Episode #139 - My House, My Rules!

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode number

139 of Speaking from the Heart, and

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now that you're on my podcast, let's

set a couple ground rules for today.

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First off, everything

that I say, you must do.

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Ground rule number two, make sure that

you leave a tip after this episode

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so that I know that you actually

listened to it, and that's an order.

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I better see your names in not only those

tips that you're giving me, but also

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make sure that donation that you're going

to give me, has a lot of dollar signs

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behind it, and oh, number three, make

sure that you share it to every single

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person that is on your friends list,

whether it's on Facebook, whether it's

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your followers on X, whether it's even the

people that listen to your TikTok videos.

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I want to make sure that I see

Speaking From The Heart spread all

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across, otherwise, I'm coming for ya.

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Now, come on.

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You know me.

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I'm kidding around, or am I?

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I feel that we have rules that we

have to follow, especially when we're

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at the jurisdiction of someone else,

whether we're living with them, whether

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we are working for them, whether

we're doing something else that is

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some sort of contractual agreement.

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We have to set a parameter of a variety of

different rules; different opportunities

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for us to excel, but are those really

the rules, the things that we should be

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setting up, especially if it seems like

we're being a little bit over demanding?

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In today's episode, let's tackle

that subject of how many rules are

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really necessary for us to really get

on board, especially when it comes

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to following someone else's lead.

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I don't know about you, but I feel like

we are in a society of just having to

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follow so many different types of rules.

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There's rules about how we file our

taxes, how we even deal with the grocery

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store of what kinds of items we need to

pick up, because we can only pick up a

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certain number according to store policy.

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Using even coupons, being able to address

a variety of different traffic laws, a

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lot of different aspects of flying that

we have to abide by, especially when

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we're traveling all by ourselves, even

getting our passports renewed, even

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dealing with insurance, environmental

issues; you name it, there's always a

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set of rules that we have to follow,

and before you start emailing me

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at podcast@yourspeakingvoice.biz,

about how many rules that you need

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to follow, let's get to the point.

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The real thing is is that these rules

really help us to understand, on a common

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playing field, how we move forward, not

just on our own ability to co-exist, but

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to make sure we bring order from chaos.

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Do we go a little bit overboard with

the expectations that we need to have?

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Absolutely.

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I can't tell you how many people

in my life have told me that I need

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to do XYZ, but yet it didn't make

any sense whatsoever to do XYZ, and

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you should have done ABC instead.

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Heck, I've even had landlords have told

me I need to make sure that not only

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should I clean up after myself, but

you better do it on the 10th day at 10

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o'clock PM, otherwise, I'm coming after

you and I'm adding more to your rent,

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and that seems a little crazy in itself.

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Why would you charge more rent,

when I have already done the

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things that you've asked me to do?

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That's absurd, but yet, we have people

that even do this on a day to day basis,

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and they get away with it, because

we don't find our voice to stand up.

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It's even sad.

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I've seen Undercover Boss episodes, the

most famous TV show, I would say, that

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put exposure to the different types of

bosses that we can have, and especially

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the disgruntled type of employees that we

even engage with on a day to day basis of

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what it means to actually be a really good

boss, or even be a terrible boss overall.

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Now, of course, they're going to

paint themselves very professionally.

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They are multi-level corporation by

all necessary means, but I've even seen

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government even featured within Undercover

Boss that has allowed other people to be

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exposed for even what taxpayers are being

utilized for all the money that is being

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wasted, but yet, you have to think about

the fact that even though that the rules

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are there to be able to help us all grow,

it doesn't mean it gives you a free pass

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to always come down on someone, even if

they violated the rule in the slightest,

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and if the rule is always being violated,

is the rule really good, or should it be

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looked at to see if it can be enhanced?

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Time and time again, I've even seen

some businesses I have worked with start

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to work on this process as a whole.

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I've even have talked to some people

that have been very disgruntled.

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People that are looking for new

jobs that have been clients of

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mine are looking for a new path.

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They're trying to figure out a way

in which this big world of all kinds

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of rules and regulations can be

navigated, despite the fact that it

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can be challenging to even understand

where they fit in the first place.

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These rules that we oftentimes set for

each other have unintended consequences

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that we normally don't think out.

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Now, I have to also thank my liberal arts

education to allow me to really see that

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there's more than what just meets the eye.

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There are consequences if we're not able

to understand what the true implications

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of some of these rules that we make have,

and if we don't figure out what those

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differing beliefs are, if we don't do our

research as it relates to why those rules

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are terrible in the first place, we're

never going to be able to succeed, whether

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it's in personal, or professional, or

even business development for that matter.

