Episode #113 - I Have Been Rejected Again!

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 113 of Speaking from the

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Heart, and I've been rejected so many

different times doing this podcast,

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doing my business, doing life.

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Ugh!

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Why do I even bother

talking about this subject?

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Why, oh why, do I feel like I'm

going to be rejected yet again from

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people all over the world, maybe even

in my own backyard, maybe not even

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appreciating what kind of value I bring?

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Those people are missing out

on what I'm able to bring.

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I'm sure that for many of us, we've

had many different thoughts, feelings,

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emotions, maybe even some of the

reactions that I just even conveyed,

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but I think that we handle rejection

in so many different ways, in so many

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different viewpoints, that it's worth

talking about in today's episode about

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how we can overcome, not just those

feelings that are often negative in

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nature, but turning rejection around

to become something much better then

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maybe you even thought possible.

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I think that we oftentimes

think about rejection as

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almost a demoralizing feeling.

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The way in which that we oftentimes

feel when we are let down by someone

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who doesn't follow through with

what they were supposed to do.

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Nowadays in this type of culture that

we live in, let alone the job climate,

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it wouldn't be surprising to see three,

four, even five interviews for the same

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position taking place in order for you

to become able to be hired for that

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job, but is more less, or is less more?

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I think that's even a whole other

question in itself, but we're

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not talking about what really is

happening with employers and how many

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times they want to interview you.

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We're talking about you and the

rejection that we often feel.

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Claim to fame for myself, I've been

rejected several dozen times, not

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only in the things that I've done

for my business, but even when I was

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trying to find W 2 jobs, as my good

friend, John Schuchman would call them.

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He would call them W 2s because those

are usually the grinding jobs, the things

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that we go and work for expectations of

someone else, waiting for them to just

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feel a little bit better about what they

have hired and proving to them that we

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have value that we can bring, but I think

that we don't understand that rejection

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doesn't come from a place of personality,

which sometimes it does, but for the most

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part does not, it comes from a place in

which we know that that negative feeling

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of not being valued enough, is why

we've been rejected, and when it happens

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time and time again, or being rejected

again for that matter, as the episode

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title is all about, that only helps to

exacerbate the problem that we're facing.

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Take it from me, somebody that has been

numerous of times been rejected and

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feeling a little bit sad that I can't get

a higher rate of pay, or not being valued

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for the skills that I've already achieved,

or even, just even, feeling like I'm worth

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the money that I should be compensated.

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All those things don't really soften

the blow of that rejection that

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we feel, especially if we never

even receive that rejection, or in

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other words in contemporary times,

are being ghosted by the employer

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that is offering the position.

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I feel that we have lost the art of

communication, even in that regard.

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Being able to use our voice to be able to

tell somebody, "We are not hiring you."

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That's even worse than even saying that

is when you don't say anything at all.

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Silence can be even more painful

because it leads to many different

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questions, such as: Did they even

get my notice that I was interested?

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Did they see the thank you letter

that I gave them after we conducted

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the interview, or, my favorite of all

favorites, why did you not hire me?

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We don't want to talk about that.

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That will lead to potential lawsuits.

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People will be in court forever.

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We'll never be able to fill this

position, and this position is

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pretty important, especially with

the things that we need to achieve.

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All these things, which include

rejection, absolutely suck.

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I've been fortunate enough though,

in many different circumstances,

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to be able to have choice.

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I oftentimes think about those times,

especially in my early twenties.

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When I was working for the Department

of Transportation, I had actually

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two job offers that allowed me to be

promoted or move to another agency.

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One of them was with the Department of

Health, in which I would have been able to

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work on a program that would have helped

me with my job skills to help with data

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analysis and program planning, but the

other one, which is ultimately the track

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I took was with the State Employees

Retirement System, which allowed me to

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work on my procurement and budgeting

skills, and to this day, has been the

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most rewarding choice because it allows

me to use it in a variety of different

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ways, not just in the business that I run,

but also providing experience and added

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value to those that are trying to figure

out how to best start their business.

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All these things, whether you want to

think about the fact that sometimes we

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have too many choices that we have to

make, or no choices at all, means that

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we have to be able to understand why

did that rejection actually happen.

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Was it actually me?

