Episode #171 - Creating A Whole New Beginning

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 171 of Speaking From the Heart.

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Today, we're going to talk about how you

start over, and I know that this topic

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is probably very timely, especially

for those that might be heading into

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Thanksgiving with a sense of worry, with

a sense of uncertainty, with a sense

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of wondering how you might be received

at the Thanksgiving table this year,

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because you might have been through

quite a lot of different changes.

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Maybe there are some things that

were so dramatic that happened this

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year that you feel like the dinner

table, where you're going to be eating

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Thanksgiving dinner at, is going to

be a little bit different this year.

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It might not be around the same

people that you used to hang around.

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Maybe there are other people that

are joining you for the first time,

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not knowing who you are, not sure of

what to expect from you, and maybe

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you've heard some things about you

that are not true; they're just simply

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false, and I know that, especially

with this imposter syndrome that we

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have in Thanksgiving world, we often

have to change our perspectives.

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We have to change our ways in

which we engage with people.

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We have to put on a different face,

get a different mask, if you will, but

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in this episode today, I really want

to get to the heart of how you can

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push forward, but also know that there

needs to be an extension of a hand

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being reached out, helping you to get

to that next level, to help you feel

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like you're not overextending yourself,

feeling strained, because being able to

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start over, being able to create that

new beginning, is quite a lot of work.

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Some people think that it's just about

snapping your fingers, pushing aside

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what has happened in the past, and moving

forward, but it's not quite like that.

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Finding normalcy, finding something in

which you can hold on to, especially

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when all the tangents, all the different

things that are changing around you are

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happening, it's not quite easy to portray.

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There's no immediate answer that

might come to mind either, especially

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when you're trying to figure out

what it means to hang around these

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new individuals in your life.

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What it means to have new routines.

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Maybe a new job.

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Maybe you relocated to

a whole other place.

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Maybe it's some other city.

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Maybe it's in a whole new country.

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Regardless of what it is, creating a

new beginning means that you also have

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to create a new version of yourself,

and ditching what has happened in the

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past, so that you can find that place

to move forward so that you have that

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next rung in the ladder in which you're

able to climb, but we have to start

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somewhere with this conversation,

and there is no better place to start

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than knowing what your purpose is.

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Sure.

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Maybe in your last relationship, maybe

in that big, tumultuous time in your

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life in which you're moving on from, you

couldn't figure out what that purpose was.

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You were distracted from the things

that were happening around you.

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I know for me, especially when I moved

out of my parent's place as soon as I

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was done with my first master's degree

back in: 2010

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few months I needed to find a place,

be able to make enough money so that I

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could pay my student loans, which were

tumultuous in itself, but also feel

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like I was stable enough to move from

where I was, and find that American

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dream, being able to live on my own.

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Little did I know that it came

with a lot more responsibility.

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Finding out that I needed

to pay for XYZ on my own.

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Knowing that that sense of loneliness on

some nights was because I didn't have a

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great network of friends to start out.

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It also meant that I was learning about

myself in ways that it was challenging

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me, and my own perspectives, but I

know that even as I've grown older,

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some of those things can still be a

challenge, and apparently, the economy

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and the things that have happened in

this world do not make it any easier

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for somebody that is still trying to

get through the day to day of life.

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How we were able to build that energy,

that momentum, is really important,

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especially when we're talking about this

context, because that means that you

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have to hold on to something: whether

that's your own faith, whether that is

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something that you are able to see deep

inside yourself so that you are able

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to move forward, regardless of what it

might mean, expanding that creativity,

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the positivity that you have inside

yourself, means that you have to get

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through the valleys that you're crossing

so that you can get to the very top

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of the mountain where you feel like

you're at your very best, but I digress.

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My experiences growing up in my 20s,

even into my early 30s, did not make

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this experience very easy, especially

for a millennial like myself, but even

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regardless of what you might view it as,

especially from a generational difference,

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we all know that when we go through

something that is very tough, when it's

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challenging who we are deep inside of

ourselves, it also means that we have to

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self reflect on what we've done right,

what we have done wrong, and what we

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possibly could have done differently in

the first place, so before you even do

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anything when it comes to sitting down

with others at the Thanksgiving table,

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think about how you want to be viewed.

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Knowing your purpose now, especially

after you've been through such a tough

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period in your life, or have gone through

a great transition, means that you have

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to create this manifestation on your own.

