

Right.

Joshua: 00:11:02

Is that what your experience has been or has it been something else?

Joshua: 00:11:06

Being a veteran, being active duty or a GI, a government issue, I was an

Joshua: 00:11:17

object at the service of the government.

Joshua: 00:11:22

I learned that I had to speak up for myself even when I was afraid.

Joshua: 00:11:28

When you have a drill sergeant screaming in your face about the

Joshua: 00:11:34

length of your pants or your hair being out of place, and you know that

Joshua: 00:11:44

you are correct, that you are in line, you have to speak up for yourself.

Joshua: 00:11:51

Do it respectfully.

Joshua: 00:11:53

You don't have to swear at somebody.

Joshua: 00:11:55

You don't have to insult them.

Joshua: 00:11:58

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean hurting the other person.

Joshua: 00:12:03

It just means that you are helping yourself.

Joshua: 00:12:07

You are making others aware of who you are, and you are also building that

Joshua: 00:12:14

confidence with each fearful word, every, every word that comes out of your

Joshua: 00:12:21

mouth, it changes you, and if I didn't continue to speak up and to speak out,

Joshua: 00:12:33

I don't know where I would be today.

Joshua: 00:12:37

Well, I think that you bring a unique perspective in what you've shared because

Joshua: 00:12:43

a lot of people think that what we value as our words, we want to express them

Joshua: 00:12:50

immediately as possible, and we don't give much thought to what the consequences

Joshua: 00:12:54

are especially when we're thinking about not just the actions that go behind it,

Joshua: 00:13:00

but also the tone, the voice and all those things, and here we are again,

Joshua: 00:13:06

ladies and gentlemen, we're with another Toastmaster essentially that has been

Joshua: 00:13:10

working on that herself, so when you hear the words of violence going through

Joshua: 00:13:18

people's minds, essentially these are hateful, derogatory terms that we say to

Joshua: 00:13:25

somebody else, I'm sure maybe you have a story that might tie into this too, but

Joshua: 00:13:31

what would you say, especially somebody that's been working with public speaking

Joshua: 00:13:34

and even leadership over the years, what is something that we could do to

Joshua: 00:13:39

help foster some of those relationships in a better way, and when I ask that,

Joshua: 00:13:46

I mean not just in what you've learned in just being part of the workforce and

Joshua: 00:13:51

also being a veteran of really the armed forces, what would you think is important

Joshua: 00:13:59

in today's day and age that we can start to simmer down that conversation?

Michelle: 00:14:05

Active listening.

Joshua: 00:14:07

Mm-hmm.

Michelle: 00:14:08

That's a term that Toastmasters uses to explain one of the best parts of

Michelle: 00:14:15

communication, one of the most important parts of communication, which is not just

Michelle: 00:14:21

hearing the words, but actually listening and absorbing those words and considering

Michelle: 00:14:27

what somebody is saying to you.

Michelle: 00:14:31

If you're not listening to other people, you are not going to be

Michelle: 00:14:36

open enough to make a change.

Michelle: 00:14:40

I found over the years that I had opinions and thoughts about

Michelle: 00:14:45

things that might have been wrong.

Michelle: 00:14:49

I could have argued with you that the sky was green and it was really blue

Michelle: 00:14:54

and somebody showed me the facts.

Michelle: 00:14:57

If I hadn't opened up my mind, my ears, my heart to hear them, I

Michelle: 00:15:05

would never have learned the truth.

Michelle: 00:15:09

I think that everybody has a story and that story matters.

Michelle: 00:15:19

If you don't stop and listen, you're not going to learn about the world around you.

Michelle: 00:15:25

You're not going to learn how to interact with other people and moving ahead in

Michelle: 00:15:30

life, moving ahead in your career, you need to know how to connect to people.

Michelle: 00:15:36

You need to know how to interact with somebody who's in a certain position

Michelle: 00:15:42

and understand that you have to be respectful in a moment even if you don't

Michelle: 00:15:47

believe that person deserves the respect, they still should be treated with a

Michelle: 00:15:55

certain, I'm not sure what that word is.

