Episode 90
Episode #87 - Who Is Your Heart In Love With?
This episode, iconic for the month of February and synonymous with love, is so much more than what Cupid’s arrow can pierce within our hearts and minds. Falling in love, however, is not about the romanticism that culture tends to make us adapt to. Love comes in many forms, and the highest form of love has many different interpretations. In this episode, we will explore how self-love should be the only arrow being unsheathed and providing an important relationship for the future benefits of everything that you will work on, including romantic relationships, in your life.
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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs
Transcript
Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and
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:determination all converge into
an amazing, heartfelt experience.
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:This is Speaking From The Heart.
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:Joshua: Welcome back to episode number
87 of Speaking from the Heart, and, ooh!
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:Are you in love already?
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:Yeah, I know.
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:It's already been Valentine's Day, and
it's long gone, and I'm sure you are
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:already relishing in the beauty of the
fact that that love was awesome in many
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:ways; maybe you went out for dinner, maybe
you celebrated your anniversary because
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:you were engaged on that date, maybe you'd
done all kinds of other things that, ahem,
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:we probably shouldn't talk about on the
show, but nevertheless, are you really
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:falling in love for the right reasons?
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:In other words, are you giving
yourself some self love?
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:Today's episode isn't really about
the romantic aspects of it, more so
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:than the professional and personal
development, so before you go and clamor
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:on my social media and email me at
podcast@yourspeakingvoice.biz, which
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:I'm always interested in hearing your
thoughts about my episodes, you might
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:want to stick around and listen to what I
have to say for today's showcase of love.
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:I think about the fact that there
are many different types of ways
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:in which we can express our love.
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:Love does not always have to be in the
ways in which we give ourselves, whether
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:we do the, ahem, sort of, kind of love,
or we do other things that help us to
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:really accentuate what we have as gifts.
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:The true love that we can give to
someone else through the things
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:that we are really good at doing,
let alone providing, to others.
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:It could be as simple as thinking
of someone that is next door to you;
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:maybe they're an elderly woman or
man, maybe in their late 70s, 80s.
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:They are homebound, and they need some
sort of assistance on a day to day basis.
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:It can make their day, knowing that you
have something to give them, whether
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:it's a cooked meal, maybe a thank you
gift for something that they did for
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:you in the past, regardless of what
the reason is, just that kind act can
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:make such an impressionable difference,
and show a little bit of love where it
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:really counts the most, and I know that
we talked about in the previous episode
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:about the importance of being able to
learn the small things when we were a
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:kid, but this goes way more than what
we were talking about in that episode.
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:Yessiree, and it's a lot more
than what you might be thinking.
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:I think that we don't necessarily find
the ways in which we want to love ourself
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:until we're much later in life when
we realize that there's a big void.
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:Sure, many of us might have went to
college and actually found somebody
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:to fall in love with, while in other
cases, you might have met them at a
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:bar, a restaurant, a sporting event,
regardless of what other social situation
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:or encounter that you first met them
at, it does make a big difference
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:to the fact that We find love in all
different forms and all different places.
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:I've always learned that it's really
important to not just think about what
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:we have as love in the common sense,
but really in the biggest sense as a
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:whole, and I learned that many years
ago, there was a concept in religion
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:called agape love, and agape, A G
A P E, is the highest form of love.
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:It's God's love.
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:Now, I know that for some of my listeners,
you're not actively in religion, and you
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:probably just turned off this episode
because of it, but before you go ahead
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:and hit that stop button, or close
out the window that you're listening
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:to this episode with, hear me out.
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:Agape love, essentially being that
highest form, doesn't always mean that
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:God has to love you, but maybe you
love yourself in the highest sense.
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:This leads into a story that I
have to share with all of you about
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:why it's really important to love
yourself more than anything else.
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:I know that for many of you that have been
following along with the podcast, know
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:about the struggles and the importance of
being able to listen to yourself, be able
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:to take care of who you are, but also give
back, but having that baseline of knowing
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:who you love the most, meaning, what you
really enjoy loving more than anything
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:else, whether it's a hobby, whether it
is a sport, whether it's some other type
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:of vice or device for that matter, that
you enjoy listening or even partaking in.
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:The biggest important thing is that you
have to give love to yourself, and I
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:did not do that for the longest time.
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:The biggest escape for me when growing
up as a kid was really video games.
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:Think about the latest Nintendo
system, and yes, I'm talking about the
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:original Nintendo Entertainment System.