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Sure.

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Coaches like myself can help you with

that exercise, possibly setting goals,

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possibly helping you to visualize what it

looks like to be on the other side of what

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you've been through, but more importantly,

being able to move forward past all

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these different experiences, all these

different types of attitude adjustments,

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all these different things that can create

manifestations of negativity, mean that

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you have to now set yourself to higher

limits; to higher aims, if you will, to be

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able to provide for yourself and yourself.

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Now you might be asking, "Wait.

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Did you just repeat yourself?

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Don't you mean just yourself?"

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Truth be told, there really are two

different conflicts that are happening,

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and in psychology, you might have heard of

this from a Sigmund Freud perspective of

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the id and the ego, and then there's the

superego, and all these different other

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concepts, but let's just make this simple.

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There is the version of yourself that

really desires what you really want,

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whether that is sex, appreciation,

relationships, whatever that might be,

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but there's also that deeper thought,

that ability to see in yourself what

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it is that you really want to manifest,

what you really have as higher aims,

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whether that's from an educational

perspective, whether that's from a job

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perspective, whether that's even just

the sense of belonging in a familial

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type of relationship: a husband, a wife,

kids, regardless of what that might be.

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The concept of being able to manifest

this means that you have to start

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somewhere, and purpose helps us to

create that context, that direction

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in which we're able to push, so if

you haven't figured out where you want

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to push in your life, start simple.

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Write down what it is that you

really want to live life for.

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Maybe it is for your kids.

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Maybe it is for yourself, because

that's all you have to worry about right

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now because you're young, and that's

perfectly alright too if it's just you.

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Maybe it's for your dog,

your goldfish perhaps.

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Regardless of what it might be, we

all have a desire of wanting to go a

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direction that we always wanted to go.

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The enduring question of how we start

over means that we also look at not

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just the purpose, but how much we're

really willing to feed into this.

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How much are we really able to pour

into the day to day, making ourselves

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feel better, and better, and better?

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Different perspectives, especially

traveling across the world, which we

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just had Monica Mangelson on the show

talking about this in her own digital

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nomad journey, really exemplifies

how we can even have this from a

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whole international perspective.

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If you do have the ability to

travel, go and see how people

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live different lifestyles.

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Some of them are living it really

fast, wanting to get a lot done.

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Some of them are taking it at an average

pace, and then some people are taking it

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very, very slowly, and there's nothing

wrong with being a little slow to make

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your point come across, but even then, if

you wanted me to talk at a faster speed,

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and I'm sure that you really sped up

through that last part, you have to learn

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how to be able to work at your own pacing.

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I think that we're always swayed by

what everybody else is doing, thinking

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that we need to be where they're at, and

that's why when we try to create this

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manifestation of a new beginning, we

have to go super fast, because we have

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to catch up to everybody else, but I have

learned, even through my own experiences,

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that that is not necessarily true.

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What I thought I had to do over and

over again, especially after I moved

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out of my parent's place, meant that

I needed to also compensate for all

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the other things that they were doing

for me, so it did make me slower.

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I had to learn some of the things

that they've already been doing for

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many, many, many, many years, and they

didn't learn the same way that I had

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to learn, because I had to go through

my own hurdles, my own experiences.

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You see where I'm coming at?

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We all learn at different rates, because

of all the different things that happen

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to us, so give yourself some grace.

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Give yourself that ability to say

that it's okay to go slow through this

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time period, because, let's face it.

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We're not super fast sometimes

when we're learning something new.

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It might take us a few tries

before we actually master it.

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It might take us a few more obstacles

to overcome, and that other person might

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have never had to deal with, but yet

we have to deal with it now, because

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we never learned from our parents, our

grandparents, mentors, coaches, teachers,

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whoever that might be, and as a result

of that we have to learn some grace.

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The last thing I have to say about

this subject, which really ties it all

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together, is that when we are feeling

like the end of the world is happening

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because we're not getting to where we

need to be, we're not getting to exactly

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where these situations should have been

in the first place, we have to be able

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to stop completely, and ask ourselves:

What is it that we need to do now to

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change our ability so that we are not

leading down that same path that we once

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were, repeating the same old mistakes

that got us there in the first place?

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When I tried to end my life almost five

years ago now, I had to relearn many of

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the things, many of the bad habits, that

I thought were the right things to do.

