Episode #137 - Avoidance Is Not A Deterrent

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 137 of Speaking from the Heart,

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and I know that conversation that

you've been always wanting to have

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with me is about ready to happen.

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Is it, or is it not?

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Maybe you've been putting off

something that you really needed to

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tell someone for so long, but you're

afraid of what that reaction might be.

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Maybe you already have in your head what

that outcome is, and you're afraid of

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actually going ahead and talking about

it, because having that conversation,

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let alone even having that encounter,

could be a very big, scary task in

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itself, and maybe having that idea of

what you want to say isn't really coming

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to mind because the words that you're

trying to utilize, the things that

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you need to say, are not even coming

together for you to be able to tell that

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other person what is really important.

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Today's episode goes right to the

heart of what really is the problem:

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you've been avoiding it, and avoidance

is not the deterrent to be able to do

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the things that you need to do in your

life to achieve that best version,

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let alone have the relationships,

confidence, and determination to keep

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carrying forward in your overall life.

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I have known many people, even some

clients of mine for that matter, that have

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put off that all important conversation,

that one thing that they need to have

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with somebody else, because they're

afraid of what they will say about them.

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It's been many years now since I've

been over my situation that I have

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been through, all because I didn't

want to have a conversation to myself,

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of all people, about myself, of what

needed to be done in order to change

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the outcome of a variety of different

failures that happened in my life.

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As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for

approaching and dealing with those

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conversations that I need to have, and

that I still continue to have, I would

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not be the person that I am today.

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I think that some words of wisdom

for you to hear a little bit about

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my experiences, which is why today's

episode, unlike lectures that I usually

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give, are going to go in a different

kind of direction, because I want to

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demonstrate to you why putting off that

all important conversation could not only

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hurt you, but could break you as well.

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Let's start with the business aspect.

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There's been many different times

in my life that I always thought

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that putting off a conversation

might be to my advantage.

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I might be able to give them some time.

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I might be able to give them some

opportunity to think on their own.

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They might even be able to have an

understanding, or a different kind

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of direction, that they might need to

have, if they're just willing to think

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out what are some of the things that

I have been talking about with them so

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that they can make a big difference.

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Who am I talking about?

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Prospective clients.

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I've had a few of them that have reached

out to me, asking me for what kind of

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service that I provide, giving them a

proposal after we have our conversation,

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and not hearing from them ever again.

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Follow up, after follow up, after

follow up, which I only give three

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of them, will understand to me

that they are not interested in

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my service, but I put that aside.

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I give it a shot, knowing that I needed

to have that conversation, and I attempted

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it, but the other person wasn't ready.

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That might be one type of situation

that you might face, where even if

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you try to say what's on your mind,

maybe you have something that you need

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to say, but yet that situation will

never play out because the other person

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doesn't want to meet you halfway.

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That might be one potential

outcome that you might face.

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Situation number two comes from the

fact that in my life, I've had a variety

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of different situations happen with

just people I thought were friends.

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Once I actually reach out to them after

I see what they have been punishing

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me on and Facebook or social media

for that matter, and ask them, "Hey!

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Why don't you talk to me instead of

talking to all these other people?", and

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again, they have the hesitancy of not

responding, but then they come back to

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me, which is always the most interesting

part of it all, and they tell me, "Josh.

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You're just not who I thought you were.

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I don't think you're a very good person.",

and that, is really the most shameful

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thing that I could hear from anybody else;

even people that I thought I could trust.

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I've even had people that have just

completely avoided the conversation

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to then say later on, "Yeah.

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You threatened me, and I didn't like how

you threatened me, and I didn't like how

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you talked to me.", and then I go, "In

what way did I threaten you?", and then

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they don't have any rebuttal; no response.

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To me, I think those sort of conversations

in situation number two, come from the

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fact that maybe it's the way in which

I'm approaching that conversation.

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Maybe I should have been a better team

player, or maybe had identified with

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what that person was going through before

I responded the way I did, but even

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with all the facts that I could ever be

presented with, with all the information

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that could ever be consumed, with all

the different types of research that I am

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able to muster together in order to make

an informative decision, unfortunately,

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the one variable in it comes from people,

even those that you really thought you

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could trust, that would never be able

to learn from your mistakes, let alone,

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even your opinions of what's going on.

