Episode 135
Episode #130 - Find Your Supporting Individual Or Group: An Interview With Matthew Magiapane
The foundation for us to overcome a variety of different areas of our lives not only rests on what we set out to do as goals and aspirations for a particular day, but also who we associate ourselves with that will be our support. Being able to find those individuals (or even groups for that matter) can take significant amounts of time, especially if there are roadblocks that stand in the way to create these meaningful relationships. However, prioritizing the energy to create these types of people and groups can help not only in the physical sense, but in the mental sense as well. Today, Matthew Magiapane, a successful speaker and owner of MJM Wellness, discusses his passion for helping others to bring the best versions of others out of them, and how a supporting person can truly make all the difference in creating value in our every day lives. By spending this quality time, not only will it bring the benefits described earlier, but will be the start of something amazing to help you in all facets of your life.
Guest Bio
Matthew Mangiapane is a skilled motivational speaker with 12+ years of experience as a Marriage & Family Therapist. He works with groups, individuals, couples and families to teach coping skills, focus on solutions, re-think how they approach stressors, and connect with their supports to work together on their recovery. Matthew is life-long Long Islander and a devoted husband to his wife of five years and father to two toddler boys.
Website: https://www.mjmwellnessny.com
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/mjmwellnessny/
- National Suicide Lifeline (988) (https://988lifeline.org/) - This dedicated webpage talks about the various amount of resources that are available when dealing with a mental health crisis of any kind. DO NOT DO IT ALONE! Find resources in your area (even outside of the United States) if you need assistance with a crisis.
Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/
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Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support
Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs
Transcript
Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and
2
:determination all converge into
an amazing, heartfelt experience.
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:This is Speaking From The Heart.
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:Joshua: Welcome back to episode
number 130 of Speaking from the Heart.
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:Today we have Matthew Magiapane with us,
and Matthew is a skilled motivational
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:speaker with 12 plus years of experience
as a marriage and family therapist.
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:He works with groups, individuals,
couples, and families to teach
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:coping skills, focus on solutions,
rethink how they approach stressors,
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:and connect with their supports to
work together on their recovery.
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:Matthew is a lifelong Long Islander
in New York, and is a devoted
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:husband to his wife of five years
and a father to two toddler boys.
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:I think in this episode we really
try to dig into a way to be heard,
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:and being heard in my realm of public
speaking is completely different from
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:somebody that works intimately with a
relationship or even family coaching
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:atmosphere for that matter, but even
therapy in itself takes a whole other
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:dimension, in which, if it wasn't for
even therapists in my life to get me to
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:where I am, I don't think I would even be
able to have a lot of the conversations
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:very openly about what we need to do
to be able to work through some of the
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:crises that we walk into in our lives.
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:Matthew's perspective on a whole variety
of different things that he works with to
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:even create that association, let alone
even create the excitement to be able to
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:move that path forward, and his clients,
and my clients' perspectives, all have
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:different ways to move into that whole
new world that we can all experience, but
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:we have to remember that even if we have
all these different starts and stops that
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:we have going on in our lives, it's all
about how we keep moving forward, how we
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:can keep pushing ourselves to see things
that we never thought we could see inside
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:of ourselves, especially if we're trying
to function in this ever changing world.
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:But with that, let's go to the episode.
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:All right.
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:We're here with Matthew Magiapane.
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:Matthew, thanks for sharing
your heart with us today.
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:Matthew: And thank you.
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:It's really a pleasure to be here.
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:Joshua: Absolutely.
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:I thank you so much, and from somebody
that is a motivational speaker and also
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:a therapist, I'm excited about this
interplay that you have to share with our
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:audience today, so Matthew, I've already
let a little bit out of the bag with what
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:you provide to our audience with what you
have shared with us, but I really want
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:to start off with the fact that you've
been a motivational speaker for over
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:12 years, and it's funny, because I've
been learning the craft of speaking for
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:the same amount of time, so I'm kind of
curious what got you into the speaking
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:world and what helped you to really
share some of the content that you share
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:with your audience, and maybe you can
share what some of those subjects are.
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:Matthew: Sure, so motivational speaking
and speaking in front of crowds was
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:not something that came easy for me.
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:I recall the classes we had to take
in even as early as high school
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:where you would do public speaking
and attempt to learn how to stand in
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:front of an audience and not wave your
hands too much and not yell too loud.
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:I was always incredibly nervous,
incredibly shy about it, and I recall this
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:class I took in college and undergrad.
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:It was an economics class and each one of
us had to present about a specific topic.
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:It was maybe a 5 to 10
minute conversation.
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:We just got up in front of the class
and spoke very simple and I remember,
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:nervous, nervous, nervous up until
I got up in front of the classroom
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:and I looked around and It was that
moment where I just said, "Hey.
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:I'm in the same boat
all these people are in.
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:We're all nervous about this.
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:Half the time, we're not
even totally listening.
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:We're stuck in our own little worlds
too.", and that anxiety maybe not
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:went away completely, but it really
dissipated, and ever since then, I
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:found it a lot easier to just get up
in front of people and talk or get
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:in front of groups and run groups,
which I've done in the past as well.
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:I've talked about different topics,
more or less in the mental health field.
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:One of the earliest conversations that
I had was in front of a classroom of
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:students just talking about what it looks
like after you finish grad school and
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:try to get into the work field, because
that's always something, especially in the
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:mental health field, a lot of students are
concerned about what's out there for them.
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:What are they going to find?
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:Are they going to be successful?
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:Can they shift around if
something's not working?
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:What's it look like really job hunting
in the 1st place, and one of the most
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:recent ones I've done, I was in a
conference in the city for an agency
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:that I also work for, where we were
talking about- it's called CISM.
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:It is a crisis intervention team.
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:C.
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:I.
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:S.
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:M.