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Some of those examples included the way

in which I processed negativity, how

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I had relationships with women, how I

had to deal with my own struggles of

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self confidence, imposter syndrome, let

alone my own negativity about what other

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people would say, think, or do about me,

but also, work through some of the most

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toughest shit that nobody I would ever

wish on my worst enemy, had to go through.

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I had to struggle, but I also know that

as I continue to build this whole new

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beginning for myself, which included

opening this business, extending myself

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in the podcast, and expanding my ever

growing portfolio of services, I had

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to learn that it's okay to fail, that

it's okay that people might not agree

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with me, that it's okay that even

when things are really tough, I know

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that I can get to the other side.

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That personal vendetta for myself, which

I thought I had something to prove, was

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starting to wash away in my own life.

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Every single time that I took a big step

back, I realized that I was doing the

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same things that I was doing before.

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I had to relearn some of those bad

habits so that I could learn good habits

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to create that new beginning too, but

all that I had to do was make sure

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that I had the right influences, the

right people, the right words being

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said to me, but also having an open

heart, and an open mind, to have that

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willingness to change, and I have to say.

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If it wasn't for people like you, my

listeners, let alone all the people that

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I've had on this show, I would not be

half the person that I am today, and

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that, in itself, shows that progress

comes in many leaps and forms, and no

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matter what anybody might say to you,

it's okay if you need that extra hand,

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or that extra extension, to be able

to say to yourself, "You are worthy."

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I think that we try to aim for perfection

when we try to start over, which is

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why it's so hard to then get people

on the same page as you, which is why,

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especially in times like this that we're

going through this year, it can be very

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tough, and I know that the past few

weeks have been even more challenging

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for some people over others, because of

not only the things that have happened

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in this world, especially this past

month, but also how we feel about each

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other, how we're able to feel like we're

not making any progress, how we can

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overcome these stereotypical attitudes

and behaviors that we often fall into;

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that basic primal instinct, but as one

of the things that I've learned about

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life and even working with my clients,

it's about not only just perspective.

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It's also about how we can learn from each

other how to become better human beings,

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giving ourself grace when we're starting

over, but also reflecting on what is

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right, wrong, and indifferent, so that we

can become better individuals, so that we

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can become the best versions of ourselves.

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Whenever you see someone ever in

your life again after listening

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to today's episode going through a

whole new beginning, do me a favor.

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Watch them.

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If they fall, help them

pick themselves back up.

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If you see them do something wrong,

help them with correcting why that

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was wrong, and being patient and

kind with them, but also, as Mr.

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Fred Rogers would say, especially when

he invited others in the neighborhood,

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have a cup of coffee ready for them.

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Have tea.

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Have cookies, regardless of what it is,

have a graceful, charitable heart to be

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able to share what might come on their

mind, and be simple in terms of the

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lessons that they can learn from you.

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Even if you think you have

nothing to share, trust me.

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You have a lot to share, and as I've even

said on other episodes, what you might

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have to share on your heart might be much

greater and much bigger, especially as

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I shared with you in a previous episode

about James Doohan, the character from

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Star Trek, playing Engineer Scotty, who

is able to share so much perspective, and

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the fan who has been able to save their

life because of the impact he had, which

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he didn't even realize he was able to do.

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That person was able

to restart their life.

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They were able to ask that question, and

get a whole new beginning, so why not you?

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If you're one of those that is on the

fence, or you know somebody that's on

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the fence of wanting to change their

lives, just know that if you create

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a space, you create an environment in

which they're able to learn from each

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other, to learn how to grow, to be able

to begin that whole new journey, you're

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not only doing them a service, but

you're also doing yourself a service.

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You're helping a whole new generation,

and a whole new set of people, become

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the best versions of themselves,

and it's pretty damn rewarding when

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you're able to have that voice that

is saying to yourself, "I am worthy.",

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instead of saying, "I am not worthy."

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Who would have ever thought that

characters in our lives, all the people,

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whether they're past, present, or future,

can have such an immediate impact,

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because once you find your purpose,

once you figure out what it is that

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you really want to do, even if you take

a long time to get to it, and even if

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you have to stop and reflect, remember,

the whole world is your oyster, and I

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think it's pretty amazing when you find

that pearl inside that oyster that you

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can show others and be able to help

them become not just better, but also

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helping them with a hand, extended out,

to carry them wherever they want to go.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 171 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.