Episode #83 - Getting Your Voice Heard (At The Table)

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 83 of Speaking From The

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Heart, and do you hear my voice?

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How about your voice?

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Can I hear you?

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Is this thing on?

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I know that we have been through the

ringer, especially the last few years

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for my folks that have navigated the

COVID 19 pandemic, especially making

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sure that when we're on Zoom, Teams,

or any other type of videoconferencing

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platform that we unmute ourselves so

that we can hear what you have to say.

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I've been the victim of that,

especially when I worked at the

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Department of Labor and Industry

here in the state of Pennsylvania.

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I had to run meetings, not only with my

staff, but also with blind people as well.

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They're not going to

tell me if I'm on mute.

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If they don't hear anything for a little

bit, then they'll tell me that I need

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to unmute my microphone, but that same

sort of premise is sometimes what we

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are often doing by shutting off our own

internal microphone by not being able

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to be heard, especially at the table

when it comes to not only our opinions,

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but also what we have to contribute.

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Today's episode is for all those people

out there that are dealing with silence

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and not hearing anything at all.

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Now, every time that I run my show,

especially when it comes to recording,

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I always have to make sure that I do

a microphone check because I don't

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want it to pick up from my computer

microphone, and I want to make sure

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that it's being listened to through

my actual podcast microphone, which

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is a completely separate device.

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I love using my podcast microphone

for a variety of different reasons.

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It picks up the volume a lot more

clearer and crisper, and everything

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that I have to say, I don't have to

yell it so loudly that it picks up the

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whole entire room, and it's only picking

up what I have directly in front of

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my face every single time, but yet we

don't have that opportunity, especially

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when we're talking to others, about

the things that we have in our minds.

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Even if we're right there in front

of their face, especially dealing

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with the simple facts that we have to

present, there are a lot of difficult

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things that we have to be able to

address in order not only be equitably

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represented, but also be considered in

a fair manner without being compromised.

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Now we've talked about this on

some earlier episodes, in which

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I've mentioned the book, Crucial

Conversations for Mastering Dialogue.

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It's a program that I've been certified in

and I'm so excited to be offering as part

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of my business offerings, but even with

all that said, Crucial Conversations for

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Mastering Dialogue, which is a book that's

written by various authors including

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Joseph Grenny, talks about the importance

of never being able to compromise, because

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when you compromise, you're selling

yourself and your position short in the

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overall things that you have to address.

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Now in that context, we're talking

about conversations that are high

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stakes, and the emotions are running

high, and you want to have a desired

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outcome that reaches both parties.

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You might not be reaching a conversation

of that magnitude, but really just talking

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about the day to day for that matter.

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The things that we often have to

address in a fair manner in order for

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us to understand and appreciate not

just what we have to say, but also

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having the confidence and the ability

to be successful in life, knowing

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that what we have in our minds, and

also in our hearts, can be shared.

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It essentially becomes a conversation

of being not only authentic,

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but also having a voice to be

heard at the negotiation table.

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Negotiation table, you say?

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"Josh, this isn't a business transaction,

this is just my personal life."

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Well, there might be some interaction

between both of those aspects of

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life, if you really think about

the bigger scheme of things.

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Everything that we say and do always

has some sort of vested interest in what

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we're trying to present, whether that's

looking at the different types of things

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that we're trying to achieve, let alone

the different types of outcomes that we

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want to have as a result of working on

ourselves and other aspects of our lives.

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It's really about understanding

what we can do to break through and

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create those best versions of the

situations that we want to have.

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Now, it doesn't mean that you have to be

really loud and boisterous, which we've

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talked about volume in one of my episodes,

particularly about public speaking, let

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alone just in life in general, but I'm

not just talking about using your volume.

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I'm talking about utilizing the ability

for you to not only work through the

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different types of conversations that

you need to have, but knowing the person

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and understanding your audience, which

is something that I even teach to my

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public speaking clients, makes such an

important consideration into your overall

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development of your messaging, especially

when you're trying to convince somebody

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or persuade someone on a particular

type of viewpoint that you have.