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:It's nationally recognized, and my
direct supervisor is trained in and
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:had brought me on to the team not
long after I started in that agency,
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:so I shared parts of that particular
subject where we're talking about how
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:we will respond to crisis situations.
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:It was a group of about 200 people
in the room and we set up a panel,
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:and I explored how we would meet with
clients when there's a crisis or how we
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:handle things with other staff members.
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:When you're working in this field,
there are things that can happen
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:very unexpectedly, and sometimes very
traumatic, and having a team like that
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:internally that allows us to respond to
people who are struggling is something
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:that you don't see everywhere, so it was
a great chance to share something that
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:really is very unique to our agency.
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:Joshua: I had a friend from
college many years ago.
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:We kind of lost contact, but she used to
do crisis intervention work, and I know
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:that work was certainly being developed
at that time, even just a decade ago.
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:It was a newer concept, although
it's been around for many years.
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:I think the level of importance
for it has been gaining significant
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:traction, and I'm curious.
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:What has been maybe the- I don't
want to say the weirdest thing, but
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:maybe the craziest thing that you've
experienced being part of that team
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:that when I say the word "crazy", it
might have had a lot of high intensity.
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:It might have had a lot of
different moving factors.
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:Obviously, I don't want you to share
any of those names because I know that
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:that's confidential, but I wonder if you
could share a little bit of that unique
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:experience that you had for our audience.
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:Matthew: Sure, so I've had some situations
happen to me directly where there's
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:been physical altercations between
residents that have happened at some
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:of the sites that I've overseen, and
with some of the teams that I've worked
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:with, sadly, we've experienced some
deaths and some very unexpected ones.
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:I currently work within a program that
houses homeless veterans and provides
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:mental health services on top of that,
and over the years that I've been in that
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:field, in that particular agency, we've
seen a number of substance abuse deaths.
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:One particular instance, one of my
staff members had been walking the
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:property and saw that somebody's
door was open and she swore she
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:saw a pair of shoes sticking out.
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:She went over there, and sadly found
that that person had passed away,
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:and that was a traumatic thing.
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:It was something we
discussed very in depth.
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:It was one of her clients that she had
only worked with for a short period of
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:time, but had been developing a good
working relationship with him, and we
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:explored what that's like to not only walk
into a kind of situation like that with
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:seeing somebody who is either incredibly
medically compromised, or had passed away,
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:and having that relationship with them
where you're meeting them on a weekly
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:basis, talking about how they're trying to
improve their lives, what they're doing to
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:move forward, and it's very difficult not
to get attached to some of our clients.
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:I've had clients in private practice
that I've seen for multiple years,
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:and at some point, the therapeutic
relationship ended mutually, but it was
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:a very difficult thing, because these
are people that you get very attached
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:to, and you see their growth, and
you see the positivity, and so forth.
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:Really, when you're dealing with crisis
situations, there's so many facets to it
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:that come into play, and unfortunately,
it's a crisis management team, because
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:there's trauma and crisis that happens
and we have moments where it's just
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:like I've said, a fight between two
residents that we have to get in between.
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:I had a big physical altercation
happen at a Christmas party
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:that we were hosting once.
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:That was quite interesting.
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:Joshua: I should have thought that
Christmas would come into play here
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:because that's like the biggest
holiday that a lot of mental health
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:issues occur for obvious reasons;
lost family, things of that nature.
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:Yeah.
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:Matthew: Mmhmm.
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:Yeah.
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:We had two people that just did not
get along, and they just could not
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:deescalate, and we had a number of staff
involved, and it was quite a sight.
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:Thankfully, nobody was seriously hurt,
but that would be the most unusual
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:one I've been through because it was
such a pleasant evening, and then all
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:of a sudden, you see something break
out, and unfortunately, that's what
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:happens and we do our best to try to
respond, and be there for everybody
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:involved, and even those that maybe
weren't directly involved, but know
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:the people that were involved, because
that could be just as upsetting to.
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:Joshua: You said something earlier
about having these connections with
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:the people that you're working with,
and trying to keep that separated out
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:because you're really trying to help
them with not only building a new
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:skill, maybe going through the different
types of things that are happening.
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:It's funny because with a coaching
relationship, I always think
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:about it as, "I'm going into it.
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:I want to help this person.
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:I'm part of that team process.", so I
even tell my clients, "We're going to
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:be circling the wagons here to make
sure that you get to a better place.",
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:but with the line of work that you
do, it's totally understandable why
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:you have to have that separation.
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:I know that there's certain things
that are ethics relating to that
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:that are involved, but I've always
been curious, and I think some
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:of my listeners might be too.
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:How do you cope with having to keep that
separation, and not getting too attached
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:to a situation that might be overwhelming,
because I think that for me, if I was
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:in your shoes with something like that,
my heart would ache constantly with all
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:these different situations that people
are facing, so I'm kind of curious how
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:you process it, address it, and maybe
how you teach others to do the same.
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:Matthew: Absolutely.
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:If I said it was easy, I would be a liar.
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:It has its moments where sometimes it's
easier than other times, but it's hard.
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:You develop relationships with people.
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:You develop connections with people.
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:You see the progress, and sometimes
you see the failures too, and you very
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:easily can find yourself rooting for
that person and doing everything you
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:can to try to help them out, but at
the same time, you start to excuse
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:a little bit of the little things.
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:"Oh, they were late for this appointment.
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:It's okay.
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:I'll give them some slack this time, or
we'll meet with them next week because
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:I know they got stuff going on.", and
it starts to blend a little bit, and
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:that's when it becomes more difficult
to really face and address the problems
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:that somebody is actually dealing with.
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:There's always that adage of,
"Leave your work at the door."
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:That's very difficult when you're
working in the mental health field, and
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:I imagine in a lot of other fields too.
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:Of course, keeping privacy and HIPAA laws
and such in mind, discussing these things
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:with people who aren't directly involved
in the treatment of that particular
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:client can be difficult, but that
doesn't mean you can't utilize support
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:systems and resources that you have.
