Episode #81 - Shifting Friendships & Attitudes

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 81 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Have you been shifting your friendships,

maybe even your attitudes, in a

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positive or negative direction?

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Have you been dealing with the

things that you used to enjoy as

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something that is no longer something

that you really enjoy doing?

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Do you feel that your tastes, let

alone the aspirations that you once

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had, have been shifting in a bad way,

and you need to get refocused again?

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Well, this episode might be for you,

because today, we're going to talk about

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some of the things that you have been

through, whether they are negative,

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whether they are positive, regardless

of what it is, maybe some of the things

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that you used to enjoy are no longer the

things that you want to deal with, and

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maybe the things that you used to enjoy

from a cultural standpoint, no longer are

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interesting in your cultural aptitude.

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Maybe some of the things that you

used to enjoy involved some sort of

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environmental, social, personal, or

professional change, but regardless of

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what you've been through, I know that

it can be disheartening at times to go

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through these changes and not quite sure

why those attitudes have been happening

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in the first place, maybe you were

shifting and you didn't even realize it.

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You might be going through something

that is tumultuous in nature, and maybe

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that's why the temporary changes that are

happening might be occurring in the first

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place, and you'll be right back to where

you were, that you will really enjoy all

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the things that you used to do once you

get through that hard period of your life,

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but I know that you might not be the only

person that might be feeling the way that

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I feel sometimes when it comes to some of

the types of things that I used to enjoy.

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Lately, I've been noticing a lot more

about my ability of being able to focus,

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whether it's been focusing on the reading

that I'm doing for work, or even reading

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for pleasure, let alone the different

types of interests that I have with

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television that I watch, the people that

I interact with, maybe even the time

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span, or the time management, to be able

to accomplish some of the things that I

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need to accomplish, and I think that it's

all part of the way in which we evolve.

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Whether we are evolving for a good

reason or not, this is always a natural

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progression of the things that happen

to us as we get older, and no, I'm not

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saying that you're an old fart at this

point, let alone saying to you that you

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need to retire and stop thinking about

it that way and just slap yourself back

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into shape, because all those things,

not only are rude and cruel, but they're

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not really addressing the heart of what's

really happening in the first place.

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I think that we often have

these relationships with people,

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places, and things that we used

to enjoy because they always bring

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back some sort of good memory.

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For example, I know that growing up,

I always enjoyed going to the library.

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The library that was

in my school, that is.

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It always seemed to be quiet.

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It was always a natural feeling

of euphoria, being able to walk in

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and see all the variety different

types of books that were available.

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Of course, during the times I went

to school, the personal computer,

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let alone computers in general, were

really starting to become more trendy.

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Instead of looking through a card

catalog, which I used to do back in the

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90s, I was able to, in the early 2000s,

be able to use a personal computer

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to research and find a book that was

on the bookshelf, but I know that for

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many people, libraries are not usually

the best places to find fond memories.

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Regardless of what it is, or the place

that you enjoy the most, we always have

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to have a shift in our lives that allow

us to not only create those best versions

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of ourselves in order to reach that next

level, because, usually, age requires us

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to, but we also have to figure out why

that shift happened in the first place.

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The same people that we used to hang

out with are no longer the people that

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we want to be associated with, and

I've had plenty of friends, whether

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from high school, college, or even

contemporary times, just ghost me.

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They no longer talk to me.

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They have kids now, or they just

grew tired of hearing about Speaking

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from the Heart, Your Speaking Voice

LLC, or some other sort of thing

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or project that I'm working on,

whether it's Toastmasters or not.

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I think that it isn't just about

ignoring what someone's going through

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and it isn't just about ignoring what

you might have on your social media,

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let alone what you even talk about.

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People tend to evolve into different types

of other relationships just because of the

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interests, perceptions, and other types of

factors that might go into a relationship

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with someone, whether it's a romantic

relationship, Friendship, or other type

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of professional courtesy that's extended.

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It doesn't mean that you're a bad

person, and I know that for myself,

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I struggled with that so much,

being even neurodivergent for that

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matter, because I took it personally.

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What did I do wrong that allowed

this person to walk away from me?

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What did I do wrong that allowed that

person to also walk away from me?

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Why does this keep happening to me?

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That question would always play in

my mind, time and time again, and

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I know that it probably wasn't me,

but maybe it was the attitude that

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I had, so I changed my attitude.

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No, that didn't work either.

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It always seemed that I was always

addressing or dealing with all

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kinds of different types of people,

different types of relationships,

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and even different factors.

