Episode 176
Episode #171 - Creating A Whole New Beginning
Starting over, especially when you have not chosen to, can be very difficult without strong assistance and help. The “voice” that we often think that we have in the process of change is overextended, feels strained, and more than likely, is not the kind of situation which we want to be involved in. Today’s episode explores the enduring question of how we can start over, but from the perspective of having a new beginning. Moving forward is normally the immediate answer that comes to mind, but it is not that simple for many different types of situation. Finding your beginning means not only your purpose, but expanding what creativity lies inside of you to expand your infinite world of possibilities.
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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs
Transcript
Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and
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:determination all converge into
an amazing, heartfelt experience.
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:This is Speaking From The Heart.
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:Joshua: Welcome back to episode
number 171 of Speaking From the Heart.
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:Today, we're going to talk about how you
start over, and I know that this topic
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:is probably very timely, especially
for those that might be heading into
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:Thanksgiving with a sense of worry, with
a sense of uncertainty, with a sense
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:of wondering how you might be received
at the Thanksgiving table this year,
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:because you might have been through
quite a lot of different changes.
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:Maybe there are some things that
were so dramatic that happened this
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:year that you feel like the dinner
table, where you're going to be eating
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:Thanksgiving dinner at, is going to
be a little bit different this year.
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:It might not be around the same
people that you used to hang around.
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:Maybe there are other people that
are joining you for the first time,
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:not knowing who you are, not sure of
what to expect from you, and maybe
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:you've heard some things about you
that are not true; they're just simply
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:false, and I know that, especially
with this imposter syndrome that we
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:have in Thanksgiving world, we often
have to change our perspectives.
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:We have to change our ways in
which we engage with people.
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:We have to put on a different face,
get a different mask, if you will, but
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:in this episode today, I really want
to get to the heart of how you can
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:push forward, but also know that there
needs to be an extension of a hand
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:being reached out, helping you to get
to that next level, to help you feel
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:like you're not overextending yourself,
feeling strained, because being able to
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:start over, being able to create that
new beginning, is quite a lot of work.
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:Some people think that it's just about
snapping your fingers, pushing aside
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:what has happened in the past, and moving
forward, but it's not quite like that.
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:Finding normalcy, finding something in
which you can hold on to, especially
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:when all the tangents, all the different
things that are changing around you are
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:happening, it's not quite easy to portray.
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:There's no immediate answer that
might come to mind either, especially
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:when you're trying to figure out
what it means to hang around these
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:new individuals in your life.
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:What it means to have new routines.
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:Maybe a new job.
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:Maybe you relocated to
a whole other place.
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:Maybe it's some other city.
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:Maybe it's in a whole new country.
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:Regardless of what it is, creating a
new beginning means that you also have
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:to create a new version of yourself,
and ditching what has happened in the
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:past, so that you can find that place
to move forward so that you have that
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:next rung in the ladder in which you're
able to climb, but we have to start
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:somewhere with this conversation,
and there is no better place to start
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:than knowing what your purpose is.
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:Sure.
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:Maybe in your last relationship, maybe
in that big, tumultuous time in your
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:life in which you're moving on from, you
couldn't figure out what that purpose was.
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:You were distracted from the things
that were happening around you.
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:I know for me, especially when I moved
out of my parent's place as soon as I
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:was done with my first master's degree
back in:
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:few months I needed to find a place,
be able to make enough money so that I
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:could pay my student loans, which were
tumultuous in itself, but also feel
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:like I was stable enough to move from
where I was, and find that American
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:dream, being able to live on my own.
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:Little did I know that it came
with a lot more responsibility.
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:Finding out that I needed
to pay for XYZ on my own.
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:Knowing that that sense of loneliness on
some nights was because I didn't have a
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:great network of friends to start out.
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:It also meant that I was learning about
myself in ways that it was challenging
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:me, and my own perspectives, but I
know that even as I've grown older,
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:some of those things can still be a
challenge, and apparently, the economy
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:and the things that have happened in
this world do not make it any easier
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:for somebody that is still trying to
get through the day to day of life.
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:How we were able to build that energy,
that momentum, is really important,
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:especially when we're talking about this
context, because that means that you
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:have to hold on to something: whether
that's your own faith, whether that is
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:something that you are able to see deep
inside yourself so that you are able
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:to move forward, regardless of what it
might mean, expanding that creativity,
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:the positivity that you have inside
yourself, means that you have to get
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:through the valleys that you're crossing
so that you can get to the very top
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:of the mountain where you feel like
you're at your very best, but I digress.
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:My experiences growing up in my 20s,
even into my early 30s, did not make
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:this experience very easy, especially
for a millennial like myself, but even
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:regardless of what you might view it as,
especially from a generational difference,
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:we all know that when we go through
something that is very tough, when it's
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:challenging who we are deep inside of
ourselves, it also means that we have to
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:self reflect on what we've done right,
what we have done wrong, and what we
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:possibly could have done differently in
the first place, so before you even do
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:anything when it comes to sitting down
with others at the Thanksgiving table,
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:think about how you want to be viewed.