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I know that for many of us it becomes

so difficult and we might want to

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just throw our hands up and walk away,

because just having that level of,

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quote unquote, confrontation Might be

very tough for us to be able to handle,

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but it's not just about confrontation,

and it doesn't have to be viewed as

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confrontation for that matter, especially

if you think about the fact that it

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isn't what it's all cracked up to be

when it comes to just talking to someone.

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As a human being, I know that we often

work so hard on trying to impress

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somebody, and we usually go above

and beyond to be able to provide

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that attitude, that perception,

that belief, that we really have

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it all together, and we might not.

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It might be a ploy for us to just

be able to say to someone, "Yeah.

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I do have everything that I need.

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Is there something else that you need from

me because I have everything to give?"

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I think that we have this sort of mantra

sometimes because we are working on not

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just the things that we want to have, or

the things that we say that we're going

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to do, but sometimes it's just hard enough

to be able to work through what kind of

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viewpoint that we have because we're so

intimidated by what that person has and

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what they are, but if you think about

it, they're just as human as you and I.

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Think about it this way.

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The politics, or even the celebrities

that we often have as admiration

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for, are all human beings.

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Well, maybe some of them, but, I digress.

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A lot of them are human beings.

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We have to think about it in that

context that they make mistakes.

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They also have problems of their own,

and maybe we don't see them on the

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day to day, but trust me, they do.

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Whether it's financial, whether it's

with relationships, whether it's for

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professional reasons, regardless of what

that reason is, we all have problems,

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and it's okay to talk about it in a human

relational aspect, because, let's face it.

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If we don't talk about it, we're

never going to make progress on it.

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That's why we have the

whole industry of coaching.

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Now, some coaches are good, while other

coaches, not so good, but I'm not saying

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that you have to be perfect, and you

need to be better as a whole, to be

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able to understand that sometimes people

have their own emotional baggage, their

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own sort of situation, in which they

are working through in order to address

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all the different types of situations

as a whole that they have going on.

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Now, with that said, why is

that so important in being

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able to get my voice heard?

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If you're able to spend a little bit

of time knowing that that person's a

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human being and they're also struggling

with all those issues, you can get

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your voice heard at that table as well.

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It doesn't mean, though, that you

manipulate them, make them feel like

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they're coerced in talking about that

subject, but knowing that you can

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identify and relate to somebody can be

the sweetest, loving language that anybody

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has ever heard, especially if you're

able to talk in the way that they really

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want to be heard in the first place.

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I think it is so important to take a big

step back at this point and think about

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the fact that we don't always have to

have all the answers, because when we

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feel compromised, and when we feel that

we are not being equally represented

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and things are not fair, that's exactly

why relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into a negative

feeling, instead of a positive feeling.

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I know that for many years of my

life, I experienced this feeling of

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dejection, remorse, and sustainment of

my voice, because I was dealing with

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not just the things I had internally,

but I knew and I felt intimidated by

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what other people were going through.

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In other words, when I saw when those

people were doing so much better than me,

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I was not feeling so good about myself.

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Not only did that lead into my

shyness taking over, but it also

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led into my internal dialogue

about not being good enough.

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I would say that even contributed to

the biggest problems that I had, even

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leading up to my suicide attempt back in

February: 2020

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difficult path, but yet at the same time,

redeemed myself in so many different ways.

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I know that you might be struggling with

just being heard, and it's okay to not

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be heard sometimes because maybe that

voice, especially saying something,

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could actually create more negative

consequences if you did say something,

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but it doesn't give anybody an excuse

to make you, or make others, feel like

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they don't have anything worth saying.

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Every single person, especially in one

episode in which I talked about Aristotle

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in his definition of human beings being

political animals or social creatures, if

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you will, have really made a big impact,

not just on the things that we are able

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to do as a society, but as a whole.

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We have an important voice that we

need to be heard, whether it's at a

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negotiation table or not, so here's

a couple things that I think might be

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helpful if you still feel intimidated

or shy in being able to help yourself,

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or others, create that opportunity,

and if you are not struggling with

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this, maybe you know somebody that is.

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Part of the problem that we often face

is just being able to associate with

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someone else, so my best advice is to

be able to take some time intentionally.