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:I found that talking with colleagues
is always wonderful, even if
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:they have no experience in that
particular scenario or situation.
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:They still could have a perspective or a
worldview or even ideas that you didn't
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:necessarily think of, and I think that's
a pretty universal skill to utilize
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:that some people just don't think of.
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:It's very easy to come out of a session;
a 45 minute session, with a couple that
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:were just yelling at each other, and
blaming each other for everything, and
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:then thinking, "How do I deal with this?
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:I just got out of a yelling
match that went on for 45 minutes
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:and I have no one to talk to."
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:Joshua: Yeah.
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:Matthew: But sometimes you
do and you don't realize it.
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:Don't say the names.
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:Don't talk about specifics.
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:Try to avoid anything that can give
out any identifying information,
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:but say, "I just had a session
with two people that was really
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:difficult and it took a lot out of me.
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:Let's go bowling, or something, and get
my mind off of this.", or, "Let's go grab
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:a drink and some food.", and there's many
things that people can really identify
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:as coping skills for themselves that can
be utilized, not just for that self care
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:aspect, which I'm always a big fan of,
but also to help you when you're trying
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:to come down from a particularly difficult
situation, or if you find yourself so
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:enmeshed with a client that your heart
breaks for them on a regular basis, that's
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:not good for you either because then you
can find your emotions getting a little
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:too overwhelming, clouding your ability
to work with them from a therapeutic
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:perspective, and I certainly encourage
people to identify even just the smallest
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:things that they can do for themselves
to de-stress, or reach out to somebody.
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:My go to for me is I listen to music.
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:I play guitar; very, very much a hobby.
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:You're not going to see me on the
stage anywhere, but it's something
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:that can help me get my mind off of
something, or I could play along with
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:a song that I really enjoy; two dogs,
which are running around the house at
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:all times, and they're a joy to play
with when they're not biting at me.
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:Joshua: I have to tell you that I know
that this is an audio only podcast,
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:but I love seeing your dogs right
now just roaming around, and they've
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:been so polite, so they haven't been
barking at us, so that's a good thing.
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:Matthew: Yeah.
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:Yeah.
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:Fingers crossed they stay that way.
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:Joshua: Yeah.
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:Matthew: But, yeah.
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:They're my little background distractions,
and I am married, and I have two
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:children, and I found my wife to be
a tremendous support for me, and some
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:of my closest friends I've had since
high school, I've been lucky enough to
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:still be friends with; have been great
resources, if not necessarily to talk
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:about everything that's going on, but to
maybe distract me a little bit, or help
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:me get my mind off of a particularly
difficult week I had with some clients,
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:and I think everybody, if you're able
to take a few minutes to yourself,
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:it doesn't have to be written down.
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:You can keep it in your own head.
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:You can talk with someone about it,
whatever way works for you, but I
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:think everybody can really identify at
least a couple of things that can help
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:them, even if it's very, very basic.
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:We like those basic things: sitting
down and reading, watching Netflix
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:for three hours, whatever it is.
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:If it brings that joy to you, sometimes
there are those moments where it's really
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:helpful to do it, even if it doesn't
feel like it's going to help; maybe it'll
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:just distract you for a minute or two.
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:I'm a big advocate of that self care.
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:Joshua: Self care is so important.
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:That's part of my story,
Matthew, for sure, that I didn't
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:take that time for myself.
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:That led me into my suicide that I
had attempted over four years ago.
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:Thankfully, I failed, and I'm here
and being able to do that, and I know
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:for many people too, trying to find
that intentionality, that hobby, that
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:aspiration, is sometimes even a struggle
in itself, especially if there's
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:financial reasons or other things, but
there are plenty of free things out
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:there that we can all engage in that
would satisfy that need, which one last
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:thing I have to ask you before we move
on and talk about MJM Wellness, which
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:is the business that you're running.
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:Is there something common across all
your clients that you would recommend,
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:maybe even say to our audience today,
that might be a first stepping stone
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:to resolving some of the issues because
I feel like we talk about substance
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:abuse, or we talk about mental health.
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:We talk about alcohol.
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:We talk about feeling like we
can get over anxiety, depression.
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:There's a common denominator that I
feel that if we resolve what's on the
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:surface, that could actually start to
form that healing process, and I know
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:you've worked with numerous people.
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:I wonder if you've seen that common
trend, and maybe there's something you
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:could recommend for somebody that might
be dealing with it in their family.
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:They might be dealing
with it with themselves.
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:Is there one thing that maybe you
can share that might help them?
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:Matthew: I would say one of the biggest
things that I've noticed over the years
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:is that stigma of reaching out for
help, or going to therapy, whether it's
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:professional, or even just reaching out
to your own individual support systems.
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:The mental health field over time,
thankfully, has gotten more and more
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:accepted and open, and people are a
little more willing to reach out when
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:they're looking for help, or they'll do
the research to find a good therapist,
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:or to get into a group, which groups can
always be a wonderful thing as well, but
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:there still seems to be that pervasive
hesitancy, whether it's based around
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:that stigma of, "There's something
wrong with me if I'm going to therapy.",
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:or, "If I'm going to therapy at this
point, it's just over with anyway.
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:What's the point?"
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:My family doesn't believe in therapy.
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:I grew up not believing in therapy,
whatever the reason might be.
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:I found that pretty common that that
first big step is just engaging with
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:some kind of professional therapeutic
services, and my big, big, big statement
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:is It's okay to reach out for help.
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:Reaching out for help does not mean
that there's something wrong, or that
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:you can't handle it yourself, or that
you're incapable of handling it yourself.
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:Sometimes there's just things we
just need that extra push for.
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:We need somebody else's perspective, or
we need a professional who specializes
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:in a particular issue, or concern, or
mental health disorder, that can guide
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:us and teach us coping skills, or help us
better understand what we're dealing with.