Joshua: 00:16:01

Some of my previous guests I think have even said having eye contact

Joshua: 00:16:06

and even, like you said, listening skills, that are attuned to what that

Joshua: 00:16:11

human element is like, having that connection is really important and I feel

Joshua: 00:16:15

like that's what you're trying to say.

Michelle: 00:16:17

That human connection is very important and if I didn't connect

Michelle: 00:16:23

with other people, I don't think anybody would ever want me around.

Joshua: 00:16:29

Well, I will say that I will want you around even then.

Joshua: 00:16:32

We can have our disagreements, but we can come to the table and

Joshua: 00:16:35

still talk about them rationally.

Michelle: 00:16:38

And that's exactly what we do, and there is this argument in the

Michelle: 00:16:44

world about whether I can speak with somebody who has a differing opinion.

Michelle: 00:16:52

Maybe they have a different culture, maybe they have a different line

Michelle: 00:16:55

of thinking, maybe they are just not in the same place that I am.

Michelle: 00:17:02

They still have a need to be heard, and I think as humans, we have an

Michelle: 00:17:11

obligation to our fellow people to listen to give them that opportunity

Michelle: 00:17:22

to speak, and finding that platform is sometimes challenging because you don't

Michelle: 00:17:29

always want to make other people feel uncomfortable with someone's message.

Joshua: 00:17:36

I find that quite fascinating because some people don't know how to

Joshua: 00:17:41

have that balance, and some of them take it to one extreme or another, and I'm

Joshua: 00:17:47

just curious, you have talked a lot about this almost as if you have lived

Joshua: 00:17:52

that life and it seems as if there's somebody or maybe something that had

Joshua: 00:17:58

happened in your life and I'm wondering if you want to share that with our

Joshua: 00:18:02

audience about what that situation or that person was, and how that has made

Joshua: 00:18:06

a profound impact on you personally.

Michelle: 00:18:09

Oh, certainly Josh, you and I have talked about this one on one-

Joshua: 00:18:13

and you knew, and you knew I was going to ask the question too.

Michelle: 00:18:16

I was married to a person who was an amazing person;

Michelle: 00:18:26

intelligent; everyone loved him.

Michelle: 00:18:29

He was Mensa.

Michelle: 00:18:32

He wore suits.

Michelle: 00:18:33

He was well educated and well liked, very personable, the kind of guy you

Michelle: 00:18:38

wanna sit in a bar and drink a beer with.

Michelle: 00:18:41

About six months into our relationship, he started isolating me from the

Michelle: 00:18:48

people around me, my friends, my family, even the ability to drive a

Michelle: 00:18:56

car, hold money, make phone calls.

Joshua: 00:19:00

Wow.

Michelle: 00:19:00

I found myself in a situation that became darker and darker with every

Michelle: 00:19:08

moment that I lived it, and at one point, at one point he held a gun to my head.

Joshua: 00:19:22

Oh my God.

Michelle: 00:19:23

He said, "I'm going to kill you."

Michelle: 00:19:30

That was the moment my entire life changed.

Michelle: 00:19:35

In that moment, I thought, "does it matter?

Michelle: 00:19:42

Does it really matter if he kills me in this moment?"

Michelle: 00:19:46

I said, "fine.

Michelle: 00:19:47

If that's what you want to do, go for it."

Michelle: 00:19:53

He walked away because it was boring at that time.

Michelle: 00:19:55

He gave up and and didn't kill me, of course, his fun would've ended then,

Michelle: 00:20:01

but I continued to think about that and how I had gone from being this vibrant,

Michelle: 00:20:12

very active, extremely inquisitive person to basically not living.

Michelle: 00:20:23

I was in a box.

Michelle: 00:20:24

I was in a shell, and I was at the point where I couldn't talk to another person.

Michelle: 00:20:32

If somebody asked me a question, I was afraid to answer that question.

Michelle: 00:20:36

I couldn't look people in the eyes; I could not speak a word

Michelle: 00:20:44

without stuttering and stammering.

Michelle: 00:20:46

I even shook when I had to answer a question.

Michelle: 00:20:51

It was very difficult to try to find a job in that time, and of course, he would

Michelle: 00:20:57

take me to the job, he would pick me up from the job, he knew exactly where

Michelle: 00:21:02

I was at all times in the building.