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:Knowing your purpose now, especially
after you've been through such a tough
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:period in your life, or have gone through
a great transition, means that you have
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:to create this manifestation on your own.
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:Sure.
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:Coaches like myself can help you with
that exercise, possibly setting goals,
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:possibly helping you to visualize what it
looks like to be on the other side of what
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:you've been through, but more importantly,
being able to move forward past all
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:these different experiences, all these
different types of attitude adjustments,
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:all these different things that can create
manifestations of negativity, mean that
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:you have to now set yourself to higher
limits; to higher aims, if you will, to be
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:able to provide for yourself and yourself.
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:Now you might be asking, "Wait.
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:Did you just repeat yourself?
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:Don't you mean just yourself?"
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:Truth be told, there really are two
different conflicts that are happening,
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:and in psychology, you might have heard of
this from a Sigmund Freud perspective of
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:the id and the ego, and then there's the
superego, and all these different other
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:concepts, but let's just make this simple.
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:There is the version of yourself that
really desires what you really want,
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:whether that is sex, appreciation,
relationships, whatever that might be,
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:but there's also that deeper thought,
that ability to see in yourself what
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:it is that you really want to manifest,
what you really have as higher aims,
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:whether that's from an educational
perspective, whether that's from a job
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:perspective, whether that's even just
the sense of belonging in a familial
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:type of relationship: a husband, a wife,
kids, regardless of what that might be.
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:The concept of being able to manifest
this means that you have to start
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:somewhere, and purpose helps us to
create that context, that direction
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:in which we're able to push, so if
you haven't figured out where you want
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:to push in your life, start simple.
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:Write down what it is that you
really want to live life for.
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:Maybe it is for your kids.
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:Maybe it is for yourself, because
that's all you have to worry about right
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:now because you're young, and that's
perfectly alright too if it's just you.
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:Maybe it's for your dog,
your goldfish perhaps.
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:Regardless of what it might be, we
all have a desire of wanting to go a
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:direction that we always wanted to go.
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:The enduring question of how we start
over means that we also look at not
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:just the purpose, but how much we're
really willing to feed into this.
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:How much are we really able to pour
into the day to day, making ourselves
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:feel better, and better, and better?
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:Different perspectives, especially
traveling across the world, which we
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:just had Monica Mangelson on the show
talking about this in her own digital
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:nomad journey, really exemplifies
how we can even have this from a
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:whole international perspective.
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:If you do have the ability to
travel, go and see how people
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:live different lifestyles.
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:Some of them are living it really
fast, wanting to get a lot done.
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:Some of them are taking it at an average
pace, and then some people are taking it
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:very, very slowly, and there's nothing
wrong with being a little slow to make
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:your point come across, but even then, if
you wanted me to talk at a faster speed,
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:and I'm sure that you really sped up
through that last part, you have to learn
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:how to be able to work at your own pacing.
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:I think that we're always swayed by
what everybody else is doing, thinking
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:that we need to be where they're at, and
that's why when we try to create this
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:manifestation of a new beginning, we
have to go super fast, because we have
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:to catch up to everybody else, but I have
learned, even through my own experiences,
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:that that is not necessarily true.
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:What I thought I had to do over and
over again, especially after I moved
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:out of my parent's place, meant that
I needed to also compensate for all
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:the other things that they were doing
for me, so it did make me slower.
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:I had to learn some of the things
that they've already been doing for
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:many, many, many, many years, and they
didn't learn the same way that I had
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:to learn, because I had to go through
my own hurdles, my own experiences.
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:You see where I'm coming at?
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:We all learn at different rates, because
of all the different things that happen
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:to us, so give yourself some grace.
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:Give yourself that ability to say
that it's okay to go slow through this
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:time period, because, let's face it.
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:We're not super fast sometimes
when we're learning something new.
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:It might take us a few tries
before we actually master it.
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:It might take us a few more obstacles
to overcome, and that other person might
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:have never had to deal with, but yet
we have to deal with it now, because
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:we never learned from our parents, our
grandparents, mentors, coaches, teachers,
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:whoever that might be, and as a result
of that we have to learn some grace.
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:The last thing I have to say about
this subject, which really ties it all
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:together, is that when we are feeling
like the end of the world is happening
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:because we're not getting to where we
need to be, we're not getting to exactly
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:where these situations should have been
in the first place, we have to be able
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:to stop completely, and ask ourselves:
What is it that we need to do now to
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:change our ability so that we are not
leading down that same path that we once
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:were, repeating the same old mistakes
that got us there in the first place?
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:When I tried to end my life almost five
years ago now, I had to relearn many of
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:the things, many of the bad habits, that
I thought were the right things to do.