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:I think that's wonderful that you are
open about your own experiences, and I'm
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:very sorry that happened, but I agree.
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:I'm glad that you failed, but
I've dealt with depression myself.
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:I've had those moments,
especially when I was younger,
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:of having some suicidal ideation.
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:It's very difficult when you're in that
mindset, and you feel alone, and you
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:feel like you don't have an outlet,
or you don't have somebody who can
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:help you, and I would say for the vast
majority of people, there is somebody.
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:It takes a little bit of effort to
look sometimes, or it takes that
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:support, reach out to somebody you
really care for and say, "Listen.
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:I just need somebody to help me make that
1st phone call, or maybe you can come with
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:me to my 1st session, or my 1st group,
or maybe we can just talk about this a
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:little bit so I can get the courage and
the strength to set something up with
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:somebody professional, or to get some
kind of help that will really benefit me."
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:My biggest point here is just
knowing that you're not alone and
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:it's okay to reach out for help.
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:There is nothing wrong with that.
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:Joshua: For all those reasons, in the
episode notes for my listeners, you're
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:well versed on what this is all about.
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:988.
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:It's a great resource to check out.
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:It isn't just the phone number that you
can call when something is happening.
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:There's actually a website
dedicated to all kinds of different
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:situations and how you address them.
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:I've been a frequent flyer on that website
myself, checking out all those various
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:resources, so I'll put that in the episode
notes and Matthew, you said something so
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:important about the fact that it's just
about starting that conversation, and for
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:myself, it took me a very long time, even
after I started therapy, to open up about
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:that, because it was a lot of trauma.
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:There's a lot of things, and that's
why I will always say, if you need that
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:professional help, go see a therapist.
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:Don't go see a coach.
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:Therapists are trained to go through
that process and I highly encourage
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:that, even if you use a coach to help
you along the way, you should always
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:include a therapist so that you're on
the same path in that process, so, with
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:that said, Matthew, you've been doing
this for over 14 years, I've noticed
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:this on your website, MJM Wellness,
which I'll also put in the notes.
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:I think that small business is so
important, so congratulations on not only
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:having this, but also building this out.
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:I'm just curious.
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:What got you excited to actually
enter into your own practice?
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:Matthew: It's funny.
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:I was just having a conversation with
somebody about this earlier today how
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:I fell into the mental health field.
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:I've had an interest and a fascination
really in mental health for many,
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:many years going back to high
school, but I didn't really grab
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:onto it until I got into undergrad.
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:I had entered school not knowing what
I was going to do exactly, so I just
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:took a whole smattering of classes
just to hit those prerequisites.
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:One of them happened to be
a Psych 1 class, which I
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:absolutely fell in love with.
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:I thought it was fascinating.
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:It grabbed me right away.
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:That was it.
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:Declared my major and went forward.
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:I took some time after undergrad.
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:About a year and a half, I worked,
and eventually decided to go back
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:to school, and had gotten into
a marriage and family therapy
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:program, which I had never heard of.
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:That's what ultimately turned into
my license here in New York, and as
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:I was going through that grad program
particularly, there was so much about it
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:that opened up my eyes to this whole field
of mental health that I really was unaware
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:of, even from my four years in undergrad.
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:It was very focused on couples, on
families, and issues with sexuality,
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:and everything you could think of,
which are just things, many of which
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:I hadn't encountered myself, and the
more I learned, the more interesting
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:and the more exciting it was to me.
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:In that grad program, we would intern.
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:We would have our sessions recorded,
and I remember very early on, about
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:3 weeks in, I was really struggling.
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:I wasn't really talking much.
366
:I had a third year student who was
the one guiding the sessions I was
367
:sitting in, and during one of the
supervisions that we had, my supervisor
368
:had pointed out to the class, very
embarrassing, I probably turned as red
369
:as my shirt, "Matt's kind of quiet.
370
:He's not really engaging.
371
:We got to get him to talk a little more."
372
:That next session, I engaged
with a father and his 2 children.
373
:He was separated from his ex wife, and
the parents would come in separately
374
:with the children, but I was able to
engage with the kids so much and get
375
:them talking and active, and they were
drawing for me, and talking about their
376
:family, and vacations that they went on,
and they just completely opened up, and
377
:I remember that next supervision I had,
my supervisor pointed it out, and said,
378
:"That is what we're looking for, Matt.
379
:You just turn this around like
a full 180.", and that was it.
380
:I'm like, "That's it.
381
:This is what I'm doing
with the rest of my life."
382
:I've been lucky enough where I've
found that really when I was still
383
:in school, and from there, kind of
built it up over time and work for a
384
:private practice for a few years, and
then ultimately, decided that this
385
:was something I wanted to do on my own
because I had such a passion for it.
386
:Not everybody is so lucky, but it's really
helpful when you can try different things
387
:and see what fits, and I was one of those.
388
:people who found something
relatively early, and going
389
:forward as much as I can with it.
390
:Joshua: It is always a gift and
a blessing to be able to find
391
:that calling early in life.
392
:I didn't find my coaching business until
I was 35 and figuring out things finally
393
:with all the things that were happening
in my life that I wanted to do this.
394
:People were telling me I should do it.
395
:I was not listening to them.
396
:I was not having anything to do with it.
397
:I was resisting change, but I finally
realized that was denying what my
398
:ultimate best version of myself is, so
I'm glad you found your best version.
399
:That is really important.
400
:You touched on mentorship, essentially.
401
:Somebody took you under your wing.
402
:You got to learn so much
information from them.
403
:Do you do any sort of mentoring
for other people today that are
404
:interested in being a therapist, or
doing the line of work that you do?
405
:Obviously, since you've opened a business.