Michelle: 00:21:05

It was very controlling, and back then we didn't have direct deposit.

Michelle: 00:21:11

There were paychecks, and when I got my paycheck, he drove me to the bank and

Michelle: 00:21:15

only his name was on the bank account.

Michelle: 00:21:19

I had no way out.

Michelle: 00:21:20

I was stuck in a situation where I said, Michelle, you're not living.

Michelle: 00:21:29

Is this really where you want to be?

Joshua: 00:21:32

Wow.

Joshua: 00:21:34

First off, I want to say that for anybody that is going through any sort

Joshua: 00:21:38

of situation like that, domestic violence wise or anything that is threatening

Joshua: 00:21:43

your life, I'm going to put a link in the episode notes about services and

Joshua: 00:21:48

resources that you can reach out to in your local community to help you start

Joshua: 00:21:54

making steps in the right direction so that you have that safety, but Michelle,

Joshua: 00:21:58

specifically to you, I want you to know that you are a gift in this world and

Joshua: 00:22:02

I'm really impressed by what you have been able to do since that moment and

Joshua: 00:22:07

since those days where you were pretty much told what to do every day and

Joshua: 00:22:13

maybe even for those that are struggling with where that first step is, what did

Joshua: 00:22:19

you do to finally say, " that's enough.

Joshua: 00:22:21

I know that I have value.

Joshua: 00:22:25

I'm worthy of this."

Joshua: 00:22:26

Is there any advice that you can give to anybody that is struggling with this,

Joshua: 00:22:31

because I know for a fact that there are a lot of people, especially with some of the

Joshua: 00:22:37

things that I've been personally involved in over the years, that they might

Joshua: 00:22:41

not even know what that first step is.

Joshua: 00:22:43

What would you recommend to someone and how would you have them go

Joshua: 00:22:47

about doing that first step?

Michelle: 00:22:50

I'd like to start this statement with saying, I was afraid, I was ashamed.

Michelle: 00:22:59

It was more than just fear of him, but I was ashamed to tell people that I was

Michelle: 00:23:05

in this situation that I found myself in a place like this where I had been

Michelle: 00:23:13

brainwashed, I was controlled, I had been manipulated, I was afraid, and I was

Michelle: 00:23:19

ashamed, and if I were to tell somebody what to do today, I would tell them to

Michelle: 00:23:27

reach out to their nearest crisis center.

Michelle: 00:23:30

There are lots of people in the world who are willing to have a conversation

Michelle: 00:23:35

with you, and it doesn't mean that you have to follow through with it.

Michelle: 00:23:41

You could just think about it.

Michelle: 00:23:42

You don't have to move right now, but inform yourself, and if you know somebody

Michelle: 00:23:49

who's in that situation, inform those people about the opportunities around you.

Michelle: 00:23:56

There are local domestic violence shelters everywhere, there are

Michelle: 00:24:00

teams at your police stations that are sensitive to these needs.

Michelle: 00:24:05

There are people in hospitals that will take you into another room away

Michelle: 00:24:10

from anyone who might hear and you can tell them that you need help.

Michelle: 00:24:17

You can signal to somebody when you're out and about that you need help, and a lot

Michelle: 00:24:23

of times people will come through for you.

Michelle: 00:24:26

I had people step in and help me because I opened my mouth.

Michelle: 00:24:34

I took a chance.

Joshua: 00:24:35

Yeah.

Michelle: 00:24:35

Most, most women or most people who try to leave an extremely

Michelle: 00:24:40

violent situation, and I didn't even touch on the depths of this situation,

Michelle: 00:24:49

but when they do, they don't live.

Michelle: 00:24:52

There is a high risk of being murdered by your abuser, and there are a lot

Michelle: 00:24:58

of things that you have to consider when you are taking that step, and the

Michelle: 00:25:02

first thing is to be aware of what's happening around you and to make sure

Michelle: 00:25:07

that everybody, I don't care if it's the dog down the street, you make sure

Michelle: 00:25:14

all of your neighbors know, you make sure that anybody you work with knows,

Michelle: 00:25:19

that you are going through this and that this person is not welcome in your life.