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Whether it's grabbing a cup of coffee,

whether it's just meeting with them

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face to face, just get it off of social

media, emails, whatever electronic

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device that you have, and if at all

possible, meet with them in person.

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If you do have to use

technology, turn the camera on.

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Don't be afraid to see and react to the

body language that each of you present.

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Body language, especially in public

speaking, tells a huge story about

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not only what you're trying to

convey, but also what you're sharing

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with your audience, and people feed

off of that body language if it's

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appropriately accentuated with the

message that you're trying to share.

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This is no different in the real world

when it comes to sharing your body

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language, so turn the camera on, but

more importantly, meet face to face.

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The other thing to consider

is that each person has that

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opportunity to say something.

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Instead of you always trying to take

over the conversation, especially if

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you are that type of person, take a

big step back, and enable that other

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person to be able to share what is on

their heart, what's in their mind, but

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overall in their soul, because when

you spend that time and you create that

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intentionality, that space for others

to share and exchange new thoughts and

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new ideas, maybe you might have learned

something new as opposed to over talking

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them or not letting them talk at all.

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Create the space that allows them to

not only exchange, but also provide,

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and if all those two things fail, I have

one more idea that might be of help.

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Think about the fact that

we all are human beings.

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To be able to associate and identify

with each other means that we have

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to have a personal connection in ways

that oftentimes leave us vulnerable.

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Nowadays, being vulnerable is

frowned upon, because it allows

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other people to be attacked.

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As a matter of fact, every time that I

put one of my shows together, I'm just

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waiting for somebody to use it against

me and attack me, and I have been even

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warned by others that care about me and

my well being to not be so open, but if

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I wasn't as open as I am, especially on

Speaking From the Heart, I would not be

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living up to the promise that I've made

to all of you since episode number one,

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what is on your heart, because we need

to be vulnerable in this conversation

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that we're having in order to create

not just the best versions of ourselves,

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but also in the opportunities that we

can present to each other, so if there's

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anything else that you could do to

help open that conversation up, be a

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little bit vulnerable, be open to the

fact that you have fallacies, faults

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and concerns of your own, and maybe

sharing that with that other person, or

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spark a whole new type of conversation.

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Now these three things might not always

work, and I'm not saying that you have

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to use all three of what I've presented

today, but I think that if you're able

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to meet face to face and see the body

language; if you're able to convey that

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purpose that you have and give that

intentionality of space; but even more

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importantly than that, just being a

little bit vulnerable to what you're

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trying to share, those three aspects

could be great stepping stones into the

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conversations of the future that you

might have, and it might take some extra

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time, above all else, to even have those

types of situations play out, but it's

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all about just being heard, and I know

that, even more important than ever, in

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the year 2024, we just want to be heard.

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There is so much language, so

much communication, and we are

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being lost because we're not

being heard for who we are.

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If we're able to embrace the fact that we

want to change and we want to have better

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opportunities for ourselves to be the

best versions overall, we need to dive

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into this very difficult conversation

of being heard, and it means not just

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for you to be heard, but to have others

feel like they're being heard at the same

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time, because whether it's at a table

or not, whether it's from thousands of

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miles away, across continents in which

maybe time might be a factor to be able

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to meet, regardless of what you might have

going on in your life, whether it's for

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the social, cultural, political, whatever

nature it is, we all have differences that

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we can embrace, and those differences are

what make us all unique, and at one time

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in our lives, especially in the United

States, we used to value that so much.

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I know that there are some wonderfully

good people listening to this episode

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today, already trying to think about

it, and if you're not that type of

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person, start thinking about how you

can change or flip the conversation,

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because it isn't just about getting

your point across in any way possible.

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It's about being able to contribute to

that overall confidence, that overall

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success, not just in your life, but

in other people's lives as well.

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If you empower yourself to create that

space, I guarantee you that not only

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will you have the riches of the world,

not only will you be rich yourself,

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but you will enrich so many people to

be able to start their own journeys

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today, not only to become the best

version, not only to form relationships,

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gain confidence, and be determined

to keep moving forward, but they'll

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be able to find their speaking voice.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 83 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.