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Situation number two happens

quite a lot also, because some

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people don't know what they want.

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Situation number three.

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I've had it in my life, even growing

up, where all the people trying to

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tell me what was going on, what was

happening in my life, and what I should

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do about it, were being completely

ignored by me, so instead of the other

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person avoiding me, I'm avoiding them.

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I'm putting off the truth.

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I'm putting off what I should have been

listening to this whole entire time.

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I should have been working on myself.

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I should have been working so hard

so that I could be able to learn and

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grow in a variety of different things

that I could achieve, not just in

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the academic sense, which was the

biggest focus of my life growing

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up, but also the relationship sense.

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Being able to fall in love.

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Being able to have kids.

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Being able to have the opportunity

to share my life with someone

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that values me the most.

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Because of my avoidance and not

working on myself, despite the numerous

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individuals that came up to me, I

wanted to listen so badly that the truth

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scared me even more and I ran away.

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That was situation number three that

might happen in your life quite often.

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No matter which way you look at it,

whether you are on the opposite end or

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you're the one that's responsible; maybe

you fall in between trying your very

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best, but you can't make any headway.

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What do you ever do, especially if

you're trying to avoid the situations

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that are happening in your life?

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How can you possibly keep moving

forward with the change that you need

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to make, time and time again, in order

to take care of yourself, but also make

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meaningful progress towards your goals?

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It's been interesting to do this podcast

because I've given you a lot of different

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suggestions on other shows, so let me

recap a few of those for those that are

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just coming in since episode 100, which

even if you've been coming in since today,

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I appreciate you being able to join me

in this adventure of self development.

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Lesson number one has been maybe you

could just avoid it altogether, but

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that's what we're talking about today,

and I don't think that's really a good

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idea, especially since this episode

is all about learning how to talk to

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those people, and maybe address those

situations, so that's not a good idea.

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We've talked about how you should learn,

in lesson number two, writing down what

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you really find to be the most purpose

driven life so that you can have your

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goals; being able to use your goals so

that you have a roadmap towards success,

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which then means that you might have

to actually talk to someone instead

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of avoiding them in the first place.

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Well, there you go.

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That might work, but

there's one big problem.

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You still have to worry about what

the other person might say or do.

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Lesson number two, although might

be a little bit better than lesson

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number one, still doesn't quite reach

the mark of where we need to be.

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Lesson number three is

about sensing the energy.

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We've had plenty of guests on the show

that have talked about their energy

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patterns and being able to utilize

them for their best versions of

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themselves, let alone their clients.

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We've had so many people that have talked

about how you can even organize, maybe

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even push the needle forward in the

things that you can entrepreneurially

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do, but there's one big problem with

that too, in lesson number three.

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Energy comes from all different places

in life, and maybe the energy that you're

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sensing isn't necessarily the precursor

to the conversation that you need to

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have, let alone even with the person

that you're trying to deal with, but also

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the people that you deal with inside.

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The psychic aspects of your own mental

acuity to be able to create those awesome

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conversations that you need to have,

so this lesson, in itself, still isn't

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quite hitting the mark of where you need

to be, but still making you one step

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closer to where you need to be; where

you could possibly be: not avoiding it.

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Yet, there's one more thing that I

haven't thought about yet, which goes

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all the way back to an episode in

which I talked about the lighthouse.

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If you remember that fateful episode

in which the image of that lighthouse

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is still available, I would love for

you to go check out my watercolor

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that I did in that mental institution

that I did back all those years ago.

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It's about what you can see in the

distance, that opportunity that

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might exist, that you never thought

you could ever achieve, but yet,

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it could be achievable today if you

just change your thoughts, patterns,

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emotions, mental energies, your

acuity, your ability to associate with

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others, but more importantly, work on

yourself to be the guiding light of

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all guiding lights for other people.

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If you could strive towards that, that

could be one way so that you never have

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to avoid another conversation again.