Michelle: 00:25:24

You go to the courthouse and file for an injunction to get that

Michelle: 00:25:30

person to stay away from you.

Michelle: 00:25:32

In different areas, they use different terminology for this.

Michelle: 00:25:36

Basically it's a keep away order; course that keep away order doesn't always

Michelle: 00:25:43

protect you because it's a piece of paper.

Michelle: 00:25:48

A person can still get past that and a lot of times our police officers

Michelle: 00:25:53

are their, their hands are tied.

Michelle: 00:25:55

They can't step in and help unless they see that you're actually bleeding.

Joshua: 00:26:01

Wow.

Michelle: 00:26:02

That's scary.

Joshua: 00:26:04

Mm-hmm.

Michelle: 00:26:05

But I can tell you that the world has changed a lot

Michelle: 00:26:08

since I was in that situation.

Michelle: 00:26:11

There are so many opportunities out there for us to help each other and

Michelle: 00:26:17

that's what I would say; just keep trying, keep moving forward, even when the

Michelle: 00:26:24

world becomes a very dark place and you think that there is no hope whatsoever.

Michelle: 00:26:31

You take a step, just one little step, and it takes you in the right

Michelle: 00:26:38

direction, and you just keep going and you don't think about what could

Michelle: 00:26:46

happen, instead, you think about what your vision is for tomorrow.

Michelle: 00:26:52

What are you going to do in this next moment?

Michelle: 00:26:55

Where do you see yourself in a day, in a week, in a year?

Michelle: 00:27:03

Get yourself out of that situation if you can, and if you can't, you get somebody

Michelle: 00:27:08

to help you get out of that situation and let them help you because people want to.

Michelle: 00:27:14

I believe that deep in my heart that people are inherently

Michelle: 00:27:19

good and that they will help.

Joshua: 00:27:22

It sounds like it's all about not just having a plan so that

Joshua: 00:27:26

you're ready for that transition, but you also are willing to say

Joshua: 00:27:32

and give yourself the thought of, I can change this circumstance.

Joshua: 00:27:37

I can move to the next chapter of my life.

Joshua: 00:27:41

I can be worthy of all the gifts that are going to be bestowed upon me in this next

Joshua: 00:27:48

adventure, and Michelle, I think your career speaks volumes to that, and even

Joshua: 00:27:54

the things that you have been doing in Toastmasters and helping others to see

Joshua: 00:28:00

their best versions of themselves has been something of a remarkable opportunity that

Joshua: 00:28:07

I think even from an innocent bystander, looking outward and looking in, you have

Joshua: 00:28:12

definitely taken that to the direction that it needs to be for yourself.

Joshua: 00:28:19

I'm wondering though about this, as we almost close out our time.

Joshua: 00:28:25

I did think of this question in that, you said something about shame and it's

Joshua: 00:28:31

something that it is really powerful that I work with my clients too, is

Joshua: 00:28:36

overcoming some of those barriers that might be inhibiting them for seeing

Joshua: 00:28:42

where they can potentially go, whether that is to make a life change or have

Joshua: 00:28:47

a new routine, or even do things that they normally haven't done in the past.

Joshua: 00:28:53

What would you say was the biggest challenge for you to transition from

Joshua: 00:28:58

the situation, which is just absolutely despicable, and I'm glad that you're

Joshua: 00:29:03

out of it, because you definitely are.

Joshua: 00:29:07

How did you transition from that moment to where you're at now and what would

Joshua: 00:29:11

you say to someone that is on the cusp of that change, meaning, not necessarily

Joshua: 00:29:16

how to get out of the situation because you explained that already, but how

Joshua: 00:29:20

do you move forward in a direction that has that positive mindset because

Joshua: 00:29:26

you're just reeking of positivity right now that is contagious and a lot

Joshua: 00:29:32

of people are probably confounded by how you are keeping the smile going.

Joshua: 00:29:41

How are you doing that?

Michelle: 00:29:45

That word comes up again, perspective.

Michelle: 00:29:48

Perspective.

Michelle: 00:29:51

I decided that you could look at anything as a negative or as a positive,

Michelle: 00:29:57

and if you take that negative and turn it into a positive, then you're

Michelle: 00:30:03

going to have a reason to smile.