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Was there something I could have done

differently, or, is there nothing

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you could have done differently,

and it just fell the way it did?

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I think that we overcompensate for the

values and the feelings and the emotions

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and the knowledge and the skills and the

abilities that we often try to portray.

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We do it all the time, and now I see it

even more than ever using ChatGPT, using

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CoPilot; all those AI tools that are

publicly available to do your queries.

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I know it.

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I seen you do it, ladies and gentlemen,

where you take your resume and you have

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it rewritten by AI to be able to apply

for that cover letter for that position

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that you really want, but you don't have

the time to actually, detail by detail,

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do it manually; I've seen you do it.

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I've seen you do it, and the reason why

you do it is because you want to save

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time, with the hundreds of jobs that

you're applying, and to be more efficient

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so that you can track everything,

you want to push it into artificial

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intelligence to do the work for you.

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That is fine.

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I will have no complaints about that

whatsoever, but, if I were to select

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your resume, and I got you into an

interview, and you were asked the first

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question of how did you hear about this

position and what made you interested

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for it, are you really going to be

able to articulate a great answer?

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Those questions, those elimination

questions if you will, are usually the

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caveats that I would even judge to know

if you even paid attention to the company

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that you're applying for, the position

that we're looking at, and how both

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of those things integrate together to

create what is this interview process.

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You will be put on the spot by

me, but I'm not the only one

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that will put you on the spot.

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It will be everybody else that

you will have to go through.

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Whether that's one interview or two

interviews, which I would keep it

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no more than two, it still means

that I have to learn a little bit

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about you, and how much interest

you actually have for that position.

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I think that we often get rejected

because we're not prepared.

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Sometimes the preparation that we

do is way overboard, and I have

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plenty of podcasts guests and friends

that would even talk to you about

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what they have learned from those

experiences interviewing other

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people about this subject, so I'm not

really going to go into that today.

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I'll easily reference you to many of

the other individuals that have much

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experience about that, but I really want

to talk about how we soften the blow.

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We could use that as our catalyst to

understand and evaluate why we failed,

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why we couldn't get through that

interview process, but especially in

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this day and age that we live in, that

next "big opportunity", which I use in

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air quotes, that lies ahead, sometimes

means that we have to find that quote

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unquote, big opportunity, right where

we are at; right smack dab in the center

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of where you're sitting right now.

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Sometimes you have to create your best

values, your best opportunities, by just

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understanding that you have what it takes

to even create something of your own.

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Look at all the many people that

have been very successful, whether

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they have run a small, medium,

or large, enterprise business.

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It all started with a small pipe

dream, in which maybe you didn't

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land that exact job, or maybe you

even had that exact interest, but you

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grew with aspiration and interest in

going into a field that was unknown.

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Look at all the people that have gone

into technology and have developed all

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kinds of different things that has allowed

the world to benefit, and sometimes not

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benefit, from its marvelous inventions.

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We can even go back to some of the

contemporary times of America, looking

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at the 18th, 19th centuries for that

matter, where many inventions were

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taking place to help push us into the

industrial revolution that we experienced.

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Now, we're not as much of an

industrious nation as we once were,

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but there's still many different ideas

and thoughts of how we can improve

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and automate all kinds of processes,

and I always hear the conversation

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about what's really a job anymore.

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Can I put it through AI to do it for me?

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I'm going to argue today we should be

thinking about how we can continue to

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involve humans in the equation, because

as much as we might be fearful of what

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technology might bring, humans are

still going to be needed to be able to

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monitor and create those opportunities.

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Humans in itself means that we should

be not fearing rejection, especially

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from AI or other tools which sorts out

our resumes and being able to create

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that opportunity that we need to have in

order to make more money, but how we can

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leverage both physically the long term and

the short term gains of what we're going

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through right now as a society, or even

in the world as a whole, to be able to

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ensure that we're never rejected again.

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It means picking up a skill.

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It means working with a coach

and understanding what is really

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important so that you can lift

yourself up to that next level.

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It means understanding that sometimes

that rejection I know can be painful,

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but it also means that it gives you

a brand new opportunity to work from.

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I know that's easier said than done,

and I want to speak for a few minutes

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about the people that might be

listening to this that are absolutely

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saying, "but times are desperate.

