Episode #88 - You May Have Everything To Lose, But You Have Everything To Gain: An Interview With Martha Burich

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Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 88 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today we have Martha Burich joining

us, and Martha is the founder of Martha

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Burich Consulting, where she is a

speaker, author, and mindset coach.

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She helps people overcome the thinking

and behaviors that are keeping them

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from their relationships, success,

and peace of mind that they want.

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She's been a contributing author to

the Chicken Soup For The Soul cookbook,

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contributor to the book Practical

Happiness by Pamela Gayle Johnson, and

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Martha is a retired college professor

of psychology and also a retired

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high school science and math teacher.

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All these things have enabled her to

lead Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at

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the local jail where she volunteers

at for women for over a year.

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I have to say that Martha's story

in itself was something that was

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really interesting to me from why

she jumped from one place to another,

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but at the same time, it really

helped me to understand why some

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people are never settling for less.

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I think that we have this opportunity

to get so little but give so much in

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our lives, and it can be as simple as

drawing a fish, which we talk about

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in this episode, to what are some of

the biggest things that we can help

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others in their greatest time of need.

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I know for myself that as a coach and

somebody that has gone through the gambit

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of a variety of different situations,

sometimes just having that person to lean

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on, no matter what kind of jack of trade

that they have, can create some of those

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best opportunities in our lives, not only

to just see what's on the other side,

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not just see what we can be able to do,

but to see that there is hope that on the

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other side, we have that opportunity to

develop ourselves in some amazing ways.

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But with that, let's go to the episode.

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All right, we're here with Martha Burich.

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Martha, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

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Martha: Oh, I'm happy to.

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I have a very big heart and got a lot

of heart centered things to talk about.

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Joshua: I am so excited about that

because I have enjoyed with the numerous

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guests I've had on the show so far just

talking about what is on people's hearts.

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That's really what this is all about, so

thank you so much for being part of this.

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I really wanted to start out with

a simple question because Martha, I

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already let the audience know your

background a little bit about what you do.

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I'm just curious, what got you

into doing a coaching business?

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Martha: Yeah, that's a good question.

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You know, I taught psychology for 10

years, and I taught high school for

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a long time, and then I retired, and

when I retired, I kind of fell down.

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I got bored and I didn't feel useful,

so I had to go through a lot of stuff

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and got a mentor and changed my life,

and then I thought, "you know what?

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I think maybe I have got a lot to share

with people and to be able to help them

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the way that I was helped over my, well,

really, I think I became depressed.

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I became like, hopeless, you know?

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I'm 69 years old and I

love getting up every day.

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I love every day, but there was

a period of time there after I

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retired where I was like, "Well,

what am I doing?", so I lost my way.

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Joshua: I love the fact though that

you kind of found something that

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doesn't make you feel depressed.

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It doesn't make you feel that way

because I feel that, and it's funny

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because my mom, she just turned 70

the last few months and I know that

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for her and my dynamic with her, like

she kind of says the same things like,

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"Oh, I don't know what to do.", and I'm

like, "Well, there's things you can do.

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There's so many opportunities, and

you have so many different skills

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that you've learned", and I'm like

at 36, I'm still thinking about all

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those things that I'm doing it to kind

of make that inspiration happen in

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other people's lives, so I like that.

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Well here, I'll lead it into this

question that I have for you, so,

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I noticed that before you went into

coaching, and even before you were a

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college professor, I'm assuming you

were also a science and math teacher.

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What inspired you to be in science and

math, to be able to teach other kids?

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Martha: Oh, you gotta hear this story.

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Okay, so I had a degree, and

I did become, I was a college

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professor first for ten years.

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Joshua: Oh, okay.

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Martha: Then I became a

science and math teacher.

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Well anyway, so I answered an ad to be

a teacher and it said if you already

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have a degree, they were in distressed

areas where they couldn't get teachers.

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They said if you already have a degree

of some kind, then you can teach for

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five years while you get your teaching

degree, but you have to get your teaching

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degree in that time, and you would not

believe how many people did not get

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their teaching degree in that time,

but I did, but anyway, so I became a

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teacher and it was for special education.

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My first day at school- now, I don't know

if this happens anymore, but for special

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education It was a little bit laxer

than others, and since we didn't have

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teaching degrees anyway, so at my first

teacher's meeting and they said, "Okay.

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Who wants what subject?", and

I said, "Well, I like science."

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They said, "Okay, Burich,

you're the science teacher.

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Now, I did go and get my degree

in biology, so I'm legitimate.

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I became a legitimate science teacher.

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Joshua: Did you enjoy going

through biology, even though you

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volunteered to be a science teacher?

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Martha: Oh, that's the thing.

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When I was in college, oh my goodness,

Josh, I think it was my second semester,

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we had to find the amoeba in this, I don't

know, glass of water or something, okay,

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and we had to find this amoeba in lab.

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I couldn't find the amoeba.

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I was crying my eyes out.

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I was like 19.

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I was crying.

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"I'm stupid.

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I can't", you know, so I grew up a little

bit and realized, "Well, you know what?

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Yesterday's not tomorrow.

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Yesterday's not even today."

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I like science.

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I'm good at science.

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The same thing with math.

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I didn't think I was good with math.

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I'm really good with math.

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I like math.

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Joshua: You don't hear that nowadays

anymore because I feel that people

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tend to go into some sort of the

liberal arts curriculum, which I did.