406
:I'm sure you got a wealth of knowledge,
so I'm wondering, is there a couple of
407
:people- you can give them a shout out if
you like, if you think that it would be
408
:worthy of being able to share a little
bit about their details and how they
409
:got to where they're at, if you don't
feel like you would embarrass them,
410
:but I'm just curious if you had anybody
in mind that you've been able to take
411
:under your wing and kind of do the same.
412
:Matthew: Mmhmm.
413
:Well, there's certainly some people in
the veteran mental health side that I do,
414
:where I'm working with a number of case
managers that are always looking into
415
:what's their future going to be like.
416
:What kind of planning are they going to
do in terms of, really, what their career
417
:is going to look like down the road?
418
:Is it going to be a
private practice thing?
419
:Are they going to stay in this
particular sect and move forward with
420
:mental health housing, or are they
going to see what else is out there?
421
:I've seen over the years, a number of
staff that I've had just straight sit
422
:down conversations with, and we've
talked through the difficult clients
423
:that they've had, or difficult situations
they've encountered; talked about
424
:some of those successes and pointed
out what they've done specifically,
425
:and even discussed meetings that I've
sat in with them with clients, and
426
:really brought to their attention the
good things that they're doing that
427
:they may not necessarily recognize.
428
:We all can benefit from some kind of
mentor or some kind of guiding force.
429
:It's always helpful, especially
when you're entering something new.
430
:When I started pursuing my own solo
practice, I have a family member who lives
431
:in New Hampshire who really taught me a
lot about how to get this off the ground
432
:in my own way, so I still am having my
own guidance and mentorship coming in my
433
:direction, because it's always helpful to
hear what other people have been through,
434
:or some other tips or advice or guidance
that somebody can give you, and I try to
435
:do that with really anybody I'm working
with, whether we're at the same level
436
:of staffing, or if I'm your supervisor,
whatever the situation might be.
437
:I'm very much one who believes
in growing yourself and trying to
438
:foster that in other people too.
439
:Joshua: It's about not just
paving the road forward for
440
:those people, but you're right.
441
:It is learning even other things
that you can learn along the way
442
:that you can impart on others, and
I've been so fortunate enough, myself
443
:too in my business, being able to
help others, even with this podcast,
444
:being able to have that conversation.
445
:I had a woman on the show, Kaneshi, if
you're listening, hi; that we challenged
446
:each other about even starting those
businesses and getting to that figure
447
:that we really want to achieve in terms
of revenue and wanting to help others,
448
:but you're saying too something that I
think sometimes we miss out in society,
449
:especially with the way some of the
epidemics that we have going on; drug use,
450
:I think of fentanyl, all those things.
451
:What would it be if we just had
somebody that would help mentor, maybe
452
:steer people in the right direction?
453
:Just that accountability.
454
:Sometimes it's just that little
step that makes a big difference.
455
:I don't know what you might think about
that subject too, because you probably
456
:encounter a lot of those different aspects
in your counseling that you go through.
457
:Do you find that sometimes it's just
about having somebody there to help?
458
:Whether it's just in the small
things, instead of the big
459
:things when it's too late?
460
:For example, I see so much of, "Well,
if they were just able to intervene
461
:early by just having that conversation
on a weekly basis, like a teacher, like
462
:that could make all the difference."
463
:I mean, do you think that a lot of
the things that you encounter could be
464
:solved with something like that, and
I know it's just your opinion, but I'm
465
:kind of curious because you've seen a
lot of these come through your door.
466
:Matthew: I certainly feel that even
just those little things can make a
467
:big difference, and a lot of when I've
dealt with clients who are dealing with
468
:any kind of ongoing substance abuse
issues, or mental health concerns,
469
:sometimes their support systems, or their
family members, just don't understand.
470
:"How come he can't stop using this?
471
:How come he keeps going and doing this?
472
:How come he's spending time with these
people?", and they start to pull away,
473
:and the client starts to feel more and
more lost or unsure of where to turn to,
474
:and sometimes having that voice, or even
just that shoulder to cry on, can really
475
:make a difference, because suddenly they
feel heard and they haven't felt heard
476
:in months, or years, or even longer than
that, especially when they're dealing
477
:with something that's getting them
on the track to multiple rehab stays.
478
:I have a particular client who's
been in and out for many years.
479
:He struggles on and off, and when he's
struggling at his worst, unfortunately, he
480
:turns towards substances, even after he's
completed, successfully, rehab programs.
481
:It's a coping skill he learned that
he has a tremendous amount of trouble
482
:breaking, but I'm somebody he trusts.
483
:I'm somebody he'll talk to.
484
:He'll call me and let me know.
485
:"I'm going to be going to rehab.
486
:I'm struggling again.", and even
just having that person you can talk
487
:to and open up and explain, without
judgment, can really go a long way,
488
:and that's kind of the key there is
that no judgment because we all do it.
489
:We're all guilty of it, and it's
completely human to do that, but when
490
:you're trying to help somebody, and
this is something I try to teach a
491
:lot with the couples that I'm working
with, too, is trying to listen as
492
:best as you can without judgment
or blame, and I think that goes
493
:in both directions, incalculably.
494
:Joshua: Yes.
495
:I even say that too.
496
:"Stop blaming yourself.
497
:It's not what you've done.
498
:It's whatever's happens.
499
:The past is the past.
500
:You recognize it now, and that's a big,
important step, so what can we do to
501
:navigate those steps moving forward?",
and we worked on that together, even
502
:with what I do in coaching, because
we have these roadblocks that kind
503
:of stay in our way if we don't move
them out of the way, and sometimes we
504
:need someone else to help you move it.
505
:Matthew: Mmhmm.
506
:It's okay to ask for a little push.
507
:Joshua: Yeah.
508
:It is.
509
:It's okay to ask for a push.
510
:Yeah, absolutely.
511
:We should.