Michelle: 00:30:06

I don't look at my history as woe is me and I'm a victim, instead, I am a

Michelle: 00:30:16

strong, successful person who has blamed ownership of my life, and in order to do

Michelle: 00:30:28

that, I had to do a few little things.

Michelle: 00:30:32

One of those things was I did seek help.

Michelle: 00:30:34

I found a therapist that dealt specifically with trauma and we talked

Michelle: 00:30:39

and that was very helpful, and of course I read a lot of books and that's where

Michelle: 00:30:45

my next point comes in is education.

Michelle: 00:30:49

A lot of people are afraid to take a chance on education.

Michelle: 00:30:52

Maybe they were told that they were dumb when they were growing up, or that

Michelle: 00:30:56

they weren't capable of doing more.

Michelle: 00:30:59

You're always going to be whatever that title is that

Michelle: 00:31:03

they put on you; that identity.

Michelle: 00:31:06

I went to college.

Michelle: 00:31:08

I went to the local community college and signed up for one class.

Michelle: 00:31:15

I said, let's see how this goes, and I excelled.

Michelle: 00:31:22

I got an A on my first exam.

Michelle: 00:31:26

I sat in my car for three hours after that test, after I got the test results

Michelle: 00:31:32

back, and I cried because I believed in myself again, and that was a good

Michelle: 00:31:42

feeling, but I was able to continue going down that road where I achieved.

Michelle: 00:31:50

I continued, and even when I found moments when I struggled, I asked for help.

Michelle: 00:31:57

I went and got a tutor, or I talked to an instructor, or

Michelle: 00:32:00

I went to a school counselor.

Michelle: 00:32:02

I asked for help and I continued to move forward with my life.

Michelle: 00:32:07

I continued to take that step, that step I keep talking about that

Michelle: 00:32:11

drives you in the right direction.

Michelle: 00:32:14

Education was one of the best things for me because I built up some

Michelle: 00:32:19

confidence and when I came into Toastmasters, that's a form of education.

Michelle: 00:32:27

It's another way that we develop who we are, and I wasn't feeling completely

Michelle: 00:32:34

confident when I came into Toastmasters.

Michelle: 00:32:36

I had slid in backwards just a little bit, and that happens in life.

Michelle: 00:32:40

Sometimes we find things that cause us to struggle or wobble a little bit.

Michelle: 00:32:47

I stepped into Toastmasters feeling not as confident as I was when I graduated

Michelle: 00:32:55

from college, but Toastmasters gave me the opportunity to stand in front

Michelle: 00:33:02

of people, to challenge myself, to achieve something that was all on me.

Michelle: 00:33:08

I was in a safe space and it was an excellent opportunity for me to grow,

Michelle: 00:33:15

and I have thrived in Toastmasters.

Michelle: 00:33:19

If somebody cannot afford to go to college, I would wholeheartedly

Michelle: 00:33:25

suggest a Toastmasters club for you because it is the least expensive

Michelle: 00:33:32

way to get the opportunities to grow, to learn about leadership and

Michelle: 00:33:36

development, to excel beyond your own expectations, to make friends, to

Michelle: 00:33:43

find a support system in the world.

Michelle: 00:33:45

It is a great organization and I highly recommend it.

Joshua: 00:33:51

I have to say that it's remarkable to have seen your growth just through

Joshua: 00:33:56

Toastmasters personally, which from my audience, as I mentioned, I've known

Joshua: 00:34:00

Michelle specifically through Toastmasters but having this interview, I've learned

Joshua: 00:34:05

so much more about you as a result of just what you have persevered through,

Joshua: 00:34:12

and I have a deeper appreciation for the friendship that we've been able

Joshua: 00:34:16

to accumulate and you already stole my thunder by pitching Toastmasters, but I

Joshua: 00:34:22

want to give you a few moments to pitch what you are doing next year, which next

Joshua: 00:34:27

year, for my audience is really July 1st.

Joshua: 00:34:30

You're taking on a new role, I've heard, and I'm curious if you want

Joshua: 00:34:34

to share a little bit about that role that you're doing in Toastmasters to

Joshua: 00:34:37

wrap us up and what you are looking forward to in the new Toastmasters year.