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I went to school, got my political

science, communications degree, went on

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to get business administration, which

does work with a little bit of math,

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obviously; did a little bit of accounting,

but even then, I feel that it's really

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important to have that well roundedness,

especially with having some of the home

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ec skills, like being able to balance

a checkbook, be able to manage your

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finances, be able to invest, like those

are skills that I feel that we need to

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continuously do, and I think we definitely

need more teachers, especially like you

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that are, are providing that, so I love

that you did for that long period of time.

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Martha: Yeah.

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Joshua: So, since you were doing college

professorship first, where did you

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teach at and what was that experience

like to teach with college students?

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Martha: Well, once you had a master's

degree, you could be an adjunct college

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professor, so they wouldn't hire

you to be the PhD person full-time,

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but they needed part-time teachers,

so I had a master's degree, and

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what they would do at the time was.

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because it was cost effective, they

would hire somebody, a part timer, to

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work full time, but they'd get part

time pay, so anyway, this was at St.

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Louis Community College, in St.

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Louis, Missouri.

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I also taught, I think I taught a

class at University of Missouri, St.

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Louis.

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I taught a class at Maryville

University; a couple of classes

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at Maryville University.

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That place was great.

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I had the greatest students.

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I taught a few classes there.

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Anyway, all my classes were so much

fun, and they had me teaching child

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psychology, and psychology, and sociology.

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Oh my goodness, I just

had such a good time.

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I had police officers in my classes,

because I taught most of my classes

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at night, and most of my students

were older and I was older at the

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time, and it was just- I shouldn't

say older, I was in my 40s.

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Is that older?

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Please.

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Joshua: Well, I'm almost 40, so

I guess, I guess that, but we're

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going to say that's younger.

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Martha: Yeah, don't, don't

give me that stuff, young man.

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You understand?

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Joshua: Yes, ma'am.

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Martha: I don't want to hear that

old stuff, because you know what?

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I'm 69 and I'm young.

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I feel great, and I see

people; I see these videos.

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There's a woman who does

gymnastics in her nineties.

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There's men on an island somewhere

in their eighties shimmying up the

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coconut tree, getting the coconuts.

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It is not our destiny: walker, wheelchair,

nursing home, that is not our destiny.

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Our destiny is perfect

health until we die.

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Joshua: I like that philosophy

because even my mom's like, "You're

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never going to put me in a home.

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I don't want to go in a home",

and I'm like, "Okay, okay.

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We want you to live a full life."

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Martha: Exactly, and you know, they say

if you hit 50 with no heart problems, no

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heart disease, you can expect to live, a

woman at least, to live to at least 92.

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Joshua: Wow, I don't

think I even knew that.

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Martha: Yeah, we've got a lot

of life left in us, so to retire

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and decide that, "Okay, I think

I'll watch TV now."; uh, no.

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I took piano lessons at 62.

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I started singing, and

that's another story too.

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Alright, I'm going to tell

you my piano story, then I'll

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tell you my singing story.

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Joshua: OK.

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Martha: Alright, piano.

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This is before I retired.

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I drive by the music store

in the town where I lived,

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and I'm like, "You know what?

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I want to take piano.", so I go in,

and the piano teacher is an elementary

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school music teacher, so every week

I come and I practice my piano.

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Now this was August.

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I started in August.

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Late November, "Martha, I want you

to play in the Christmas recital."

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Josh, that's for children.

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So I said, okay, why not?

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So, the day of the recital comes, I play

after the five year old and before the ten

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year old, and the kid was homeschooled.

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He was a phenom.

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The kid was fabulous.

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Wrote his own music.

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He was something.

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Well, and I played From

This Moment by Shania Twain.

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Oh, I'm so proud of myself.

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I did it perfectly.

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Okay, so afterwards, now who's there?

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Parents and grandparents.

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Afterwards, all these parents

and grandparents are coming up to

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me, especially the grandparents.

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"Oh my goodness, you've inspired me.

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I thought I was too old

to learn something new.

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I was going to take piano.

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I was going to take guitar.

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I was going to learn flower

arrangement, and I thought I was

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too old, but you've changed my mind.

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I'm going to do it now."

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Joshua: I think that it's important

to have people that no matter

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what age just to be able to stand

side by side, be a mentor for

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them, and it doesn't necessarily

mean having a direct relationship

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like you and I do with coaching.

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It doesn't mean working one

on one with groups of people.

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Sometimes it means just being a positive

influence for the larger community as

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a whole so that they feel inspired to

do that, and I would not have the guts

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to learn singing because I'm a very low

baritone voice and very deep, and that's

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just after the fifth grade, I was a

nice little soprano when I turned into a

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very deep alto, but I totally hear what

you're saying though, because I think

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it's always good to learn a new skill,

and it doesn't matter what age you're at.

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Martha: It's the whole

process of enjoying life.

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What will help me to enjoy life?

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Well, learning piano would help me enjoy

life and develop my self confidence.

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Now, the singing thing, I always thought

I had a lousy voice, but there was this

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restaurant, it was about 30 minutes from

my home, and every Sunday night, a bunch

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of guys would get together and just

jam, you know, a bunch of old guys, and

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so, I would go there and I said, "Hey!

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Can I sing?

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You guys let me sing?", and they said,

"Yeah, what do you want to sing?", so

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the next week I bring up Loretta Lynn,

You Ain't Woman Enough To Steal My Man.

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Just a fun song, so I would just sing

and have fun, and then I even did Jolene.