512
:Matthew, we're almost at the end of our
time, but there's one final question I
513
:want to ask, and it's actually something
that you have on your website, which
514
:I want to share with the audience too.
515
:It's listed under your about page.
516
:It's about your philosophy, just so you
have an idea what that is I'm going to
517
:ask you, so it says, "At MJM wellness, I
believe that everyone has the potential
518
:to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.
519
:My counseling services are designed
to help my clients unlock their
520
:potential, and achieve their goals."
521
:that made me smile, because I
have somewhat of a similar mission
522
:here at Your Speaking Voice,
LLC, and what I've opened up.
523
:To you, and this being my final question,
I want this to be something that you kind
524
:of take personally and maybe give some
words of wisdom to the audience today.
525
:Do you think that you're leading that
potential to lead a fulfilling and
526
:meaningful life from what you're doing,
and also, do you feel like you have the
527
:potential to meet and unlock your goals,
because I think that you're starting to
528
:do that with this business, and what you
have been achieving over your impressive
529
:career, but I'm kind of curious, what are
your thoughts about you walking the walk
530
:and doing that talking with your clients?
531
:What does that mean for you?
532
:Matthew: Hmm.
533
:That's a good question, and it's great
that great minds think alike, too,
534
:that we have a similar philosophy.
535
:I like that.
536
:Joshua: Yeah, absolutely.
537
:Matthew: Yeah, so reaching that
potential and understanding your
538
:own strength can be one of the most
difficult things that a person can do.
539
:There are going to be days
where you feel it fully.
540
:There are days where you're going to
just lay in bed and say, "What's the
541
:point of getting out of bed today?
542
:It's just another day."
543
:Reaching that potential is hard and
accepting and understanding that
544
:it's hard is what can help you grow.
545
:I have had stops and starts
with everything over the years.
546
:I've been through my own personal
situations, I've been through traumatic
547
:events that have occurred in my family.
548
:I've had on and off relationships that
have been good, bad, toxic, you name
549
:it, and I've pursued different things.
550
:I've pursued different areas of the
mental health field, even though I
551
:was lucky enough to find my calling
fairly early, that doesn't mean
552
:it was smooth going the whole way.
553
:It certainly wasn't, and I think
recognizing that you're going to go
554
:through those situations, and come
out of it on the other side is very
555
:important, because when you're in those
situations, you don't feel like you're
556
:going to come out on the other side.
557
:Tomorrow's not going to get much better.
558
:Next week's not going to be much better,
or this situation is not going to improve.
559
:I'm going to be stuck at this job for
the next 20 years without any changes,
560
:but then when you get to the other
side, you look back, and it's very, very
561
:infrequent that you're going to say, " Oh,
it happened exactly how I predicted."
562
:Instead, you're going
to be thinking, "Wow.
563
:I got through it and look where I am now,
and look at the strength that I utilized
564
:within myself that at that time, I didn't
feel like I had.", and that's something
565
:I try to keep in mind whenever I'm moving
forward with whatever it is, whether
566
:it's growing my own personal business or
working in the field in general, I try
567
:to sit and think, "What are the things
that I've done, and what are some of the
568
:difficulties that I've overcome?", and
even in those days where it's really hard,
569
:it's okay to be upset and have a bad day.
570
:We all do, but knowing that you can get
through it, and you can move forward
571
:with it, and you can find something
new if you really want to can keep you
572
:going, and that's what keeps me going,
and the good support of my wife, too.
573
:I have to throw her in there as a little
extra bonus because I'm very lucky to
574
:have somebody like that who has knowledge
beyond what I have in different avenues,
575
:especially in the business world.
576
:She's the smart one.
577
:She's the social one.
578
:I'm the mental health guy.
579
:She does everything else, and if it
wasn't for her, and her knowledge,
580
:and her education, I would not even
know half of the things that I know,
581
:so recognizing who in your life can
help you, and who's willing to help
582
:you, which I think there's more people
out there who want to help you than
583
:you think, especially at your toughest
and most difficult periods of time-
584
:Joshua: Yes-
585
:Matthew: So recognize that, and recognize
your strength, and know that you
586
:absolutely can do it, even if there are
those days where it doesn't feel like it.
587
:You'll have days where you feel
like it, and that's when you
588
:strike, when that iron's hot.
589
:Joshua: Yes, and knowing that you
have that circle, those are people
590
:that are willing to help you.
591
:That, sometimes, can be
the biggest obstacle.
592
:I know I surrounded myself with very
toxic people and had to do that exercise
593
:of, "Who do I want to have surrounding
me?", and you have that awesome wife that
594
:does all that, so hi, wife of Matthew's.
595
:Thank you so much for not only
supporting Matthew, but also
596
:making sure that he stays on track.
597
:Matthew: Yes.
598
:Oh, absolutely.
599
:Joshua: Hey, I already knew for a fact
that that was probably what was happening,
600
:so I went ahead and did an assumption.
601
:Matthew, we're at the end of our
time, but I want to give you the last
602
:few minutes to pitch MJM Wellness.
603
:How can people reach out to
you if they're interested?
604
:I know you do some over
the internet calls.
605
:I know that you might be looking in
the near future, possibly, to have
606
:some space that you can meet clients
in person, and maybe you can share
607
:a little bit of that if you can, but
how can people get in touch with you?
608
:I'm going to give you the last
few minutes to share all that.
609
:Matthew: My website is mjmwellnessny.com,
and you can go on there and you
610
:can actually schedule appointments
directly through there for individual,
611
:couple, or family counseling.
612
:I also provide simple
15 minute consultations.
613
:There's no cost to those.
614
:That's a chance for us to meet and
just discuss what kind of issues or
615
:concerns you'd like to address in
therapy and see if it's a good fit.
616
:I'm a big believer that you have to
feel comfortable with your therapist
617
:before you continue therapy, so
those little consultations help
618
:people get over some of that stigma
I was talking about previously.
