Episode 107

Episode #103 - Listening With Compassion & With All Your Ears

Throughout our lives, we crave the opportunity to be listened to in a variety of different ways. No matter of it is for personal or professional business, being able to learn and grow with what others have to say is the sweetest language you can ever appreciate. In previous episodes, we have discussed the concept of active listening, but what does it mean to give yourself to being intentional to this action? Is it worth the time and energy in this day and age, especially with the advancement of technologies, to no longer pay attention? This episode approaches this evolving discussion, particularly when Artificial Intelligence (AI) could easily replace this all important activity.

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support

Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Transcript
Intro:

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

2

:

determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

3

:

This is Speaking From The Heart.

4

:

Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 103 of Speaking from the Heart.

5

:

Today, we're going to talk about

compassion, the ability to relate to

6

:

others, to be able to feel like we are

not only connected with one another,

7

:

but to have that sense of caring, that

ability to know that that person that

8

:

might be going through something might

need to have our ears to be able to listen

9

:

and inspire them to take some sort of

other action that is necessary for them

10

:

to grow and create best relationships,

confidence, and even determination for

11

:

that matter, to keep moving forward.

12

:

I feel that throughout our lives,

we have this opportunity to listen,

13

:

but even more than ever, that

disconnect of being able to have that

14

:

connection with somebody, that ability

to listen to someone, is missing.

15

:

Whether you're thinking that you can get

it from social media, such as Facebook,

16

:

X, formerly known as Twitter, Snapchat,

TikTok, whatever that is that you utilize,

17

:

you have to realize that whatever social

platform you want to try to instill

18

:

yourself in doesn't necessarily mean that

you're going to garner that connection,

19

:

and even if you think that you are being

listened to with the millions of followers

20

:

that you have, instead, you might be

getting the opposite reaction of not

21

:

being listened to in the first place.

22

:

Whether you have the personal,

professional connections to be able to

23

:

learn and grow from others, and be able

to have that sweetest language to be able

24

:

to speak to another person, it doesn't

necessarily mean that it's appreciated,

25

:

or even valued for that matter, so today,

I want to talk about how we can do that.

26

:

How can we listen with compassion

without sacrificing not only our ears,

27

:

but our ability to be able to help

others in their greatest time of need?

28

:

Boy, oh boy, do I ever have so much

that I could talk about with this sort

29

:

of subject, especially with the fact

that I hate dealing with social media.

30

:

That's right; a podcast host who

relies on social media to even

31

:

infiltrate businesses and be able to

get new opportunities through them, I

32

:

absolutely despise the social media.

33

:

Now I might be one of those millennials

that has always advocated for the

34

:

fact that I've seen the best of both

worlds and I know what each benefit

35

:

can provide in terms of not only the

content that we create, but also the

36

:

opportunity it provides, but the drawbacks

are so much more than ever before.

37

:

I keep reading more and more about how

teens, even Gen Zers for that matter,

38

:

are the most depressed, the most anxious,

and even the most suicidal that they

39

:

have ever been than any other generation

that has been recorded seeing this.

40

:

Even the start of the millennial

generation has even seen the uptick of

41

:

many different types of mental illnesses

that have created this issue of are

42

:

we really listening with compassion.

43

:

Are we able to garner and gain

strength from all the opportunities

44

:

that are available to us?

45

:

I think what we are often missing

is that ability to understand

46

:

what it means to be compassionate.

47

:

What does it actually mean to have that

meaningful connection with someone,

48

:

whether that is somebody that is really

getting on your nerves and you're

49

:

really trying to get away from them,

or, you're trying to reach out to

50

:

somebody that is refusing your help,

but you know that they need your help

51

:

because they keep on saying things

that are red flags over and over again?

52

:

Truth be told, I did a lot

of that when I was younger.

53

:

Having that reliability of social media

to be able to get my message out there

54

:

very quickly without having to talk to

someone directly, made me feel a sense

55

:

of comfort, but at the same time, It

was dangerous in more ways than one.

56

:

As a matter of fact, the day in which I

wanted to end my life, which, for many

57

:

of my listeners that have been following

for the longest time know about this

58

:

story, some of you that didn't know,

you might be able to learn a lot more

59

:

about what it means to just shout to the

mountaintops to not feel like you're not

60

:

good enough, and then yet, you're using

social media to advocate your messaging

61

:

and then ignore everybody for that matter,

to feel like you are absolutely connected

62

:

with someone, to actually feel like you

give yourself that intentionality, to

63

:

be able to learn and grow from someone

else means that you have to give a little

64

:

bit of yourself, and that was something

I absolutely refused doing which led

65

:

me into what I ultimately dealt with.

66

:

We don't have to rehash that story.