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I mean, that's a hard

song, Jolene, Dolly Parton.

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That's a very hard song to sing, but I

would tell a story about Dolly Parton

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and how she got in a fight with Jolene

and Jolene pulled the wig off Dolly's

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head, and it was just a good time, so I

did that for a few months, just to make

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life more interesting, because you should

always have something to look forward to.

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Joshua: I think we all do need

something to look forward to, even if

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it's just the small things, especially

with the hobbies that we enjoy.

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I mean, I thought in the beginning when I

started this podcast, "Man, I think it's

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just going to be a short term thing and

I might only last three months", but it's

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turned into something much more than that.

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I actually enjoy doing it as a little

bit of a hobby myself, although it is

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through my business, so I think that

we find things that we kind of stumble

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into and we actually really enjoy that.

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Speaking of things you enjoy, I

want to talk about your business.

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Perfect segue.

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Your business is called Martha Burich

Consulting and Coaching, so can you give

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us, in our audience, a wide view of some

of the things that you offer to people

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through this business that you have?

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Martha: Well, my program is called "Yes,

You Can, I Did.", because I got kicked

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out of two colleges, but guess what?

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I came back, I got degrees, and I

became a college professor, so failure

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is absolutely no big deal, and a lot

of people seem to think if they're

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not perfect, they're not thin, they're

not this, they're not that, they

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can't live a full, beautiful life.

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Well, that's really what

my coaching is all about.

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Let's get you over the social anxiety.

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Let's get you over this you're not

perfect, so you can't have a great life.

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BS.

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It's all our thoughts.

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It's all thinking.

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It's all thinking, and...

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Joshua: Is there something that you see

common with clients that you work with

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that they struggle with in terms of that

thought process, because I've worked

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with even people since I've been open

for over a year now, where they kind

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of have that thought paralysis where

they're stuck in that one thought about

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themselves, but they're not willing

to entertain other thoughts from the

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outside, changing that perspective.

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Have you encountered that a lot?

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What are some of the things

that you typically do to

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work with clients with that?

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Martha: You know, the thinking

of stuff like no matter what

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I do, it's not good enough.

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Whatever decision I make,

it's not the right one.

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When's the other shoe going to drop?

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Oh, I'd really like to do that, but...

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What?

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No, I'm not smart enough.

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I'm not whatever enough for that.

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Yes.

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Each person is different, so I work

on individual things with each person.

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I don't have a set program because each

person is different, and we work on what

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they think is most important to them to

get over, whether it's social anxiety.

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Let's say they want a different job, okay?

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Well, let's see what we got

to do to get you a new job.

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Where do you want to work?

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Who do you want to work for?

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Start thinking those kind of things.

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Do you want to start your own business,

so we go into that way, or, they don't

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go to parties and things because they

don't know what they're going to do

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because they're all by themselves.

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Let me give you this tip, Josh.

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If you go to a party

alone, here's what you do.

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You make yourself the welcoming

committee, so when someone comes in

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the door, You say, "Hey, how you doing?

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I'm so and so.", and if you see anybody

alone, you make yourself the official

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helper of anybody who doesn't have

somebody to talk to; that's your job.

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You're going to scout, you're

going to be the helper to

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make sure nobody feels alone.

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Joshua: I would have loved to hear that

advice at my first middle school dance

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where I was attached to the wall and

being a wallflower as we have all heard

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that expression, and I wish I would

have just been rambunctious or more

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socially attuned enough to be able to

do that, but my audience knows this.

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I didn't even share this with you, Martha,

but being autistic that I have been

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finding out later in life, I realized

I understand why I didn't do that.

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It wasn't the welcoming committee,

but now I'm like, "Let's do it.

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I wanted to try this", so I

actually literally wrote that down.

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Next time I'm at a networking

event, I'm going to try it out.

297

: 00:16:21

I'll report back to you, okay?

298

: 00:16:23

Martha: Great.

299

: 00:16:23

Oh, I'd love to hear it, and

believe me, whenever you get out

300

: 00:16:26

of yourself, things work out as

soon as you get out of yourself.

301

: 00:16:29

It's just like speaking.

302

: 00:16:30

When you're not thinking about how am I

going to come across and you're thinking

303

: 00:16:33

about what value can I give this audience?

304

: 00:16:36

How can I help these people in

this audience the most, then stuff

305

: 00:16:41

just comes out of your mouth.

306

: 00:16:43

The right stuff.

307

: 00:16:44

Joshua: Yeah, and I feel that for

me, for like the longest time, I

308

: 00:16:48

was definitely struggling with that.

309

: 00:16:49

I know people that I work with having that

sort of social anxiety about themselves

310

: 00:16:54

and just trying to get over that feeling

because it's always something that lies

311

: 00:16:57

dormant, and I think it's a little bit of

anxiety and I've had anxiety coaches on

312

: 00:17:02

the show that have talked about how they

work through that process, so when you

313

: 00:17:07

actually are working with someone, and you

said this earlier that you kind of tailor

314

: 00:17:12

this to certain individuals, certain

aspects of what they might be going

315

: 00:17:15

through, is there a system that you use?

316

: 00:17:18

Do you ask them what their goals are?

317

: 00:17:20

Martha: Oh, definitely.

318

: 00:17:20

Joshua: Can you like, walk us

through what you do with them?

319

: 00:17:22

Yeah.

320

: 00:17:22

Martha: Yeah, I ask them

what their goals are.