Michelle: 00:34:44

Thanks, Josh.

Michelle: 00:34:45

I am nervous about what's to come.

Michelle: 00:34:50

I have taken on a tremendous job, and I've made a lot of promises

Michelle: 00:34:55

and I'm a person who, when I say I can do something, I get it done.

Michelle: 00:35:00

I find a way no matter what it's going to happen, and as you can tell through the

Michelle: 00:35:07

story that I've shared with you today.

Michelle: 00:35:10

I haven't always been there.

Michelle: 00:35:12

I've had these moments where I was stagnant in life, but

Michelle: 00:35:15

I am not stagnant anymore.

Michelle: 00:35:18

That is something I don't; it just does not sit well with me.

Michelle: 00:35:23

This coming year, I am the incoming Club Growth Director.

Michelle: 00:35:29

That means I am one of the top three leaders in our district; that's District

Michelle: 00:35:35

38 in Toastmasters International.

Michelle: 00:35:39

We will be working on growing new clubs, developing new clubs, finding

Michelle: 00:35:47

new opportunities and retention, which is keeping the clubs that we

Michelle: 00:35:54

already have, but I'm also going to be focusing on a few other things.

Michelle: 00:35:59

I have some plans that are going to help people.

Michelle: 00:36:06

Anyone who wants to be mentored, I'm going to find people to

Michelle: 00:36:12

mentor those individuals.

Michelle: 00:36:15

There aren't always people in the clubs because some of the clubs are

Michelle: 00:36:18

smaller, some of the clubs struggle, but we want to bring excitement

Michelle: 00:36:25

back to being a part of those clubs.

Michelle: 00:36:30

I want to see that excitement.

Michelle: 00:36:32

We see it at such high levels all the time because we get that bigger picture

Michelle: 00:36:37

where we can see all the great things that are happening and we can focus on

Michelle: 00:36:41

those great things, but sometimes we forget or overlook the people who are

Michelle: 00:36:49

quiet, the ones that are not speaking up, the clubs that have hidden risks for

Michelle: 00:36:56

not succeeding, and those are the people, those are the clubs that I am especially

Michelle: 00:37:01

interested in, and I hope to find a way that we can tap into those clubs, those

Michelle: 00:37:10

members, and help them be a success in the upcoming year and in the future.

Joshua: 00:37:16

You have big shoes to fill, but at the same time, you were helping people.

Joshua: 00:37:21

You were just like one of them at one point and you got the help that you

Joshua: 00:37:26

needed, and look at you now, you're, you're helping others to see not only

Joshua: 00:37:32

things that maybe they haven't yet unlocked, but you're going to make

Joshua: 00:37:36

changes that I believe, will have rippling effects across not just District

Joshua: 00:37:43

38, which is Central and Southern New Jersey, along with Eastern Pennsylvania,

Joshua: 00:37:48

but even the entire world and for my audience, I'll leave in the episode

Joshua: 00:37:52

notes again another way to connect with Toastmasters by visiting a local

Joshua: 00:37:57

club in in your own backyard, wherever you're at, even if it is not in District

Joshua: 00:38:02

38, but Michelle, I thank you so much.

Joshua: 00:38:06

You are a true saint.

Joshua: 00:38:07

You're really, really something else that I, a true goddess, let's put it that

Joshua: 00:38:12

way; well, let's give you an upgrade, because Saint was not the appropriate

Joshua: 00:38:16

term, but I want to say that you have gone through so much and it shows that you

Joshua: 00:38:24

deeply care, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with our audience today.

Michelle: 00:38:30

Thank you, Josh.

Michelle: 00:38:31

I had a great time talking with you.

" Joshua: 00:38:35

Complacency is my enemy.

" Joshua: 00:38:37

Don't stay stuck in the past.

" Joshua: 00:38:40

Keep moving forward."