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:One of the first devices that I had as
a kid because of my mom giving it to my
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:sister when she was growing up with me,
but then there was the Super Nintendo,
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:the PlayStation, the Sega Dreamcast, my!
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:I hope that many of you remember that
type of device, but even then, having
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:the PlayStation 2, and the GameCube were
really fun times for me, and I haven't
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:really gotten into video games since
then when I graduated from high school
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:in 2005, and then later college, for that
matter, in:
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:15 years since I really touched a video
game device, but that was my sense of
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:escapism; the way in which I loved myself.
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:The way in which I escaped from not
only the problems that were the day to
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:day, but also the things that I really
enjoyed doing, which was escaping reality.
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:Whether it was donning a suit and
swinging a sword, or even solving some
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:of the common problems that would be
found in the themes of many video games:
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:saving the princess, or even a damsel
in distress, or maybe the whole entire
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:world for that matter, regardless of
the basic premise of the game, I think
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:that I was able to feel like I was
a hero, in many different respects.
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:That heroism certainly carried through
in my life, wanting to always be the
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:person that would take care of others, no
matter what, but then there was something
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:that happened to me, as you all know, in
February:
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:hero anymore and made me feel like a zero.
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:That zero moment for me really
made me take a big step back and
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:think about all the different
things that I had fallen behind in.
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:It wasn't just about the fact that
I was not loving myself, having that
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:self-love or even taking care of the
things that I should have been taking
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:care of in my life, but I realized that
maybe there weren't going to be any other
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:heroes in this story that would save me.
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:I had to be my own hero, which meant that
I had to self love all over again, and
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:self love can take many different forms,
and I know that maybe for some of you
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:these are basic, easy things, but for
others, it's really hard, especially in
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:the United States, to be able to say,
"I need to take care of myself first.",
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:so here's a couple of suggestions that I
was able to enable for the last few years
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:that I am still working on to this day,
and I guarantee you that if you ask any
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:of my friends, they would tell you that
Josh is not working on it, but he is.
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:One of the first things that I
learned more than anything else is
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:to take time for myself; meaning,
if I didn't want to work today
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:because I knew that I wasn't feeling
100%, I needed to take the day off.
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:That was my body warning me that something
was truly wrong, so take that time for
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:yourself to not only take a big step
back, but just be able to breathe.
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:Be able to know that you're not the
only one that is going through some
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:of these struggles, because if you
think about the fact that you are
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:going through this problem, and you
might not be feeling the overall best,
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:well how are you going to help others?
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:How are you going to feel good
about what you are doing as a whole?
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:The second thing that I really learned
more than anything else is when I had to
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:take a step back, especially if doing a
full time job or even doing the business
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:for that matter, I really had to learn
about balance, and balance is something
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:that we've talked about in other episodes,
but balance in this instance is really
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:about not just the things that you are
going to do for the day that allow you to
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:feel like you've accomplished something,
but it's also about taking that step
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:for yourself, be able to say, "Yes.
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:I'm going to set aside time intentionally
to work on my book, to work on my play, to
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:work on other things outside that I really
need to take care of.", It's all those
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:different things that we know that we have
on our to do list, from a personal sense,
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:that really makes a big difference, but
the thing that really sticks out more than
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:anything else is that when Cupid's arrow
is being flung at you, you have to listen
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:to the signs that are definitely all
around you when it comes to that arrow.
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:Finding love through Cupid's arrow might
be a Greek mythology reference, but if
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:you really think about the fact that if
you love yourself first, which is the
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:basic premise of my argument, you will
be able to love everybody else, including
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:that one person that will come in your
life to take care of you in your greatest
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:time of need, which is why, at almost
37 years of age, I am still single.
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:I didn't take care of myself.
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:I didn't love who I was.
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:I didn't continue to love in the way
in which my heart, was being led to
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:in the first place, and yeah, I might
be older now and some of you might
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:be saying, "Josh, hang in there!
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:You know you'll find somebody.
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:You're on the right track
and you're a really good guy.
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:You've been doing a lot of
episodes, and I think that I've
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:gotten to know you a lot better.
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:I think I got someone for you."
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:It's not about what you might be
offering, and it might not be about
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:what you are trying to provide.
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:It's all about what our journeys are
individually to get to that point.
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:When we are able to adapt to that
romanticism, regardless of what form it
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:takes, we're able to identify not just
those people that we want to hang out
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:with, which include our inner circle,
that tribe, which we've talked about
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:in other episodes, it helps us to
explore what is really on our hearts
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:and minds and become so much better
in the overall grand scheme of things.