321

: 00:17:25

Why they haven't met them?

322

: 00:17:27

Why haven't you met these goals?

323

: 00:17:29

How long have you had this goal?

324

: 00:17:31

Is it something you really want?

325

: 00:17:33

On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad do you want

this goal, because if they say a 3, what

326

: 00:17:38

are we talking about, and 10 is really

bad and one, I barely want it at all, then

327

: 00:17:43

why are we talking about this goal, or do

you need to light a fire under your butt?

328

: 00:17:47

Is this goal really important to you,

but you think you can't have it, and

329

: 00:17:50

that's why you said it's a three.

330

: 00:17:52

Joshua: I think that we often have to push

them to be like, "Why you want as a three?

331

: 00:17:58

It should be a 10 out of 10 you want to

achieve this!", and we have to get them

332

: 00:18:02

to that framework because, you're right,

sometimes it does take a matter of kicking

333

: 00:18:06

them in the butt, but it's also giving

them actionable steps to be able to kick

334

: 00:18:10

them in the butt to do the same thing, so-

335

: 00:18:12

Martha: Right.

336

: 00:18:13

Joshua: So, Martha, I do want to

talk about some of the books that

337

: 00:18:16

you've written, and actually, I found

this really interesting that, and I

338

: 00:18:19

remember reading these growing up.

339

: 00:18:21

You were one of the contributing

authors for the Chicken

340

: 00:18:24

Soup for the Soul Cookbook.

341

: 00:18:25

I would love to hear what you

wrote about that and how can people

342

: 00:18:30

actually access that, by the way?

343

: 00:18:31

Is that still available

that people can purchase?

344

: 00:18:33

Martha: It is!

345

: 00:18:34

It's available on Amazon.

346

: 00:18:37

You'll probably get a used copy.

347

: 00:18:38

I'm not sure if there's any

new ones are left, but, yeah,

348

: 00:18:41

it is available on Amazon.

349

: 00:18:43

In the story I wrote, I was a

substitute teacher at the time, and

350

: 00:18:46

my story's called, "A Fish, A Fish,

Lord, I Need A Fish", and I was

351

: 00:18:50

substituting kindergarten art, so I

taught the children how to draw a fish.

352

: 00:18:56

You wouldn't believe how easy it

is, and anyway, so one little five

353

: 00:18:59

year old, he just started crying.

354

: 00:19:00

" I can't draw a fish.", and my thought in

my mind was, "You know, here he is five

355

: 00:19:04

years old and already 'can't'; it's so

strong in his mind", and so, the thing

356

: 00:19:11

is, Josh, when people are in distress

like that, well, when anyone is in a, "I

357

: 00:19:16

can't mode", you don't want to reinforce,

so I didn't want to fawn all over him.

358

: 00:19:22

"Oh, now, honey, it's okay.", you know.

359

: 00:19:24

I said, "Well, sweetheart, I understand

how you feel, and I suspect that maybe

360

: 00:19:30

if you look around and see what your

friends are doing, maybe you can see a

361

: 00:19:34

way that you can make the fish.", and then

I left, and then I said, "So you try to

362

: 00:19:39

do your fish here and I'll talk to you

later", and then I left and got busy.

363

: 00:19:44

I don't know, 10, 15 minutes

later, the kids yelling, "I

364

: 00:19:47

drew a fish, I drew a fish.

365

: 00:19:49

Look at my fish.", and I was

like, "Whoa.", and I went over and

366

: 00:19:52

yes, he drew a fish in a garden.

367

: 00:19:55

He drew a fish in a garden.

368

: 00:19:57

Oh, it was so cute.

369

: 00:20:00

and, you know, I didn't

say, "You could draw fish."

370

: 00:20:02

I said, "Well, look at you.

371

: 00:20:04

Look at you.

372

: 00:20:05

You did it.

373

: 00:20:06

You did it.", so you never

want to get into reinforcing I

374

: 00:20:10

can't and I'm not good enough.

375

: 00:20:13

You always want to encourage to the

best way you can, and it worked.

376

: 00:20:18

Joshua: Drawing back to the

fact that you were kind of...

377

: 00:20:21

Is it correct to say you're

kicked out of college?

378

: 00:20:23

Were you kicked out of college?

379

: 00:20:24

Martha: Yeah, yeah.

380

: 00:20:26

They threw me out, baby.

381

: 00:20:27

Joshua: So, yeah.

382

: 00:20:29

I mean, did that for a period of time

really hold you back too, because

383

: 00:20:32

it sounds like to me just sharing

that example, I kind of just drew

384

: 00:20:36

a couple parallels here of, "Wow.

385

: 00:20:38

I think I know why you're

saying this to this child of,

386

: 00:20:41

"Yeah, you can draw that fish.

387

: 00:20:42

You can do what you can do.

388

: 00:20:44

You are good enough to do that."

389

: 00:20:46

I mean, was there some of that self

talk happening when you were going

390

: 00:20:49

through those experiences back

then, like what kind of pushed you

391

: 00:20:53

then to keep on moving forward?

392

: 00:20:56

Martha: My whole thing,

Josh, was social anxiety.

393

: 00:20:58

I was so afraid of what other people

thought of me, and I was never good

394

: 00:21:01

enough, so yes, and my mother was

an indomitable figure; that means

395

: 00:21:07

that she didn't quit, and she kind

of taught me not to quit, so I was

396

: 00:21:12

sitting around the house one day crying.

397

: 00:21:13

I had a 1.0 GPA.