" Joshua: 00:38:42

That was something that Michelle shared with me before we started recording

" Joshua: 00:38:45

this episode, that as I listen back and think about what she had just shared,

" Joshua: 00:38:52

it is so important that we don't stay complacent and it is also so easy for

" Joshua: 00:38:59

us to fall in the trap of thinking that we are always going to be stuck in

" Joshua: 00:39:04

these two out of 10 ways that we have been learning throughout our lives and

" Joshua: 00:39:09

know that we're not going to be able to make it through, but, if anything about

" Joshua: 00:39:14

Michelle today dispelled that rumor about that sort of time tested, long

" Joshua: 00:39:22

forgotten adage, I think it is important to say that she eradicated that ceiling.

" Joshua: 00:39:30

A lot is can be said about what she had shared throughout the episode, and I

" Joshua: 00:39:35

have to say, a lot can be shared about this interview that we just had, and

" Joshua: 00:39:41

some of the things that I think about when reflecting on this is that a lot

" Joshua: 00:39:46

of what we can do relates specifically to the personal actions that we have

" Joshua: 00:39:53

in regards to our social development.

" Joshua: 00:39:56

It is so easy to fall in the trap sometimes of thinking, "I've

" Joshua: 00:40:00

always got to do it this way.

" Joshua: 00:40:02

I always have to think about it this way because that is what I've been

" Joshua: 00:40:06

taught throughout my life," but if anything can come true in our lives,

it is this: 00:40:12

when we start to separate ourselves from whatever that toxic

it is this: 00:40:17

messaging is as it relates to our social development, we can start to make

it is this: 00:40:22

inroads into what is really important.

it is this: 00:40:26

One of the things that she said also that resonated was about the authenticity and

it is this: 00:40:32

care that we can give ourselves if we are willing to have those vast connections

it is this: 00:40:38

with people, and as someone that is a Air Force veteran and also has gone

it is this: 00:40:43

through the workforce after all these situations happen with her ex-husband,

it is this: 00:40:48

all these things can happen if we're willing to be active listeners, which

it is this: 00:40:54

is also something else that she talked about, and we need to be able to be heard

it is this: 00:40:59

all the time when it comes to when we're having that dialogue, that two-way street.

it is this: 00:41:05

With many of the clients that I work with, sometimes having the relationships with

it is this: 00:41:09

individuals as it comes to understanding what each person wants from it becomes

it is this: 00:41:15

what is called a Crucial Conversation.

it is this: 00:41:17

That's not a term that I developed, but is also something that many

it is this: 00:41:22

authors, especially Joseph Greeney and others in a book called

it is this: 00:41:26

Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue, talk quite a lot about.

it is this: 00:41:31

As long as you're willing to be heard and as long as we're able to have that

it is this: 00:41:34

discussion back and forth about the vast importance of why we are able to grow

it is this: 00:41:40

and why we are able to have X, Y, and Z happen, we were able to make roads appear

it is this: 00:41:47

that maybe haven't appeared before because all we had to do was think about how we

it is this: 00:41:53

were having that conversation and how we were able to create that opportunity

it is this: 00:41:59

that no longer was not really feasible into something that is feasible, and

it is this: 00:42:06

when we have active listening, we're also creating relationships with each other.

it is this: 00:42:12

I'm not just talking about the people that we're interacting with, but I think

it is this: 00:42:17

Michelle brought up a very interesting point during our interview that was

it is this: 00:42:21

really helpful that I want to share.

it is this: 00:42:24

When we start to have relationships with ourselves, I mean actually thinking

it is this: 00:42:30

about what we can do to give ourselves self-care, self-love, self-reflection,

it is this: 00:42:36

self whatever word you want to use that's positive and affirming, we start to have

it is this: 00:42:42

complacency with the attitude of being positive, and those are the things that

it is this: 00:42:48

if we're able to keep moving ourselves forward in, nothing is impossible or stand

it is this: 00:42:54

in our way from achieving the dreams.

it is this: 00:42:57

If we can start to do that first, anything is possible, especially if

it is this: 00:43:01

you go through such a situation that Michelle had, which for my audience,

it is this: 00:43:06

this was the very first time that I ever heard the story about what Michelle had

it is this: 00:43:12

actually gone through with her ex-husband.

it is this: 00:43:15

She and I have talked about this previously on occasion when I have had

it is this: 00:43:20

conversations about her Toastmaster's journey on in other matters, but this was

it is this: 00:43:25

the first time that I actually heard play by play as to what she actually endured.