619
:My social media is I have Instagram,
Facebook: MJM Wellness NY.
620
:I keep a blog on my website as well,
where I'm posting different bits of
621
:information about concepts in the mental
health field that might relate to you, or
622
:skills that you can build, anything that
might be helpful, hopefully, with whatever
623
:situation you might be dealing with.
624
:It might prompt you to say, "Hey.
625
:Let me give this guy a call
and see if I can try out a
626
:session and see if it works."
627
:I'm currently doing it
telehealth primarily: video
628
:or phone only is acceptable.
629
:It's nice to see somebody in person,
but not everybody has the capability,
630
:and eventually, yes, we are going
to be having some office space
631
:as well for in person sessions.
632
:Joshua: Wow.
633
:I loved our conversation for the fact
that not only sharing the importance
634
:of why we need to have crisis
counselors, why we need to have therapy,
635
:why small business is important.
636
:You've touched on so many different
subjects, but what I find fascinating
637
:about your story, Matthew, is that all
it took was a few people to surround
638
:you and be like, "I see this in you.
639
:I believe in you.", and I think we
oftentimes don't see that in our
640
:own lives when we see those signs.
641
:We have to be paying attention when those
happen, and I think that you have been
642
:paying attention to not only listen, but
to also help others, and for all those
643
:reasons, thank you so much for being on
Speaking From The Heart, sharing your
644
:story, sharing the fact that your dogs
and your wife keep you sane and the guitar
645
:playing, because I probably wouldn't be
able to do the guitar playing, but I would
646
:love to have a dog, but honestly, I think
that your mission is not only aligned with
647
:what I'm doing, but it's aligned with what
we should all be doing, and I think that
648
:work is so important, so thank you so much
for sharing all of that with us today.
649
:Matthew: Thank you.
650
:It was really wonderful to speak with
you, and it's very nice to connect with
651
:somebody who has a similar philosophy
and worldview on things, because it
652
:always makes you feel like we're all
going in the right direction together.
653
:Joshua: Absolutely.
654
:We are definitely doing
that, so thank you, Matthew.
655
:I want to thank Matthew again for being
part of the show, and I really appreciate
656
:therapists all across the world that have
a variety of different clients, whether
657
:they are helping them with specific
needs, whether that is an individual,
658
:group setting, or even a completely
different type of situation overall,
659
:which I've been having the privilege
of meeting so many different types of
660
:therapists through this show, being
able to share their perspective, but I
661
:think we have to learn that with each
perspective, though, it creates a content.
662
:It creates an opportunity to engage in
a way that maybe sometimes isn't so easy
663
:to do, because we have to remove those
barriers, especially if we need a CISM
664
:to help us; really, a crisis intervention
team to come in and save us when the
665
:world is falling all apart, when it's
falling all around us, especially when
666
:it comes to substance abuse, alcohol,
and especially even in cases where I've
667
:been through, mental health crises,
and I think that's really the biggest
668
:thing about this, is that you don't know
what you're necessarily walking into
669
:and Matthew talked a lot about those
different aspects, even with some of
670
:the clients that he has worked with.
671
:Being able to blend those problems that
everybody has and dealing with them,
672
:especially with the way that privacy
and even HIPAA laws are, especially
673
:in the United States, or anywhere in
the world for that matter protecting
674
:confidentiality, means that we have to
learn to understand some of the problems
675
:that we have with some people without
being able to reference it with somebody
676
:else, which in a way, is a handicap if
you think about it, but at the same time,
677
:do I want everybody to know my business
when it comes to what I'm dealing with?
678
:With everything that I might
have as problems, especially
679
:trying to move forward?
680
:Really, it's about understanding
what is the association.
681
:Who are the people that we can really
confidently talk to, to be able to
682
:work through a variety of different
problems that we might have in our life?
683
:It means being able to start with the
context of what we're trying to work
684
:through, which sometimes we even don't
know, even as coaches, or even therapists
685
:for that matter, and I really envy the
fact that we have to work through all
686
:those things to have us understand how we
can create those best relationships, have
687
:confidence to work with these individuals,
but be determined to see what their
688
:progress will be at the end of the day.
689
:It's really about helping them
get through some of the things
690
:that might be on their mind.
691
:I've always been interested as one of
those people looking afar about playing
692
:the guitar, maybe sing a little bit of
karaoke if I can get my voice up to a
693
:better range, but even more importantly,
I want to learn ways in which I can take a
694
:step back, which even in my own life, even
during these summer months, I'm trying
695
:to do a lot better about doing that.
696
:Although, sometimes the demands of
even the business, let alone even
697
:a full time job, can keep me quite
busy trying to be able to do that,
698
:but it's all about perspective.
699
:It's all about trying to understand and
learn how we can create those balances
700
:in our life, whether it is work and life.
701
:Reaching out, especially not being
shy about exposing those details
702
:that we really need to be working on,
those minute aspects, are something
703
:that I think Matthew and I really
have a good understanding about.
704
:I think that we have to understand,
though, that some people are not prepared
705
:to have those kinds of conversations,
let alone even work through some of those
706
:situations, because they're afraid of what
it looks like to be on the other side.
707
:They're afraid of what it might mean
to be able to work through some of
708
:those problems, and especially talking
to someone that you might not have
709
:ever met before can be some of the
most challenging things that you ever
710
:experience, especially when working with
somebody that seems like they might know
711
:what they're doing, but maybe they don't
quite get everything that you're supposed
712
:to be knowing about them as a whole,
which is really why I'm listening to
713
:you, my listeners, about the importance
of not only exposing what that looks
714
:like, not only understanding what it
means to work through some of those
715
:problems, but in reality, you have to
be not shy, and be able to reach out
716
:to others to help you get to that other
side, so there's really a duality of
717
:being not afraid of what you have going
on in your life, but at the same time,
718
:being able to communicate that, which
are two separate actions in themselves.