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:Some of those examples included the way
in which I processed negativity, how
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:I had relationships with women, how I
had to deal with my own struggles of
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:self confidence, imposter syndrome, let
alone my own negativity about what other
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:people would say, think, or do about me,
but also, work through some of the most
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:toughest shit that nobody I would ever
wish on my worst enemy, had to go through.
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:I had to struggle, but I also know that
as I continue to build this whole new
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:beginning for myself, which included
opening this business, extending myself
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:in the podcast, and expanding my ever
growing portfolio of services, I had
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:to learn that it's okay to fail, that
it's okay that people might not agree
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:with me, that it's okay that even
when things are really tough, I know
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:that I can get to the other side.
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:That personal vendetta for myself, which
I thought I had something to prove, was
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:starting to wash away in my own life.
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:Every single time that I took a big step
back, I realized that I was doing the
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:same things that I was doing before.
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:I had to relearn some of those bad
habits so that I could learn good habits
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:to create that new beginning too, but
all that I had to do was make sure
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:that I had the right influences, the
right people, the right words being
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:said to me, but also having an open
heart, and an open mind, to have that
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:willingness to change, and I have to say.
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:If it wasn't for people like you, my
listeners, let alone all the people that
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:I've had on this show, I would not be
half the person that I am today, and
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:that, in itself, shows that progress
comes in many leaps and forms, and no
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:matter what anybody might say to you,
it's okay if you need that extra hand,
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:or that extra extension, to be able
to say to yourself, "You are worthy."
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:I think that we try to aim for perfection
when we try to start over, which is
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:why it's so hard to then get people
on the same page as you, which is why,
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:especially in times like this that we're
going through this year, it can be very
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:tough, and I know that the past few
weeks have been even more challenging
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:for some people over others, because of
not only the things that have happened
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:in this world, especially this past
month, but also how we feel about each
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:other, how we're able to feel like we're
not making any progress, how we can
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:overcome these stereotypical attitudes
and behaviors that we often fall into;
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:that basic primal instinct, but as one
of the things that I've learned about
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:life and even working with my clients,
it's about not only just perspective.
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:It's also about how we can learn from each
other how to become better human beings,
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:giving ourself grace when we're starting
over, but also reflecting on what is
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:right, wrong, and indifferent, so that we
can become better individuals, so that we
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:can become the best versions of ourselves.
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:Whenever you see someone ever in
your life again after listening
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:to today's episode going through a
whole new beginning, do me a favor.
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:Watch them.
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:If they fall, help them
pick themselves back up.
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:If you see them do something wrong,
help them with correcting why that
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:was wrong, and being patient and
kind with them, but also, as Mr.
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:Fred Rogers would say, especially when
he invited others in the neighborhood,
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:have a cup of coffee ready for them.
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:Have tea.
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:Have cookies, regardless of what it is,
have a graceful, charitable heart to be
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:able to share what might come on their
mind, and be simple in terms of the
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:lessons that they can learn from you.
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:Even if you think you have
nothing to share, trust me.
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:You have a lot to share, and as I've even
said on other episodes, what you might
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:have to share on your heart might be much
greater and much bigger, especially as
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:I shared with you in a previous episode
about James Doohan, the character from
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:Star Trek, playing Engineer Scotty, who
is able to share so much perspective, and
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:the fan who has been able to save their
life because of the impact he had, which
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:he didn't even realize he was able to do.
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:That person was able
to restart their life.
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:They were able to ask that question, and
get a whole new beginning, so why not you?
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:If you're one of those that is on the
fence, or you know somebody that's on
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:the fence of wanting to change their
lives, just know that if you create
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:a space, you create an environment in
which they're able to learn from each
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:other, to learn how to grow, to be able
to begin that whole new journey, you're
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:not only doing them a service, but
you're also doing yourself a service.
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:You're helping a whole new generation,
and a whole new set of people, become
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:the best versions of themselves,
and it's pretty damn rewarding when
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:you're able to have that voice that
is saying to yourself, "I am worthy.",
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:instead of saying, "I am not worthy."
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:Who would have ever thought that
characters in our lives, all the people,
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:whether they're past, present, or future,
can have such an immediate impact,
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:because once you find your purpose,
once you figure out what it is that
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:you really want to do, even if you take
a long time to get to it, and even if
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:you have to stop and reflect, remember,
the whole world is your oyster, and I
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:think it's pretty amazing when you find
that pearl inside that oyster that you
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:can show others and be able to help
them become not just better, but also
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:helping them with a hand, extended out,
to carry them wherever they want to go.
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:Thanks for listening to episode
number 171 of Speaking From the
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:Heart, and I look forward to
hearing from your heart very soon.
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:Outro: Thanks for listening.
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:For more information about our podcast
and future shows, search for Speaking From
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:The Heart to subscribe and be notified
wherever you listen to your podcasts.
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:Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz
for more information about potential
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:services that can help you create
the best version of yourself.
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:See you next time.