67

:

I encourage you, if you are new to the

podcast, check out some of my earlier

68

:

episodes, in which I do talk about

what it meant for me to go through

69

:

those struggles in the first place.

70

:

Really, it's about not only having that

listening ear, whether that is through

71

:

social media or other means, it's actually

having that meaningful connection.

72

:

What does it mean to have meaningfulness?

73

:

What does it mean to have humility?

74

:

What does it mean to actually

connect in more ways than one?

75

:

I feel that in this day and age, we are

always speculating as to whether the time

76

:

and energy that we're providing, let alone

the advancement of the technologies that

77

:

we have at our disposal, is really helping

us to feel like we are able to grow.

78

:

I even have some clients of

mine using AI to give themselves

79

:

pep talks every morning.

80

:

"Please, AI.

81

:

Let me know what I should feel today."

82

:

"Oh, absolutely, Client X.

83

:

You should feel happy and glad that

you're alive and breathing.", which by

84

:

all means, I should be saying that that

is some meaningful stuff if you are giving

85

:

yourself many thanks that you're able

to be happy and breathing, but are we

86

:

really turning to technology, something

that hasn't yet developed emotions, to be

87

:

able to give us that compassionate ear?

88

:

To be able to really associate

and build a relationship with

89

:

something that maybe we don't really

understand in the first place?

90

:

Maybe, we're relying on something that

isn't as reliable as we might think.

91

:

I think that we crave opportunity

in a variety of different ways.

92

:

Whether that is something that we enjoy

doing more so than other things, or we're

93

:

just trying to understand each other

by just acknowledging maybe some of the

94

:

strengths and weaknesses that we each

have, but even in the environment that

95

:

we live in today's culture, especially in

the United States for that matter, I feel

96

:

that it's become more toxic, misogynistic,

and even racial for that matter.

97

:

Don't even get me started about

the differences about LGBTQ, let

98

:

alone all the other different types

of identities that are out there.

99

:

Transgender is a very unpopular subject

in itself, but what if I told you that

100

:

even with all those things said, does

it really give us a free license to just

101

:

be not only condemning what other people

might think, without even understanding

102

:

what the other side of it is all about?

103

:

At one point or another in society,

we have lost our way of being able to

104

:

understand what the other viewpoint is;

to be able to ask meaningful, thoughtful

105

:

questions, and even give us some sort of

sympathy for that matter to understand

106

:

with an ear or two, what it means to

actually be listened to, to feel like

107

:

we are actually cared about, to feel

like we are actually part of this

108

:

grand experiment called the human race.

109

:

I think that we are often running around

like rats in a maze, or even on a wheel

110

:

for that matter, just trying to get from

one day to the next, being able to make

111

:

ends meet, although when we are making

ends meet, it might not necessarily be

112

:

in the ways that we think should be the

way that we have our ends being met.

113

:

In other words, maybe we're

turning to things that are

114

:

not necessarily good things.

115

:

In order to satisfy that

craving, that frustration, that

116

:

concern that we often have.

117

:

A few episodes ago, I talked about

some of the biggest things that I've

118

:

been challenged in my own life and even

admitted to you, the listeners, about

119

:

something that I've been dealing with

for the longest time, and if you want

120

:

to be curious about what that thing

is, go back and listen to that episode.

121

:

It was that episode where I let everything

go, and I became raw and emotional about

122

:

why it's important to be completely

transparent, but we need to be able to

123

:

understand that technology, being able

to pay attention to not only the things

124

:

that are going on around us, but also

filtering out the mess that's involved

125

:

with it, means that we have to listen with

carefree attention, be able to understand

126

:

that we have something to say, that we

all have value that we're providing to

127

:

the table, that we all have something

that we need to get off our chest, so that

128

:

we're able to feel a little bit better,

whether that's through a medical issue,

129

:

whether that's through a physical issue,

whether that's through a mental issue, or

130

:

anything else that might be on your mind.

131

:

It's all about really understanding

who that other person is.

132

:

That's really it, and that's something

that even as children, we start to learn

133

:

and formulate, especially from the role

models that we have surrounding ourselves.

134

:

I'm sure you can think of at least one or

two people growing up that maybe had that

135

:

science down and were able to communicate

effectively with each other, being able to

136

:

understand and convey a sense of different

types of emotions and even frustrations,

137

:

but they didn't lose their cool.

138

:

They were able to be like Fonzie

from Happy Days, which if you

139

:

ever watched the Happy Days sitcom

back from the 70s, early 80s.

140

:

You'll certainly learn a thing or two

about what it meant to grow up, not

141

:

only with having the cool kids, but

also having the geeks and the nerds,

142

:

for that matter, associate and grow

as a family, because it doesn't matter

143

:

what your background is, we're all

accepted in a lot of different ways.