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I need something to help me out."

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There's nothing wrong with working at

a job that is less in qualification,

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and allows you to at least have

some money coming in, while you are

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looking for that grand opportunity.

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I know for myself, I worked as a part

time center supervisor at a local

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community center in which I lifted

tables, stacked chairs, helped guests as

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they rented rooms, dealt with difficult

customers, and everything in between

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that, especially to make ends meet, but

while I was doing that, which allowed me

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to have a lot of down time, just because

I was babysitting a building, it allowed

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me to work on all kinds of aspirations:

toastmasters, even this business for

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that matter, allowed me to gain the

clarity and the focus to be able to

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help others in this ever changing world.

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That allowed me to create the

opportunity that I have today.

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While rejection might be a negative

feeling, especially when we're going

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through the job process, or going

through any part of our life whatsoever,

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think of it as a candle that was lit

to guide you onto an alternate path,

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an alternate future if you will, to

be able to help us with our mental

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abilities, and gain physical clarity

of the way in which we should be moving

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towards the light of our futures.

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It's not easy.

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It means that we have to separate

ourselves from that feeling of disgust.

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Knowing that somebody rejected us is

not the greatest feeling in the world,

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and even if we say that it is, sometimes

it still has that lingering effect.

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It's almost as if you've been

broken up inside, not really feeling

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like your identity really matters

anymore, and for some people, it

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rolls off the back like water.

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It has no effect whatsoever, and for

those people that don't have that kind

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of effect, you should be teaching others,

even myself included, of how you can help

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others get through that rejection period.

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It's not a matter of feeling that we don't

have the ability to grow or to sustain

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the life that we have for the future.

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We just have to respond differently

to the choices that we make.

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The appropriate response, especially

when we know that we have infinite

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choices, could sound something like this.

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"Thanks for the opportunity, but I have

decided to go in another direction with

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another company that best aligns with

my values and my vision for the future."

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For those that have been rejected, instead

of getting all mad and throwing things

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around or even breaking appliances,

maybe something along the lines of saying

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this, especially if you get no response,

might change the tune in the conversation

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of what they ultimately pass up.

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It might sound something like this.

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"Although I have not heard from you, I

appreciate the opportunity to be able

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to be considered for this position.

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Not only have I appreciated the time and

dedication of you, the committee, that

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have reviewed this, I know that you will

make the best choice for the best interest

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for your company, and I wish you the

best of luck in filling this position."

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all we have to do is be professional.

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All we have to do is just ignore that

rejection sometimes is just a fact

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of life, and even when rejection does

happen, we can overcome it if we're

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just willing to understand and create

that value, where that value might

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have been disappearing all along.

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People might take some things from

us, but they can easily be replaced

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by the things that allow us to

nurture ourselves, to benefit, to

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evolve, as we talked about before.

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Even with all those things that we

have as choices, one thing rings true.

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Even with rejection feeling absolutely

terrible, it's a choice if you

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decide to feel terrible about it.

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Rejection is a wonderful thing that if

you think about it, allows you to have

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the freedom of expression and the benefit

of opportunity to pursue interests

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that you otherwise wouldn't have.

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In America, we call that liberty.

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The ability to have free choice, to

be able to express ourselves through

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the First Amendment, and, for all

those reasons, allow us to do shows

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like this, because otherwise, in other

countries, we would never be able to even

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share best tips, to be able to expand

our minds, to see possibilities that

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would have otherwise never been seen.

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Maybe in a way, that rejection that

we received yet again, whether it's

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through a significant other that we

didn't really want to have in the

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first place, could have been a dodging

bullet that we did not catch, and

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thankfully, I'm glad that we didn't

have to deal with it in the first place.

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Being rejected does not mean

that you're less of a person.

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I hope that this leaves you with a

reminder that you are worthy, not

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just of the value that you bring

to this earth, But that the value

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that you bring to others might

not be where you're placing it.

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You will have to place it somewhere

else, and hey, if you're looking for

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that opportunity, come talk to me.

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I can help you best guide it along the

way, and put it in a context that might

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help you, not just become the best

version of yourself, but to reframe

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your mindset about rejection, so that

you are never rejected again, even

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if somebody tells you that you are.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 113 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.