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The truth of the matter is, rules aren't

always meant to be broken either, so the

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question becomes: When is it okay to break

a rule when you know that it's absolutely

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wrong, and you need to be able to stand

up for yourself, or, if that person,

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or that place, that you work at, is so

unreasonable that they will never be able

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to change what they have going on, how

can you keep moving forward, but also walk

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away knowing that you need to be able to

send a very powerful message to them that

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what they're doing is absolutely wrong?

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This whole concept we've seen it

in the news about whistleblowers.

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We've even seen it not only in

corporations with even famous scandals

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for that matter that have radically

transformed the environment in which

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we are able to operate in from a

financial perspective, but we've

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also seen it in government itself.

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The IRS even being called out for

politicizing a lot of different

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things that they've been doing to not

only normal taxpayers, but to other

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people that have special interests.

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Where does the line get drawn, and

where's the accountability begin?

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That is always the overarching question

that we have to keep asking ourselves,

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especially when the tough rules have to

be followed, and yet, we give ourselves

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some grace knowing that sometimes we

do it, and we do it unintentionally.

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I think that when we have differing

beliefs of what things need to be

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done in order to continue to grow, we

have to also look at the other side.

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We need to be able to have a dialogue

as to why this role is really important,

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and if the rule isn't necessary,

get rid of it; and if the role is

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necessary, what are the safeguards

to ensure that the rule is followed?

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Sure, we have police protection.

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We have rules that are being enforced

by the police departments across the

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nation, but yet, even with police

enforcement, rules are always broken.

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Even with regulatory bodies that

do audits, and even understand the

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importance of accountability and

compliance, things are still missed.

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Is it really intentional for someone

to break a rule when they really are

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trying their best to follow it, but

yet at the same time, there isn't

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really any guidance to help them set

that standard that they need to have?

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In other words, what is the roadmap that

we need to be following just to make

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sure that we have those rules, so that

we are able to understand them, and hold

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each other accountable for that matter?

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I think that we have to learn to be

able to have an ongoing conversation,

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which I've even talked about in other

episodes the importance of not giving up

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the fight for making sure that we have

a voice at the table, but sometimes that

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voice at the table gets drowned out by

all the other things that we need to do.

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It gets drawed out from all the things

that are happening amongst the chaos of

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all the other things that are going wrong.

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Being able to put our focus and

attention on certain things so

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that we're continuously growing and

prospering can be a very difficult,

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challenging process in itself.

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I can understand completely why it's

so hard for some people to be able

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to follow along, while others, it's

no problem whatsoever, which begs the

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question, can rules be equal to all?

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It's a societal question.

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It's something that we are struggling

with on the day to day, trying to

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figure out what's the best balance so

that we're able to thrive, but also

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not segregate, even demoralize, even

prosecute people that should have never

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been prosecuted in the first place.

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It means examining what has been

happening in the past, thinking about

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what the rules are now, and whether

those rules are really needed for us

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to continue moving in the direction

that we need to be moving in.

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I think for people, especially

that are neurodivergent, which we

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haven't even started to talk about

yet, have a whole other perspective.

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They know that if they miss the mark,

they're going to have overexertion

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of not only the things that they feel

about themselves, but also because they

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missed the mark of what they should have

been doing with following the rules.

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They're not feeling good about

themselves, let alone even feeling

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good, both physically and mentally,

to keep moving forward, and that can

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create havoc in so many different ways.

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My house, my rules.

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It sounds as if we are so entitled

when we say that, to feel like we have

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to follow every single nuance of what

someone is saying, but yet, when we

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try to have a voice, and when we try

to stand up, it's often broken down.

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It's even thrown away from ever

being heard, and that's such a shame.

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I know that for many of you that are

hurting because you might have been

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the victim of a rule that you didn't

understand, or maybe didn't really grasp,

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and yet, you got fired, you might've

been demoted, you might've been even

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pushed out of a project as a punishment,

amongst any other kind of punishment,

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that makes you feel inadequate.

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It makes you almost feel like you

can't even make any difference.

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I know people that have taken it so

badly when they have done something

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wrong and they didn't even realize

that that they did something wrong,

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that they really try to have a voice.

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They try to argue their position, but

yet that other person that is making that

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authoritative decision doesn't care, and

when we don't care, we're not listening,

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especially in this ever changing world

that we live in, in which even my own

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business, Your Speaking Voice, LLC,

talking about even the things that we

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say and do sometimes are disregarded.