398

: 00:21:17

That's a D.

399

: 00:21:17

That's a D, okay, and in high

school, I had good grades in high

400

: 00:21:22

school, and then I go to college,

and I was totally out of my element.

401

: 00:21:26

I didn't know what was going on.

402

: 00:21:27

Everything was so hard.

403

: 00:21:30

Well anyway, so I had a 1.

404

: 00:21:31

0 GPA, and I was crying to my mother,

and my mother said, "You go march

405

: 00:21:39

right back to that college, and you ask

them to let you back in.", so I did.

406

: 00:21:45

I drove right down to the college,

and I said, "Let me back in."

407

: 00:21:49

Talk to the dean, and he gave me a lot

of BS, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

408

: 00:21:53

blah, blah, blah, blah, okay, okay,

okay, it was, "We're going to put you

409

: 00:21:57

on probation for the next semester.

410

: 00:21:59

You've got to get all C's and

above, and if you don't..."

411

: 00:22:02

"Okay, okay", well, I had wised up and

smartened up at that time, and I took

412

: 00:22:07

like three classes, didn't overload

myself, and made sure I made A's and B's.

413

: 00:22:12

Joshua: I was going to say that it

is something that we sometimes think,

414

: 00:22:18

"Man, I just don't know if I got it.

415

: 00:22:20

I don't know if I can get another

opportunity", but sometimes we don't even

416

: 00:22:24

ask for the opportunity, so I like that

you just went back in and said, "Look.

417

: 00:22:28

Give me the shot.

418

: 00:22:28

I know what I did wrong.

419

: 00:22:29

Give me the shot.", and I think we often

as a society, when we do something wrong,

420

: 00:22:34

we already have that preconceived judgment

of somebody saying, "We're never going

421

: 00:22:38

to give them a shot", and I know, and I

have been a personal victim of that, and

422

: 00:22:43

for all my listeners out there that might

be listening to this and saying, "Hey!

423

: 00:22:48

You're not going to be good enough, Josh.

424

: 00:22:49

You can't come back to this."

425

: 00:22:51

I say to you, listen to what Martha just

shared as an example and give me a chance,

426

: 00:22:55

give everybody a chance, because they

might've realized what they had going on

427

: 00:23:01

in their life that they've changed, so.

428

: 00:23:03

I love that story.

429

: 00:23:04

I love the fact that you did come

back and you finished what you did

430

: 00:23:08

because obviously, as we talked about,

it's been a rewarding career for you.

431

: 00:23:12

Martha: Thanks.

432

: 00:23:12

I know a fellow who was in

jail for 10 years unjustly.

433

: 00:23:16

I never met him personally.

434

: 00:23:18

Anyway, he got out of jail,

became an electrician, got all

435

: 00:23:23

the certifications and stuff.

436

: 00:23:24

Now he has his own business as

an electrician and he's doing

437

: 00:23:27

very well, and I go to the jail.

438

: 00:23:30

Every Monday, I take an AA meeting

into the jail and I talk to those

439

: 00:23:36

women there and I say, "When you get

out of here, yes, it might be harder

440

: 00:23:40

for you to get a job, but I'm going

to tell you what you have to do.

441

: 00:23:43

You look around for the

job you really want.

442

: 00:23:46

You take something you have to take in

the meantime, but you look for the job

443

: 00:23:49

you really want, and you write a letter

to that manager or owner, and you say,

444

: 00:23:54

"I'll be the best employee you ever had.

445

: 00:23:56

Give me a chance.", and I say, "You got

nothing to lose and everything to gain."

446

: 00:24:02

Joshua: You have everything to gain.

447

: 00:24:04

I think that we have all these things

that we can do in our lives, and

448

: 00:24:09

it's just a matter of being able to

say, "Yes, you can", and I love that

449

: 00:24:15

for people that are going through

it and have already addressed what

450

: 00:24:20

crimes they have done in the past.

451

: 00:24:22

They are able to do a

lot of good things, so-

452

: 00:24:26

Martha: That's right.

453

: 00:24:27

Joshua: I want to wrap up, Martha,

with this book that has recently

454

: 00:24:30

come out that you've written.

455

: 00:24:31

It's called Good Parents Sense.

456

: 00:24:33

Martha: Oh yes, that

one's due to be published.

457

: 00:24:35

It's in second edit, so it should

be out in about a month or so-

458

: 00:24:38

Joshua: Yeah.

459

: 00:24:39

Martha: And it is a book I wrote when

my son was about ten, and I had taken

460

: 00:24:43

parenting lessons with him when he was

four and five, and I was very interested

461

: 00:24:48

in that, and it also came out because

I was teaching child psychology at the

462

: 00:24:52

time, too, so I wrote the book, and

yeah, it's a very short little book,

463

: 00:24:56

about 60 pages, that you can look at

if you're at the grocery store and

464

: 00:24:59

the kid misbehaves, what do you do?

465

: 00:25:02

How do you get them to go to bed at night?

466

: 00:25:03

Just little things to build their self

esteem and things you can do to get

467

: 00:25:08

them to behave properly without you

tearing your hair out all the time.

468

: 00:25:14

Joshua: Yes, and I don't have any

children, but I know many of my listeners

469

: 00:25:18

have children and they will certainly

appreciate any sort of advice, any sort

470

: 00:25:22

of tips whatsoever when it comes to

that for sure, so thanks for writing

471

: 00:25:27

that, and I can't wait for it to be

released for sure for everybody to be

472

: 00:25:30

able to have a copy of it for sure.