144

:

Henry Winkler's character has gone on

to be an icon of America, being able

145

:

to understand not only the differences

between what it means to live in a society

146

:

that might not have your parents around,

but also being adopted into a family that

147

:

allows you to be cared for, and sometimes,

even when you're learning the hard

148

:

lessons, there is a moral to the story.

149

:

I think that's what we often

forget that when we have these

150

:

conversations with other people,

there is a moral to the story.

151

:

As you all know, I've talked about in

other episodes about the importance

152

:

of Crucial Conversations, which by

Joseph Grenny, it has really opened my

153

:

eyes of the opportunity that sometimes

we squander by having these tough

154

:

conversations and not being able to

really get to the other opposing viewpoint

155

:

and understanding why we need to make

some common ground happen, but one

156

:

of the last things that the technique

talks about is being able to follow up.

157

:

What are the things that we should be

held accountable for and when are we going

158

:

to do those things that we're being held

accountable for at what time, at what

159

:

date, and if those are not being met,

what can we do to keep moving forward?

160

:

What is it that might help us to grow,

not only in our communication style,

161

:

but our leadership style as well.

162

:

Being able to have active listening

means that you also are creating an

163

:

atmosphere where you're engaging,

you're sympathizing, you're summarizing.

164

:

You're not only paraphrasing what

someone else says, but you're saying

165

:

it back to them so that you understand

and you're acknowledging that you are

166

:

trying, and that's what we have really

forgotten about in society today is to

167

:

really try, to really be able to set the

goals that we set forth, and be able to

168

:

help each other create that best value.

169

:

Those best values, the things that

were even the purpose driven values

170

:

that we've talked about recently

in our previous monologue episode

171

:

is really about understanding

how we can create that context.

172

:

How can we use the values that we have and

be able to associate with someone else?

173

:

How are we able to create that

opportunity for ourselves when those

174

:

opportunities might be squandered?

175

:

Even with other people that might be

treating us like shit, we need to be able

176

:

to understand that that value that we

give ourselves and even to others for that

177

:

matter is quite a lot, because we need

to be able to create that opportunity.

178

:

We need to be able to feel

like we're listened to.

179

:

Even if it means taking

someone out for dinner.

180

:

Even if it means showing them

a compassionate gift or two.

181

:

Even if it means just spending some

time out of your calendar, out of your

182

:

busy schedule, and just being able to

sit down and acknowledge that they have

183

:

a presence, those are the small things

that add up to massively big dividends.

184

:

The very basis, the very core of

business relationships is about forming

185

:

relationships, the very literal thing

in order to create not only the value

186

:

for your business, but for the value

of yourself, and I've said time and

187

:

time again on this show that if it

wasn't for this podcast, I would have

188

:

never been able to make some of the

most amazing connections that I've

189

:

ever made as part of this experience.

190

:

Podcasting has changed my life

forever, and even if my end this

191

:

show today, I know that I will get

so much out of it as I hope that all

192

:

of you get something out of it too.

193

:

Listening with compassion means taking

one big step forward and actually leaning

194

:

your whole body into the experience.

195

:

It doesn't mean that you half ass it,

and it doesn't mean that you just enjoy

196

:

what's going on with that other person

and just shirking your responsibility.

197

:

It means taking a little bit of yourself,

and extending yourself beyond anything

198

:

that you could ever imagine into a

situation, or into an environment,

199

:

that allows you to feel like you

are $1,000,000 to that other person.

200

:

Those are the relationships

that I am talking about.

201

:

Those are the things in which you

can create important context with.

202

:

With not only the ears that you have,

which we're given two of, but we're

203

:

also creating with compassion, that

experience of being listened to.

204

:

I think that it's often difficult to

talk about this type of subject without

205

:

having to sacrifice the quality of

what I am, and what most people are, as

206

:

they're going through this experience

and thinking, what is it that I can do

207

:

better and not only the things that I'm

doing, but what I'm trying to achieve?

208

:

It might mean taking some

time to audit yourself.

209

:

What are the things

that you're doing right?

210

:

What are the things that you're doing

wrong, and if you're not doing them right

211

:

or wrong, are you doing them just okay?

212

:

Should those okay statements

be, "I am rocking this, and

213

:

I'm enjoying what I'm doing?"

214

:

"I'm really helping someone

to give themselves that value,

215

:

and being intentional about

it on a day to day basis."

216

:

We have to be reminded that sometimes

it's not just us that counts the most,

217

:

it's what other people surrounding

us to help us get to where we are

218

:

are what really counts the most too.

219

:

There's an equal balance.