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Even other organizations, which I've even

talked about in this show: Someone To

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Tell It To, an organization close to me

here in the Harrisburg Capital Region of

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Pennsylvania, even works on compassionate

listening; being able to understand

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and grow in ways in which we would have

never ever grown in the first place.

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Life coaches that live even close to

me, working on their craft, making other

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people feel like they have a voice to

be heard, and rationalizing the ways

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in which they're able to move through

the problems that they have, both

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personally, but even with a professional

coach, somebody that's working on

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career counseling, even somebody

that is dealing with your business.

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The things that we do, the passions

that we have, but yet the determination

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that we want to have to continue

moving forward, requires us to follow

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rules that we often don't agree with.

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How do you walk away and even deal with

all the things that might be wrong with

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a rule, and yet keep moving forward?

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Now, if you think that I'm going to

end this episode by saying, "Yes.

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You need to be compliant with it.", you're

absolutely wrong and I think that you and

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need to understand that sometimes just

sucking it up and thinking that you need

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to just deal with it is some old thinking

that comes from a previous generation

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of individuals that had no choice.

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They decided to have no choice, but in

the 21st century today, we do have a

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choice, but it's the way in which you

handle it, which is what makes a big

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difference, and as if there is anybody

on this show that we've ever had that

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have broken the mold, I know that they

will continue to share the stories that

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they have, because it comes in all shapes

and sizes, and what those experiences

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are, even of people like myself that

have shared countless, numerous stories

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of individuals that have hurt me, have

even persecuted me because I did not

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follow their rules, doesn't mean that

they get a free ticket to continuously

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harass or even denigrate myself, or in

your situation, your whole entire life.

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As I've even have put it to one client

of mine, you have a choice to make

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every single time as to whether you

want to accept that opportunity for

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you to discuss those situations that

come up, or deal with the positive

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contributions that you can have

to be able to keep moving forward.

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When we talk about handling it

positively, know that it's not just

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about what kind of research that you do.

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It's It doesn't matter what

you might say in a way in which

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it might be well articulated.

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If you have the undertone that you are

a mean son of a bitch, and you don't

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care about what that other person has in

terms of the rules that they're trying to

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share, you're going to fail every single

time, even if they are a son of a bitch.

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They might be the meanest person that

you've ever met, but there's a reason

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for it, and I ask you today to find

that reason, and if they're not willing

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to open up, it's time to walk away,

because you have that choice as well.

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We live in a society in which it was

built upon the fact that we've been

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able to work together, and I find still

that we are not working together in

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the way in which we should be doing.

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If we're ever going to grow, not only as

individuals, not only as businesses, not

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even in all the things that we are doing

for our family, for our charities, for all

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the services that we provide, we have to

learn to be able to open our mouths and

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have that conversation, and even with the

rules that might be different, just know

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that you have a choice as to whether you

want to live a life in which you want to

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be able to feel like you're acknowledged.

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It doesn't give you a free ticket, always,

to be able to roam free, and think that

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you can violate every single rule, but

yet, when the rules that you think should

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be changed, and should be heard, are not

being listened to, that's why we have a

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set of guidelines in terms of how we can

appeal and even challenge for that matter.

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We should never lose the ability to

continue the conversation though, so I

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ask you today, even if you have all these

rules that you have to follow, are they

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worth it, or is it something that you

need to change in your life so that you no

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longer are binded by those rules, so that

you feel better about where you're heading

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in terms of your path of self development,

or even better yet, addressing the

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things that might be limiting you,

so that you are no longer limited?

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My house, my rules, doesn't always equate

to the fact that they need to be followed.

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They just need to be respected, and that

is a big difference when we're talking

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about this overall subject, but when all

else fails and you walk away, and you

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learn that you understand a lot better

now why that person felt the way they

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do, just remember that the growth that

you've achieved, whether you believed

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in it or not, and whether you felt that

they did not set a good example for the

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respect that you deserved, know that you

will be in that position one day, and

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you will have a choice: Do you want to be

that person that is very dictatorial in

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terms of the process and procedures, or

are you going to be fair and democratic?

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Be willing to listen, take a vote, and

figure out what's the best, for not just

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yourself, but for everyone else, but it

all starts not just with talking about it,

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but opening your mindset to the endless

possibilities that it isn't about the

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physical sense of how we live our rules,

but how we grow alongside of them as well.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 139 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.