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To be intentional about a relationship

with someone, whether it's a friendship

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or not, and to change your attitude,

whether it's a good thing or a bad

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thing, means that you actually gotta

put some effort into it, but is that

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really representing who you really are?

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The very essence of becoming

the best version of yourself?

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I know that we've often asked that

question about the best version, and

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what we are able to do to create that,

but we also have to understand that

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the people that we associate with, the

activities that we engage in, let alone

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the different types of life events

that happened to us growing up, all

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create a positive or negative influence

on our whole entire lives, and it

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doesn't mean that you're a bad person.

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It doesn't mean that as you get older,

that you have these evolving tastes, that

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maybe they're not aligning with the same

people that you used to associate with.

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It doesn't mean that you are a person

that doesn't want to be hung out with.

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It doesn't mean that you're

a bad person as a whole.

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Whether it's intentional or not, you

have to start accepting that maybe

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it's okay for that change to happen.

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Many years ago, I had a friend that

I used to know in high school that

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sometimes I would have conversations

with him, sometimes I would not.

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It was because he had different

interests than what I had, and after

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high school, I sometimes had kept in

touch with him, sometimes not, but then

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something happened to him that really

shocked me and fellow classmates that

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knew him very well from high school.

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You see, he went on to school, and

he met somebody, and murdered them.

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That person that he was with was obviously

a romantic relationship in which he killed

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that person for motives that I still

don't understand to this day, and even as

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I reflect on it, I often think, "What is

that person thinking, because they were

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not that type of person in the past."

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Obviously, there's a lot of things

that I didn't know about him that

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motivated him to do that action, one

of the heinous crimes of human society.

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Now, he's been in prison for all these

years paying his debt for his crime,

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and I often think to myself, "What

could I have done differently to be able

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to interact with him, and maybe even

appreciate the type of person that he is?"

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As much as I can speculate about what

some of the things he could have done

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differently, I still don't have all

the information, even from a coaching

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perspective, to be able to assist him,

and it's funny because, for some people,

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going through some of these situations,

especially of a traumatic loss, which

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is not funny at all, it still creates

some of those conversations within

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ourselves that ask the question: "Why

did that attitude in that person change?

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What can we do within our control

to really help that person, or even

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ourselves for that matter, to create

that opportunity for ourselves to

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be listened to, cared about, and

maybe, just maybe, be able to be

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influenced in a more positive way?"

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Now, I know that for many of us, we have

a lot of different things that we need

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to be able to work on that create not

just those attitudes so that we don't

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go down that nasty path, not only that

nasty situation that might cause us to

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rethink and really hurt other people's

feelings, emotions, let alone maybe

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even the things that they're struggling

with, but if you really think about the

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bigger scheme of things, especially with

somebody like my classmate that murdered

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somebody else, obviously there was a

lot of hurt, pain, suffering, and other

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sort of emotions and attitudes going

through that particular type of person.

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I know that for many of us, we really

are compassionate listeners, and we're

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going to talk about that in a future

episode, and I know that we've even

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talked about it in some context on past

episodes, but to be intentional about

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listening to somebody else is really an

art form in its own, with not just the

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things that we are dealing with, but also

the things that are changing around us.

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Oh yes, the environmental

aspect as a whole.

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The things that we read, the

people that we hang out with, and

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even the activities, they will

all evolve in one way or another.

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What we used to enjoy doing at one

time may no longer be applicable

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to our future selves, so we have to

fill the void with those different

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types of things that do give us that

enrichment, but the real question

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becomes: Have you been intentional

about spending time to do just that?

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Have you been able to work on new

activities that allow you to feel

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like you're living and breathing?

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Have you read books that are helping

you to enrich, empower, and inspire?

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Are you listening, or even hanging

out, or associating with, people

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that allow you to create not just

those relationships, but also those

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abilities that maybe you would have not

been able to unlock all by yourself?

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I think this is a very tough question

and a very tough proposition in this

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episode to really start exploring all

of those different types of concepts,

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and I would definitely need a lot more

time to explore those different avenues,

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but I want to answer this in a way in

which might be universal in application,

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let alone help you, especially if you

feel that you're not living that life

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that you wanted to live for so long.

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Maybe you are struggling with some of

the things that you used to do, and

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maybe you need to get back on track.

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I think that for many of us, it's just

about being able to take that time,

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reflect on it, journal about it, ask

the appropriate questions so that we

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can be able to get back on track on the

things that we really want to do, but

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it's not just about what we need to do.

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It's about, really, understanding why

we deviated from that path in the first

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place and getting back on track when

it counts the most, and I know that for

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many of us, we can work with a coach.