473

: 00:25:32

Martha: Thanks.

474

: 00:25:34

Joshua: So one last question,

Martha, before I give you an

475

: 00:25:36

opportunity to just let everybody

know how they can reach out to you.

476

: 00:25:40

I've been reflecting on our

conversation as we're going along here.

477

: 00:25:43

You're 69 years old and you have

lived a very fulfilling life and it

478

: 00:25:48

isn't very often that I get to talk to

guests that have had a rich life like

479

: 00:25:53

yours of being able to help all kinds

of different age populations, being

480

: 00:25:57

able to educate and being able to help

others in a variety of different ways.

481

: 00:26:03

Out of all the things that you have

done in your life, all the different

482

: 00:26:07

things that you have experienced, and

I know this is going to be a pretty

483

: 00:26:11

tough question, but I think it's really

rewarding for those that are kind

484

: 00:26:15

of stuck in the mindset of, "Oh, I'm

always stuck in what I have to do and

485

: 00:26:18

what I was set out to be and destined

to be, that's always what I'm going to

486

: 00:26:22

be.", and that isn't necessarily true.

487

: 00:26:24

You've really shared with us today how

you can pivot and be able to create

488

: 00:26:28

those best versions of ourselves.

489

: 00:26:30

What would you say was the most

rewarding experience in your entire

490

: 00:26:35

life so far, and why was that

the most rewarding experience?

491

: 00:26:41

Martha: Raising my son.

492

: 00:26:42

Being a parent.

493

: 00:26:44

It was a lot of fun.

494

: 00:26:46

He's 40.

495

: 00:26:46

He's 40 now.

496

: 00:26:48

It was a lot of fun.

497

: 00:26:49

Joshua: We could almost be like brothers.

498

: 00:26:52

Martha: Yeah, exactly, so being a parent

is a very, very important job and family

499

: 00:26:56

is very important, so, if you're a parent,

you're the backbone of civilization.

500

: 00:27:02

There's no such thing as

just a mother, just a father.

501

: 00:27:05

You are the person that shows

your children what is possible.

502

: 00:27:12

Joshua: So true, and we need those

sort of role models in this world.

503

: 00:27:16

I've even listed with other episodes

about the fatherless epidemic, having

504

: 00:27:21

just the parents in general having a

role model when it counts the most.

505

: 00:27:25

I think it's so important

because we definitely need those

506

: 00:27:29

spheres of influence for sure.

507

: 00:27:31

Martha, thanks so much for

this awesome conversation.

508

: 00:27:35

I want to give you the last few

minutes to just pitch yourself.

509

: 00:27:38

Please tell us how people

can reach out you if they're

510

: 00:27:40

interested in being coached.

511

: 00:27:42

Maybe you want to reference even

your books where they're available.

512

: 00:27:45

I know you mentioned Amazon; don't

know if there were other places,

513

: 00:27:48

but, why don't you take the last few

moments here and let our audience

514

: 00:27:51

know how they can reach out to you.

515

: 00:27:53

Martha: Thanks, Josh.

516

: 00:27:54

Well, I do have a website: MarthaBurich.

517

: 00:27:57

com, and there's a link

there if you'd like to book a

518

: 00:28:01

session with me; a free talk.

519

: 00:28:03

We could talk about what it

is that you're interested in,

520

: 00:28:06

and if I can help you or not.

521

: 00:28:09

I'm on LinkedIn: Martha Burich.

522

: 00:28:11

I'm on Facebook.

523

: 00:28:13

You can always direct message me

and check my posts and things.

524

: 00:28:16

I'm pretty accessible.

525

: 00:28:18

The books aren't published yet,

so they'll be coming out, but

526

: 00:28:21

hopefully a couple of months.

527

: 00:28:23

Joshua: Awesome.

528

: 00:28:23

I'll put all that in the episode

notes for my listeners in case you

529

: 00:28:27

want to check that out and check out

Martha and reach out to her, but I

530

: 00:28:30

want to wrap up by saying, Martha,

it is really fascinating to just

531

: 00:28:34

talk to people that are in a retired

state, although they're not retired.

532

: 00:28:39

They're just keep on learning and learning

and going and going, because I have known

533

: 00:28:43

many people in my career that I still

have with working with state government

534

: 00:28:47

as I continue to build out the business

of having that rich, fulfilled life, and

535

: 00:28:52

doing what they really desire to do, even

at a wiser age, as I like to call it.

536

: 00:28:58

Not an older age, but a riser age because

we learned so much getting up to that

537

: 00:29:02

point, and I think that what you share

today is just a prime example of what

538

: 00:29:07

we can all do and what we can all create

is value in our lives, so for all those

539

: 00:29:13

reasons, and for the reasons in which

you have been part of this show and just

540

: 00:29:18

sharing this awesome testament to why

it's important to keep on going, Martha.

541

: 00:29:22

Thanks for being on

Speaking From The Heart.

542

: 00:29:24

It was really a privilege

today to talk to you.

543

: 00:29:27

Martha: Thanks, Josh.

544

: 00:29:27

I really enjoyed it.

545

: 00:29:28

You're a great interviewer.

546

: 00:29:30

Joshua: Again, I want to thank Martha

so much for taking her time to discuss

547

: 00:29:33

a variety of different topics, not

only relating to her own life, but how

548

: 00:29:37

she's helped others to overcome and

even address some of those difficult

549

: 00:29:41

topics that we have in our lives.