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:Love does not have to be always at the
forefront when it comes to even some of
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:the things that we need to do, and yes,
I know that's a little bit counteractive
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:to what I have said in other episodes,
but if you break it down, love in itself
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:does not have to be a piecemeal process
of weighing the differences of, "Should
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:I really say this to this person or
should I not say it to this person?"
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:Sometimes the things that are truth need
to be said, and it's really important
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:to be able to understand that it's not
just how we convey that truth, which is
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:a big important point, especially for my
business folks, but it's really about why
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:it was important to say it in the first
place, and that is the heart of the whole
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:discussion here is that we need to be
able to come from a place of love to be
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:able to share that; not a place of hate.
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:Not a place in which we're trying to
get across to another person that we
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:are really despondent and tearing those
people down because of who they are,
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:what they represent, and what kind
of things they are doing as a whole.
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:We are human beings in which we make
mistakes all the time, and even in
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:relationships, we are always trying to
forgive who those other people are that
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:are causing some issues, so sometimes,
when we are sitting down to have that
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:frank conversation about what's really
important and what needs to be worked
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:on in order to become the best versions
of who we are, it means being able to
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:examine the truth, but also remember that
we need to come from a place of love in
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:order to be able to have that benefit that
everyone gets to enjoy in their lives.
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:Our culture, especially here in the
United States, really has commercialized
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:the importance of Valentine's Day:
finding love, being able to have
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:that romantic dinner with somebody
else, and I'm all about supporting
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:small business, because look at me!
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:I'm a small business if you really
think about it, but when we are really
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:looking at going to dinner to support
that significant other and make them
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:appreciate what that love is, it doesn't
have to always be done on a national
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:holiday of celebration, whether it's
here in the United States or in a
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:different version internationally.
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:We have to remember that love
comes in all different forms.
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:The things that we are able to even do
as small tokens of appreciation can go
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:such a long distance in terms of not only
how we create those relationships, but
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:also how we are able to stay with them
no matter what, so it is important to be
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:able to listen, to acknowledge who those
people are that are really important
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:in our lives, and always have them
remember that they are never forgotten.
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:In other words, they are important
for everything that you will work
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:on, right now, and in the future, but
don't forget the fact that you need to
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:love yourself more than anything else.
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:What got me through the fact that I had
been through so many different things in
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:my life, let alone the moment in which
I wanted to hurt myself and end it all,
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:was a reflection of the hate and the
depression that I was going through.
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:I was suppressing it, and it
was not healthy whatsoever.
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:As a matter of fact, it was the antithesis
of Cupid shooting some nasty arrows that
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:were not full of love, but now I realize
that even if I drink the magic potion of
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:being able to fall in love romantically,
or even with myself, it's about
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:understanding that the importance of what
we can give to others, the ways and the
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:acts of our kindness, our ability to give
back no matter what, and the appreciation
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:deeply for us to love no matter what
circumstances take place in our lives,
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:are all tenets in which we should
be able to create and pierce, within
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:those hearts and minds a new pattern,
a new reality, and a new inspiration.
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:Our culture does not have to always
be bought on that aspect of love, so
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:challenge the status quo, and if you
haven't had Valentine's Day yet, think
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:of new ways in which you can be able to
celebrate that love, that excitement,
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:that inspiration, for not only helping
others, but helping yourself achieve some
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:of the great moments that are lying ahead,
because love isn't just about what other
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:people are experiencing, it's about what
you experience, because as I've always
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:said, you are the most important person
to ever walk this earth, and I don't mean
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:that in an egotistical, self serving way.
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:It's about recognizing that in your
heart, you might not have found love
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:yet, or maybe you have, but if you're
not checking in with yourself, who is
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:the most important person in this entire
earth to love, to have that agape love,
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:then it's time to look in the mirror and
say to yourself, confidently and with
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:beauty, "I love you.", because even if it
is something that you take yourself out
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:to a steak dinner, or even treat yourself
to a little something nice, don't forget
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:about who you are, and don't forget about
who you are serving, to help grow, to
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:help achieve, and to help sustain some
of those beautiful moments that are lying
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:ahead, because who's responsible for that?
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:You are, and I don't think that
you should forget to love yourself.
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:Thanks for listening to episode
number 87 of Speaking From the
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:Heart, and I look forward to
hearing from your heart very soon.
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:Outro: Thanks for listening.
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:services that can help you create
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:See you next time.