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We can figure out what's going on.

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We can address those sort of problems,

but it's a lot more to be able to say

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to yourself, and reflect intentionally,

about what you need to do to create

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those best opportunities for yourself.

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Start asking those questions today, and

maybe you can start to figure out how to

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get back on track, but on the other side

of this, you need to also think about

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the fact that maybe, just maybe, those

interests are no longer serving you.

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For many years of my life,

I had been moving away from

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a lot of different things.

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Toastmasters, doing Rotary might have been

something in the cards, but not so much.

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I also have been thinking about how I

can use my talents to now volunteer in

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a new organization in which I had left

the Shalom House late last year, and

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now have to figure out a new volunteer

opportunity that I really want to give

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back with my talents and my gifts, but

I know that I have to keep asking those

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questions and keep reflecting on what's in

my heart to be able to share with others,

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to be able to increase my visibility,

to be able to advocate and reaffirm the

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fact that I have been trying so hard to

work on myself because my new identity,

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the things that I've been working on

myself, even after I started my business

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earlier last year, have been an important

aspect in my overall development of

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myself, let alone others for that matter.

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I know that it can be very easy for us

to forget about what has happened in

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the past and just shuffle it under the

rug, but for some of us, we really do

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value those relationships with people,

and we really want to have them back.

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Now, I'm not saying today that maybe you

need to call that old friend, or that old

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chum of yours, to be able to say, "Hey.

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When do you have time available

to you so that we can hang out?"

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Everybody grows in a lot of different

ways, and as an old best friend

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that I recently connected with

said, things happen for a reason.

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It's okay to not be able to talk

to me all the time, as I can't

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talk to you all the time because

of my differing responsibilities

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and priorities now in my life.

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I think that if we just have that

understanding, that appreciation, that

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we do go through those different types

of life events, not only are we able

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to get to the other side, but we might

be able to even rekindle some of those

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past feelings, emotions, relationships

that we have with others, and it doesn't

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make you a bad person if you're not able

to form those relationships ever again.

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I have always believed that it's

really important to understand

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that things happen for a reason.

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They all have their divine time and

their intervention in our lives, so even

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if you're feeling that maybe you should

have connected to that person, maybe you

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should have been able to work on that

relationship a little bit better, or maybe

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you even have a different attitude towards

that type of person or that experience

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that you're going through, just know

that not everything happens for a reason.

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Maybe you were dodging a bullet,

and maybe you would have been one

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of my friends that was in jail.

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Maybe you were dealing with that.

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I think that you have a lot of different

things going on in your life that

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might have caused you to deviate from

a different path, and as much as I

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want to speculate about my friend who's

still sitting in prison, I want them to

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know that maybe if they're listening to

this, that I give them some inspiration

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today that might be related to you.

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No matter what kind of mistake you've

made, even if it's the heinous crime

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of murder, we can all be forgiven if

we're willing to repent, recuse, and

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move on, and know that even with people

that we have hurt, we can still make

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big differences in trying to make a

big difference in other people's lives,

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knowing that we have those mistakes

that we have made behind us, and even if

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it's intentional or not that we forget

about those different types of people,

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know that we can accept change for what

it is, and that even if it's not in our

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control, or if it's in our control, we

can have evolving tastes in not only

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the environmental, cultural, social,

personal, or professional aspects of our

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lives, but that we can always have that

age old question of why is this change

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happening be resolved by just knowing that

we are authentic, evolving human beings.

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And hey, it's okay to have a

new hobby, and maybe even have

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a new adventure for that matter.

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I know that I'm looking forward

to having new relationships, new

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attitudes, and new ways in which I can

create my best version of myself and

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the values that I provide to others,

because the world is our own tapestry.

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If we're able to keep on working on that

tapestry to help each other, whether

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we are able to connect or not, I think

that's what's making progress, progress.

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Progress in itself can create so many

different types of opportunities,

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aspirations, and attitudes in ourselves

to help us not only grow, but foster a

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whole new generation of other people to

do just the same, so keep on working on

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yourself, and don't worry about what's

happening in the past, because it's

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always about what's happening in the

present, and what is happening in the

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future, that allows you to become not

just that awesome person that you are,

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but maybe even helping other people along

the way, even if you think that they are

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forgotten, because they are looking at

you, one way or another, and don't worry,

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even if they are taking notes, just pay

attention to who you are, and maybe I'll

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see you on the other side of not only

improving yourself, but improving others.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 81 of Speaking from the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.