550

: 00:29:44

"Difficult topics?

551

: 00:29:46

What do you mean by that, Josh?

552

: 00:29:47

I have a perfect life, and I have a lot

of different things that make it perfect.

553

: 00:29:51

I have a wonderful person in

my life that's supporting me.

554

: 00:29:54

I got great kids.

555

: 00:29:55

I have an awesome job.

556

: 00:29:57

I have all these things working for me.

557

: 00:29:58

What do you mean that there is this

big struggle in life of hopelessness,

558

: 00:30:04

neglect, depression, and just

learning and learning and learning?

559

: 00:30:09

I don't have that problem."

560

: 00:30:11

Well, you might not be like a normal,

typical person then, if you are saying

561

: 00:30:16

all those things about yourself, but

I think that's what makes this episode

562

: 00:30:21

special in so many different ways.

563

: 00:30:24

Martha shared with us today a variety

of different skills that she had learned

564

: 00:30:28

to adapt to, not only from the things

that she has been exposed to in her

565

: 00:30:32

life, but just because of some of the

most common, interesting things that she

566

: 00:30:37

wanted to appeal herself to, it allowed

her to create not just those things that

567

: 00:30:41

she wanted to do, not just those things

that she could help society in doing,

568

: 00:30:47

but she made herself her own welcoming

committee, which I loved when we talked

569

: 00:30:52

about that part of the interview that

we're not just necessarily talking about

570

: 00:30:56

when you go to a networking event, or

you're going to that social engagement, in

571

: 00:31:00

which you're talking to someone that you

might not have talked to in a long time.

572

: 00:31:04

We are literally talking about things that

allow us to enjoy not only the things that

573

: 00:31:11

we have in our lives, but the people that

we get to enjoy on a day to day basis.

574

: 00:31:17

You have to be able to help yourself

enjoy life, so that really creates the

575

: 00:31:21

question, what will you help yourself do

in order to enjoy that best value life?

576

: 00:31:28

There could be a lot of

different things you can do.

577

: 00:31:31

You could pick up a hobby.

578

: 00:31:32

You could pick up a new skill.

579

: 00:31:34

You could pick up a new subject.

580

: 00:31:35

Martha did that so many different

times that I lost count even during

581

: 00:31:38

this episode, but I think that's what

makes it beautiful in itself is that

582

: 00:31:43

we're able to have all these different

kinds of paths to work through,

583

: 00:31:47

and that we're able to create those

opportunities no matter where they come

584

: 00:31:51

from, but it's about feeling comfortable

and doing that at the same time.

585

: 00:31:57

Social anxiety is the number

one thing that has paralyzed us.

586

: 00:32:01

Glossophobia, which I've talked about

in some of my public speaking episodes,

587

: 00:32:05

can really hold us back from really

portraying that thought, skill, or ability

588

: 00:32:10

to eloquently speak about in front of an

audience that allows us to develop who

589

: 00:32:15

we are, but I think that is part of why

we should continuously press the button

590

: 00:32:20

in not only helping ourselves grow, not

only helping ourselves become better, but

591

: 00:32:26

allowing us to understand that we might

have pitfalls that we have to navigate

592

: 00:32:31

through, and even though those navigation

errors do occur, we have to have good

593

: 00:32:37

sense to not only help each other pick

up those boots that might have fallen on

594

: 00:32:42

the ground from our child that need to

be put in the correct place, but we also

595

: 00:32:46

need to be able to understand that when

we learn to make mistakes, we can learn

596

: 00:32:51

from those mistakes and get better, and

we can grow from them, so it really also

597

: 00:32:57

begs this second question: do you help

others in their biggest time of need?

598

: 00:33:03

Do you have a good parent sense, and I'm

not just talking about a good sense of

599

: 00:33:10

the tips in which you can help yourselves

to become a better parent, a better

600

: 00:33:14

educator, a better role model for others.

601

: 00:33:18

It doesn't mean just

necessarily those things.

602

: 00:33:20

It can just be the simple fact that you

are intentionally trying, that you're

603

: 00:33:25

intentionally creating those best

opportunities for others that makes

604

: 00:33:29

the biggest impact, and I always talk

about in my episodes the concept of an

605

: 00:33:34

opportunity when it presents itself.

606

: 00:33:37

Opportunities don't necessarily

always come to those that wait.

607

: 00:33:41

You have to seek them out, and I know

plenty of people that have redeveloped,

608

: 00:33:46

and retrained themselves, into completely

different new paths as a result of

609

: 00:33:51

some setbacks, and other things that

might have happened in their life.

610

: 00:33:55

It doesn't make anybody a failure,

and that's the biggest thing that

611

: 00:33:58

I have to stress coming out of this

episode is that no one is a failure.

612

: 00:34:04

It's when you actually do fail though,

it's the opportunity that intersects

613

: 00:34:09

of you not wanting to try, and you also

failing to realize that other people

614

: 00:34:15

might want to help you in being a better

person overall, so raising yourself

615

: 00:34:20

to create those lessons for others, to

help others see what their true worth

616

: 00:34:25

is, means that you have to put a little

bit of effort in yourself, and I think

617

: 00:34:30

if anybody would have demonstrated that

in any of my episodes, it's Martha.

618

: 00:34:36

That's why, Martha, when you're listening

to this, I want you to know something.