719
:Even for me in the coaching
industry, I have to dig deep.
720
:Sometimes some of the things that we
are actually saying about ourselves
721
:might not actually be the truth, the
reality of what's really important.
722
:It might even be something
completely different.
723
:Sometimes the people that I work with
have some type of executive functioning
724
:happening, in which people have to be able
to make some kind of decision about what
725
:they would need to do in their life, and
sometimes making that choice, being able
726
:to work through some of those situations
are the most difficult things that they
727
:have ever experienced in their life.
728
:I know for myself, that for even
the clients that I've worked with,
729
:which have ranged from all kinds of
various situations in the workplace,
730
:to even in their personal life, trying
to make choices that will better
731
:engage them for the future, means
that they have to keep working past
732
:what they might be struggling with.
733
:It also means understanding how to
create that excitement of value, showing
734
:them that when they get to that other
side, that they're going to have a
735
:path of freedom that they otherwise
would have never experienced, so for my
736
:listeners today, I have to challenge you.
737
:What are some ways in which you are
creating that freedom in your life?
738
:Even if it means just freeing up an
hour a day to work on something that
739
:you haven't been doing for quite a
long time; maybe studying for your next
740
:degree, maybe working on that promotion.
741
:That means that you have to spend
a little bit more time with some of
742
:your co workers, some of the people to
get to know them a little bit better,
743
:but maybe it even means working on
your budget so that you can plan
744
:more effectively financially for the
things that are ahead of you overall.
745
:That path to move forward also means that
you have to look at where we all stand
746
:in society, which, even in the United
States, there's a stigma about veterans
747
:and being able to help them with their
mental health, and I know of many people
748
:that have been working on that avenue.
749
:Even locally, I have to thank
Shaina McDonald of the Interseeding
750
:Foundation for even exposing me
to some of the different things
751
:that her foundation deals with.
752
:Being able to provide an avenue for first
responders, veterans of the military, to
753
:allow them to bring even their families,
significant others, to be able to expose
754
:them to what this community means to
be able to have some freedom, some
755
:opportunity to relate to people that
might be going through similar struggles.
756
:She's creating something in that
non-profit locally in the Harrisburg area
757
:that is not only fascinating, but it also
makes me feel that there's a lot more work
758
:that we could be doing to support veterans
and their overall situations, but really,
759
:what's missing from this whole entire
conversation that we even talk about even
760
:in this episode is about support systems.
761
:Finding a way to be heard, whether it's
on a stage in public speaking, or even
762
:just being heard across the room from
somebody that you should have been talking
763
:to this whole entire time about the
problems that you're facing means that you
764
:have to find a strategy that works best.
765
:In public speaking, I always talk
about the importance of even having
766
:your story ready to be talked about.
767
:Having that connection with your audience,
so that you can work and interweave,
768
:whether it's for informational, or
persuasive purposes, or some other
769
:means, to be able to help them see
what you're trying to do, because even
770
:if you say something that's on your
mind, I know what you're thinking.
771
:"Am I being judged for who I am?"
772
:"Do they think less of me because
of what I'm going through?"
773
:"Does it really mean that I have to
be able to unlock the abilities that
774
:I have lying dormant inside of myself,
to be able to then make that message
775
:become more effective?", and the answer
is, as long as you practice it, as long
776
:as you keep working on that craft that
you believe in, nothing is impossible.
777
:Even if you have to keep on starting
over, and keep on stopping, in order
778
:to work through some of the pitfalls,
or some of the roadblocks that come
779
:up, it's about moving forward, but
it's also recognizing that sometimes we
780
:need that help when it counts the most.
781
:You know, I've been asked quite a
lot about the importance of why I do
782
:this show, and why I keep bringing
on people that have all kinds of
783
:similar messages, because it's to
reinforce the same sort of concerns
784
:that I know that we are all facing.
785
:Whether we say it out loud or not,
it's really up to you, but I think
786
:it's also important for us to
recognize the discussion that we can
787
:have to work through some of these
troubles, to work through some of the
788
:difficulties that we have despite the
HIPAA laws that might be in place.
789
:We need to form communities that associate
with each other, and whether we like it
790
:or not, there is a stigma about getting
help which we need to break today.
791
:Even if it is just a therapist that you're
seeking to give you more advice in terms
792
:of how you can work through some of your
past troubles, or even a coach that can
793
:help you dig even deeper and help you
strategize and move forward with a plan
794
:that allows you to be more accountable,
but also more importantly, have a
795
:plan to put in place for some of the
things that you might be going through.
796
:I think that's the best step forward,
allowing yourself to be heard, because
797
:there's no judgment, and there never
has been any judgment for that matter.
798
:All you have to say is,
"Yes, I'm ready for it."
799
:"Yes, I'm willing to work on
myself, and my voice, and my ability
800
:to keep moving myself forward."
801
:I have to keep learning, whether it's
through mental health crises, substance
802
:abuse, or even alcohol, regardless of who
I have surrounding me in my community.
803
:I just have to keep learning about the
fact that it's about exposing what is
804
:in our insides to the whole world to see
on the outside, and not being afraid of
805
:what the consequences look like, because
when we are not afraid anymore to show
806
:that true power, imagine the unlimited
possibilities that come unlocked with
807
:it, and oh yes, when we're finally heard,
nothing will ever stand in our way, and
808
:even, we might gain an association with
some people that respect us a lot better.
809
:Thanks for listening to episode
number 130 of Speaking From the
810
:Heart, and I look forward to
hearing from your heart, very soon.
811
:Outro: Thanks for listening.
812
:For more information about our podcast
and future shows, search for Speaking From
813
:The Heart to subscribe and be notified
wherever you listen to your podcasts.
814
:Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz
for more information about potential
815
:services that can help you create
the best version of yourself.
816
:See you next time.