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They will literally come to you,

because you have finally worked

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yourself out of the situations, or

the people, or the places, that have

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put you there in the first place.

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Congratulations!

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You might have actually achieved not

avoiding a person, but, even then, you

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had to know that there had to be a but.

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There's always a but in everything

that you're trying to do, if you allow

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that but to hold you back, because

you're essentially putting conditions

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on something that should have never,

ever gotten to the place it was at.

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Putting off a conversation in order to

have it with someone so that they know

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exactly where you're coming from has

been one of the pivotal parts of many

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parts of different episodes that I've

had about this conversation of addressing

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not only the cruciality of it, but also

getting to the heart; being able to

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share that meaning, but it'll also grow

within yourself, whether it's even from

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a castle that you've built, going back

to episode 135, but I think that we have

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to understand that if we continue to

avoid the growth potential, let alone

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even the difficult conversations that

we need to have in life, we will never

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be able to achieve, let alone unlock,

the hidden potential that we have inside

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of ourselves, because instead of, "What

if?", we're always going to be asking,

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"Why didn't I do this in the first place?"

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I think we have this challenging

fear within ourselves to be able to

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overcome what might be holding us back.

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It's really the epiphany of all self

development that you would hear from

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anybody else that is an authority, let

alone even an expert, on the subject,

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but we're never going to be experts.

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Joe Schmoe over here, your podcast

host, has many different theories of how

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you can avoid how to do, what you need

to do, because you keep on putting it

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off, but it's really about having the

understanding of creating that change.

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Instead of avoiding that change; actually

putting time inside yourself so that

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you can have that self care, instead of

making those ill fated choices that you

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should have never made in the first place.

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Remember those examples from earlier?

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They all happened at various phases

of my life, even way before I tried to

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hurt myself all these years ago now, but

what I've learned from those experiences

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and what I've been able to unlock, even

inside myself, on the door of opportunity

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in which I have my hand on, I know that

freedom comes from not just overcoming the

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avoidance factor, not just understanding

that fear can be a motivation, not a

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drawback, but that when you are able to

let go of whatever it is that is holding

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you back from being able to do what

you need to do, it doesn't become big.

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It doesn't become scary.

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It becomes potential.

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I would love anything more in this

world that we unlock our potential.

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People have not been able to do

that because we've been held back

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by many different factors, including

even economical for that matter, but

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development doesn't come from economics.

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It comes from within ourselves, so saying

that money holds us back is just a facade.

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It doesn't allow us to really see what is

really on the other side of that door if

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we're able to unlock it; to just be able

to put our hand on the knob to turn it.

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We cannot be fearful of what we can

become by just avoiding as our only

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deterrent, because it's never a

deterrent to be able to be fearful of

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your whole entire existence, let alone

the hidden potential and the ability

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to be able to have a voice in this ever

changing world, because if you keep on

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avoiding, you will keep on not growing.

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If you keep on avoiding, you will

not see the best version of yourself,

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and, if you keep avoiding, nobody,

not even a coach, can help you.

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Do not let money hold you back.

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Do not let other people tell you that

you are not able to overcome, but by

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all means, by anything else that I could

ever say on this show today, it's this.

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Avoidance is not only a deterrent that

you shouldn't use, but it should not

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even exist in your vocabulary, anymore.

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I've always said that it's about finding

a coach, and I've even talked about in

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a recent episode about the importance of

having a coach even when things are good.

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This is the time in which you should

be able to find someone so that they're

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able to allow you to not avoid the

problem that you might be facing anymore.

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This is the reason why self

development can happen.

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If you decide to stop holding

yourself back, so today, I want

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you to take that first step and

stop avoiding once and for all.

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It can be so small, it can be so

insignificant, maybe to you today, but

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that significance is not measured by the

things that you do, the number of them.

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It's by the quality of what you're able

to do, and I think that having that

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conversation with someone that you've been

putting off for the longest time, so that

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you stop avoiding it, is the best step,

whether you think it's insignificant or

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not, to move in a direction that allows

you to be the best version of yourself.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 137 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.