619

: 00:34:40

You have definitely changed my

perspective on the fact that,

620

: 00:34:43

sometimes, we don't want to ever retire.

621

: 00:34:47

We don't ever want to give up,

because that means that we're

622

: 00:34:49

throwing in the towel of all the other

possibilities that exist in life.

623

: 00:34:55

I want to be more like Martha, and I think

all of you should be a little bit more

624

: 00:34:59

like Martha, with the things that she has

been able to become, and the things that

625

: 00:35:04

she will continue to become even after she

listens to this episode, and you listen

626

: 00:35:10

to this episode as well, because we can

learn to make new skills out of anything.

627

: 00:35:16

I think that we can even help others

that are going through those same

628

: 00:35:19

patterns, and I had Cheryl Baker on the

show not all that long ago that talked

629

: 00:35:24

about that concept when she's helping

new music teachers learn how to sing.

630

: 00:35:30

Ah, singing.

631

: 00:35:32

Something that Martha was also trying

too, so, I think that really helps

632

: 00:35:38

us to understand this bigger question

that we have to answer: what will

633

: 00:35:42

you do to help yourself enjoy life?

634

: 00:35:46

What will you do to help others

in their biggest time of need?

635

: 00:35:52

Are you going to work with them or

are you going to keep on walking by,

636

: 00:35:57

pretending that they don't even exist?

637

: 00:36:01

There've been many times in my life

when, which I always thought that

638

: 00:36:04

maybe people were just too busy for me.

639

: 00:36:07

Even when I asked for that help, I

knew that maybe, deep down inside, I

640

: 00:36:13

would be able to still form that human

connection, to form that ability to

641

: 00:36:17

create not only those relationships

that I desperately wanted, not just

642

: 00:36:22

those best opportunities, which I've

always continuously talked about on

643

: 00:36:26

this show, but also maybe building those

blocks so that I can actually have that

644

: 00:36:32

heartfelt connection with someone else.

645

: 00:36:36

Sometimes that can be very hard.

646

: 00:36:38

Sometimes that is very challenging for

even people that are on a spectrum to

647

: 00:36:42

even socially interact with others,

which is why even having the vast

648

: 00:36:47

amount of technology available to

us to now call and talk to others,

649

: 00:36:53

isn't always the best medicine to

take, so I think it really comes back

650

: 00:36:58

to what you want to do in your life.

651

: 00:37:02

Maybe you like to draw a fish, and maybe

that fish can be a ocean of possibilities

652

: 00:37:09

where you have the octopus, the

squid, maybe even other sea creatures.

653

: 00:37:17

I don't know what might have struck

me about this sort of topic today,

654

: 00:37:22

but I almost feel as if when I'm

talking about this, I also want to get

655

: 00:37:27

overwhelmed by the numerous amount of

possibilities that exist as a result of

656

: 00:37:32

having all these different opportunities

that are existing in this episode,

657

: 00:37:37

so let me break it down for you if

you are feeling a little overwhelmed.

658

: 00:37:42

This episode isn't just about the fact

that we have all these different options

659

: 00:37:47

available to us, that we're not just stuck

in one thing, that we can do anything that

660

: 00:37:51

we want, but the ocean that we can swim

in is also a playground of possibility.

661

: 00:37:59

It's a cornucopia of different

options to choose from.

662

: 00:38:03

Now, if that colorful imagery of all

kinds of different objects, places, and

663

: 00:38:08

opportunities appeal to you, maybe then

it's time to work with somebody to help

664

: 00:38:13

you to understand what is possible,

not only to not just see what those

665

: 00:38:19

developmental opportunities are, but

maybe just have a sense of curiosity,

666

: 00:38:24

which we've talked about on this show.

667

: 00:38:27

It might help you not only in your

biggest time of need to lean on, to

668

: 00:38:32

be part of, to be appreciative in, but

maybe just creating that little bit of

669

: 00:38:38

a comfort for somebody else, whether

it is just for you, or for another

670

: 00:38:44

individual, might help you with your

lessons learned because we all have

671

: 00:38:49

something that we can learn in this world.

672

: 00:38:51

No matter how young, or how old you are.

673

: 00:38:56

No matter how wise or how unwise you

are, and no matter how much you might

674

: 00:39:03

struggle to get to that other side, you

are always learning, and that is what is

675

: 00:39:09

so important to keep that perspective;

to keep that momentum going, because as

676

: 00:39:15

long as you can ask those two questions:

What will help to enjoy what's in

677

: 00:39:20

your life, and what you can do to help

others in their biggest time of need?

678

: 00:39:26

I think that maybe you are on the right

track of what Martha has done, and I

679

: 00:39:32

think that maybe you can help others

see what their true worth is, because

680

: 00:39:37

in this wild world of relationships,

confidence, and determination, when they

681

: 00:39:42

all converge, I think that it might turn

into something either completely messy,

682

: 00:39:48

or something completely magical, and I

think that it might be worth your time

683

: 00:39:53

to just try it out and see what happens.

684

: 00:39:58

Thanks for listening to episode

number 88 of Speaking From the

685

: 00:40:01

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

686

: 00:40:06

Outro: Thanks for listening.

687

: 00:40:07

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

688

: 00:40:11

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

689

: 00:40:16

Visit us at www.

690

: 00:40:19

yourspeakingvoice.

691

: 00:40:20

biz for more information about

potential services that can help you

692

: 00:40:24

create the best version of yourself.

693

: 00:40:27

See you next time.