it is this: 00:43:31

My mouth dropped open, and my appreciation for those that have

it is this: 00:43:36

gone through some of these events will forever be deeper because of

it is this: 00:43:42

what Michelle's testimony was to us.

it is this: 00:43:45

It wasn't just about what she endured, but it was something that she used that

it is this: 00:43:51

she gained, because she was able to take herself to the next level, and the

it is this: 00:43:56

biggest thing that she shared towards the end was that she was ashamed.

it is this: 00:44:02

Now, shame in itself can be a very terrible feeling to have.

it is this: 00:44:06

It almost makes you afraid, and Michelle conveyed that quite a lot during the

it is this: 00:44:11

episode where, when she was getting into the story of where that originated from,

it is this: 00:44:16

why she thought that these sort of values are something that is important in her

it is this: 00:44:20

life and why she wanted to work with others, she started to really talk about

it is this: 00:44:24

why the importance of having a mentor and also having somebody that can help to

it is this: 00:44:30

dispel those sort of things are important.

it is this: 00:44:33

I can't overemphasize the importance of having somebody like a coach to help

it is this: 00:44:38

you go through those times, especially when you need that affirmation and

it is this: 00:44:43

that accountability, and that's exactly what my business, Your Speaking Voice,

it is this: 00:44:47

really truly does to help people see the best version of themselves, not

it is this: 00:44:52

just from where they're at today, but where they can be in the future.

it is this: 00:44:56

I know I sound like a broken record sometimes when it comes to saying

it is this: 00:45:00

that "oh, yes, you could always be the best version of yourself, Josh,

it is this: 00:45:04

but it takes work," but if you're willing to do the work, you can be

it is this: 00:45:09

something like Michelle is today.

it is this: 00:45:12

Truly successful and now is leading thousands of Toastmasters in her next

it is this: 00:45:17

adventure within that organization.

it is this: 00:45:20

She's taking the skills that she's learning right now and

it is this: 00:45:24

applying them to what's ahead.

it is this: 00:45:27

Shame does not have to be the dictating force that throws us into the abyss

it is this: 00:45:33

that we can never crawl out of.

it is this: 00:45:35

I know that personally, and I shared that with you in episode seven where I

it is this: 00:45:39

talked about where determination had to be the point in which I moved forward.

it is this: 00:45:46

That had to be the determinating factor for me to say, "I had

it is this: 00:45:50

enough and I know I can do better."

it is this: 00:45:53

This episode was not planned to think about that consequence, and Michelle

it is this: 00:45:58

certainly showed that that consequence can be for the better, but we were

it is this: 00:46:03

talking after this episode in which I was expressing my surprise about what she had

it is this: 00:46:08

been through, and she mentioned something to me that we all will have to think

it is this: 00:46:14

about as we think forward into the future.

it is this: 00:46:18

It is all about retraining our brain, our thought process in which we're able

it is this: 00:46:23

to move forward and think of things which we never thought of before, and

it is this: 00:46:28

if we're able to do that, If we're able to say to ourselves that we're going

it is this: 00:46:32

to move ahead no matter what, and we're able to relearn some of the things

it is this: 00:46:37

that might have been toxic, what a game changer that could be in our own lives.

it is this: 00:46:44

I know that complacency can be comforting sometimes, but if you make that your

it is this: 00:46:51

enemy, and you don't stay stuck in the past and you keep moving forward, you're

it is this: 00:46:57

going to be like Rocky Balboa; always getting back in the ring, always willing

it is this: 00:47:02

to take the shots that you never took, and knowing that you can be a true champion

it is this: 00:47:07

no matter where you're at in your life.

it is this: 00:47:11

Thanks for listening to episode number eight of Speaking From

it is this: 00:47:13

the Heart, and I look forward to hearing from your heart very soon.

Outro: 00:47:18

Thanks for listening.

Outro: 00:47:19

For more information about our podcast and future shows, search for Speaking From

Outro: 00:47:23

The Heart to subscribe and be notified wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Outro: 00:47:28

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services that can help you create the best version of yourself.