220

:

In my coaching, I talk about with my

clients the importance of that self value,

221

:

but it also means that they have to give

value to other people, so if they're

222

:

not accepting of what they are giving to

themselves, and they're not accepting of

223

:

what others have given to them, it will

never work to be able to create not only

224

:

those relationships and confidence and

determination that I often talk about in

225

:

my business, let alone on this show with

my guests, but it also means that you

226

:

fall a little short on being listened to

yourself, because who will give you the

227

:

time and day to be able to help you grow?

228

:

It's all about duality.

229

:

Looking at it from both sides,

and we have lost that art.

230

:

If you are one of those people

today that you're listening to

231

:

this, and you're feeling that you're

moved by the fact that, "Yeah.

232

:

I am not doing that.

233

:

I should be listening more

compassionately.", this is your

234

:

opportunity to change that discourse.

235

:

It's time to really have a solid

conversation about how we can best move

236

:

forward and stop being stuck in our ways.

237

:

Our ways are important, but it doesn't

give us a ticket to just keep on riding

238

:

that same train, in circles, thinking

that we are going to be listened to every

239

:

time that we go around the loop, because

as trains go along, people get off.

240

:

They're reaching their destination,

but maybe the destination that

241

:

we're all heading towards is

not compassionate listening.

242

:

It might be something that we need

to do a little bit better with not

243

:

only with our own self development,

but in the things that we're trying

244

:

to achieve; the very goals that

we're all setting out to accomplish.

245

:

Is it worth the time and energy in

this day and age, especially with

246

:

AI, to keep working on listening?

247

:

Yes, yes, and yes, because if we're not

listening, we are not growing, and if

248

:

we're not growing, we're not achieving,

and if we're not achieving, well, you

249

:

end up like me, but yet that was past me,

and that past me could be past you, too.

250

:

You can move on from this.

251

:

You might be able to step forward today

and listen just a little bit harder, and

252

:

even if they're soft spoken, that other

person that you're talking to, ask them

253

:

to speak up, because this time around,

you have something that you want to say

254

:

to them, but before you say what you

have to say, you want to listen to what

255

:

they have to give back, and I think that

might be the very first step in not only

256

:

civil discourse, not only acknowledging

the differences, whether it's racial,

257

:

societal, or even transgender for that

matter, but by appreciating somebody

258

:

else's perspective, you might be growing

in your own ways, not only with your ears,

259

:

but with your mind, and I think that's

pretty compassionate of you to do so.

260

:

Thanks for listening to episode

number 103 of Speaking From the

261

:

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

262

:

Outro: Thanks for listening.

263

:

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

264

:

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

265

:

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

266

:

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

267

:

See you next time.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Speaking From The Heart
Speaking From The Heart
Your Speaking Voice LLC's Business Podcast

Listen for free

About your host

Profile picture for Joshua Smith

Joshua Smith

Joshua D. Smith is the Owner and Founder of Your Speaking Voice, a life coaching, business coaching, and public speaking company based in Carlisle, PA. Serving clients across the world, Joshua got his start in personal/professional development and public speaking in April of 2012 through his extensive involvement in an educational non-profit organization called Toastmasters International.

Toastmasters International operates clubs both domestically and internationally that focus on teaching leadership, development, and public speaking skills. Joshua quickly excelled in Toastmasters International and found that he had a passion for leadership and helping others find their confidence and their true "speaking voice". Joshua has held all club officer roles and most District level positions in Toastmasters International and belongs to numerous clubs throughout the organization. Joshua has also been recognized as two-time Distinguished Toastmaster, the highest award the organization bestows for achievement in leadership and communication.

Joshua continues his active role in the community as he serves a Board Member for the Shalom House, an organization located in the Alison Hill section of Harrisburg, PA that provides emergency shelter services to women and children.

Outside of his community involvement, education is something that Joshua has always taken great pride in. His academic achievements include a number of degrees from Alvernia and Shippensburg University. He earned a Bachelor's degree in political science and communications from Alvernia in 2009, a masters of business administration from Alvernia in 2010, and later a masters in public administration from Shippensburg in 2014.

In the professional world, Joshua has held multiple positions with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania for over 12 years which includes a variety of data analytics, procurement, budgeting, business process improvement (IT and non-IT), legal compliance, and working with the blind. He has applied his public speaking and development skills in the professional world to tackle numerous public speaking engagements and presentations from all levels of the organization, including executive management.

Support The Show!

Every donation to the show will support the overall mission of Your Speaking Voice LLC, a company geared towards the transformation of individuals and companies by finding the hidden "voice" that is inside all of us.
Click Here To Transform Lives!
M
Melody da Silva $30
Keep up the amazing work, bestie!!
K
Kris Pool $25